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No dance weddings

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SapphireLover

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Ok, so I may sound a bit strange, but we are having a day wedding and therefore no dancing. People can''t grasp the idea. When our parents got married, they had a ceremony, lunch, tossed the bouquet and drove into the sunset. Nowadays weddings go on for hours. We''ve decided not to have a night do with dancing because I don''t like djs and bands are expensive, everybody drinks far more and with an open bar that is also £££. Finally my dad passed away and I don''t want to dance without him

We''ve decided to have the ceremony at 1pm, followed by cocktails and an elegant lunch. We have the hotel bar all evening, so people can stay on and have a drink with us. The hotel insists we have a buffet, so there will be hot roast beef sandwiches for those who want them. We were thinking we might put on a pub quiz in the bar as a bit of entertainment. Problem is I love winning so will be fiercly competitive over this! I am the bride and will therefore win (by natural talent and not by cheating).

Do people think we sound mad? Does anybody have any other ideas of how to do non-dance or day weddings?
 

hawaiianorangetree

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Jan 17, 2009
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Hi Sapphire

No i don''t think a wedding without dancing sounds strange at all!


When my FI''s sister got married last year, she had a cocktail party, the venue had a dance floor already in place but it wasn''t used.
She had background music playing from their ipods and everyone was too busy mingling, tasting great food and generally enjoying themselves to worry about dancing.

I am having a dancefloor at my wedding, but it is more for the kids than anything else.

I don''t think we are planning on doing a first dance or anything formal like that either, but if people want to get up they can.

I am sure when you explain about your dad, and how it wouldn''t be the same dancing without him so you would just rather not do it at all, people will understand.

Enjoy your wedding!
 

honey22

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Jul 28, 2007
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When it comes down to it, it''s your day and if you don''t want to have dancing, that''s fine. It will be a fabulous reception anyway.
 

Porridge

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Oct 27, 2008
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Ditto Honey. Do what you''re happy with and it will be much better. Pub quiz sounds fun!!
 

LaraOnline

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Feb 24, 2008
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No-one really knows how to dance anymore anyway. We had music, and a dance floor, because I wanted the atmosphere of live music. The dancing bit was completely incidental...I can''t actually remember whether anyone actually did! (I remember my new hubby and I shuffled around a bit, it was completely embarrassing!!)
I don''t think anyone will even notice there was no dancing... especially if there is juke box music or some other musical atmosphere....generally, I personally like my parties to have some kind of music...I hired a jukebox once and that was fantastic fun (you didn''t have to put money in it to make it play).. but to each their own...
 

Clio

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Jan 13, 2007
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809
I think that sounds like a lovely wedding!

We also had a daytime wedding without dancing, and it was very nice. Good food and the people you love are all you need!

Of the weddings I''ve been to over the course of my life, I''d say that about half didn''t have any dancing at all, including the two that were the nicest and most elegant.
 

KimberlyH

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We had a small, evening wedding followed by a cocktail hour and a 4 course meal. We hired a guitarist to play from ceremony through reception with no dancing/dance floor. No one questioned it, thought it strange, said a word (at least not to my knowledge) and if they did I wouldn''t have really cared, I''d just assume they were curious as to why we weren''t going the more traditional route. Our wedding was lovely and I wouldn''t change a thing about it. It sounds like yours will be as well; relax and enjoy.
 

mayachel

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I think it sounds like you have planned a uniquely *you* wedding. I think the pub quiz is a fun way to round out the evening, and if you win fair and square...heck, sounds like the perfect evening!
 

SapphireLover

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580
Thank you for your reassuring words!

I posted about this on a UK wedding board and almost got ripped apart. I had comments such as "I only go out several times a year so I would feel cheated without dancing". "I''ve paid for the babysitter, so expect dancing" etc. Made me and DF feel selfish for wanting to do something a bit different!

The one thing people can''t get their heads around would be that there won''t be a first dance! It''s like we aren''t properly married without it. DF and I are trying to work out if we are brave enough to bring it into the pub quiz. We could have 5 first dance songs, start the music,dance, stop it a few lines in and make guests guess the next line of the song. I''m thinking by this point I might have drunk enough wine to be brave and do it!

More tips on providing wedding entertainment without dancing would be more than welcome!
 

mrscushion

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Nov 15, 2008
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Date: 4/10/2009 5:42:24 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Hi Sapphire
No i don''t think a wedding without dancing sounds strange at all!

When my FI''s sister got married last year, she had a cocktail party, the venue had a dance floor already in place but it wasn''t used.
She had background music playing from their ipods and everyone was too busy mingling, tasting great food and generally enjoying themselves to worry about dancing.
I am having a dancefloor at my wedding, but it is more for the kids than anything else.

I don''t think we are planning on doing a first dance or anything formal like that either, but if people want to get up they can.
I am sure when you explain about your dad, and how it wouldn''t be the same dancing without him so you would just rather not do it at all, people will understand.
Enjoy your wedding!
I''m so glad to see your post, hawaiian, and also yours, SapphireLover. I''ve been a little worried about this dancing thing, too. See, FI and I are just not into dancing and FI outright hates it. I think we will probably have a band to accompany the reception and some dance floor type area in case people want to stand up, but we don''t want to do a first dance, either. I just don''t know how to not make people expect a first dance.
 

hawaiianorangetree

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Date: 4/10/2009 11:16:30 AM
Author: mscushion

Date: 4/10/2009 5:42:24 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Hi Sapphire
No i don''t think a wedding without dancing sounds strange at all!

When my FI''s sister got married last year, she had a cocktail party, the venue had a dance floor already in place but it wasn''t used.
She had background music playing from their ipods and everyone was too busy mingling, tasting great food and generally enjoying themselves to worry about dancing.
I am having a dancefloor at my wedding, but it is more for the kids than anything else.

I don''t think we are planning on doing a first dance or anything formal like that either, but if people want to get up they can.
I am sure when you explain about your dad, and how it wouldn''t be the same dancing without him so you would just rather not do it at all, people will understand.
Enjoy your wedding!
I''m so glad to see your post, hawaiian, and also yours, SapphireLover. I''ve been a little worried about this dancing thing, too. See, FI and I are just not into dancing and FI outright hates it. I think we will probably have a band to accompany the reception and some dance floor type area in case people want to stand up, but we don''t want to do a first dance, either. I just don''t know how to not make people expect a first dance.
I''m not too sure how you can make people not not expect a first dance but maybe you could organise it with a couple who are attending the wedding to start the dancing off for you, then that might cue others to join in and take the pressure off of you guys?
 

princesss

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Joined
Mar 18, 2007
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8,035
Oh man, I''d totally go for a pub quiz over dancing! That sounds like so much fun. I guess that''s probably because BF and I are pub people and not club people, but it sounds like the perfect wedding to me. Do it, have fun, and to heck with dancing!
 

merrymunky

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Joined
Oct 17, 2008
Messages
1,069
There will be no dancing as such at our wedding either.

Well, maybe some moshing!

We''re having a family sit down meal after the wedding then an evening party for friends and family. We will be providing our own music and creating our own playlist. We will just plug our mp3 player into the venue''s sound system. The majority of the music will be to OUR tastes, although we will be including music for everyone really.

We have been to so many weddings and cringed at the music, so much so we have just sat and got progressively more drunk as the night has worn on. This is OUR wedding so we want music WE like. So there will be rock/alternative/indie etc.

Wr are doing away with other traditions too. There will be NO official first dance, no big speeches (toasts are fine...massive speeches are NOT fine!!) etc etc. It will be a night to just mingle with our favourite people.

And the same should go for you. Do it your way. Good luck :)
 

FrekeChild

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Dec 14, 2007
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No dancing for us either. I don''t see a problem with it at all.
 

AmberGretchen

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Jan 6, 2005
Messages
7,770
Totally agree with the others - no dancing = no big deal. IF that''s what you guys want, its totally OK. I''m not a huge fan of dancing and neither is my DH, but your plan for your wedding sounds wonderful
 

Mediterranean

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Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
578
No dancing here, either.

Our family members and friends are older, and not really that into it. Also, two VIP''s (my FI''s Dad and my Mom) have health issues that will keep them from dancing (his dad had heart surgery and a knee replacement late last year, and my Mom has MS).

Plus, for everyone, our wedding is a "destination," and since none of our loved ones live close anymore, we decided it would be nice to spend the evening catching up with everyone. We''re setting the reception up so that it has an ambient, lounge-y vibe...tons of candles, soft music, gobos with a diffused leaf print...so the energy and feel will be mellow, and conducive to conversation and mingling.

I honestly don''t think any wedding reception absolutely "HAS TO" contain certain components. It''s more fun for me to get a sense of the bride and groom, their tastes, and their personalities reflected in their wedding. When I''m lucky enough to be invited, it''s not about what I "expect" to see or experience.
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
5,392
I don''t see anything wrong with not dancing. FI and I don''t particularly like dancing either (ok, I don''t mind it, and he *hates* it). We''ve having dancing for lack of anything else to do, but there''s nothing wrong with leaving it out. We''re also taking breaks to do our own pub trivia
All of our friends know how much we love it, so it seemed fitting.
 

katamari

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
2,949
We are having dancing, but have been thinking about having a pub quiz over dinner. I think it is a smashing idea! (And, I would want to win, too
. Part of the reason why we haven''t totally went ahead with the idea was because I want to participate, so I can''t be part of making up the quiz).
 

mrscushion

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Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
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Date: 4/10/2009 11:47:55 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Date: 4/10/2009 11:16:30 AM
Author: mscushion
Date: 4/10/2009 5:42:24 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Hi Sapphire
No i don''t think a wedding without dancing sounds strange at all!

When my FI''s sister got married last year, she had a cocktail party, the venue had a dance floor already in place but it wasn''t used.
She had background music playing from their ipods and everyone was too busy mingling, tasting great food and generally enjoying themselves to worry about dancing.
I am having a dancefloor at my wedding, but it is more for the kids than anything else.

I don''t think we are planning on doing a first dance or anything formal like that either, but if people want to get up they can.
I am sure when you explain about your dad, and how it wouldn''t be the same dancing without him so you would just rather not do it at all, people will understand.
Enjoy your wedding!
I''m so glad to see your post, hawaiian, and also yours, SapphireLover. I''ve been a little worried about this dancing thing, too. See, FI and I are just not into dancing and FI outright hates it. I think we will probably have a band to accompany the reception and some dance floor type area in case people want to stand up, but we don''t want to do a first dance, either. I just don''t know how to not make people expect a first dance.
I''m not too sure how you can make people not not expect a first dance but maybe you could organise it with a couple who are attending the wedding to start the dancing off for you, then that might cue others to join in and take the pressure off of you guys?
Thanks for the tip, hawaiian, I actually just talked to FI about that last night, how one part of having a bridal party is to be able to assign little tasks to them that they can help out with, and how FI totally has one friend whose job it should be to take care of the dance floor.
 

April20

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 1, 2008
Messages
3,312
We didn''t have dancing because DH and I aren''t that into it, I didn''t want to hire a band or a dj and I didn''t want to spend the time making CDs that would provide an appropriate mix of music. I don''t think anyone even noticed. We did a Friday evening with a wine bar and heavy hors devours. People had a great time and we were never once asked when the music/dancing would be starting.

At the end of the day, it''s your wedding and you can do what you want. I like the outline of what you have planned- I think it sounds fab.
 

marchswallowbird

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Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
849
I''m having a daytime wedding with no dancing also. We are having a lunch buffet outside on the patio, a pianist to provide background music, the cake cutting, toasts and that''s it (not necessarily in that order). FI and I may do a short (1 minute) first dance when we are first announced, but that''s it. At first my sister couldn''t understand how this would work and for awhile I was worried that my wedding will be boring, but we''re not into dancing either and so I''m not worrying about it anymore.
 

Junkenpo

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Joined
Jan 28, 2007
Messages
115
I got married last year. We had a morning ceremony & a lunch buffet "reception" off the beach. We also had ipods connected to wireless outdoor speakers (made our own playlists) and everyone ate, talked, laughed. My new hubby, his friends, and our relatives started texas hold-em game & no one said anything about missing the dancing. We also didn''t do a slideshow.

I had the best time & so did my guests!
 

calliecarsaro

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2009
Messages
4
Hey it''s your wedding and if you don''t want to have dancing then don''t. I''ve been to weddings where it was just a small gathering like a happy hour, etc and I thought it was just as nice as a formal one.
 

MakingTheGrade

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Mar 2, 2009
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11,196
We''re doing karaoke :) There will be a small dance floor, but we arent doing any of the first dances etc.
 

neatfreak

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Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
We had a beautiful luncheon for our wedding and had no dancing. We did hire a trolley to take everyone at the wedding on a tour of San Francisco afterwards if they wanted-but that was it for entertainment (almost everyone was from OOT so it was a big hit.)
 

Pandora II

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Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
Date: 4/10/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: SapphireLover
Thank you for your reassuring words!

I posted about this on a UK wedding board and almost got ripped apart. I had comments such as ''I only go out several times a year so I would feel cheated without dancing''. ''I''ve paid for the babysitter, so expect dancing'' etc. Made me and DF feel selfish for wanting to do something a bit different!

The one thing people can''t get their heads around would be that there won''t be a first dance! It''s like we aren''t properly married without it. DF and I are trying to work out if we are brave enough to bring it into the pub quiz. We could have 5 first dance songs, start the music,dance, stop it a few lines in and make guests guess the next line of the song. I''m thinking by this point I might have drunk enough wine to be brave and do it!

More tips on providing wedding entertainment without dancing would be more than welcome!
How odd - I''m in the UK as well and nearly all the weddings I''ve been to in the last few years haven''t involved much dancing.

Friends have hired expensive bands and found that everyone would rather sit around and chat. It could be that we are all in our thirties, I don''t know...
Also I have problems with my back that makes dancing rather difficult - and my mother has MS and was in a wheelchair for my wedding.

For mine I hired an AV company to set up a microphone and amp and then had a singing pianist who did everything from society jazz to contemporary, warned him that no-one would dance and it worked really well. I''d heard him play in London and DH and I knew straight away that he was what we wanted - even better he was only 23 and a student so I knew that the $$ was going to someone who actually needed the money rather than a big company.

DH and I did the obligatory shuffle round the dance floor for 2 minutes and that was that, some of our friends and relations danced a bit but it wasn''t a ''dancing'' wedding by any means.. We kept the volume low enough that people could sit and chat and the deaf grannies could cope!

I honestly don''t think you need to provide anything much in the way of entertainment - the time goes so fast at a wedding that you''ll have a job to fit things in. (we had a 2 hours cocktail hour after the ceremony and I''d bought croquet sets for people to play as I''d had loads of comments that people would be bored with that amount of time before the reception - well, they''re still in the unopened bags now!)
 
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