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Newborns and sleeping arrangements at night

KatyWI

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
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755
I'm only 8 weeks pregnant now, but I have seen many women answer that question with some variant on:

"Man, your life must be pretty boring/typical if you think the only time/place to get it on is at night/in a bed!" :naughty:
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
KatyWI|1311722776|2977458 said:
I'm only 8 weeks pregnant now, but I have seen many women answer that question with some variant on:

"Man, your life must be pretty boring/typical if you think the only time/place to get it on is at night/in a bed!" :naughty:

:appl: That is about the gist of it.

If you have a kid who sleeps very deeply, a large bed and are up for quiet nookie then it would be doable - all depends if you or your DH are freaked out by the idea of another person - albeit dead to the world - in the same room.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Dec 16, 2007
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Well last night I gave up and bed shared with Ryder. Dh slept with us. I basically just slept in the position that Pandora mentioned, and rolled from side to side occassionally to change sides he nursed on. On one hand it worked very well. Ryder does not fuss when sleeping with me, he does not seem to have gas issues, and seems to sleep the whole time! I think I got more sleep than in previous nights, only recalling waking a couple times.

But I still don't *want* to bedshare like that. Ryder will only sleep if tucked next to me, and I am not crazy about that for SIDSs risk and also for my own comfort sleeping. So we are going to work on the pick-up-put-down thing that worked with Hunter at this age and see how it goes. But I might just bedshare from sometimes desperation!
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
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Dreamer_D|1311804263|2978305 said:
Well last night I gave up and bed shared with Ryder. Dh slept with us. I basically just slept in the position that Pandora mentioned, and rolled from side to side occassionally to change sides he nursed on. On one hand it worked very well. Ryder does not fuss when sleeping with me, he does not seem to have gas issues, and seems to sleep the whole time! I think I got more sleep than in previous nights, only recalling waking a couple times.

But I still don't *want* to bedshare like that. Ryder will only sleep if tucked next to me, and I am not crazy about that for SIDSs risk and also for my own comfort sleeping. So we are going to work on the pick-up-put-down thing that worked with Hunter at this age and see how it goes. But I might just bedshare from sometimes desperation!

Co-sleeping (as long as you follow the 'rules') is not a SIDS risk. In countries where co-sleeping is the norm SIDS is almost unheard of, however in countries like India and China where the new middle classes want to emulate the west and they are starting to FF, use disposable diapers and put babies in cots the rates are going up very fast. I can give you links to some of the research on breathing, heart-rates etc in babies depending on where they sleep.

I get the comfort thing though!
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
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10,541
I had horrible anxiety PP that manifested itself as insomnia. We started out with us all in the same room and A in a co-sleeper, but I was exclusively pumping so I'd have to get up and go into the nursery every 2 hours and then feed LO every 3 hours. It was almost impossible for me to sleep with knowing that in a short time I'd have to get up again. And the in-stereo snoring from the LO and dad didn't help matters at all. So at about 2 weeks I had a nervous breakdown and my husband and I decided our sleeping arrangements weren't working and I really needed to be able to sleep by myself in an empty room.

So we started taking shifts. DH would go to bed around 8 and I'd stay up with the baby in the living room until about 2 am and then DH would get up and stay with A in the LR until 7 or 8. That way I could take advantage of my 4 hour pumping break and we could both go a solid 5-6 hours of sleep. The only time it was a big pain was once DH went back to work when A was 3 weeks old. But then he was laid off 2 weeks later so it didn't really matter. Our solution worked really well for us and we were able to continue doing it until Aidan was 8 weeks old and we moved him to the crib in the nursery.

If you've followed along with my posts about A's development you'll remember that he didn't sleep through the night (my night, i.e,. 8 hours) until he was almost 8 months old. Before then he did one long stretch of sleep from bedtime at 7 until 11 or 12 and was then up every hour or two after that. DH and I continued our arrangement with the overnight wake-ups. I'd put A to bed and I'd get up for wake-ups between bedtime and 2 and then DH would take the 2-morning wake-ups. He'd also get A up and ready in the morning and take him to daycare and I'd sleep for an extra hour.

Bottom line is, figure out what works for you. Don't try and hold yourself to a preconceived notion of what parenting an infant should be. If you want to co-sleep, try it, but don't kill yourself over it and don't get upset if it doesn't work. We learned very early on that like DH and I, Aidan is a very independent sleeper. He doesn't like to snuggle and he likes his own bed. So co-sleeping has never worked for us. The closest we've gotten to it is a family nap on a handful of occasions. On the flip side, you might have a child who will only sleep soundly on your chest or next to you. That's OK too, do what works for you and your family. Poor sleep can affect you both physiologically and psychologically and is strongly linked to stress and PPD. So try and make good sleep a priority while you're caring for your LO. Napping when LO naps is no replacement for a good night sleep.

ETA: That last bit was more for new moms, not you Dreamer. I know you're an old hat at this mommy thing!
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
4,568
Pandora|1311854602|2978779 said:
Dreamer_D|1311804263|2978305 said:
Well last night I gave up and bed shared with Ryder. Dh slept with us. I basically just slept in the position that Pandora mentioned, and rolled from side to side occassionally to change sides he nursed on. On one hand it worked very well. Ryder does not fuss when sleeping with me, he does not seem to have gas issues, and seems to sleep the whole time! I think I got more sleep than in previous nights, only recalling waking a couple times.

But I still don't *want* to bedshare like that. Ryder will only sleep if tucked next to me, and I am not crazy about that for SIDSs risk and also for my own comfort sleeping. So we are going to work on the pick-up-put-down thing that worked with Hunter at this age and see how it goes. But I might just bedshare from sometimes desperation!

Co-sleeping (as long as you follow the 'rules') is not a SIDS risk. In countries where co-sleeping is the norm SIDS is almost unheard of, however in countries like India and China where the new middle classes want to emulate the west and they are starting to FF, use disposable diapers and put babies in cots the rates are going up very fast. I can give you links to some of the research on breathing, heart-rates etc in babies depending on where they sleep.

I get the comfort thing though!

Pandora - I'd be interested in those links if you have them handy. Another thing I'm curious about -- have you seen any research that indicates the risks are reduced as baby ages, i.e. the risk of suffocation for a newborn has got to be greater than the risk to a 6 month old who can lift her head and roll over, right? I suppose the other issue is that the older baby who can roll can roll into things, or to be more specific, ME!!
 

Dreamer_D

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Dec 16, 2007
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26,162
BUMP for the links pandora mentions!
 
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