Newbie girl here-need help!!!

[mary64]

I''m thinking of proposing to my BF and I really need some feedback on this. Background-both in our 40''s. We''ve been living together for 10 years. Both have kids we''re raising together but are almost grown. Both had bad first marriages. Both been divorced over 10 years. Neither one of us wanted to get married again for quite a while. Now, here''s the situation. For the past year or so, I''ve been thinking that I''m finally ready to get married again. Not sure how he feels but lately he''s been calling me his "wife" and not snickering at it or anything. Had friends over a few months ago that we haven''t seen in about 5 years and she asked us why we weren''t married yet, she seemed shocked. He gave her the impression that I didn''t want to. I think he''s uncomfortable talking about the subject with me since we never really discussed getting married. We live our lives like we are already married so I''m thinking it would just be a "legal" thing if we do it.

Now the question. How do I bring up the subject that I''m finally ready, or do I just surprise him and propose? I was thinking of buying a man''s wedding ring and presenting it when I do. Plus, we have a trip to Vegas coming up in a month or so. Should I wait and do it there?

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated!! I keep going around and around on this-should I or shouldn''t I?

 

[jldunn]

I like the idea of surprising him with a proposal myself. My mother''s boyfriend of several years did that recently and she took it quite well. She didn''t really care if they were legally married or not, but in her words, "He was just so cute with his little ring and everything, how could I say no?". You of course, no the guy better than any of us, so definitely use your intuition in the matter. If it''s just going to be a legal thing for you I''d probably skip it altogether.

 

[firebirdgold]

Um.... in some states you are married. I can''t remember which ones, but I believe that some states still have commonlaw marriage laws, which means that after 10 years of living together you guys could be commonlaw husband and wife!

 

[mary64]

No common law in our state. Although he did think we did have it at one time, so he actually put me down as his common law wife on his work emergency info form. That surpised me when I found out. And it''s not only the legal thing. Other pluses like I would get health insurance and such. It''s hard to explain. I just feel like it''s time. Thoughts??

 

[Melinda]

Mary,
I love your charisma, and I definitely think that you should propose to him. Even though you are considered "married" in some states after dating for ten yrs., I think it would be a touching, surprising gesture for him to know that you''re finally ready and choose him. I say go for it! It''s wonderful.

 

[freckles127]

I say do it do it! Vegas is one of the most exciting cities in the US so why not propose there? I recommend the Bellagio fountains at night when the fountains are set to music...

 

[mary64]

Thanks to everyone that answered. Although, I really thought I''d get more men''s opinions on this.

 

[Blenheim]

I''m not a man either, but since not many men seem to be responding I have another thread that you may want to check out. A lot of men seemed pretty opinionated as to whether or not a woman should propose to her boyfriend.

Since he seems to think that you''re the one who doesn''t want to get married, it seems like you should probably talk to him about it, perhaps before the Vegas trip. While it might be a little uncomfortable at first, you''d probably feel a lot better in the long run if you''re both on the same page about it.

 

[argh&stuff]

I wouldn''t be upset if my girl asked me to her her husband, not for a second! Still, I like the idea of being able to dream up this great way to proclaim my love to her, but I suppose after 10 years both of you already know that!

 

[aaftabj]

I say, (as a guy), discuss it a little at first, indirectly. Sound him out. That way, he can prepare for it too, even if he is not a 100% sure of your intentions. That is, it wont be a complete shock, and you can get a hint in return from him if he is totally not ready for it.

Good luck!
aaftabj

 

[qtiekiki]

I am not a guy either, but I think you should definitely feel him out first if you don''t want to talk about it directly. It seems like it a subject that had been avoided for 10 years, and I don''t know if you should just assume that "well we lived like we are married, so we should just get legally married". Just seem to me that after being together for 10 years, you should be able to talk about anything.

Date: 3/2/2006 10:57:57 PM
Author: freckles127
I say do it do it! Vegas is one of the most exciting cities in the US so why not propose there? I recommend the Bellagio fountains at night when the fountains are set to music...

The Bellagio fountain gets so packed though when there is a show. It''s hard to squeeze in and the proposal would be more public.