new...sort of (It''s a long one!)

[wortheverypenny]

well....i posted some things a few months back and i really haven''t had a chance to get back on..... but i think i am back....

my story...

my BF and i dated for one month before i moved to europe for two years and we stayed together (we just kinda knew).....now it''s over four years later.....he graduated law school two years ago and has a firm and i sell real estate in texas....

i have seriously NO CLUE when or even if this thing will ever happen. i was really talking about it alot last fall but then we had a setback. we broke up two times while we were long distance...both times cause i was scared.....anywho...he found out that i not only dated a guy while we were broken up (i told him that) but that i slept with him too....(UGH!!! WHY DID I DO THAT!!) well we WERE broken up and i really didn''t think we would get back together but while i dated that guy i realized that the grass actually isn''t greener on the other side....

BTW I am 23.....we met when i was 19. so i was young and just needed time to figure out things....

we have been going strong for over two years since then and i am ready to move forward. we don''t love together and i don''t spend the night with him. (i''m old fashioned in a way) i am ready but since he found out i actually slept with someone he was crushed....and is afraid i am lying about other stuff. I"M NOT!!

it really hurts me that i hurt him but i just didn''t think he needed to know....

anywho.....i am trying to focus on work and worry about the things that i can change ( my income etc) and just let everything else happen the way it''s supposed to....

in the meantime....i do worry that it''ll happen this year.....well worry in the sense that he wants me to have NO IDEA it''s coming and will not go look at rings with me. I AM REALLY PICKY as i am sure most women here are.....how do i show him what i want.....he''s also not good about talking about it cause i am sure he doesn''t want me to think that just because we are talking about it that it''s coming soon...he also knows how picky i am and i know he is afraid that i''ll hate it...(in reality i just want to marry the man....nomatter the ring)

i would wait forever for this man....he is AMAZING!! and i couldn''t live without him but i just want him to know what i want WHENEVER he is ready....

i have kind of laid off the subject for a while but don''t want to lay off for too long in case he decides to get it for me and has no idea what i want...

thoughts??? i also have NO clue what his budget is....

P.S. - SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG!!!
THANKS FOR "LISTENING"!

 

[KimberlyH]

wep:

You can tell him what you want w/o pushing. I would simply say "Honey, I just want you to be aware that I have a very specific idea in my mind of what my e-ring will be. To avoid us both being disappointed/hurt when the time comes, I''d like to give you some guidance. Please don''t take this as my pushing you, I just want us both to be satisfied with my ring and the proposal." Or you could tell him "I want the proposal to be a suprise, but would really like to be involved in the process of selecting my ring, so if you could hold off on selecting it until after you''ve proposed so we can do it together that would be great."

 

[FutureMrsC]

Well I have some passive approach ideas, but remember the only true way to get what you want is to say it directly.

For the stone you can prime him with the, "Oh wow, I never knew there was so much to look for in a diamond to ensure you''re getting the best for you money". And hopefully that leads into discussion on what''s good and bad, what shady jewelers do, ect. With my guy it took several of these kind of "wow I didn''t know this!" conversations before he really got interested in learning about diamonds. Knowing how to get the most for you money was the perk for him.

It''s always easy to broach the subject when you have just seen a celeb''s ring or a friend''s ring to tell him what you like and don''t like about that ring. Or flipping through a magazine and see a ring ad, oh wow that''s stunning I''ve never seen anything like it... then leave it around for a few days.

As for the setting since being a surprise seems important to him, maybe telling him something like, "did you know a lot of guys propose with a temporary setting and choose the permanent setting together after the proposal? I think that''s the way to go. The proposal setting can always be made into a birthstone or some other kind of fun ring... or "so and so''s guy proposed with a temporary setting because he wanted it to be a surprise but really wanted her to pick out the setting of her dreams, isn''t that sweet"

A lot of guys will approach their gf''s best friends for advice so make sure she knows the details of your likes and dislikes too.

Good luck! I think it''s sweet he cares so much about the surprise and sounds like he cares about your wants too. Very romantic. Just be careful with what you say! My guy will pick up on some random thought I voiced one day and he''ll take it to heart and never quite "hear" the thing I''ve told him 101 times.

 

[risingsun]

Are you and your bf ready to move forward to an engagement? It sounds as if you have been through some difficult times. Have you worked through those feelings...has he? I''m just getting the sense, from your post, that you may be trying to fast forward through the healing and focus on the ring. I''m not meaning to sound critical, but am concerned. I do hope this all works out for you both.

risingsun