LiW New LIW with a few ??s.

[FreeSpirit03]

Well let me first start with saying a big HELLO! to all of you. I''ve been lurking on the forums for about a week now and it''s good to know that there are other women out there going through the agonizing wait with less patience than me. hehe

I''ll start off by saying that I''m 23 years old, and I''ve been with my SO for a year. If you ask anyone close to me, you''ll know that growing up I''ve always said I didn''t want to get married. EVER. I didn''t want kids either, but that has all changed. Before I met SO I could never see myself getting married or having children. Now that''s all I see for my future.

SO has been married before at the ripe age of 19 but divorced when he was 21. When he was 22 he had a child. So he''s been around the block so to speak. He talks about getting older (he''s 26

) and that he wants to eventually settle down and have a family. We''ve talked about weddings, and engagements involving friends, but never really have had "the talk." I know he wants to get married some day because he has mentioned to me a few times that he''s looking for a wife, not just a girlfriend. This is good news. He knows I want to get married and have kids as well, but we''ve never talked seriously about marriage and our future.

I''ve noticed another PSer saying that she needs to have "the talk" with her SO, but my question is....How do I approach this "talk?" I don''t just want to flat out ask him, "Are we ever going to get married?" and I think this is something I need to ease into. Like I said before, this month we will have been together for a year. Do you think it is too soon to be asking these questions? I''m just asking because he and his last girlfriend were together for 4 years before they broke up. I''m sorry, but I just can''t do that. I, myself, would want a commitment before then.

I must also mention that we''ve been living together for 7 months, and we''ve been through a lot of personal struggles together in that length of time which I think has brought us extremely close. Ugh, I''m so confused.

Also, just another quick question...I know pretty much nothing about diamonds except for what I like visually. Hmm...can anyone provide any help in this arena?

Thanks for taking time to read this. I know I''m kind of rambling. Anyhoo...I''m looking forward to meeting you all.

 

[CrookedRock]

Welcome!

So if you have been together a year, and lived together for 7 months, that means you guys move kinda fast... So it kinda surprises me that you are nervous to discuss the next step. I tend to be one of those, just ask girls... But I know that everyone is not like that. I am also a big fan of working into a convo by using friends as an example then drawing the parallel. For me if you want answers to these questions, then ask, bc wondering and waiting can be torture!!!

As for the diamond thing... What visually catches your eye? Do you have any links or pics.

 

[KCCutie]

Hello & Welcome!

I assume you''re talking about my post. It''s crazy isn''t it? I don''t know why it seems that women are always worried about this and guys seem oblivious. Why should we be the one to bring it up? Well the answer is if we could wait we would and it would probably come up in one way or another, but if you really want to know, then for your own piece of mind you just have to ask. I know this I''m just a little overly nervous about it right now and that probably has more to do with other things in my life.

Read through my post you''ll see lots of good advice. If you feel like you don''t want to wait a certain amount of time then it''s only fair to let him know. How unfair would it be for you to place the cutoff at 2 years and not tell him then when the time comes he''s blindsided and even if he was considering it it''s too late. I think you want what I want, and what we all want a time-line. You know your SO better than any of us do so make sure to bring it up in away that wont rub him the wrong way but other than that unfortunately there''s no script for this....believe me if there was I would have paid out the nose for it already

PS I feel much more grounded since my first post so take their advice and sleep on it really think about what you want for a while before you do anything.

 

[FrekeChild]

Hmmm...Well I''m a blunt person in general, so I have a tendency to just blurt stuff out and think about it later. With BF, he''s used to it and it doesn''t bother him. He knows I just get excited and it bubbles out of me. Lol.

But, recently we''ve had to go to two weddings (within 2 week of each other) and I brought up the fact that we were going to wedding A while we were at dinner, and he started talking about OUR WEDDING and who we would invite, who would sit together, etc. Of course, we''ve had several talks before that, but he''d NEVER really brought it up before. I was shocked.

I''d start dropping hints if I were you.

Here''s a question-did you guys talk about getting married or at least potential to get married before moving in together?

 

[FreeSpirit03]

Well, yes I guess we do "move fast" and normally I wouldn''t move in with someone just after 5 months dating them, but when you''re in love you do crazy stuff I guess. Plus, we''ve been extremely comfortable with each other from the start which is really surprising to me most of all because I''m not one to jump into anything and definitely not one to be instantly comfortable with anyone.

I guess I could just ask him and really I''m not afraid to ask. I''m just afraid of what he will say. He''s always told me from pretty early in our relationship that he''s not looking for just girlfriends anymore, but with him already having a kid I''m worried that he won''t want more kids and that is really what frightens me. I don''t think I could marry anyone that didn''t want to have a family. So I guess that''s my biggest fear out of everything because deep down I do know that he wants to get married and according to things he''s mentioned to me, I know he thinks about marrying me.


Phew...as for rings....I''m all over the place. I really like the vintage styles, I LOVE cushion cuts, I prefer white gold and I don''t really care for solitares. I can give you a few rings I think are lovely....


I like some of these settings with a cushion cut...

http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=6908&page=1&col=1&row=2&pos=4&set_shape=CU

http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=6258&page=1&col=3&row=5&pos=15&set_shape=CU

http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=5390&page=2&show_all_pages=0&col=3&row=1&pos=3&set_shape=CU

AND this...is my favorite so far...

http://www.bluenile.com/product_details.asp?oid=7324&page=5&show_all_pages=0&col=2&row=4&pos=11&set_shape=CU


What are some good websites that sell quality rings besides whiteflash and bluenile?

 

[FreeSpirit03]

To FrekeChild:

This is really how the whole moving in together thing worked out. He lived 45 minutes from me and I was pretty much wasting gas every day going to visit him. Then I lost my job and was over his house a whole lot. He enjoyed it and when I wasn''t there he would call me and ask if I would come over, spend the night, etc. He asked me to bring clothes over and he would put them in the spare closet. We started talking about mvoing in together but hadn''t really made a decision until a week later I found out I was pregnant. I got pregnant (while on birth control, mind you) and he started saying we should get married because he didn''t want other child with parents that aren''t together. At that time, I told him that I didn''t want to get married to him because we had only been dating for 3 months, and I didn''t want to get married just because I was pregnant. There was no way I was marrying him at that time, lol. So we just decided I would go ahead and move in as planned and help each other out during my pregnancy. However, things didn''t work out and I miscarried in my 12th week. We continue to live together though and we get along great. I just don''t want to get sucked into a 4 year long relationship like his last one where there is no commitment.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

If you are looking for inspirations for rings, check out the Show Me the Ring forum. Ladies post everything there. Talk about loads and loads of eye candy!

 

[FreeSpirit03]

Oh yes, I have just recently found this forum and I could stare at those pictures forever! The pictures of the "upgraded" ring were just to die for.

 

[bee*]

I''m pretty blunt also so I just asked D outright. Sit down and just ask him what you want to know. After his divorce, he might want to take things a bit slower so be prepared for him to want a bit more time, but just go into it with an open mind. Think about things that you want yourself and see what he wants and compromise.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 3/19/2008 2:21:47 PM
Author: FreeSpirit03
To FrekeChild:

This is really how the whole moving in together thing worked out. He lived 45 minutes from me and I was pretty much wasting gas every day going to visit him. Then I lost my job and was over his house a whole lot. He enjoyed it and when I wasn''t there he would call me and ask if I would come over, spend the night, etc. He asked me to bring clothes over and he would put them in the spare closet. We started talking about mvoing in together but hadn''t really made a decision until a week later I found out I was pregnant. I got pregnant (while on birth control, mind you) and he started saying we should get married because he didn''t want other child with parents that aren''t together. At that time, I told him that I didn''t want to get married to him because we had only been dating for 3 months, and I didn''t want to get married just because I was pregnant. There was no way I was marrying him at that time, lol. So we just decided I would go ahead and move in as planned and help each other out during my pregnancy. However, things didn''t work out and I miscarried in my 12th week. We continue to live together though and we get along great. I just don''t want to get sucked into a 4 year long relationship like his last one where there is no commitment.

If you are concerned about this, I would really just be honest with him and have an upfront convo as soon as you feel comfortable. I know you are planning on it, but it is better to know now than in 3 years! Good luck to you, keep us posted. Also, I went through SMTR and started a "favorite rings" folder on my comp to save ideas. It has been a big help!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 3/19/2008 5:27:34 PM
Author: Miscka

Date: 3/19/2008 2:21:47 PM
Author: FreeSpirit03
To FrekeChild:

This is really how the whole moving in together thing worked out. He lived 45 minutes from me and I was pretty much wasting gas every day going to visit him. Then I lost my job and was over his house a whole lot. He enjoyed it and when I wasn''t there he would call me and ask if I would come over, spend the night, etc. He asked me to bring clothes over and he would put them in the spare closet. We started talking about mvoing in together but hadn''t really made a decision until a week later I found out I was pregnant. I got pregnant (while on birth control, mind you) and he started saying we should get married because he didn''t want other child with parents that aren''t together. At that time, I told him that I didn''t want to get married to him because we had only been dating for 3 months, and I didn''t want to get married just because I was pregnant. There was no way I was marrying him at that time, lol. So we just decided I would go ahead and move in as planned and help each other out during my pregnancy. However, things didn''t work out and I miscarried in my 12th week. We continue to live together though and we get along great. I just don''t want to get sucked into a 4 year long relationship like his last one where there is no commitment.

If you are concerned about this, I would really just be honest with him and have an upfront convo as soon as you feel comfortable. I know you are planning on it, but it is better to know now than in 3 years! Good luck to you, keep us posted. Also, I went through SMTR and started a ''favorite rings'' folder on my comp to save ideas. It has been a big help!

Ditto!