Neglecting your pets after baby comes...does it happen to everyone?

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/29/2009 1:08:26 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Nothing changed in my home. The dog was there first. My son was raised to know that the dog was a family member. If there were going to be any issues, then my son would be in the timeout, not the dog. He grew up knowing that animals are to be treated with love and respect, just as he was. He''s a doggie lover himself now as an adult.

Oh, and 2nd to this. I had my cat many years before my first child was born. The kids know the cats are part of the family and are very nice to them. One of my sons had a school mate (not necessarily a friend) over who immediately went over and started pulling my cat''s tail.

My kids have never done that.

 

[Sabine]

I think it depends on how much your dog needs from you as well.

I''m a new mom (4 weeks) and my dog is definitely feeling a bit neglected and begging for attention. That being said, she is still a priority for me and I''m doing as much as I can to help her not feel this way.

Before baby, my pup was quite content to go out quickly in the morning, eat breakfast, sleep on the couch all afternoon, go out, eat dinner, go on one LONG walk with me, get a treat, play for 15 minutes, and go to bed. Honestly, that hasn''t changed too much at ALL since the baby came. Her afternoon walk is a little shorter because I''m home alone during the day so I have to take the baby with me when I walk her (dh takes her out in the morning before he goes to work), and it''s been mid-90''s here so I don''t want to have the baby out too long. But as soon as dh gets home from work, he plays with the baby while I take the dog on a LONG walk and then feed her dinner. She still sleeps on the couch most of the afternoon, usually with me and the baby right next to her, but when I''m on the floor playing with the baby she''ll often come over and beg for attention and stuff. When I''m changing or feeding the baby she''ll follow me around like she wants to be part of it, and I sometimes have to tell her to move/get out of the way, etc. I think it''s not so much that she''s getting less attention than she used to get, but there''s someone new who is getting our attention and she is still adjusting to it.

That all being said, if I had a dog that needed more than my lazy, sleepy pup, I can imagine the adjustment would be much harder.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/29/2009 1:30:29 PM
Author: MC

Date: 8/29/2009 1:13:06 PM
Author: CJ2008

Also - have you considered taking the dog home, or are you maxed out pet-wise?

Bia - CJ2008 has brought up taking the dog home. What a great idea. The dog knows you and your dog and with you, I bet he''d be much happier.

When I had my first child, I was so overwhelmed that it was difficult to even get a shower in! Luckily, up until this summer all we''ve had are cats and they have been low maintainance.

I do not think it''s bad to give away a pet if the alternative is that it''s neglected. We''ve adopted out pets only because we ended up taking in a neglected cat (friend wasn''t caring for him) and also another cat who one day showed up at our door and that resulted in us having too many cats. More than we could provide the attention to, plus they all fought with each other. lol

I do not think it''s the number of pets, it''s just the type of personality a pet owner has. For some, even one pet is too much. Others are able to care for many pets as well as their babies/children.

I think you hit on a couple of key points MC.

First, I hear from a lot of moms that things they once took for granted (like going to the post office or taking a shower) becomes a big deal. So it''s obvious time is tight! But, like you said, some are able to do it even with more than 1 pet.

That''s why I think the "sin" is not in no longer being able to care for the pet - either because of becoming overwhelmed or even if losing interest - which I can''t ever imagine a real animal lover would do, but...REGARDLESS of the reason, the sin is in not then doing the right thing for the pet.

What PP and I''m sure many more here have done is what I''m sure many of us would love to see happen for all pets. But when that isn''t possible, for whatever reason, the pet owner needs to own that and do whatever it takes to make sure the pet has its needs met - whether that''s finding a good home, or finding someone to walk/play with it, whatever.

 

[sba771]

This happened with friends'' of ours after they adopted a toddler, although in their case the mom used the new baby as an excuse and even admitted to me she just didn''t really want to be bothered with the dog, not that the baby was in the way.
Seeing how poorly our friends'' dog was being treated once they expanded their family caused FI to really start planning for what we will do with a baby and our fur baby. We both agree that our dog will be included in as many baby activities as possible and he will have a special bed in the nursery. He also sleeps in our bed and that will not change so no matter what he will feel like he is getting his special time with us. I know my personality and I told my FI when I am in the hospital I will probably be more concerned about leaving the dog home than pushing out a kid. I am a weirdo, but my dog also helped me get through a really deep and bad depression and in many ways I feel like I owe him so much so he will never get pushed to the side.

 

[House Cat]

Gosh, you know, one thing I''ve learned about life...

Whenever I get on my high horse and get extremely judgemental about something, life will swoop in and teach me that very lesson.

The truth is, we know nothing about other''s lives because we''re too busy living our own.

 

[Bia]

Date: 8/29/2009 10:42:13 PM
Author: House Cat
Gosh, you know, one thing I''ve learned about life...


Whenever I get on my high horse and get extremely judgemental about something, life will swoop in and teach me that very lesson.

The truth is, we know nothing about other''s lives because we''re too busy living our own.

Not sure what you mean...extremely judgmental?

If you''re directing your post at me then let me just say (said it before), I understand being busy with your new baby. Yes, baby comes first and should be given first priority. No argument there. No, I don''t have kids, but I know enough to know that my future baby/babies will always come first. BUT, I don''t agree with using the baby as an excuse to neglect your dog. In my cousin''s case, it is neglect because we''re not talking about less frequent walks or less time spent with the pup (from what people have said here, that''s quite common, and I understand why). In this case she and her FI are mistreating the dog, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. Can''t stress this enough: dogs need to be walked! Being outside tied to the porch is not going to cut the mustard. They also need regular baths/grooming. Their poor dog smells terrible because she hasn''t been groomed in quite some time.

Just to put it out there, I am not talking about a neighbor or an acquaintance that I barely know. This is my cousin, who I am pretty close to...so I may not know everything about her life, but I do know quite a bit. And what I do know is that she had a baby and now pooch is suffering.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 8/29/2009 10:42:13 PM
Author: House Cat
Gosh, you know, one thing I''ve learned about life...

Whenever I get on my high horse and get extremely judgemental about something, life will swoop in and teach me that very lesson.

The truth is, we know nothing about other''s lives because we''re too busy living our own.

There''s a huge difference between being judgemental and being concerned.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 8/30/2009 3:43:30 PM
Author: MC

Date: 8/29/2009 10:42:13 PM

Author: House Cat

Gosh, you know, one thing I''ve learned about life...


Whenever I get on my high horse and get extremely judgemental about something, life will swoop in and teach me that very lesson.


The truth is, we know nothing about other''s lives because we''re too busy living our own.

There''s a huge difference between being judgemental and being concerned.

Ditto.

Bia is definitely not judgmental, and clearly concerned for the dog''s well-being. Yes, babies come first, that goes without saying. It doesn''t mean you get to treat a dog however you want to because you''re overwhelmed. Poor excuse. Either treat it right, or find someone who will.

 

[House Cat]

Looking back through my post....


Wondering where I directed my words solely at Bia?

Wondering where I condoned animal neglect?



I could get extremely long winded about the fact that childless people really don''t what it is like to have an infant in their home. I could go on and on about the fact that I have three very well kept dogs and four children. Honestly, I don''t have the energy. I read through this thread, witnessed a lot of judgement and felt the need to comment. If you want to twist my words, then so be it. I find it very strange that a woman who completely adored her dog would now try and find an "excuse" to neglect such a loved pooch. My theory is that she is utterly overwhelmed. Compassion is needed.

How to show her compassion? Bia, why don''t you sit her down, tell her you''ve observed how incredibly overwhelmed she is and suggest that you lighten her load by taking the dog? This seems like a win/win situation. You will know the dog is cared for in the best possible way and so will she. She will probably feel relieved.

 

[Bia]

House cat: I don''t know that I (or anyone) was twisting your words, but I''ll agree with you that since I don''t have kids, I can''t exactly relate. YET.

Although, in this case, it''s not about being overwhelmed. Trust me, I love my cuz and if she was struggling then I''d understand that it might take some time and would offer advice--she already shut me down by saying it''s going to happen to me too. You can find it strange if you want, but I know her and I can see that things have changed. Ordinarily that would be fine, so long as the dog wasn''t being mistreated--in this case she is

I started this thread because I wanted to know if neglecting the pet/s after the baby is born is common. I can see now that it''s not for responsible pet owners. Neglect is neglect, and everyone here seems to agree that whether you have children or not, it''s not acceptable.

I know, ''never say never,'' BUT I can say with confidence that I will never stop giving my dog the care she needs and deserves just because I have children. FI and I will work it out, that much I know.

Not judgment, just common sense. You can''t take good care of your dog, then give it to someone who can.

 

[bee*]

Date: 8/29/2009 1:08:26 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Nothing changed in my home. The dog was there first. My son was raised to know that the dog was a family member. If there were going to be any issues, then my son would be in the timeout, not the dog. He grew up knowing that animals are to be treated with love and respect, just as he was. He''s a doggie lover himself now as an adult.

That''s how I was brought up. My mother absolutely adores our dogs and never neglected them when she had my sisters and I. It was us that would work around the dogs and it was great for my sisters and I growing up like that. Maybe try and have a word with her Bia and see what she says?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/29/2009 10:42:13 PM
Author: House Cat
Gosh, you know, one thing I''ve learned about life...

Whenever I get on my high horse and get extremely judgemental about something, life will swoop in and teach me that very lesson.

The truth is, we know nothing about other''s lives because we''re too busy living our own.

What we do know is that the dog is not getting regular walks. It gets attached to a 4-foot chain for exercise.

If agreeing that this is absolutely NOT okay means that somebody is being judgemental or on a high horse, then you must have the vantage point of an ant.