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diana682

Rough_Rock
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hey all! so i am engaged! yay! this happened a couple of days ago. my fiance gave me a gorgeous ring (which i want to post but cant get good pics yet- i''ll try later- its a tiffany novo replica basically) he had mentioned that his parents wanted to contribute and help him pay for the ring- therefore he was able to get a much nicer ring than originally planned (im guessing its approx 1.8 carats)

my best friend made a very rude remark- she basically said that i shouldn''t tell my parents that his parents contributed because they might "lose respect" for him and that it might sound "lame" that he can''t pay for his own ring

my feelings were hurt and i am still reeling from this. how could she say this to me and try to rain on my parade!!????

i was hoping for some general feedback- is it weird for your fiances parents to help pay for a ring? i didnt think it was at first but now i am just wondering how others feel about it.....
 
Well, personally, I do think it is quite bizarre for parents to help pay for an engagment ring. I can maybe understand if your fiance wasn''t able to afford, say, a smaller ring. But to contribute to a ring that''s bigger than average is just foreign concept to me. Especially since an engagement is the first step leading to an INDEPENDANT adult life - doesn''t make sense to begin it with the help of parents!

I would much prefer a smaller ring my husband bought himself.
 
First of all Congrats on your engagement!!! Your ering sounds gorgeous. Now about your friend?? I have no words, enough with her.
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Please don't let what she said ruin your excitement!!! I think it's lovely that your FI had some help from his parents. I know when my son is ready to propose he will have some help as well. I have a diamond set aside for him if he wants it... People help their son's all the time with this. I don't find it odd that they helped their son. Is it odd that many parents give their son a diamond to propose with?? To me it's all the same and is a very lovely gesture from the parents..
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Enjoy this very special time. Don't give it a second thought!!!!
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Eh, people take their grandma''s (or whoever) ring and reuse it and that is acceptable. What if they had sold grandma''s ring and used the money to contribute to this ring? Would that still make it bad to her?
 
kaleigh, thank you for your reassuring words- i dont know why she got to me so much. i think its just ridiculous that my best friend would say something so mean less than 24 hours after my getting engaged. it makes me feel A LOT better to know that this is a common practice. especially since his parents insisted on it. i think its an incredibly kind gesture from my future family in law....

kama- i know you didnt mean to you but your post made me feel even worse!
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y2kitty- good point. i dont see how its fair that if a guy gets a family heirloom its acceptable but if his parents contribute $ its not....
 
Date: 8/31/2009 12:03:38 AM
Author: diana682
kaleigh, thank you for your reassuring words- i dont know why she got to me so much. i think its just ridiculous that my best friend would say something so mean less than 24 hours after my getting engaged. it makes me feel A LOT better to know that this is a common practice. especially since his parents insisted on it. i think its an incredibly kind gesture from my future family in law....

kama- i know you didnt mean to you but your post made me feel even worse!
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y2kitty- good point. i dont see how its fair that if a guy gets a family heirloom its acceptable but if his parents contribute $ its not....
I know it''s very hurtful to you and am sorry. I am guessing she is jealous? But don''t dwell on it... This is your time to celebrate and be happy. Sounds like your future In laws are very thoughtful. You''re a lucky gal!!!
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Whoa, 24 hours after your engagement?! Definitely not a nice thing to say at all! Sorry if I came across harsh, I was just sharing my opinion. But really, this is a happy time in your life, so it doesn''t matter what your friend (or anyone else...including me!) thinks.

I think it would probably depend on what kind of relationship you have with you parents. I''m guessing he''s very close with them. Neither myself or my husband have that kind of relationship with our parents, so perhaps that may be why I would think the way I do.

In anycase, congratulations! Enjoy your ring
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Congrats on your engagement! I think that your friend shouldn''t have said that-it was uncalled for during your happy time.

But if you want opinions...yes I think it''s a bit odd. Personally, for me getting engaged and married signals that you are ready to start your lives together as adults. To then go to mom and dad and ask for money to help do that seems weird to me. I guess I just don''t think it sets a good precedent for a start of an independent relationship...but that is simply my own view on it.

That being said I know in many cultures it is the norm and if both you and your fi are comfortable with it that is all that matters.
 
Even if your friend held that narrow-minded opinion ... it was terrible of her to share that opinion WITH YOU under the circumstances of your announcing your engagement and showing your ring. RUDE RUDE RUDE.

I don''t see how its any different from parents of daughters paying for the wedding. Or parents of either party offering an heirloom stone towards an engagement. My sister''s husbands parents purchased stone for each of their boys to use when they wanted to get engaged. Because they thought that was fair to their sons since their daughter would receive a wedding.

Date: 8/31/2009 12:13:57 AM
Author: neatfreak
Personally, for me getting engaged and married signals that you are ready to start your lives together as adults. To then go to mom and dad and ask for money to help do that seems weird to me. I guess I just don''t think it sets a good precedent for a start of an independent relationship...but that is simply my own view on it.
By your terms folks shouldn''t be taking money for their parents for the wedding *either* then. But many do.
 
There are no rules.
 
Dont think twice about the parent helping with the e-ring!Ive been in the wedding ring selling gig for sooo many years and it very(very) common for a young man to get help from his parents on the ring.i think its very cool that they offered to help and want to be a part of it!
Your friend dosnt know how to express herself...dont let her take away you special moments...let it slide this time!
 
Date: 8/31/2009 12:13:57 AM
Author: neatfreak
To then go to mom and dad and ask for money to help do that seems weird to me.

The man did not ask his parents for money.
It was the parent's idea.
That's totally different.

Here is a quote from the original post:
"he had mentioned that his parents wanted to contribute and help him pay for the ring- therefore he was able to get a much nicer ring than originally planned"
 
What your friend said was definitely out-of-line, but how did she know the financial details surrounding the purchase of your ring? That should have been personal information between you and your FI, and not for review by your friends or your parents. If your FI is at all sef-conscious about accepting the generous help from his family, your girlfriend just substantiated it and undermined their intentions. Is she going to be your maid of honor?!
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I think it''s a lovely gesture/gift for parents to help with a diamond purchase, and I don''t see what the big deal is. Many parents help couples with the down payment on a house, and that usually isn''t seen as anything negative.

Congratulations on your engagement, and I hope you post pics soon - I''d love to see this gorgeous-sounding ring!
 
In all honesty Diana, my first reaction was similar to your friend''s. However, having read the responses here, I''m realizing that my reaction may have been narrow-minded. I''d have had a totally different reaction if you had said that the parents gave him an heirloom ring or diamond to give to you, and well, not all families are lucky enough to have heirloom rings or diamonds lying around!

Congratulations on your engagement, and do post pictures of your ring soon!
 
I know of a number of sons who have been helped by their parents to purchase an engagement ring. I think it is a lovely gesture and says absolutely nothing about the young man''s independence. Your best friend was rude. Don''t let her ruin this joyous time for you.
 
Congratulations on your engagement!

I think it is none of your friend''s business who paid for your ring, or anyone else''s for that matter, including your parents. Your friend was out of line and very rude to say what she did.

Different families have different ideas about how to support their children, financially and otherwise. Far be it for any outsiders (including me) to pass judgment on the way other people choose to spend their money.
 
Date: 8/31/2009 12:01:08 AM
Author: y2kitty
Eh, people take their grandma''s (or whoever) ring and reuse it and that is acceptable. What if they had sold grandma''s ring and used the money to contribute to this ring? Would that still make it bad to her?
Ditto.

If he had received a ring from his family instead of money and proposed with it, I''m sure no one would have any problem with it whatsoever. It wouldn''t be accepted as immaturity and lack of readiness to start an independent life. It''d most likely cause reactions in the lines of "Awww, how sweet, what a great story and such a sentimental meaning that he''s using a ring his family gave him!"

I certainly don''t see the difference. Except maybe that he still contributed with his own money, whereas the guys who propose with an old family heirloom usually don''t. I fail to see any signs of immaturity.

Enjoy your engagement and your ring, diana!
 
Congrats! I don't think it's weird, but my parents contribute to everything and give major gifts a lot (which I feel uncomfortable with and my siblings love, lol). My family could just be different... I know my grandpa (dad's father) paid for my parents wedding and for half of my parents first house. It was the same for my dad's siblings. I think it's nice that your future in-laws are so generous! Don't worry about your friend (it's none of her business), enjoy your fiance and beautiful new ring!
 
Ignore your friend. She''s clearly jealous. What a nasty thing to say.
Congrats!
 
thanks everyone for your kind words- they are very reassuring it was hard feeling insecure in a time when im supposed to feel happy!! i would hate to think that my ring symbolized immaturity and lack of independence on my fiances part. he is amazing. and so is his family..... i want to feel ecstatic when i look at my ring, not feel bad!!!

and you are all right- it is kind of odd to say that parents contributing to an engagment ring is odd/immature/needy but its ok for parents to contribute to a wedding/down payment on a house, etc. that makes no sense.....

i guess maybe my friend is jealous, who knows? she has a tendency to put her foot in her mouth... i guess i will just forget it ever happened!
 
I know many people who get some help from their parents when they''re getting married - whether it''s with the ring or with the wedding. I don''t see how taking $5,000 to help with (or buy) an engagement ring is any different from taking a $5,000 contribution from parents to help pay for the wedding.

Enjoy your ring, ignore your friend, and I hope you have a wonderful engagement!
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Date: 8/31/2009 1:44:34 AM
Author: Haven
Congratulations on your engagement!


I think it is none of your friend's business who paid for your ring, or anyone else's for that matter, including your parents. Your friend was out of line and very rude to say what she did.


Different families have different ideas about how to support their children, financially and otherwise. Far be it for any outsiders (including me) to pass judgment on the way other people choose to spend their money.

Completely agree.

Your friend was insensitive to say the least. Just be aware that, as has already been shown on this thread, some people do have strong opinions on men accepting help in paying for the ring (rightly or wrongly). If you don't want to deal with this in future, just keep the payment details between you and your fiance. It's no-one else's business anyway, so don't make it theirs by telling them
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First of all, congratulations! As for your fiance''s parents contributing, I don''t see how it''s any different than using an heirloom diamond or accepting a contribution towards a wedding. My husband''s mother offered him a ring to propose to me with, but it just wasn''t my style and I''m kind of superstitious so he got me a new ring instead. However, I certainly didn''t think it was strange of her to offer.

Enjoy your engagement and ignore your friend-it sounds to me like she''s either jealous or just plain rude.
 
Your ''friend'' sounds a little jealous, to me!!

Enjoy your ring, and be happy to be engaged!! I don''t think how your FI paid for the ring is anyone''s business, either. It''s not like he slapped it on a credit card!
Congratulations, can''t wait to see the pics!
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Your "friend" is the green eyed monster. THere is NOTHING WRONG with parents helping out their son with a diamond for his future wife. This has been done for 100s of years. Men give e-rings that were passed down all of the time. That''s help from their family...but it doesn''t make them any less independent or less of an adult. Your fiance did nothing wrong nor did his family...your friend is annoying and jealous.

Enjoy your ring and I think it''s a great compliment that his parents helped him out. In my opinion it shows how happy they are that he''s proposing to you. If they didn''t like you...they wouldn''t have helped him

CONGRATS ON THE ENGAGEMENT!!!!
 
Congratulations on your engagement!

That "friend" is not your friend. She''ll probably keep trying to rain on your parade from now until you drop her or until she finds somebody else to make miserable. People like her are the reason we have 2 ears on our heads: let what they say go in one ear and out the other one.
 
Congratulations on your egagement!!!
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I guess I don't understand why you need to tell your parents that his parents helped??

If they ask, then don't lie, but I don't see why it needs to be brought up in conversation. Does your FI care what you tell your parents?

I can see why her saying that out loud would hurt you, I'm sorry for that, but I think she might have just expressed herself incorrectly, and obviously the timing was very inappropriate as well.

I hoep you can clear things up with her, since she is your BF. I have a best friend that thinks she needs to share every opinion she has with me, it gets very annoying and rude. I an sympathise with that.
 
Sounds to me like it's none of your friends business to begin with, and that she is JEALOUS!!!!
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Congrats on the engagement, don't worry what other people think, don't tell people his parents contributed because that is between your FI(!!!!!!!) and his parents, and enjoy your engagement and your beautiful new ring.

And post pictures when you get the chance so we can all see your new lovely!

ETA (and reiterate): people have different relationships with their parents and their inlaws. I don't know anything about you or your relationship, but maybe your FI is very close to his parents, and maybe you are very close to his parents as well. I don't see the parents contribution as making the two of you less 'independent' so to speak. Maybe his parents were just so incredibly happy and thrilled, and wanted to make sure you got something really nice, because they love you sooooo much. That's how I see this. It's no different than getting an heirloom or something passed down IMO. Maybe they see it as a contribution to something that is very important to them, their son, and the OP.

I also think that you shouldn't tell people how it was payed for. Play dumb and pretend that you have no idea where the money came from, it was just a big ol' surprise.
 
Date: 8/31/2009 12:31:44 AM
Author: jewelerman
Dont think twice about the parent helping with the e-ring!Ive been in the wedding ring selling gig for sooo many years and it very(very) common for a young man to get help from his parents on the ring.i think its very cool that they offered to help and want to be a part of it!
Your friend dosnt know how to express herself...dont let her take away you special moments...let it slide this time!
I think this is the best advice. Take it from the man who knows!!! And, I also think it is wise to let it slide. Without knowing more about your friend, I wouldn''t want to assume that she is jealous. It could just be that she is quite young, lacks life experience and doesn''t really know what is common or not in such situations.

Congrats on your engagement and let''s see some pics!!
 
Congrats on the engagement!

I agree that it's nobody's business who paid for the ring, so long as both of you are both comfortable with parents' contributions, then that is all that matters.

I'm in the camp of not wanting assistance with the ring, wedding or downpayment on a house, but that's because it's what my husband and I prefer, it doesn't make one preference better than another.
 
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