beadchick
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2010
- Messages
- 202
Okay, so, I am officially over it with the wedding planning thing. We are having an afternoon tea. The big issue of late is alcohol versus no alcohol. We are having an afternoon tea and fiance's parents are teetotalers (consequently, he and brother both lie to them about consumption of alcohol). So, initially, it was decided, more so to accomodate him, that we wouldn't have alcohol at wedding.
This, of course, did not go over well with any of my friends or family. Family members started complaining about weddings they'd been to with cash bars and that they wouldn't have been so generous if they knew they'd had to pay for their alcohol. Friends started saying they would all bring flasks. One bridesmaid said that she would buy flasks and fill them for all the girls. Another friend told me she was going to buy me one as my something blue. Now mind you, I am a beer snob. IF I had my druthers, I'd have 4-5 different microbrews and essentially would be serving a whole bunch of varieties that nobody would appreciate except me and a couple of my friends. Better yet, I'd find a place, brew my own and serve THAT. At any rate, no one would get it, so we aren't doing that.
The issue is that after hearing all the objections from my side, which is also about 80% of the guest list, my mom decided that since SHE was paying for the WHOLE wedding, and it was an issue with the majority, we would serve wine, beer, and a punch with the afternoon tea. Having said this, NOBODY coming to the wedding is an alcoholic, as far as I know anyway. My mom's feeling, and I am inclined to agree, is that if you want to partake, you can, if not, then non-alcoholic champagne, tea, and lemonade will be provided.
This, obviously, has not gone over well with my fiance. His family is from India, Christian, and as stated before, they completely abstain from alcohol. This is not cultural, it is THEIR choice, and they did not provide alcohol at their younger son's recent wedding. They do not know that my mom wants the minimal set up. Now, his mother drives me a little nuts. They haven't offered one red cent towards paying the cost of the wedding, my mom has had to pull it out of her retirement fund and I intend to pay her back w/ the gifts we receive. So my feeling is, they have no say on what will happen. However, they have also refused to send out my mother's wedding invitation, and are making up their own invitation, which is a re-do, and pretty cheap looking, of what they used at other son's wedding. (Our wedding colors are orange and gold, the invite is lavender.) She is also flying in HER OWN minister to bless us at the wedding, but the man has no legal rights to marry us in the US. She bought me a "wedding sari" and bridal saris are red, well, mine has a maroon blouse, but the majority of the sari is green: I'm going to look like a christmas tree in comparison to the gown that I will wear for the ceremony. She wants me to change immediately after the wedding for the reception. Hmm, $1000 gorgeous wedding gown vs $200 x-mas tree. Not going to happen. Guess what color HER sari is btw? LOL. She attempted to tell me that her new Daughter in law, whom I've never been allowed to speak to would be my matron of honor, when I said no, she said that she would be a bridesmaid instead (I've never friggin met the chick!!!) She has also informed me that I am to send her a program of the ceremony so that she can add HER religious and cultural parts. AND, while FI said that they would pay for the rehearsal dinner, when I spoke to them the other night, they had no knowledge of what a rehearsal dinner is. They intend to invite ALL their relatives to the rehearsal and the wedding, and my mom is worried she is going to get stuck with a $3000 rehearsal dinner bill. FI says that we shouldn't worry about this.
Fiance, for the most part, has a non-confrontational style with his parents. He essentially just doesn't talk to his mom. I, on the other hand, have always been taught to be honest with my parents. I am wishing we'd just eloped. I'm sick of the BMs bitching about their shoe styles, I think I've been accomodating. I didn't make them wear orange, instead, I picked each of their favorite colors and had silk saris sent from India for them. I am sick of all the criticism, the arguing, the insistence that a majority must compromise for a minority, and the lack of respect for MY culture. You can't have a wedding in a foreign country and expect that everyone is going to cow-tow to your wishes, especially, when you haven't offered to fund it. And, of course, under the guises of respecting their culture. These are essentially personal beliefs that are being hoisted upon others. Did I mention that as yet, most people from their side don't even know I exist b/c the invites don't go out til a month before?
I told my mom and FI last night that I don't want to discuss alcohol anymore. Have it, don't have it. Just be prepared that if we don't have it, people are going to show up with flasks of HARD liqour or run across the street to the wine and cheese market and bring it back (which I feel makes me a bad host if they have to do this) or go to the bar across the way.
Is it wrong of me to tell them to decide amongst themselves? I just don't want to be a part of the decision anymore. I don't like conflict. I honestly wouldn't mind going to the wedding and having no clue WHAT beverages were being served. Then I feel like, WTF!? This is MY day, MY DAY. MYYYYYYYYYYYYY DAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. It kind of doesn't feel like that.
Is it okay for me to abstain from the decision making on this one?
This, of course, did not go over well with any of my friends or family. Family members started complaining about weddings they'd been to with cash bars and that they wouldn't have been so generous if they knew they'd had to pay for their alcohol. Friends started saying they would all bring flasks. One bridesmaid said that she would buy flasks and fill them for all the girls. Another friend told me she was going to buy me one as my something blue. Now mind you, I am a beer snob. IF I had my druthers, I'd have 4-5 different microbrews and essentially would be serving a whole bunch of varieties that nobody would appreciate except me and a couple of my friends. Better yet, I'd find a place, brew my own and serve THAT. At any rate, no one would get it, so we aren't doing that.
The issue is that after hearing all the objections from my side, which is also about 80% of the guest list, my mom decided that since SHE was paying for the WHOLE wedding, and it was an issue with the majority, we would serve wine, beer, and a punch with the afternoon tea. Having said this, NOBODY coming to the wedding is an alcoholic, as far as I know anyway. My mom's feeling, and I am inclined to agree, is that if you want to partake, you can, if not, then non-alcoholic champagne, tea, and lemonade will be provided.
This, obviously, has not gone over well with my fiance. His family is from India, Christian, and as stated before, they completely abstain from alcohol. This is not cultural, it is THEIR choice, and they did not provide alcohol at their younger son's recent wedding. They do not know that my mom wants the minimal set up. Now, his mother drives me a little nuts. They haven't offered one red cent towards paying the cost of the wedding, my mom has had to pull it out of her retirement fund and I intend to pay her back w/ the gifts we receive. So my feeling is, they have no say on what will happen. However, they have also refused to send out my mother's wedding invitation, and are making up their own invitation, which is a re-do, and pretty cheap looking, of what they used at other son's wedding. (Our wedding colors are orange and gold, the invite is lavender.) She is also flying in HER OWN minister to bless us at the wedding, but the man has no legal rights to marry us in the US. She bought me a "wedding sari" and bridal saris are red, well, mine has a maroon blouse, but the majority of the sari is green: I'm going to look like a christmas tree in comparison to the gown that I will wear for the ceremony. She wants me to change immediately after the wedding for the reception. Hmm, $1000 gorgeous wedding gown vs $200 x-mas tree. Not going to happen. Guess what color HER sari is btw? LOL. She attempted to tell me that her new Daughter in law, whom I've never been allowed to speak to would be my matron of honor, when I said no, she said that she would be a bridesmaid instead (I've never friggin met the chick!!!) She has also informed me that I am to send her a program of the ceremony so that she can add HER religious and cultural parts. AND, while FI said that they would pay for the rehearsal dinner, when I spoke to them the other night, they had no knowledge of what a rehearsal dinner is. They intend to invite ALL their relatives to the rehearsal and the wedding, and my mom is worried she is going to get stuck with a $3000 rehearsal dinner bill. FI says that we shouldn't worry about this.
Fiance, for the most part, has a non-confrontational style with his parents. He essentially just doesn't talk to his mom. I, on the other hand, have always been taught to be honest with my parents. I am wishing we'd just eloped. I'm sick of the BMs bitching about their shoe styles, I think I've been accomodating. I didn't make them wear orange, instead, I picked each of their favorite colors and had silk saris sent from India for them. I am sick of all the criticism, the arguing, the insistence that a majority must compromise for a minority, and the lack of respect for MY culture. You can't have a wedding in a foreign country and expect that everyone is going to cow-tow to your wishes, especially, when you haven't offered to fund it. And, of course, under the guises of respecting their culture. These are essentially personal beliefs that are being hoisted upon others. Did I mention that as yet, most people from their side don't even know I exist b/c the invites don't go out til a month before?
I told my mom and FI last night that I don't want to discuss alcohol anymore. Have it, don't have it. Just be prepared that if we don't have it, people are going to show up with flasks of HARD liqour or run across the street to the wine and cheese market and bring it back (which I feel makes me a bad host if they have to do this) or go to the bar across the way.
Is it wrong of me to tell them to decide amongst themselves? I just don't want to be a part of the decision anymore. I don't like conflict. I honestly wouldn't mind going to the wedding and having no clue WHAT beverages were being served. Then I feel like, WTF!? This is MY day, MY DAY. MYYYYYYYYYYYYY DAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. It kind of doesn't feel like that.
Is it okay for me to abstain from the decision making on this one?