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Need some work help...HR/etc.

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ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Ok...bear with me. This is goingto read like the biggest brain fart.

My boss is really quite offcolor. In fact, he''s a dick. A big racist and sexist jerk. I mistakingly let this precedent continue and his behavior is sickeningly unacceptably unprofessional.

He did something really ignorant to me last week that really caused my repressed anger to come out... when I was included on a meeting that I probably didn''t NEED to be at, but the girl who set up the meeting (T) had no real idea who to invite, she felt I should be there. He consistently threw out that I was only there for the free lunch that came with it, and every time Id make a comment or suggestion regarding the work to be done for this client, he would sternly say "shut up, no one asked you, you shouldn''t even be here. Eat your free lunch". I cannot believe I did not just get up and leave. I can write copy well and often do because he won''t hire someone who is really good at it, he often belittles my copy, even thought he cannot come up with any and always needs help. The topic of hiring someone for this job came up, my other coworker(JV) mentioned that he thinks I should do it and I said "ok, Ill bill you and do it on the side" in a joking fashion, and my boss blurts out "you aren''t THAT good. Not worth paying for, Im talking abotu a real copy writer". Every time he would snap back at me, T and the salesperson present(J) who''s client this was for our company would sit there completely stunned and very uncomfortable. My boss could tell he went too far and tried to play it off like a joke, which is pretty much the modus opporandi when he messes up. He just nagged at me the whole way back to the office, and I tried to not go off on him. I regret not confronting him then because I stewed ALL DAY. The next day I wouldn''t speak to him, he seemed to know that and tried to bribe me with candy. I was still so mad. I tried to let it go through the week...I simply couldnt.

Knowing how this guy is when confronted, he just cannot handle confrontation, and it''s NEVER his fault, I chose to not go to him, maybe a bad choice, but I just felt uncomfortable. I went straight to HR. This woman was just knocked over with all that I told her. She wanted to discuss with the other partner, who came back from vacation today before she pursued anything more and asked me to wait as well. Well T and J both knew I went to HR and both tried to mention to the boss that he pissed me off badly maybe we need to talk. Both thinking that maybe it would help. Really it didn''t. Didn''t necessarily hurt matters though either.

Well he calls me into the office to discuss it...asks me why I am so emotional and angry lately, and drops this bomb:
"Are you pregnant. Is that why you are so emotional? Comon don''t lie, youre pregnant aren''t you". I bet my jaw hit the desk.
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I said "uh no..." I mention that every time I stand up for myself or give him attitude in retaliation for his own, I get called a Bitch. He swears that he never has, well in that ONE day alone, 6 times. I documented it. He denies it, and swears Im making it up, he would never. I counter with "you don''t even realize you do it." He denies more. Claims he says that he is telling me I bitch alot, which I do, Im a complainer. I know this, not news to me. Then asks why Im not mad at my colleague, JV, because he''s a much bigger ******* to me than the boss. My answer "because he''s not my boss. YOU are." No one wants my opinions, shut up blah blah blah.

The whole meeting went on with a pretty much denial, saying its all my fault pretty much you bring it on yourself. I don''t treat you differently maybe I should since you are an emotional girl...

So I tell HR about it, because we spoke and this woman needed to know. She almost fell over when I mention prego bomb. The other partner comes back and she wants to speak with him before it goes on, well the partner asks how I am, I say not happy, I give slight insight as to why and he says we will fix this. He goes to find HR because I mention I spoke with her, and that he should too. Well she was helping new people out so I guess he decided to just talk to the boss instead. Dissapears with boss for an hour and a half, boss is
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when he comes back, and I disappear to lunch with others in the office, mind you the whole office knows like everything because there''s no privacy there...the other partner and HR are in the partner''s office for like 2 hours, my boss never mentions this talk he had with me, then again might not have much to do with me. Whatever...

So...I have HR and the partner involved...it''s obvious this is MAJOR, like if this was anywhere else there would be legal matters involved, perhaps there should be anyway...I like the partner, I really like the HR girl, she''s justcool and sweet. And very smart about this.

We have a very open and relaxed work environment. Maybe that''s a major negative here but I think we all like the irreverence...it just bites us in the ass a little.

So...any suggestions as to things i should mention do bring up? Or was this a good vent....

Maybe posting not so wise...
 

sasa

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Hi ame, I''m sorry to hear about this...I guess some people are just a ass. I get that at the office too, of course not as bad...but that''s when I wish I''m rich so I don''t need to work for a living and I can tell them to F*ck off in their face.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I really was about to just quit the other day and I mentioned that to the HR girl AND him. He acts like I don't come to him for fear of losing my job, which isn't true. I don't go to him because he makes me so mad I want to leave! ;-) I have so many moments where I just want to tell him to get bent..

and I keep it in and go off on him to my husband and dad after work.
 

sasa

Brilliant_Rock
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Poor you....I''ve been in that situation before...I will just start looking for another job.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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If I quit this field Im doing hair.
 

sasa

Brilliant_Rock
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what''s ur current job??
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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art director in an ad agency...essentially graphic design.
 

sasa

Brilliant_Rock
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hey...me too...I''m a graphic designer too...

you have a boss? I thought Art Director is the boss
 

yellowfan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2004
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711
Go to Walmart and buy a tape recorder and record him. Keep it on you all the time. I know someone who did this at a top business here that got the head honcho fired. You can get the tiniest recorders and get the one that will allow for phone recordings. Go to radio shack and they have all that stuff.


There is no place for discrimination like your boss is. Sounds like he is a woman hater.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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#1-document document document
#2-tell HR you are now very uncomfortable and feel threatened by him and you no longer want to meet alone with him...you want an HR person there.
#3-when he dropped the prego bomb you should have gotten up and left the room. in the future, should he be so obnoxious or things get out of hand, just get up and say you''d love to continue the discussion but need to think a while before replying. then leave the room. you do not have to take this abuse. and abuse it is: it is an emotional power play whether he''s aware of it or not. there are books on this subject.
#4-see an attorney familiar with this type of situation if for nothing else but to find out your rights and feel like you''re doing something.

book: The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job by Gary Namie, et al (Paperback)

amazon has it.....

this guy is out to lunch and so far HR hasn''t done anything to protect themselves legally....they need to do so.

peace, movie zombie

ps look for another job while this is going on if you want but there is no reason to take further escalating abuse from this outdated pig.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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check with an attorney before secretly carrying a taping device....there are laws against taping without notification.

peace, movie zombie
 

yellowfan

Brilliant_Rock
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yes there are laws about taping. If Ame tapes for her personal use, ie- restraining order then in St. Louis County that is okay. Not if she plays it over the airways..........
I only say to tape since her boss denies he says things. Also, it is up to a Judge if a tape is allowed. You rarely hear of arrests over tape recording. Plus it will help you remember exactly what he says and you can document that way. The guy will never admit in public that he talks like that or cusses like a sailor at work or degrades women.

You have a level head movie zoombie! I guess I have been thru too much with bad ppl in the past!

Ame,

I have a good lawyer friend in Sullivan whom does cases in St Louis County.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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personally, i like the idea of taping the pig and playing it back to him. but i wouldn''t want to put myself in a position where i was open to accusations that might hold up and be used against me, such as taping without consent. hence, the phone call or visit with an attorney. however, i would take notes at any meeting right in front of him.......and i wouldn''t be alone in a room with him. this kind of person is good at lying and being believed.

i can''t believe this kind of stuff goes on in this day and age! but it does which means employees need to be aware of their rights and act accordingly.....well, rights as long as we continue to have them. the way things are going we may not have employee rights for long.

ame said it best when she admitted she should have confronted or stopped this sooner. its long past time his chain was yanked and in a big way. if ''the firm'' doesn''t do something about it, then they''re as bad as he is.

me level headed?! sometimes but mostlyi learned some lessons the hard way and watched others learn them in an even harder way.

peace, movie zombie
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Well HR is going to him tomorrow. There was no mention to the other partner by HR because she wanted to see what happened when she went straight to him. I don''t think he will take her seriously and I feel like Im going to get serious flack for this. I know he will flip. I just won''t be going to see him without her present.

I just want a boss who isn''t a jerk and is professional. Being funny and cool don''t have to mean belligerent and bigoted.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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ame, any luck at all and he''ll be a pig with her. if not, your decision to not be in the room without HR present is the correct one. good luck and keep us informed.

peace, movie zombie
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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HI:

Any updates? Going to HR was the right move IMHO--it is their job to protect you (under many and varied circumstances)

cheers--Sharon
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Yes I would like to know too ame. You did the right thing by going to HR. Let us know what happened.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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So far I don''t even know if she went to him. He seems to be civil today, but so far no idea what''s going on. I was hoping to talk to her and see. My folks told me to just let her do things and wait her out.
 

Libster

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 21, 2004
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998
Ame,
I''m so sorry you are having to endure this sort of treatment. You did the right thing by going to HR, he needs to be stopped. Hang in there and keep us posted!
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 8/31/2005 7:10:02 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

Any updates? Going to HR was the right move IMHO--it is their job to protect you (under many and varied circumstances)

cheers--Sharon

in an ideal world that is how it should be but given my experiences and what i''ve seen happen to others, HR is really out to protect the firm/company/employer. they handle the paperwork and are to know the laws....but when it comes right down to it, they are paid by the employer and represent the employer''s interests.

therefore, document document document. see an attorney. your parents are right but do not put all your hopes on HR as going to take care of the problem. give them a chance, yes.....but keep your eyes open and know your rights. keep an open mind and be realistic.

don''t envy you, ame.

peace, movie zombie
 

cute330xigrl

Shiny_Rock
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Date: 9/1/2005 12:39:05 AM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 8/31/2005 7:10:02 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

Any updates? Going to HR was the right move IMHO--it is their job to protect you (under many and varied circumstances)

cheers--Sharon

in an ideal world that is how it should be but given my experiences and what i''ve seen happen to others, HR is really out to protect the firm/company/employer. they handle the paperwork and are to know the laws....but when it comes right down to it, they are paid by the employer and represent the employer''s interests.

therefore, document document document. see an attorney. your parents are right but do not put all your hopes on HR as going to take care of the problem. give them a chance, yes.....but keep your eyes open and know your rights. keep an open mind and be realistic.

don''t envy you, ame.

peace, movie zombie
you hit it DEAD on! Dont assume that you are protected by HR. As MovieZ said, they ultimately represent the employer''s interests! Ppl are often afraid of documentation b/c of fear that it will implicate them in some fashion. If you have nothing to fear... document it! Document EVERYTHING! Word of mouth is just that, here-say. That can be argued to fit the employers benefit any way they choose.

best of luck ame! this is truly an awful experience.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Well so far not much to report. Though I went with someone today to report that he referred to her in a demeaning tone calling her WOMAN and she actually yelled back at him, well deserved.

I know HR spoke with him and his behavior has gotten much better. There are slips though.

He is going to have a rough week. His oldest daughter, I believe she''s 9, got rushed to a hospital today with a 109 degree fever. Yes, you read that right, 109. So he''s a real wreck, then again he''s really quiet at the same time. We''ll see if he maintains professionalism.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
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any news Ame?
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Not really. He''s been gone most of the last two weeks. I kind of figure that the less he is there the less issues I have to endure.
 

MissAva

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2005
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Beh, I would not want to be his daughter I cannot even imagine what it would be like to live with a man like that. How unfortunate that you have to work with such a person....reading what you wrote made my blood boil
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.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Going in to work on days he might be there for makes it really hard.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Ame- that sucks you are in this situation how is the job market where you live? Maybe you can find a better situation somewhere else....
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Disturbingly bad. As far as this city is concerned I am overpaid by 10K and Im only making 36. They don''t pay designers here. We are disposable.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
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That''s too bad...
 
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