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Need Some Advice...

tammy77

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2011
Messages
1,442
I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, but I'm :-o and :angryfire: x infinity at my ex husband right now, so no guarantees.

Ex, let's just call him Richard. Richard and I have been divorced since April of 2009. At that time, Richard was to take me off of his bank account (I couldn't, since he was primary). New DH and I just went to look at buying our own home and while I'm still on the mortgage with Richard, all payments have been made by him/his parents (more on that later) and we have a signed affidavit outlining that the house is theirs, blah blah blah. I know there's a responsibility for me if push comes to shove, but his parents are also on the loan and value their credit more than they do their own kids (no joke) so I'm not worried about it getting paid by them.

So, to further complicate issues, Richard got fired in June of 2010. Richard stopped paying child support for our two girls at that time and often complains about having no money to get them things, dodging me when I ask him to pay his half of things. Since he was fired, his unemployment claim was denied. So Richard's parents have given him a new car (2011 Camry), pay insurance, pay for a gardener for his home and give him $2500 a month for bills and groceries.

Now, back to the bank account. Richard, being the procrastinator that he is, never took me off of his bank account. So the lender for DH and I asked us to get the last 6 months of bank statements from this shared account that the mortgage payments are coming from, and my last 6 months of statements to verify that I'm not paying for his house. Today, I got said statements and I am through.the.roof MAD. As a side note, the account is now closed.

Richard has a girlfriend that he apparently has been spending anywhere from $100-$300 a month on - dinner dates, sephora makeup, Fredericks of Hollywood, movie theaters (though he never takes his children to any, I've asked him to). In addition, almost all of the other transactions are for comic stores, sunglass hut, diamondshark :rolleyes: gnc (for his protein powder to "bulk up"), etc.

The grocery store that he buys our kids food at is, from what I can tell, exclusively at this place called Grocery Outlet. They carry low priced/overstock/near expiration date food that is primarily boxed, processed, etc. The fresh produce and fresh meat options are non existent. My daughter complains frequently about not getting fresh fruit, etc. like she gets at our house.

So here's the thing. What can I really do about this? I WANT with every single fiber of my being to make a copy of the bank statement, highlight the inappropriate (at least to me, and absolutely to his parents) charges, and slip it into his parents' mailbox without saying a word. No confrontation for me. Just giving them the information to do what they want with it.

I realize this will make his life hell. I'm really okay with that at this point. I don't think it's fair for him to live like he is - free of any responsibility, not paying any child support or supporting himself, and burdening everyone around him. I've tried to talk to him directly about these things, and he either denies the issues, or he gets EXTREMELY hostile and aggressively attacking me verbally. I can't handle it and it appears that doing so only makes him do whatever I ask him to correct even more than before.

I just don't know what to say or do. His parents think he's helping me with things for the kids, so they resent me as well. Ugh!
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
I'd say go ahead and do that, but wait until AFTER you close on a house, since your financial world is still tied to his. Better yet, give these to your attorney since he does have income, even though it's gifted. He should have to pay child support, I don't think it matters where your "income" comes from.
 

tammy77

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2011
Messages
1,442
I thought about this as well. If he has enough income to go on dates, buy lingerie, video games, etc. then he has enough money to pay some child support or at least buy his daughter a bed. She's sleeping in a TODDLER bed at age 6 at his house because he "doesn't have the money for a bed". Meanwhile there's a twin bed that his gf has in the spare bedroom that she brought over so her son has somewhere to sleep.

To give a bit more perspective, this "woman" knows he's unemployed. She's never met the girls (thank God) and has never met any of his family. He's been with her since a week before he was fired (so June 2010).

I'm so mad that I'm just flabbergasted. It's going to be at least 3 months before we close on a house so it's going to be hard to wait.
 

DivaDiamond007

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,828
I think you need to take this information to the attorney that represented you in the divorce and discuss modifying your child support order. If you were not represented by an attorney then you need to find one. Your local Bar Association is a good place to start.
 

centralsquare

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
2,201
DivaDiamond007|1315535424|3013202 said:
I think you need to take this information to the attorney that represented you in the divorce and discuss modifying your child support order. If you were not represented by an attorney then you need to find one. Your local Bar Association is a good place to start.
+1. Get an expert involved!
 

tammy77

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2011
Messages
1,442
After diving in a bit deeper I've found out that his electricity has been cut off twice in the last two months as well, and lied about the kids' dog (said she broke the fence so his parents would give him extra money to cover it - so now she isn't allowed to come in the house/they want her gone).

You're absolutely right, I need to get some legal advice ASAP. Going to make an appointment for it tomorrow, this is ridiculous. Someone told me that it might backfire b/c he could come after my DH and I for c/s, so I'm worried about that but I can't sit back. Ugh. :(
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,763
More votes for the lawyers involvement. But I would have the lawyer present those bank statements to family court, and have the judge/mediator proceed with a ruling. If he's got money to pay for his new girlfriend, he's got money for his children. AND if his parents are involved, they'll probably see that information since they'll likely be paying for the lawyer.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
another in support of getting legal representation ASAP!

if his parents ask why you're doing this to him...since they think you're the bad guy in all this....just tell them you have evidence of his misdeeds and if they really want to see that evidence you'll provide it AFTER the legal issues have been resolved.
 
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