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Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the other)

wwmd8118

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2011
Messages
146
FI and I are talking about our wedding party and we are having issues when discussing my brothers. I have two brothers and a sister. Brother #1 is 15 years older than me and is a jerk. I don't have enough space to list all the reasons why he is a jerk, but he is mean-spirited and uncaring - his response to me when I got engaged via text was "Now I'm going to have to make a trip to (ugh) NJ?" :errrr: Then when he saw me in person 2 weeks later, he did not acknowledge the ring or the engagement. We really have no relationship and don't talk at all - when we do at family events, he finds some way to be a condescending jerk. He puts me in a bad mood anytime he's around and I really would prefer not to have him in the wedding. On the other hand, Brother #2 is 7 years older than me and we are very close and always have been. I absolutely want him to be a part of my wedding. I also have a sister who is 10 years older than me who will be my MOH. So, that leaves me with the whole family in the bridal party except Brother #1. My FI feels that it reflects badly on him and looks like he made that choice since they're his groomsmen and he would prefer to either have both or neither. However, I don't really like the thought of Brother #1 in my wedding. Not only is he a jerk, but he doesn't value marriage at all (he's been married 3 times, cheated in all of them). Also, when my sister got married, she did not have Brother #1 but did have Brother #2 so that precedent has been set. However, I am still struggling with the logistics of not asking Brother #1 to be a part of the wedding because I feel a bit guilty...which annoys me, because if he were just a nice person, this wouldn't be a problem, he would be in the wedding then.

I would really love to hear people's opinions on this. Here are the options I'm considering: have brother #2 as a groomsmen and be done with it OR have both brothers as ushers. What do you guys think about the situation and which option do you think makes the most sense? Any thoughts you have on the situation or any other suggestions are much appreciated! This is really stressing me out and I'm hoping for a peaceful resolution. :loopy:
 

sillyberry

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,792
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

Ask the brother you are close to to take part in the wedding and be done with it. Being surrounded by loving supportive people is kind of critical, and it sounds like #1 does not have any interest in being part of the wedding party, anyway.

Mean people don't get to run (or ruin) your life.
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

It seems like brother 1 would not even want to be in the wedding. I would definitely include brother 2. you should include people that are meaningful to you!
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

sillyberry|1307813162|2943345 said:
Ask the brother you are close to to take part in the wedding and be done with it. Being surrounded by loving supportive people is kind of critical, and it sounds like #1 does not have any interest in being part of the wedding party, anyway.

Mean people don't get to run (or ruin) your life.
AGREED!

I didn't ask my SIL to stand up in our wedding because she's a meanie, and I never regretted it at all.
 

rosetta

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
3,417
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

Haven|1307821038|2943456 said:
sillyberry|1307813162|2943345 said:
Ask the brother you are close to to take part in the wedding and be done with it. Being surrounded by loving supportive people is kind of critical, and it sounds like #1 does not have any interest in being part of the wedding party, anyway.

Mean people don't get to run (or ruin) your life.
AGREED!

I didn't ask my SIL to stand up in our wedding because she's a meanie, and I never regretted it at all.
I'm not asking my sister to stand up at my wedding as she is queen of the cows. Not even wasted one second feeling guilty about this!
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

I think you're doing brother 1 a huge favor by not having him in the wedding. If he doesn't even want to travel there for your wedding, what would make him want to put it in any extra effort for anything else (tux fitting, for example)?
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

Autumnovember|1307822717|2943482 said:
I think you're doing brother 1 a huge favor by not having him in the wedding. If he doesn't even want to travel there for your wedding, what would make him want to put it in any extra effort for anything else (tux fitting, for example)?

exactly! He already complained about having to attend your wedding, you are doing him and youself a favor. You sister did it and I am assuming there was no fall out after that because of it, so do what you want.
 

wwmd8118

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2011
Messages
146
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

Ok, you all have made me feel much better about not having him in it. Now I just have to get the FI over feeling like it reflects badly on him as if he made the choice to only have one of them. He doesn't want to offend my family, which he won't, but he doesn't totally get that.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

If anyone does even wonder why he isn't in it, they'll wonder for a second and then move on too continue ooling at you and your beautiful wedding.
 

4ever

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
2,260
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

I don't think it reflects badly on your FI at all. Most guests wont notice he's not involved and those who do probably wont think much of it. Not everyone woud want to be in the wedding and you shouldn't ask people just to be "fair".

If it makes you feel any better my older sister is a lot like your first brother. She is very anti marriage, when I told her I was engaged she said "Why?". There is no way I want people involved in the day who don't fully support us, she's coming and that's good enough for me, even if she did tell our Mum "Tell her I'm not comming if (Sisters BF's name) isn't invited" :roll:
 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
3,740
Re: Need opinions! Brothers as groomsmen (1 and not the othe

Dude, totally don't feel bad. It's your WEDDING DAY. The last thing you want is to look around and feel the slightest bit pissed. And furthermore he's still invited, he's just not standing up.

~LC
 
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