Need opinions/advice re. what to do with ex-wedding album

[jewelerman]

time will tell.Keep it until your sure.sorry about all the painful situations you have been going through!

 

[MissGotRocks]

I''d keep it. As others have said, it is a part of your life and a part of who you are. If there is ever a time to be completely rid of it, you''ll know it. Keeping it at your parents home or the home of someone else close is a good idea. It will still be yours - but you won''t have to run across it. Just put it on a shelf in a closet - in 20 years, you might feel completely different about it than you do today. If you get rid of it completely, you won''t have the option.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

My mother was married before marrying my father. She kept the old album, and I will admit getting such a kick out of looking at it over the years. I loved seeing my grandparents, aunts, uncles and great grandparents...not to mention my mom. I can honestly say I have looked at the photo album many, many times but couldn''t tell you anything about the groom (my mothers ex-husband). For me, those photos are more about my mom and her family than anything else.

I would put it away and see how you feel in a couple of years...

 

[purrfectpear]

Personally I would scan the best photos of me and Photoshop the bastich out

 

[FrekeChild]

I made my decision. So did you, but I''m going to verbalize mine anyway...

I''d keep it. I love looking back at old pictures of anyone, but because my dad''s first wife was a bit of a mystery to me (the woman did not acknowledge my existence, or that of my parents) I''m especially fascinated by pictures of her. And I can tell you right now that my dad has a picture of her in his top dresser drawer as I type this. And not because it''s her, but because it also has my brothers as babies/toddlers, my uncle as a 25 year old with his older children as toddlers, and a couple generations above my dad. I wouldn''t be able to see them if he had gotten rid of every trace of her the way she did of my dad.

You already know what I think of your ex. You know what I think of your new beau. And I think/know that he understands that without your ex, you would not be the woman he has fallen head over heels for today. If he isn''t afraid of that chunk of animal skin and a couple trees, you shouldn''t either.

I''m so very proud of you. And happy for you too.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Monarch, I am so glad you decided to keep it at your parents house. I agree it will always be a part of your life and hopefully someday in the future you will be able to view it as just a beautiful day for
you. I am happy for you that you are on your way to a brand new life filled with love. So sad you had to go through the hard stuff.

 

[loriken214]

Date: 10/24/2009 8:52:25 PM
Author: luv2sparkle
Monarch, I am so glad you decided to keep it at your parents house. I agree it will always be a part of your life and hopefully someday in the future you will be able to view it as just a beautiful day for
you. I am happy for you that you are on your way to a brand new life filled with love. So sad you had to go through the hard stuff.

Me, too! I''ve been thinking about you.....

The first thing the Ex and I did, when we decided to separate, was to go through the wedding photos. I took those of my family and he took those of his family. Of course, there were some that mixed and matched. I just showed my first wedding photos to my current DH, minus any of the Ex, and he said I looked pretty. I''m really glad that I kept those pictures....memories of family who are no longer with us.

Lori

 

[onvacation]

Date: 10/23/2009 12:26:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Keep it. It''s still an important part of your life and it contributed to who you are today, which is a good thing.

Wow, TGal, how do you do it? You said everything I wanted to say in two sentences. I think my post up there was the longest I''ve ever written as a single post since I''ve been on PS! Kudos, woman

You too, Monarch!

 

[kenny]

I''d put it up in the attic and forget about it.

30 years from now you''ll be glad you kept it.

 

[monarch64]

Well, thank you everyone! I really appreciate all of the insight and honesty in this thread and reading through the responses again has helped me with some closure issues, etc.

Onvacation, you can never be too wordy, TGal is lucky to have that ability to be succinct and get her point across without being rude which I''m very much appreciative of. I also appreciate the wordy responses like yours, so no worries!!! all of this is great stuff, food for thought, and has been so helpful. I hope that others who have gone through or maybe are thinking about going through, will be able to pull up this thread sometime and gain some assistance from. Divorce is just a tough thing all around, but even though PS is very engagement/wedding/marriage-based, I have to say that it''s also a great community of support for people who it didn''t work out for. Thank you!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/24/2009 2:28:44 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Personally I would scan the best photos of me and Photoshop the bastich out

Funniest. response. If there were a prize...I''d give you $10 for that one, PP. Hilarious!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/27/2009 2:00:40 AM
Author: monarch64
Well, thank you everyone! I really appreciate all of the insight and honesty in this thread and reading through the responses again has helped me with some closure issues, etc.

Onvacation, you can never be too wordy, TGal is lucky to have that ability to be succinct and get her point across without being rude which I''m very much appreciative of. I also appreciate the wordy responses like yours, so no worries!!! all of this is great stuff, food for thought, and has been so helpful. I hope that others who have gone through or maybe are thinking about going through, will be able to pull up this thread sometime and gain some assistance from. Divorce is just a tough thing all around, but even though PS is very engagement/wedding/marriage-based, I have to say that it''s also a great community of support for people who it didn''t work out for. Thank you!

Oh, I can be rude too!

onvacation, I like long answers. I give plenty of them. I like hearing about other people''s life experiences when they answer a post. It''s what keeps PS reading interesting and worth sticking around.

We''re fortunate on PS that we have many members who stick around for years, thereby giving us the honor of participating in their lives in a small way and watching them grow...and once in awhile giving advice which may help them journey down a different road.

It''s a cool thing.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/23/2009 11:02:26 AM
Author: joflier
I''ve kept mine. Its just tucked away in a drawer somewhere. The fact of the matter is, I can''t erase that chapter out of my life, no matter what I do with the ''evidence''. It''s part of my history. And there are some photos in there of people and family members that I love and that ARE part of my life, that I would hate to destroy. Just because I''m wearing a white dress in those particular pictures, doesn''t make them any less valuable to me.
Awhile back, my mom had asked me to please not throw it away. She said that if I really wanted to do that, then please give the album to her, and she''d store it away. Then when I clean out her things, years later, and if I still want to toss it, I can.....So that''s another thought. If you don''t want it around for now, give it to your parents to store for awhile, and then, like others have suggested, if you still want to pitch it after some time has gone by, then you can do so. Good luck.

Sound advice from someone who''s gone through a similar situation. Thank you, Jodi. There are a ton of memories within that album that have little to do with the ex.

For anyone who doesn''t already know: my father was so ill with colorectal cancer that day that he was GRAY in the pictures, and my mother was in the ER the night before the wedding. Neither of my parents divulged this information to me (about my dad''s cancer) because they didn''t want to be the reason I postponed or cancelled my wedding. I wasn''t informed that my dad had cancer until I was in Vegas on my honeymoon two days later,and my dad had been operated on to remove various organs.

My mom was just going through exhaustion, and other issues. She''s fine...but despite being tested for everything from celiac sprue to carotid artery dysfunction she''s since gone undiagnosed. It was awful seeing her so ill the night before my wedding, but she showed up with an IV bandage on her hand, one navy sandal, one black (my uncle went back to their hotel room and brought her outfit to the hospital not knowing she had the same shoe in two different colors, hahaha)...the pictures demonstrate all of this. It could have, for all anyone knows, been the last day I''d seen them alive. Yet another reason for me to keep some of the pics if not all.

Both of my parents are alive today. Both of them have offered their complete support as far as my marital situation.

Again, thanks Jodi for your perspective. I know it''s been tough for you, and it''s been tough for me being a part of this site and having to come here and let people know that things haven''t worked out.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/23/2009 6:54:21 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 10/23/2009 2:15:33 AM
Author:monarch64

It''s a large, leather-bound album containing probably 100 photos. My issue or the reason I''m debating this, is not that I have a need to hang on to pics of us together. It''s more that there are some nice pics of my family with me, and the fact that I loved how the pics of me turned out that day, I was in great shape and really looked my best. I also really loved the style of photography, my gown, etc. I am really unsure what to do with it. We did not have children, and I don''t think anyone, like other family members on either side, is interested in having the album. I just hate to throw it out in the garbage, but I don''t know what else to do with it! I don''t want to keep it, really...it''s just a reminder of a negative time in my life. I guess I''m asking if anyone has gone through this before and can provide insight or give advice. Keeping it really serves no purpose, but tossing it seems very wasteful. Thanks in advance for any comments.

burn it !!

i do have a fireplace, DF, but it''s one of those that''s just for show, apparently. It says "SCANLan & Co, Louisville, KY ''20 to ''22. Can you maybe research that for me? Thanks.

So you think maybe I could throw it into a ceremonial Indiana redneck bonfire? That might be fun.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/23/2009 7:21:55 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I just wanted to say, I am so happy all is great with you Monnie and that you have found love again. From what I know of you, it couldn''t have happened to a nicer person.

Having the album at your parent;s house sounds like a great idea. Outta sight, outta mind.... But there if you want to show your future kiddos and what not... Very wise...

Lisa--thank you. things ARE wonderful now, and my parents are fine with keeping it closed up in its box until I want to see it again someday. I''ll be going over there tomorrow night again and will mention again that I''d like for them to store it for me until further notice. Thanks friend!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/23/2009 7:22:22 PM
Author: Bliss
I would definitely keep it! I echo sending it your parents, if possible.

It''s a part of you... be proud of who you are, mistakes and all! We''ve all made them and are better people for it! It''s your authentic life... that was a beautiful day regardless of what happened in your marriage. Then again, do whatever you need to do. It all depends on what you feel, but it sounds like you would like to keep it. Don''t feel guilty or bad for keeping it. (((HUGS)))

Thank you, Bliss. It IS part of who I am...and you''re right...everything you say in your post is helpful. I appreciate your taking time to post here.

 

[Gypsy]

Store it for a couple of years (put a date on when to open it... like 3 years from now) and see what you think then. It''s not a big item, so sticking it under a bed isn''t going to be a big deal, and there is no reason you have to make all the big decisions now. The harmless ones, like this, can wait for a while. Get some distance, then see if a bonfire is appropriate.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/23/2009 9:12:14 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
My mother was married before marrying my father. She kept the old album, and I will admit getting such a kick out of looking at it over the years. I loved seeing my grandparents, aunts, uncles and great grandparents...not to mention my mom. I can honestly say I have looked at the photo album many, many times but couldn''t tell you anything about the groom (my mothers ex-husband). For me, those photos are more about my mom and her family than anything else.

I would put it away and see how you feel in a couple of years...

Thank you for that insight, Italia. My parents have been married for over 40 years, don''t have a wedding album, and in fact my mother threw out her wedding dress about 10 years ago because it hadn''t been stored properly. I''ve never realized until reading through the responses to this thread that maybe future generations would be happy to see what once was re. my own first marriage...I appreciate your input.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/27/2009 2:32:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/27/2009 2:00:40 AM
Author: monarch64
Well, thank you everyone! I really appreciate all of the insight and honesty in this thread and reading through the responses again has helped me with some closure issues, etc.

Onvacation, you can never be too wordy, TGal is lucky to have that ability to be succinct and get her point across without being rude which I''m very much appreciative of. I also appreciate the wordy responses like yours, so no worries!!! all of this is great stuff, food for thought, and has been so helpful. I hope that others who have gone through or maybe are thinking about going through, will be able to pull up this thread sometime and gain some assistance from. Divorce is just a tough thing all around, but even though PS is very engagement/wedding/marriage-based, I have to say that it''s also a great community of support for people who it didn''t work out for. Thank you!

Oh, I can be rude too!

onvacation, I like long answers. I give plenty of them. I like hearing about other people''s life experiences when they answer a post. It''s what keeps PS reading interesting and worth sticking around.

We''re fortunate on PS that we have many members who stick around for years, thereby giving us the honor of participating in their lives in a small way and watching them grow...and once in awhile giving advice which may help them journey down a different road.

It''s a cool thing.

TGal, I don''t think you''re ever rude. I think you tell it like it is, and that is either taken well or not. I choose to take it well and gain some sort of good from it, and that''s that. You''re part of the spicy side of PS and that''s just how you roll. I like it. I respect it. Most of the time I agree with it.

Onvacation''s answer, for me, was her trying to provide me with some comfort and that was awesome. She''s been following my story, and if she had put forth a story here I would have been following hers. I''m a big fan of following those here that catch my interest. Long answers, short answers, I''ll take them all...that''s life, and hearing about others'' experiences does nothing but help us grow. Love it.

Again, thank you all.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/27/2009 3:02:53 AM
Author: Gypsy
Store it for a couple of years (put a date on when to open it... like 3 years from now) and see what you think then. It''s not a big item, so sticking it under a bed isn''t going to be a big deal, and there is no reason you have to make all the big decisions now. The harmless ones, like this, can wait for a while. Get some distance, then see if a bonfire is appropriate.

Haha, thanks Layla. Great response. It''s at my parent''s house at the tippy top of a shelf in my old bedroom closet (now a playroom for my niece!)

It can wait. My parents are fine with it there. Thank you for your input!

 

[joflier]

Date: 10/27/2009 2:53:54 AM
Author: monarch64
Sound advice from someone who''s gone through a similar situation. Thank you, Jodi. There are a ton of memories within that album that have little to do with the ex.

For anyone who doesn''t already know: my father was so ill with colorectal cancer that day that he was GRAY in the pictures, and my mother was in the ER the night before the wedding. Neither of my parents divulged this information to me (about my dad''s cancer) because they didn''t want to be the reason I postponed or cancelled my wedding. I wasn''t informed that my dad had cancer until I was in Vegas on my honeymoon two days later,and my dad had been operated on to remove various organs.

My mom was just going through exhaustion, and other issues. She''s fine...but despite being tested for everything from celiac sprue to carotid artery dysfunction she''s since gone undiagnosed. It was awful seeing her so ill the night before my wedding, but she showed up with an IV bandage on her hand, one navy sandal, one black (my uncle went back to their hotel room and brought her outfit to the hospital not knowing she had the same shoe in two different colors, hahaha)...the pictures demonstrate all of this. It could have, for all anyone knows, been the last day I''d seen them alive. Yet another reason for me to keep some of the pics if not all.

Both of my parents are alive today. Both of them have offered their complete support as far as my marital situation.

Again, thanks Jodi for your perspective. I know it''s been tough for you, and it''s been tough for me being a part of this site and having to come here and let people know that things haven''t worked out.

I hear ya there. For me, there are a lot of times that I just stay away, just because its hard to be here. Sometimes makes me feel depressed to read all the happy new engagement posts, or even posts just relating to married life. There are just those days where its really hard to be happy for other people, looking from this end. I''m just waiting patiently for this stage to end.

I''m glad that your parents are alive and well to help you through this whole thing. They''ve been such a help for you. I know I''d be lost without mine. Is your dad''s cancer in remission, or is he still undergoing treatment?

 

[snlee]

I agree you should keep it so I''m glad you''ve decided to keep it at your parents house. Congrats on moving on! So happy to hear things are wonderful now.