Need house, city and school advice

[MichelleCarmen]

I guess I'm not looking for advice but more along the lines of support.

My husband and I have ALWAYS put our kids' needs first and we have lived in a upper-middle class suburb for 2.5 years and have had our son go to what is considered one of the higher-rated schools. The parents there are highly demanding and the school caters to them. The deal is we're selling our house and would like to rent for a few years. We can afford a decent house or condo in the neighborhoods in the same school district, but what it comes down to is we HATE the city we're in. We thought we loved it, but the reality set in that we only loved our house and now that we plan to move, we really do NOT want to stay here.

We're thinking of moving either into Seattle or closer to there where there is more diversity and culture (as opposed to the cluster housing and home owner association mentality here), BUT, there is a good chance my kids will not get as top notch of an education. They will, I feel, be exposed to more interesting people and be able to live close to local co-op grocery stores and other less commercialized/strip-mall venues, but in order to do so, we cannot afford as nice of a house as we could by staying near where we are, so chances are we'd be sacrificing education. We cannot afford private school for two kids.

Long-term, we plan to stay in the part of the city we would move to, so we're pretty much intending to keep the boys in the same school once we move.

In your gals opinions, would you put education first? I feel the dread of moving to another house around here will rub off on the kids AND I feel horrible taking my older son out of a school he's developed his closest frient at, so this is very stressful decision for me.

If it was just my husband and me, this would be no-brainer. We WOULD move to a whole other location, but now there is the kids who need stability. . .is it time to put my DH and me first? I feel our society is all about keeping the kids happy, but where is the line drawn?

 

[Elmorton]

How old are your children now?

 

[swingirl]

If I recall your kids are 5 and 7. That is very young to consider that the friends they have this year will still be friends next year. Kids make new friends easily and change friends often. So don''t worry about that, they will adapt and make new pals here ever they go.

I believe schools are only part of an education. Family outings, travel, museums, libraries, etc. are things that you can add no matter where you live and where your kids go to school. My kids have had private and public school education and there are pros and cons to both. Diversification is good.

I say move to a city you want to live in. Get a house you can afford. And become involved with your kids'' school. You''ll be happier and THAT will make your kids happy.

 

[monarch64]

Parents happy = kids happy, imo. I say move now while your kids are still relatively young and have a chance to get situated in the school system of your choice and stay there for years to come...they can make and develop those lasting friendships then because you and your DH will be happy and want to stay there for that long. Just because a school is higher-rated doesn''t mean it''s the best choice or the best in general for your kids. If you and your spouse are active in their education, the kids will have a much better chance at gaining knowledge than they might if, say, you and your DH stay in the area you''re currently in and leave it up to the high-rated school that they will come out with a higher chance of success, if that makes sense. In other words, if you remain the hands-on parent that you are, the difference between public and private schooling won''t have the same effect...and to remain an interested and hands-on parent, I think that some of that energy comes from being a happy parent.

 

[diamondfan]

MC, it is a tough call.

You have to be happy, and yet you do not wish to do anything that might be detrimental to your kids. How far is it from where you are now? Could your kids keep in touch with friends?

Have you really researched the schools where you want to go? They might be great. Also, some of the private schools offer aid and stuff, or scholarships, which can be great. You just never know til you check it out.

I think as the mom and dad, you guys know ultimately what is best. Kids are resilient and bounce back from change well for the most part. Have some faith that it will all come out fine in the end. You need to do what you need to do, for all of you!

And who knows at the end of the day which school would have been better? I know kids that came out of great schools who were not stellar, so please do not fret about that aspect. You are a great and savvy mom and your kids will get all they need and then some with you overseeing things.
Keep us updated if you can.

 

[Heidi137]

MC, I think parents needs should come first for the most part but I would give ANYTHING if my daughter had attended a better school. Our public schools aren''t the best and by the time we realized that we had other issues in addition to academics to deal with, she didn''t want to leave her "friends" to go to a private school. She is now involved with some very undesirable people as a result. Let''s just say she would not have met these kids in a better school system. Several of these teens are now high-school drop-outs (who won''t work) and I won''t even get into the rest of the story.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks everyone.

DF - I haven''t researched schools yet. Right now the focus is getting my house ready for selling, pricing comparables AND looking for a rental house. Rent around here is EXPENSIVE, but our mortgage is simply out of control, so we''re looking to find a middle point between the two. My husband and I wonder what we were thinking when we bought this house!

My kids are having a tought time, especially my older son, so I''m just beyond flustered as to keep all of us in balance.

 

[diamondfan]

It is a huge decision for sure.

I just thought if you do a bit of checking now it might ease some of the concerns you have. One less thing, and all that.

I hope it all works out, kids really are more resilient than we believe...

 

[Haven]

My parents moved to a particular suburb because of a school''s reputation and they ended up hating the town. I think there has to be a balance between the quality of the education and how well the community fits your needs.

For what it''s worth, I work in a public high school that is probably considered average, but I absolutely adore it. I think our students get a far better education in our smaller school than those who attend the 4,000 student high school that wins top honors every year and places the most value on student performance on standardized exams so they can snag those honors.

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 4/8/2008 9:58:45 PM
Author: Haven
My parents moved to a particular suburb because of a school''s reputation and they ended up hating the town. I think there has to be a balance between the quality of the education and how well the community fits your needs.


For what it''s worth, I work in a public high school that is probably considered average, but I absolutely adore it. I think our students get a far better education in our smaller school than those who attend the 4,000 student high school that wins top honors every year and places the most value on student performance on standardized exams so they can snag those honors.

I think that I would have to agree with you. I went to a super competitive high school and at those types of schools, if your child is in the middle, then they''re not getting the best education. And the top students have so much pressure on them that it''s ridiculous.

The school that I''m doing my internship is in West Philly and I find the students to be amazing.

 

[cara]

There is a big difference between medium level schools that provide opportunities and where a satisfactory education is available to those interested and lower level schools that limit kids potential by not providing a satisfactory education even to the most gifted and motivated students. Not to be overly dramatic, but there are schools that simply cannot adequately prepare any child for certain professions or top colleges, and only a miraculously strong student would be able to make the jump. I personally would put up with a lot of surburbia to avoid sending my kid to such a school.

But your kids are quite young, and you are renting not buying so you will have time to observe. Move, and visit the schools. Both the ones your kids for your kids now and the ones they will go to when they are older. Look at the microenvironments that feed into the high schools - are there pockets of high-achieving kids with parents that value education? What kinds of advanced classes and programs are offered? Where do the kids go to college? Then look at your kids. Do they excel, stick to the middle of the pack, or need significant prodding in school. Would they benefit from advanced programs, or from well-run standard level classes, and are these available where you are? And last, look at their lives and your lives and see if the area you are in has enriched them.

I think you have time, basically, to figure out if the area in which you move is going to be able to provide a good education for your children. Aim to reevaluate near the end of their elementary years. Without knowing how bad or good the schools are or how bad or good your life is in the new place, it is difficult to balance these factors. Once you have lived there for a while, which I think you can do without too much harm, it will be easier to make a better decision. (And obviously harder to undo, but that is the risk.)