Need help!

[NakedFinger]

Ok, first let me preface this by saying that I am aware that this question is going to sound remarkably selfish, and while I am not proud it has even crossed my mind…being a LIW can be known to obscure judgment from time to time, no?

Ok, so my FF has had the ring for a week (I kid you not, it feels like its been 5 months). I have been glaringly patient, and am expecting him to propose this week (anticipating a proposal before Easter).

Well….his cousin, just proposed yesterday to his gf! Argh. This reason for my trepidation is his cousin’s gf and I are both “LIW’s”. We were not shy to voice our desires for getting married, and our impatient nature on the matter. The entire family on that side (his mom’s) has been “expecting/waiting” for both us to get engaged, and kept asking and asking, saying they were thrilled for us to get engaged.

Here is my quandary: I found out this news. His aunt called me to tell me (I have a very close relationship with her, and talk to that side of the family more than he does. His mom died when he was 5, and it wasn’t until I came into the picture that he started having a relationship with them). So bf does know yet. Now, part of me wants to call him, to share the exciting news, but part of me doesn’t. I know my bf, and I have a strong suspicion that he would want to hold off on proposing, since his cousin “just did it”, and out of respect, allow them some time to bask in the moment without “stealing there thunder” so to speak. Would it be totally bogus of me to not say anything until after he proposes???

Again please excuse the temporary insanity....

 

[fieryred33143]

What makes you think he won''t find out from someone else? Or that maybe his cousin won''t call him to tell him? Then he''ll go to you to tell you and what are you going to do? Pretend that you didn''t know?

I would just tell him.

 

[chocolatefudge]

I think I might worry that:

1) He would find out himself beforehand and wonder why you haven''t told him
2) His family would say something AFTER he had proposed and it would come out that you hadn''t told him so wouldn''t look good

I can understand how you feel though!! It must be awful having to wait. If I was the cousin I would not mind that you were getting engaged too though, it''s just twice as much good news! I think a lot of people go over the top with ''stealing the thunder.'' This is YOUR life and you should do what is right for you.

Good luck!

 

[Bia]

You have to tell him. First of all it''s great news. And second of all, even if it delays your engagement another week or two, you know he''s going to propose in the very near future.

AND he''ll find out anyway.

 

[NakedFinger]

AHHHH! Thank you ladies for talking some sense into me.

A moment of weakness I suppose.

To answer the question, I doubted he would find out anyway beforehand, because he doesnt have that kind of relationship with this side of the family. All family events, news, announcements, "catching up" goes through me. They dont even know his email address! lol. So thats why I thought I was safe saving the news for a few days. But you gals are correct, then after we were engaged, he''d find out I didnt say anything right away.

 

[miss_flo]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:21:36 AM
Author: NakedFinger
AHHHH! Thank you ladies for talking some sense into me.

A moment of weakness I suppose.

I think it was a perfectly valid question to ask for advice on. That ring is probably burning a hole in his pocket and your brain, so I understand how chaotic everything must feel right now. Go ahead and tell him the good news, and if he delays the proposal a week or two, I promise you won''t go crazy

If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend has had the ring since early December and I''m still waiting! It sounds like his cousin will be gracious and understanding if the proposals happen close together, since he likely knew that you guys were planning to get engaged soon. I can''t wait to hear your proposal story!

 

[tlh]

He''ll find out anyway... but I TOTALLY GET YOUR POINT!

I am sure your sweetie has something special up his sleeve already.