DivaDiamond007
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2007
- Messages
- 1,828
Okay PS''ers I need some advice about a very good friend of mine. I apologize in advance if this gets long.
I have been friends with "T" since 7th grade (we are now 27). T''s parents have never liked me much and she is very sheltered. She had three much older brothers and one died in a car accident several years ago. Last year her grandmother died and earlier this year her mother died. Her parents did not have a good relationship, slept in separate bedrooms, and were basically roommates. When T''s grandmother died her father moved into the grandmother''s house. When T''s mother died T moved into the grandmother''s house with her father. Ever since then it seems that T''s father is completely running her life. She quit her job (although if she didn''t she would have been fired - long story) and has no intention of getting another one anytime soon. She basically eats and sleeps and has put on weight (she''s overweight to begin with).
We used to get together at least once a week and just hang out - go to the mall, see a movie whatever. Now, every move she makes has to be cleared through her father. Also, it seems that he''s a party to our phone conversations - i.e. it sounds to me like the phone is on speaker because I can hear him too clearly in the background if that makes sense. When she does come to hang out (always at my place) she constantly checks in with him - he either calls her or she calls him - and she leaves very early. Just last week she came over and planned on staying for dinner. Shortly before dinner was ready her father called and she bolted. This is very unlike her.
She cooks, cleans, does the shopping among other things for her father. I realize that T''s father just lost his wife and that he is likely still grieving but it seems like he is taking advantage of T. He''s a grown man and has never needed assistance before. I understand that T should "pull her own weight" in the household, but it''s like she''s become his slave. I am also worried that he is abusing her in other ways as well. It''s too painful for me to even type it out.
How do I approach T about my concerns? We have been best friends for a long time and I am comfortable talking to her about anything and everything, but I do not want T to pull away or become defensive because I am genuinely concerned for her health and safety. Any advice is much appreciated.
I have been friends with "T" since 7th grade (we are now 27). T''s parents have never liked me much and she is very sheltered. She had three much older brothers and one died in a car accident several years ago. Last year her grandmother died and earlier this year her mother died. Her parents did not have a good relationship, slept in separate bedrooms, and were basically roommates. When T''s grandmother died her father moved into the grandmother''s house. When T''s mother died T moved into the grandmother''s house with her father. Ever since then it seems that T''s father is completely running her life. She quit her job (although if she didn''t she would have been fired - long story) and has no intention of getting another one anytime soon. She basically eats and sleeps and has put on weight (she''s overweight to begin with).
We used to get together at least once a week and just hang out - go to the mall, see a movie whatever. Now, every move she makes has to be cleared through her father. Also, it seems that he''s a party to our phone conversations - i.e. it sounds to me like the phone is on speaker because I can hear him too clearly in the background if that makes sense. When she does come to hang out (always at my place) she constantly checks in with him - he either calls her or she calls him - and she leaves very early. Just last week she came over and planned on staying for dinner. Shortly before dinner was ready her father called and she bolted. This is very unlike her.
She cooks, cleans, does the shopping among other things for her father. I realize that T''s father just lost his wife and that he is likely still grieving but it seems like he is taking advantage of T. He''s a grown man and has never needed assistance before. I understand that T should "pull her own weight" in the household, but it''s like she''s become his slave. I am also worried that he is abusing her in other ways as well. It''s too painful for me to even type it out.
How do I approach T about my concerns? We have been best friends for a long time and I am comfortable talking to her about anything and everything, but I do not want T to pull away or become defensive because I am genuinely concerned for her health and safety. Any advice is much appreciated.