need help: what to do w/small town & lots of OOT guests

[lulu66]

i am racking my brain and can''t come up with a solution to satisfy myself. maybe you ladies can help me either see something differently or decide between my options. here''s my dilemna (sorry if this gets long):

i want to get married in the church i grew up in. it is in (let''s call it) F, a VERY small town. the only place to have a reception in this small town is at the knights of columbus hall, not at all what i imagined for my reception, nor do i want it. so, going to the next largest town (about 10 minutes away) M, there''s a country club which can be used for reception (this could work, but it''s only so-so). or another option is a backyard reception at my parents house (originally what i wanted till i started pricing all the things we''d need & i don''t think it fits in our budget. plus NO rain plan possible, so that''s all but out). now in F there are NO hotels, in M there are 2: the super 8 and budget inn

. our guest list is around 150 people, at lease 130 of which would be coming in from out of town.

so, there are nicer hotels and other reception options about 40 minutes away in P. i found a catholic church there that i liked (but would not be MY church), but learned today that non-parishioners can''t get married there. i''m at a loss of how to organize this wedding. HELP!!!

so far the options i''ve considered are A) get married in hometown church and have reception in country club 10 mins away and suck it up and have guests stay at budget hotel, or B) get married in hometown church and have reception in P at a lovely hall and have guests stay at nicer hotels in P (there would be a 45 min drive between ceremony and reception).

none of the options are making me very happy at the moment! my FI is open for whatever i want to do in the situation & i just don''t know

any advice...anything i could be missing??? i''m exasperated with thinking about it!

 

[lulu]

One thing to think of is that only those closest to you will come to the church. And they won''t mind the drive.

 

[sonnyjane]

This is VERY similar to my friend''s wedding a few years ago. She got married in her family church (was very important to her, as it is to you) but the reception was 20 minutes away, as were the hotels, but in a different direction. It wasn''t a large wedding, probably 100 people, most of which were immediate family. They rented a shuttle bus that brought groups from the church to the reception hall, and then the shuttle took a few trips from the reception hall to the hotel. One early for the older guests, one in the middle, and one for those of us that were shutting down the place! Those that didn''t want to use the shuttle just carpooled, but many chose the shuttle, since it was paid for, therefore convenient.

 

[lulu66]

so, lulu, does that mean you''re for option B?

i honestly think everyone who travels in from OOT (majority from out of state), will attend both the ceremony and reception but is it "wrong" to have that much mileage between the venues??

 

[sillyberry]

Date: 11/3/2009 10:09:51 PM
Author: lulu66
so, lulu, does that mean you''re for option B?


i honestly think everyone who travels in from OOT (majority from out of state), will attend both the ceremony and reception but is it ''wrong'' to have that much mileage between the venues??

While not ideal, I think it is fine, particularly since the hotels will be close to the reception. In my mind, the real harm comes when the reception is distant from the hotels.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Date: 11/3/2009 9:20:53 PM
Author:lulu66
i am racking my brain and can't come up with a solution to satisfy myself. maybe you ladies can help me either see something differently or decide between my options. here's my dilemna (sorry if this gets long):


i want to get married in the church i grew up in. it is in (let's call it) F, a VERY small town. the only place to have a reception in this small town is at the knights of columbus hall, not at all what i imagined for my reception, nor do i want it. so, going to the next largest town (about 10 minutes away) M, there's a country club which can be used for reception (this could work, but it's only so-so). or another option is a backyard reception at my parents house (originally what i wanted till i started pricing all the things we'd need & i don't think it fits in our budget. plus NO rain plan possible, so that's all but out). now in F there are NO hotels, in M there are 2: the super 8 and budget inn

. our guest list is around 150 people, at lease 130 of which would be coming in from out of town.


so, there are nicer hotels and other reception options about 40 minutes away in P. i found a catholic church there that i liked (but would not be MY church), but learned today that non-parishioners can't get married there. i'm at a loss of how to organize this wedding. HELP!!!


so far the options i've considered are A) get married in hometown church and have reception in country club 10 mins away and suck it up and have guests stay at budget hotel, or B) get married in hometown church and have reception in P at a lovely hall and have guests stay at nicer hotels in P (there would be a 45 min drive between ceremony and reception).


none of the options are making me very happy at the moment! my FI is open for whatever i want to do in the situation & i just don't know

any advice...anything i could be missing??? i'm exasperated with thinking about it!

B is not really a reasonable option. Not to say that the people who truly and deeply LOVE you wouldn't be willing to do it, Lulu-- I'd do many an unreasonable thing for people whom I love and cherish

-- but the odds are very high that a surprisingly large number of guests would try to get away with just going to the reception. You know, not the people who love, you, but rather the people who merely, uh, like you very much. (This category includes co-workers you invited, those cousins you only see at Christmastime, and those folks your future in-laws are insisting you invite despite the fact that you've never met them.)

I've been to a couple of weddings which had the church ceremony separated by 30 miles or more from the reception and hotel, and each and every time my heart broke a bit for the bride and groom. Two hundred RSVPS of "yes", 200 people show up to the open-bar reception at the swank hotel, and... about only 50 people in the church.

Since you asked for input, from the outside it seems like two options rise to the top:

Option 1: Find a church in the larger town with the nice hotels and get them to allow you to get married there. Many catholic churches have such restrictions about allowing only parishoners to get married there mentioned on their website, but that's not completely true. You just have to lobby for it correctly. It's a matter of getting your home priest to contact them, vouch for you and your steadfast Catholic nature/attendance, and being persistent. The posted restrictions mentioned on the website are there to keep out the ecclesiastical riff-raff, as it were, and the non-believers to treat it as a prop or background. Then, have the reception and hotel block in the nice hotels in that city.

Option 2: Kind of like your Plan A, with a couple of tweaks. If your childhood church in the small hamlet without hotels is REALLY that important to you, then you have to accept some compromises in other areas. Most people would rather have an easy, fun day where they don't have to worry about transportation and long drives (esp. if there are have been champagne toasts and an open bar) and just arrive, get dressed, get on the provided shuttle, have a good time, get dropped off by the shuttle at the end, and spend one night in the dodgy motel than to need the luxe accommodations. A small minority will consider themselves too delicate for such situations; fortunately that mindset and the psychological phenomenon that comes from having the feeling of control over that decision makes them much more open to making a 90-mile R/T drive. Thus, for Option 2, you have the wedding at the church you love, the country club that's okay, and include three accommodation suggestions for your guests (block of rooms at Super 8, block of rooms at Econolodge, and block of rooms at nice hotel in city P). Let your guests self-decide.





FWIW, I'm one of those types of guests who typically stay in swank hotels when I travel. (Yeah, I'm posting on a diamond forum, that shouldn't be too much a surprise.

) If I'm an OOT guest for a wedding, I'll always choose whatever is the easiest hotel to enjoy the festivities-- I'm there for the wedding, not a hotel room. We OOT guests get to know the other OOT guests pretty quickly (since we're often extended invites to the smaller RD and day-after brunch as well), and I've noticed that pretty much everyone over the age of 28 just chooses the easiest hotel whether they're a successful heart surgeon or an underpaid school teacher. It doesn't matter if it's a 2-star or a 5-star, we just want to spend less time worrying about the minutiae of travel and more time enjoying the wedding activities. KWIM? Hope this wasn't too long, but I thought perhaps the full explanation from a frequent OOT guest would help you see the issue from all sides. Hope this helps!

 

[elrohwen]

I went to a wedding a few years ago that was similar - they wanted it in the church the groom grew up in, but there weren't any good reception areas. So, they rented a bus to take everyone to the church, then to the reception, then back to the hotel. Could you afford a bus? If you could transport people around, I don't think there would be an issue with it at all!

Expecting 130 people to drive 45 min to the church (assuming they stay in the nicer hotels) then 45 min back to the reception is a lot ... If you can't get a bus I would think more seriously about the country club idea, but I wouldn't totally rule out the 45min drive either!

 

[meresal]

quick question:

Are the Budget Inn and the Super 8 outdoor facing entrance motels?

If they are, then no. I would not put guests there.

If it were me, and I HAD to get married in my home church, I would pick a reception venue in city P and hotels in city P. Let everyone travel to the chruch for the ceremony. Maybe you could rent a bus to help people get there. Only problem with this much distance is that many people will skip out on the wedding and just meet everyone at the reception when you get back to P.

If the hotels in M are indeed indoor facing hotels, then I would just have the reception at the country club and use those hotels.

Are people going to be flying or driving in?

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I had a similar situation where my Fiance wanted to get married in his home church, tiny town with pretty much nothing in it. I''d say about 2/3 of our guests were OOT.

We ended up having our reception venue only 3 miles away from the hotel, and the hotel had free shuttle service so our very drunken guests didn''t have to drive to or from our reception. Everyone still made it to the church, even though it was like a 30-40 minute drive from the hotel. Fiance''s family helped arrange car pools for those OOT that flew in rather than driving in, and it all worked out ok. I think as long as the church has ample parking, you''ll be ok. All our guests (about 100) were close friends or family, so they were all super excited to see us get married! A large part of the guest list was actually OOT college friends who didn''t even own cars! But they managed to work it out amongst themselves to make it to the church and reception! I felt oh so loved

 

[lulu66]

Date: 11/4/2009 2:24:22 PM
Author: meresal
quick question:


Are the Budget Inn and the Super 8 outdoor facing entrance motels?


If they are, then no. I would not put guests there.


If it were me, and I HAD to get married in my home church, I would pick a reception venue in city P and hotels in city P. Let everyone travel to the chruch for the ceremony. Maybe you could rent a bus to help people get there. Only problem with this much distance is that many people will skip out on the wedding and just meet everyone at the reception when you get back to P.


If the hotels in M are indeed indoor facing hotels, then I would just have the reception at the country club and use those hotels.


Are people going to be flying or driving in?

they are not motels.

as for a few other things brought up; i have contacted churches in P personally & was told only parishoners can use them for weddings. so, that''s all but out.
everyone invited to the wedding is either an immediate family member (aunt, uncle, first cousin) or a close friend. our parents left the guest list up to us. of the 150 on the invite list 90% are coming in from out of town. at the least, driving 2 1/2 hours and the most flying in from several different states. so, some guests will drive themselves in. the major airport is already 2 hours away from the wedding, so many will be flying in and renting a car. there is a smaller airport in P, so some may fly into P (but it costs more). despite the warnings, i honestly think everyone will be at the church or won''t bother making the trip at all. just to give you an idea, the bigger city, P, is probably population of maybe 50,000.

i will look into a shuttle/bus, not sure if i have room in the budget, but i do have some designated "misc" & that might be a good use. but if we''re talking transporting 100 people, i don''t know???

today, after thinking more & reading your ideas i''m leaning towards getting married in home church, having reception at country club. blocking rooms at budget inn

but also listing accomodations available in P, so guests can choose.

who knew it would be so absolutely frustrating to plan a wedding/reception in your small hometown!!! i just fill so stuck with my planning b/c i can''t make this decision. i can''t pick a "for real" date b/c i don''t have dates for venues, i can''t pick a caterer, i can''t pick attire b/c i don''t know exactly where we''re getting married, i can''t pick colors b/c i don''t know what the reception space looks like!!! *sorry, this is turning into a vent*

but thanks for your ideas and experiences & if anyone has a flash of genius...please share! i''m dying over here!!

 

[lulu66]

Date: 11/4/2009 2:47:53 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
I had a similar situation where my Fiance wanted to get married in his home church, tiny town with pretty much nothing in it. I''d say about 2/3 of our guests were OOT.


We ended up having our reception venue only 3 miles away from the hotel, and the hotel had free shuttle service so our very drunken guests didn''t have to drive to or from our reception. Everyone still made it to the church, even though it was like a 30-40 minute drive from the hotel. Fiance''s family helped arrange car pools for those OOT that flew in rather than driving in, and it all worked out ok. I think as long as the church has ample parking, you''ll be ok. All our guests (about 100) were close friends or family, so they were all super excited to see us get married! A large part of the guest list was actually OOT college friends who didn''t even own cars! But they managed to work it out amongst themselves to make it to the church and reception! I felt oh so loved

this sounds similar to our situation! i should check if any of the P hotels offer shuttle service. then (thinking aloud here) everyone could stay in P, drive to the church for the ceremony, we could help arrange car pools, then after the ceremony, hotel guests go back to hotel, jump on shuttle & go to reception near by. hmmm...am i making sense here? it''s late....so confusing.