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Need help re: yesterday's terrible events

beamer007

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
4
Hello:

I have been planning to propose to my girlfriend next Saturday (December 22). She's been patiently waiting for me to do this, but I don't believe she would be expecting it.

All was going to plan until yesterday's horrific tragedy. She lives in fairly close proximity to where the tragedy occurred. While we are grateful that all family are safe, everyone in the community is in deep grief, including her and her family.

So my question is . . . what do I do? I realize this is a unique situation that I may need to play by ear, but I'm just confused as to what I should do. I was really hoping to make this an extra special Christmas for her, but I want to think carefully about this.

Any and all thoughts are greatly appreciated.
 

Rosebloom

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2012
Messages
3,920
It's hard to reply since you and she are the only ones to really know what's appropriate in this situation. But if something horrific happened in my community, I would want to hold on even closer to those I love. Personally, I would want you to proceed. Maybe it's a different kind of proposal. Not sparklers and big brass band but something more intimate. Maybe in a few months you could do something over the top fun to surprise her for no-reason-other-than-you-love-her when hopefully life will be feeling more festive again. But in the meantime she'll have not just her boyfriend but her fiancé there to hold her hand and help her through a rough time. Also if you postpone you risk adding to her worries that maybe you've changed your mind. But as with all things, an honest conversation is always best. Could you just ask her? Say, I was planning to propose on Saturday. I would love to proceed. Does that feel right to you?
 

beamer007

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
4
Rosebloom|1355584595|3331975 said:
It's hard to reply since you and she are the only ones to really know what's appropriate in this situation. But if something horrific happened in my community, I would want to hold on even closer to those I love. Personally, I would want you to proceed. Maybe it's a different kind of proposal. Not sparklers and big brass band but something more intimate. Maybe in a few months you could do something over the top fun to surprise her for no-reason-other-than-you-love-her when hopefully life will be feeling more festive again. But in the meantime she'll have not just her boyfriend but her fiancé there to hold her hand and help her through a rough time. Also if you postpone you risk adding to her worries that maybe you've changed your mind. But as with all things, an honest conversation is always best. Could you just ask her? Say, I was planning to propose on Saturday. I would love to proceed. Does that feel right to you?

Thank you for your thoughts. I want this to be a surprise, so I won't bring it up with her. I recently spoke with her, and she seemed much better than I expected. She talked about how she looked forward to certain upcoming holiday events, which makes me think that I should plan to proceed.

The proposal I originally planned was not going to be very flashy, and I will still keep it that way. And I think by next weekend she and her family will be ready to enjoy the remainder of the holiday season--and hopefully celebrate an engagement.
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2011
Messages
10,658
I hope it goes well for you, Beamer, just as you had originally planned. That is so sweet of you to be sensitive to the tragic events and how they are immediately affecting your g/f and her family.

You know her best and you've probably put a lot of thought already into the proposal as originally planned, that I'd say, go with it since that would reflect better your relationship between the two of you.

Best of luck with your plans! I hope it goes smoothly --- and that her family starts along the road to healing, in the aftershock of these events.
 

ndhawan

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
9
I am not sure why, but I have a strong feeling that you should proceed. In tragic times remind her that you are committed to her. Best of luck with whatever you decide!
 

beamer007

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
4
ndhawan|1355608072|3332267 said:
I am not sure why, but I have a strong feeling that you should proceed. In tragic times remind her that you are committed to her. Best of luck with whatever you decide!
Thank you for the comment. One thing I'm trying to be sure of is that I don't appear to somehow be insensitive by proceeding. I'll get a better feel for things as the week goes on, but I would hate for her family or friends to say among themselves, "I'm happy for them, but I wish he would have waited a bit longer under the circumstances."
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
I have no idea if this will make you feel better, or not, but my BF and I are in a similar situation. We were anticipating getting engaged this month and were unsure of whether or not to proceed after hearing this news.

One of the victims in this tragedy is actually a part of our family. Some supportive friends said it best when they told me that sometimes in times of grief, people cling to those they have and love just a little bit tighter. It's times like these that we are reminded how short and unpredictable life is.

Don't wait.
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2011
Messages
10,658
oh Audball!!! My heart goes out to you and your family. Prayers and dust to you and yours as you struggle to get thru this difficult time. I'm so sorry to 'know' someone personally touched by this... I wish NONE of us 'knew' anyone affected by any of these sorts of things.

Hold your loved ones close, dear Audball. You are in my thoughts :halo:
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Enerchi|1355701910|3332977 said:
oh Audball!!! My heart goes out to you and your family. Prayers and dust to you and yours as you struggle to get thru this difficult time. I'm so sorry to 'know' someone personally touched by this... I wish NONE of us 'knew' anyone affected by any of these sorts of things.

Hold your loved ones close, dear Audball. You are in my thoughts :halo:
Thank you Enerchi. We appreciate that.
 

beamer007

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
4
audball|1355702057|3332979 said:
Enerchi|1355701910|3332977 said:
oh Audball!!! My heart goes out to you and your family. Prayers and dust to you and yours as you struggle to get thru this difficult time. I'm so sorry to 'know' someone personally touched by this... I wish NONE of us 'knew' anyone affected by any of these sorts of things.

Hold your loved ones close, dear Audball. You are in my thoughts :halo:
Thank you Enerchi. We appreciate that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that you literally have millions of people--near and far--lifting you and your family and friends up in prayer and keeping you in our thoughts. We will help you heal.

Your post reminded me of a lesson this tragedy has itself reminded me of: tomorrow is never guaranteed. Regardless of rich or poor, educated or uneducated, young or old, white or black, or any other demographic, no one is guaranteed to see tomorrow. While I'm not trying to be stark and depressing, this thought motivates me even more to proceed. I want to ensure that she and everyone else knows, without doubt, that I love her.
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
beamer007|1355755196|3333385 said:
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that you literally have millions of people--near and far--lifting you and your family and friends up in prayer and keeping you in our thoughts. We will help you heal.

Your post reminded me of a lesson this tragedy has itself reminded me of: tomorrow is never guaranteed. Regardless of rich or poor, educated or uneducated, young or old, white or black, or any other demographic, no one is guaranteed to see tomorrow. While I'm not trying to be stark and depressing, this thought motivates me even more to proceed. I want to ensure that she and everyone else knows, without doubt, that I love her.
Thank you.

And yes, you're right...that's why we're leaning towards not waiting either. Life is too short and there are no guarantees. Tragedies such as this really make you want to cling tight to those you love. It's a time to come together not fall apart. Propose. It's times like these that people look for the light. Happy positive things help others to heal. Don't wait.
 

SB621

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
7,863
I know I"m entering this late but did you propose? I hope everything went well!

I agree with the previous posters and hope you decided to move foward.
 
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