Need education on how to buy engagement ring

[solace]

Hi, My girl friend wanted me to take her grandmothers ring, have the diamonds taken out and put in a better looking ring.

Her ring has six tiny diamonds, and one .3 ct diamond. She went to a local jeweler that is a friend of the family and tried out rings and looked through their catalog so that when I went in they could tell me her preferences.

They said the ring she really wanted was this $8000 ring and band combo that had about 1.3 ct in total diamond weight in the ring(it comes like that so her grandmonthers ring would be usless to me). I asked for the itemized specs on the ring so I will reveal them once I get it. Here is ring combo that looks nearly identical to it online, except with a blue diamond and more ct http://www.frontjewelers.net/fancy-color-jewelry/blue-diamond-engagement-rings/1-67-ct-blue-3-stone-round-diamond-engagement-ring-bridal-set-14-k-white-gold.html

Why is that online diamond ring and band combo only $2,400 when this other one is $8000. Aren't blue diamonds more valuable?

All the rings she tried on were 14k gold. I wanted to surprise her so I took a look at the platinum catalog and picked out this ring http://www.stuller.com/products/67955/3377392/?groupId=105626

They told me to buy the ring without the center diamond and then to put the center stone of her grandmothers ring in there would cost me $2,300, and a matching band with the six smaller diamonds in it would cost another $2200. So in total it would be $4500.

Is this a reasonable price? I feel like the ring they said she liked is way over priced and so is this platinum ring combo.

I have been looking for a ring online and I like these two websites:
http://www.antiquejewelrymall.com/anplenri.html?page=4&sf=&sd=#sortblock BBB certified and cool antique designs
http://www.frontjewelers.net/fancy-color-jewelry/blue-diamond-engagement-rings.html?p=6 lots of cool looking blue diamond rings, also BBB certified

Are these websites reasonably priced? Am I going about this completely wrong? Should I just not use her grandmothers ring since .3 ct is pathetic and buy a bigger better diamond and a ring separate and have this jeweler put them together for me?

Here are 2 more rings I found online that I like: Is that a natural blue color for a diamond? Can I trust a diamond from websites like this?
http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/14k-Gold-1-1-3ct-TDW-Princess-Blue-Diamond-Ring-SI1-Size-6.75/4415974/product.html
http://www.amazon.com/1-10ct-Diamond-Engagement-0-70ct-Center/dp/B002USTIHG/ref=as_li_tf_cw?&linkCode=waf&tag=jewelry0cf3-20

My budget is $5000 for the ring and band together.

 

[stone-cold11]

Natural blue color stones of that size can easily be above 100k USD region. These are probably irradiated stones from a lower color grade stones, in the more tinted region, thus the relatively cheap price. Also, most melee size color stones are also irradiated. Nothing wrong with that, no residue radiation, just do not try to buy it as a deal and sell it as a natural color stone.

Price wise for the settings I have no idea, but plat settings is about there.

 

[Christina...]

If your looking for a natural blue diamond then you may want to post in the colored stones section of PS, there will be a lot more people there with more experience that can help you. I'm not a colored diamond expert by any means, but it's my understanding and based on a tiny bit of research, that if you are hoping to find a natural blue diamond with any real ct weight than you will have to increase your budget significantly. Here is a link to a vendor that many have used to obtain fancy colored diamonds.http://www.fancydiamonds.net/blue_diamonds I suspect that the few that you linked would have to have been irradiated or heated, same for the one that your gf mentioned that she liked (I'm not clear if that one had a colorless or blue diamond).

I think that the price from the local jeweler seems high assuming that it included a irradiated blue center, but we would need more specific information to really conclude that. Also the front jewelers link that you posted has one incredible close to the one she liked for $2500, again assuming that the one she viewed had a blue diamond and not a white diamond. I personal like the stuller that you posted the best and I like the fact that she can use her grandmothers ring. If she is having second thoughts about the size of the center stone, then it may be possible to find a larger center stone and use her grandmothers melee on the halo and still remain within budget.

I don't think that you should surprise her with a blue diamond though. Unless this is something that she has asked for specifically then I think you run the risk of disappointing her. It sounds to me that she has a clear idea of what she likes and even went so far as to make some selections for you, I think to stray too far outside of those parameters is risking disappointment.

 

[webdiva]

There's a lot going on here - so I'll try to break it down:

1. That price of that setting is super high.
2. BTW, it looks nothing like the one your gf picked out. It seems like likes the side stones, and not a halo setting. Did you want to bring her into this to get a better idea of what she wants? It's a lot of money to spend if you're not sure.
3. Does it have to be platinum? You'll save money going with gold.
4. I'm confused as to where the blue diamond came in, did she ask for one?

5. If she wants to include her grandma's diamonds - here's a plan. Take the 6 small diamonds from her grandma and get them set into a stock setting (can you find out the millimeter measurement of the stones? You'll save money not doing custom) - contact Marie at Good Old Gold or Luann at ID Jewelry to have them make suggestions.
Something like this - I can't find anything similar on the Stuller site since their sort options are so terrible so here is something close:
http://www.gabrielny.com/engaged/style/ER3732W44JJ
This looks pretty close to what your gf liked (has the channel set side diamonds):
http://www.gabrielny.com/engaged/style/ER5738W44JJ

6. Take the one larger diamond and have it set in a diamonds by the yard type necklace ($375):
http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamond-pendants/fixed-bezel-pendant-18k-white-gold-5353w18

7. So if you spend say...$1100-1200 on the setting, and $375 on the necklace (which can also be saved for another occasion - like to wear at the wedding), that leaves you approx. $3400 for a stone.

Some stone options (IDJewelry does a great job on a budget, so you can also have them look for you - ask for GIA/AGS certed ideal cut diamonds):
.63 F SI1 Solasfera (different kind of ideal cut) - $3000- http://goodoldgold.com/diamond/7947/
.63 G VS2 Hearts & Arrows ideal cut - $2700 - http://goodoldgold.com/diamond/8416/
.83 H SI2 - $3000 (You'd have to ask JA if this is eye clean from 6-8") - http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/H-SI2-Ideal-Cut-Round-Diamond-1315227.asp
.79 I VS2 AGS000 (Ideal cut) - $3200 - http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/I-VS2-Ideal-Cut-Round-Diamond-1486187.asp
.79 I SI1 AGS000 - $3100 - http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/I-SI1-Ideal-Cut-Round-Diamond-1458708.asp
.79 H SI1 H&A AGS000 - $3500 - http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/H-SI1-Ideal-Cut-Round-Diamond-1479323.asp

8. If you choose to, you can hold off on the band for now and have her choose it later on. That gives you time between now and the wedding to save up more.

 

[Gypsy]

Your lady wants a three stone with channel set stones in the shank and you are looking at cluster halos.

You do need help.

You have a 5k budget. I suggest calling ID Jewelry. Here's a nice setting in the style your lady liked. http://idjewelryonline.com/product_info.php?cPath=42_43&products_id=10038&cType=ER It is very pretty, will suit the size center you can afford and allow for a fairly flush fit wedding band (which you will need to save up and buy later). That's 960 bucks. I wouldn't spring for platinum. Your diamond size is more important than getting platinum. She will never be asked what the metal is, she will be asked again and again what the diamond size it.

If your lady was happy with that ring that says to me she'll be fine with an GIA I SI (eyeclean) round brilliant. I would call ID and tell them Pricescope sent you and ask to talk to Yekutiel. Ask him for the largest I SI GIA stone with great cut he can find you to put into it. For 4000 you are probably looking at 85-80 points for the center. Here's a comparable budget stone you can ask Yekutiel to get this one in for you if you want actually: http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/I-SI1-Excellent-Cut-Round-Diamond-1503019.asp if eyeclean it's a great size and will suit your budget very well.

 

[Gypsy]

After you have the ring. Save up and then buy the wedding band, since she will have the ring already she can go try on a lot of different styles and see what she likes best for her band. Trying to get the band right now would mean too many sacrifices. You need to prioritize when you are engagement ring shopping. Platinum and a wedding band are extras that will take away from the look and impact you want. IF for some reason Yekutiel can fit platinum into your budget, great. But I wouldn't sacrifice more than 200 for that.

 

[solace]

Based on the feedback here I decided to ask my girlfriends sister to dig up information for me. What I found out is:

1. The diamonds in her grandmothers ring are extremely sentimental and they must be in either the ring or the band.
2. Color diamonds are an absolute no no. She does not want some irradiated diamond -- only colorless.
3. She likes feminine looking rings. So nothing strong looking.
4. She does not want a Halo ring, she wants the 3 stone rings with little diamonds going down.
5. Her preferred metal is Palladium because it is the whitest in color and lighter weight then Platinum and does not patina nearly as easily and does not need constant maintenance like white gold.

I am so glad I had those questions asked because the rings I was looking to get her would have made for one disappointing ring : (

I really like the two rings webdiva linked me to, but the issues is her grandmothers center stone is only .25 to .3 in size according to the jeweler, and finding a 3 stone ring that will fit such a small center stone sounds really difficult.

Should I look for a 3 stone ring where the 2 side stones are around .25 and then buy a bigger diamonds for the center stones? Every 3 stone ring I see seems to have smaller than .25 diamonds in the side stones(or it doesn't tell me the size of the sides stones) and they always come with the ring.

Maybe I should buy the ring and have 1 of the 2 side stones taken out and her grandmothers diamond put in and sell the spare diamond?

 

[kenny]

I agree surprising with a colored diamond may not be well received, especially if the color is the result of laboratory treatment.
If you do want a natural colored diamond the most affordable hues are brown (Marketed under the names cognac, chocolate, champagne etc.) and then yellow.
http://www.fancydiamonds.net/champagne_diamonds

Those blues are definitely treated blues in your last link, and the seller does disclose this.

To give you an idea of the price of blue diamonds with material and color of natural origin per GIA, the leading authority, this one costs $35,300, and it is only 0.16 ct.

http://www.fancydiamonds.net/view_diamonds/3722.htm

 

[rubybeth]

Could the .3 grandmothers stone be a side stone in a 3 stone ring? Get a matching .3 and a .7 center stone and use the small stones down the shank.

 

[webdiva]

Could the .3 grandmothers stone be a side stone in a 3 stone ring? Get a matching .3 and a .7 center stone and use the small stones down the shank.

I agree.

Ok - so .3 on each side - so you just need to find a matching .3 for the other side. I'm so glad you asked your gf's sister because it sounds like your gf has been doing a TON of research and primed her sister. Hardly any regular people know what palladium is, so I think gf has even been on here.

If she wants palladium, you may be limited in which vendors use it. I know some of the alloy-lovin' members know which ones, so I'll let them chime in.

I know it seems easier just to buy that ring - but it's fairly easy to have a PS vendor customize an existing setting to fit your stones and pick a new center stone from them. I think you should contact ID Jewelry in NY and have them help you. Send them a picture of that ring you showed up and ask them to make it the same. Have them estimate the setting price, the price of the .3 other sidestone - and take what is left and have them get you an AGS/GIA certed ideal cut stone. I'm sure Gypsy can type up the custom order inquiry in her usual "covers all the bases" style.

 

[Gypsy]

I would talk to Yekutiel. He can do a custom setting for her or pull the sidestones on an existing ring and put her grandma's stone in there. Send him her grandmother's stones. He can find others that work well with them. And then work on a three stone setting with pave down the shank like this one of theirs: http://idjewelryonline.com/product_info.php?cPath=42_43&products_id=10038&cType=ER It's feminine, exactly what she is looking for and beautiful.

And give him the 5k budget. MAKE SURE YOU TELL HIM YOU ARE ON PRICESCOPE and that it needs to be Pricescope quality.

 

[angietime]

I like the idea of using as many diamonds from the heirloom as possible.

Also, Unique Settings has palladium special orders, so if your jeweler wants to order from them, you can do that or you can see the same FINISHED mountings on 25karats.com


http://www.uniquesettings.com/products/show/17968
http://www.25karats.com/enr/style/view/8468-trellis-setting-three-stone-diamond-engagement-ring-0-50-ct-tw-.html

Even though unique gives metal weight in 14k, they offer palladium just like 25karats, which I think they got this mounting from, all their style numbers are the same!

anyway, if it helps, you can also see other available ct weight center stones and sidestone combos then search for prices.

 

[solace]

I checked with her sister again and she told me that her grandmothers .3 ct center stone needs to be the center stone in the new ring - So that kills my idea of using it as a side stone and buying a bigger center diamonds : (

I got in contact with another local jeweler who said she could get me the palladium design I want and make it work with her grandmother stones. Hopefully her prices are reasonable!

Thanks everyone for all of your help! Had I not posted on here I probably would have made some huge mistake with the ring.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

 

[TRIALnERROR]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

 

[webdiva]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

It's not tacky, it's a marketing strategy created by Debeers more than half a century ago based in research that men spent more money if they shopped alone and made it a "surprise". It's definitely worked!

Here are a few quotes about the engagement ring industry from Anne Kingston in her brilliant book The Meaning of Wife:

“De Beers also put a value on the future wife directly linked to her husband’s earning potential.  That arrived with its edict that an engagement ring should cost two months of her future husband’s salary.  The size of the diamond, went the marketing message, represented the depth of love, as illustrated in one De Beers ad: ‘You can’t look at Jane and tell me she’s not worth two months’ salary.  Just look at her.  So I wanted to get her the biggest diamond I could afford.  One that other men could see without getting too close.’” p. 55
“De Beers’ marketing also influenced the engagement dynamic.  In promoting the ‘surprise’ proposal, the company perpetuated the notion that women play a passive role in the marriage decision...this strategy was calculated to benefit diamond merchants.  Its research revealed that if women are asked to pick out their engagement ring, they pick a less expensive ring than their fiance does.” - p. 56
http://apricotwallpaper.blogspot.com/2012/02/engagement-ring-thing-part-2.html?m=1

 

[TRIALnERROR]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

It's not tacky, it's a marketing strategy created by Debeers more than half a century ago based in research that men spent more money if they shopped alone and made it a "surprise". It's definitely worked!

Here are a few quotes about the engagement ring industry from Anne Kingston in her brilliant book The Meaning of Wife:

“De Beers also put a value on the future wife directly linked to her husband’s earning potential.  That arrived with its edict that an engagement ring should cost two months of her future husband’s salary.  The size of the diamond, went the marketing message, represented the depth of love, as illustrated in one De Beers ad: ‘You can’t look at Jane and tell me she’s not worth two months’ salary.  Just look at her.  So I wanted to get her the biggest diamond I could afford.  One that other men could see without getting too close.’” p. 55
“De Beers’ marketing also influenced the engagement dynamic.  In promoting the ‘surprise’ proposal, the company perpetuated the notion that women play a passive role in the marriage decision...this strategy was calculated to benefit diamond merchants.  Its research revealed that if women are asked to pick out their engagement ring, they pick a less expensive ring than their fiance does.” - p. 56
http://apricotwallpaper.blogspot.com/2012/02/engagement-ring-thing-part-2.html?m=1

Yes, I am aware as I posted the same reference a couple of weeks ago: http://www.neatorama.com/2008/12/01/10-facts-about-diamonds-you-should-know/...... Regardless of the marketing strategy 50 years ago, they got one thing right: the element of surprise. I'm in the camp that a proposal is more memorable when it's unexpected. Additonally, let's not forget that a diamond would be worthless if not for the great success of De Beers marketing campaigns, including Frances Gerety's famous slogan "A diamond is forever" (sidenote: Frances never married and died a spinster). Lastly, we need to keep in mind that PS'ers are not representative of the "average" woman as a whole. PS'er obsess over the details, the data, the images, etc. I believe the typical woman is less concerned with the details than she is with creating a lasting memory...

 

[distracts]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

I disagree. My fiance took me shopping for my ring because he knew that I didn't want a plain solitaire but with the myriad of ring options out there it would be hard to find something we both adored without my input. (In his words, he wanted to make sure it was 100% right because "You will wear this ring FOREEEVVVVEEERRR!" except he always said it in this really deep, ominous voice.) The process of ring shopping was super-fun and romantic. A lot of dates to look at sparklies! We have really cute pictures of us from the day we picked out the center stone. The mystery came in in that once I picked my stone and setting and spoke to the jeweler about adjustments I wanted, I had no idea about anything else, from when the ring was finished to when he proposed (which he did while we were having portraits taken, so my look of surprise is caught on film for posterity). I do not believe I was any less surprised than the average woman. The picture confirms that. My fiance was sooooo proud that we'd managed to go on vacation and get pictures taken all with me having NO IDEA he was going to propose then.

The surprise shouldn't be the ring, or the fact that you're asking her, but rather that you've tailored the proposal to something that suits the two of you and makes her feel like the most amazing woman in the world. And the proposal can be unexpected without the RING being unexpected. That's very easy to do, and most people I know in real life, none of whom are pricescopers, have done it that way. And not only is the proposal memorable, but the ring shopping experience is memorable as well, and most people I know recount it along with the proposal story. Why just create one memory around the engagement when you can create a whole string of them, if memory-creating is what you're after?

 

[0-0-0]

The surprise shouldn't be the ring, or the fact that you're asking her, but rather that you've tailored the proposal to something that suits the two of you and makes her feel like the most amazing woman in the world. And the proposal can be unexpected without the RING being unexpected. That's very easy to do, and most people I know in real life, none of whom are pricescopers, have done it that way. And not only is the proposal memorable, but the ring shopping experience is memorable as well, and most people I know recount it along with the proposal story. Why just create one memory around the engagement when you can create a whole string of them, if memory-creating is what you're after?

+1

 

[TRIALnERROR]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

I disagree. My fiance took me shopping for my ring because he knew that I didn't want a plain solitaire but with the myriad of ring options out there it would be hard to find something we both adored without my input. (In his words, he wanted to make sure it was 100% right because "You will wear this ring FOREEEVVVVEEERRR!" except he always said it in this really deep, ominous voice.) The process of ring shopping was super-fun and romantic. A lot of dates to look at sparklies! We have really cute pictures of us from the day we picked out the center stone. The mystery came in in that once I picked my stone and setting and spoke to the jeweler about adjustments I wanted, I had no idea about anything else, from when the ring was finished to when he proposed (which he did while we were having portraits taken, so my look of surprise is caught on film for posterity). I do not believe I was any less surprised than the average woman. The picture confirms that. My fiance was sooooo proud that we'd managed to go on vacation and get pictures taken all with me having NO IDEA he was going to propose then.

The surprise shouldn't be the ring, or the fact that you're asking her, but rather that you've tailored the proposal to something that suits the two of you and makes her feel like the most amazing woman in the world. And the proposal can be unexpected without the RING being unexpected. That's very easy to do, and most people I know in real life, none of whom are pricescopers, have done it that way. And not only is the proposal memorable, but the ring shopping experience is memorable as well, and most people I know recount it along with the proposal story. Why just create one memory around the engagement when you can create a whole string of them, if memory-creating is what you're after?

Your proposal sounds like it was exactly what you wanted, that is awesome! I'm sure there are plenty of other PS'rs that can share similar stories of shopping for their rings. However, out of all the proposals that I am personally aware of, not one took their SO ring shopping. I believe this is a minority view with regard to the masses. I am interested to hear the OP's take on this?

 

[Gypsy]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

The proposal is not the ring. With regard to ring: The cat is already out of the bag. She knows she's getting a ring already. Obviously. She knows what the ring will look like roughly. She knows what diamonds will go it. She's told him all of that. And he's going to give her what she wants. So... surprise is moot. What's NOT moot is spending money stupidly. She CLEARLY knows exactly what she wants and can picture it. He's spending 5k. That's a lot of money to invest in someone else's exact vision, to make them hapy, when you don't know the difference between a halo and a three stone. Especially since the look she wants need a 6 mm center and she's insisting on a 30 point center. So some MAJOR compromise needs to be made. And the person making the decision on what compromises should occur needs to be HER, not him. Insisting it be him for the sake of a "mystery" (when there is no mystery left) is just impractical and silly frankly. And it's going to lead to her not being happy with the ring, because she clearly has a vision of what she wants and he doesn't know how to bring that to life for her. He doesn't know anything about jewelry at all. And he's not going to know enough to make a ring that will make her happy with the constraints of a 30 point stone and a three stone setting that needs a 6mm center.

Sometimes 'Romance' means listening to each other, partnering together, and creating something perfect together. That's what marriage is all about. It's not going out on your own with a wing and a prayer, no knowledge, and hoping for the best. It's about two becoming one. And this ring shopping is the perfect opportunity to practice those skills. That IS romantic. And it's fun. And it builds wonderful memories of an exciting time.

The proposal has nothing to do with the ring. It can be fabulously romantic and planned perfectly and it can be a SURPRISE! He can hire a marching band, take her to Tahiti, put the ring on a new dog's collar and she can have a new dog and a ring. Whatever he wants. Sky is the limit. It can be as exciting, romantic, fun and wonderful as he wants.

 

[TRIALnERROR]

Okay so you need to take your lady with you and have her tell the jeweler exactly what she wants. No if's ands or butts. You need to include her and take her with you.

Sorry, but I don't agree with this at all. Where is the romantic excitement and mystery when she knows when and what she is getting? He's lucky enough to have the hard work already done (center stone). Worst case scenario you change the setting post-proposal if she doesn't love it. It's tacky, in my opinion, to take your soon to be shopping for her ring.

I disagree. My fiance took me shopping for my ring because he knew that I didn't want a plain solitaire but with the myriad of ring options out there it would be hard to find something we both adored without my input. (In his words, he wanted to make sure it was 100% right because "You will wear this ring FOREEEVVVVEEERRR!" except he always said it in this really deep, ominous voice.) The process of ring shopping was super-fun and romantic. A lot of d\\ates to look at sparklies! We have really cute pictures of us from the day we picked out the center stone. The mystery came in in that once I picked my stone and setting and spoke to the jeweler about adjustments I wanted, I had no idea about anything else, from when the ring was finished to when he proposed (which he did while we were having portraits taken, so my look of surprise is caught on film for posterity). I do not believe I was any less surprised than the average woman. The picture confirms that. My fiance was sooooo proud that we'd managed to go on vacation and get pictures taken all with me having NO IDEA he was going to propose then.

The surprise shouldn't be the ring, or the fact that you're asking her, but rather that you've tailored the proposal to something that suits the two of you and makes her feel like the most amazing woman in the world. And the proposal can be unexpected without the RING being unexpected. That's very easy to do, and most people I know in real life, none of whom are pricescopers, have done it that way. And not only is the proposal memorable, but the ring shopping experience is memorable as well, and most people I know recount it along with the proposal story. Why just create one memory around the engagement when you can create a whole string of them, if memory-creating is what you're after?

Your proposal sounds like it was exactly what you wanted, that is awesome! I'm sure there are plenty of other PS'rs that can share similar stories of shopping for their rings. However, out of all the proposals that I am personally aware of, not one took their SO ring shopping. I believe this is a minority view with regard to the masses. I am interested to hear the OP's take on this?

The proposal is not the ring. With regard to ring: She knows she's getting a ring. She knows what the ring will look like roughly. She knows what diamonds will go it. She's told him all of that. And he's going to give her what she wants. So... surprise is moot. What's NOT moot is spending money stupidly. She CLEARLY knows exactly what she wants and can picture it. He's spending 5k. That's a lot of money to invest in someone else's exact vison when you don't know the difference between a halo and a three stone. Especially since the look she wants need a 6 mm center and she's insisting on a 30 point center. So some MAJOR compromise needs to be made. And the person making the decision on what compromises should occur needs to be HER, not him. Insisting it be him is just impractical and silly frankly. And it's going to lead to her not being happy with the ring, because she clearly has a vision of what she wants and he doesn't know how to bring that to life for her. He doesn't know anything about jewelry at all.

Sometimes 'Romance' means listening to each other, partnering together, and creating something perfect together. That's what marriage is all about. It's not going out on your own with a wing and a prayer, no knowledge, and hoping for the best. It's about two becoming one. And this ring shopping is the perfect opportunity to practice those skills. That IS romantic. And it's fun. And it builds wonderful memories of an exciting time.

The proposal has nothing to do with the ring. It can be fabulously romantic and planned perfectly and it can be a SURPRISE! He can hire a marching band, take her to Tahiti, put the ring on a new dog's collar and she can have a new dog and a ring. Whatever he wants. Sky is the limit. It can be as exciting, romantic, fun and wonderful as he wants.

Actually, I don't believe she has told him anything. From what I gather, he used his girlfriend's sister as a conduit for this very reason, otherwise he would have simply asked her directly. To me, it's like unwrapping a gift that you picked out yourself. Are you are going to be happy that you got exactly what you wanted? Yes. Is it the same reaction when you don't have the slightest idea of what or when? Absolutely not.

 

[Gypsy]

Trail and Error, you are imposing your values on this situation. You value mystery and romance. And for you romance means surprise. Well, this isn't about you or your values. And romance for some doesn't mean surprise at all. In contrast, I am imposing reality. This is a big purchase. She knows about the ring already AND she has a vision and very specific ideas. I don't care if it's being filtered through the sister. She has tried on rings, she has given him the grandmother's ring (directly or indirectly). He knows nothing about jewelry. And all he wants is to make her happy, but he doesn't know how to do that with this project. AGAIN, there are compromises and design decisions that need to be made. BY HER, because he doesn't have the know how to make those choices to make her happy. Because she can't have the look she wants with that center. SO no matter WHAT he does he can't give her what she wants because it's not possible. So she needs to understand that and make a decision either for a new center and that 30 pointer as a sidestone, OR a different style ring with that 30 point center. Therefore, the BEST way to go about this process is to do it together as partners so that they get the best ring they can, and so they end up with a ring and a process they are both happy with.

The surprise at this point is: SURPRISE: You can't have the look you want with that center. SO you need to make some compromises. That's not something you want popping out at you in metal and diamonds. This is the kind of surprise you want to know about and make choices about. It's not a matter of HIM getting HER what she ask for. You don't seem to understand that. AND that is why I am saying they need to do this together.

What exactly about the portions in his post below makes you think that ANYTHING here is a surprise or a mystery.

Hi, My girl friend wanted me to take her grandmothers ring, have the diamonds taken out and put in a better looking ring.

Her ring has six tiny diamonds, and one .3 ct diamond. She went to a local jeweler that is a friend of the family and tried out rings and looked through their catalog so that when I went in they could tell me her preferences.

They said the ring she really wanted was this $8000 ring and band combo that had about 1.3 ct in total diamond weight in the ring(it comes like that so her grandmonthers ring would be usless to me). I asked for the itemized specs on the ring so I will reveal them once I get it.

 

[Laila619]

TrialinError,

I totally agree with everything you are saying. Everything.

However, like you said, PS is generally a bit different than the norm, and most women here are *very* involved in selecting their own rings, down to the smallest detail. So the advice here will naturally trend toward that, and against a surprise ring.

 

[Laila619]

I don't think the OP's girlfriend understands how difficult it will be to have a .30 carat center stone in a 3 stone ring. It seems like she has very clear ideas as to what the ring needs to be, but it really won't work all that well in reality, proportion wise. I think the OP's cluster halo option would actually work much better, but alas that isn't what she wants. If the OP just gets her what she wants, I'm afraid she'll be disappointed when it doesn't look as big as the set she tried on in the store.

 

[TRIALnERROR]

Trail and Error, you are imposing your values on this situation. You value mystery and romance. And for you romance means surprise.Well, this isn't about you or your values. And romance for some doesn't mean surprise at all. In contrast, I am imposing reality. This is a big purchase. She knows about the ring already AND she has a vision and very specific ideas. I don't care if it's being filtered through the sister. She has tried on rings, she has given him the grandmother's ring (directly or indirectly). He knows nothing about jewelry. And all he wants is to make her happy, but he doesn't know how to do that with this project. AGAIN, there are compromises and design decisions that need to be made. BY HER, because he doesn't have the know how to make those choices to make her happy. Therefore, the BEST way to go about this process is to do it together as partners so that they get the best ring they can, and so they end up with a ring and a process they are both happy with.

What exactly about the portions in his post below makes you think that ANYTHING here is a surprise or a mystery.

Hi, My girl friend wanted me to take her grandmothers ring, have the diamonds taken out and put in a better looking ring.

Her ring has six tiny diamonds, and one .3 ct diamond. She went to a local jeweler that is a friend of the family and tried out rings and looked through their catalog so that when I went in they could tell me her preferences.

They said the ring she really wanted was this $8000 ring and band combo that had about 1.3 ct in total diamond weight in the ring(it comes like that so her grandmonthers ring would be usless to me). I asked for the itemized specs on the ring so I will reveal them once I get it.

Gypsy, I'm not imposing anything. If anyone is imposing, it is you "You must do this, no ifs ands or butts". Likewise, this is not about you or your values. I simply stated my opinion, which happens to be supported by the general public. Your definition of "reality" is biased and is evidenced by the tone you take when someone shares a different view other than your own. "What makes me think think that ANYTHING here is a surprise or a mystery?" How about the fact that he is communicating with her sister instead of with her directly?

 

[Gypsy]

I don't think the OP's girlfriend understands how difficult it will be to have a .30 carat center stone in a 3 stone ring. It seems like she has very clear ideas as to what the ring needs to be, but it really won't work all that well in reality, proportion wise. I think the OP's cluster halo option would actually work much better, but alas that isn't what she wants. If the OP just gets her what she wants, I'm afraid she'll be disappointed when it doesn't look as big as the set she tried on in the store.

This is the reality Trail and Error. Even Laila, who values surprises, sees the problem. And there is no "general public" that agrees with you here in this thread. I'm not imposing anything and you aren't arguing with ME, you are arguing with reality. As for the rest, when you are ignoring the facts, and attack sensible advice, yes I am going to get "that tone" with you.

Maybe the problem is that just do not understand enough about jewelry to understand what that reality is. Regardless, whether it's willful or just lack of knowledge that's prompting you, your advice is one that will not lead to a good result given the facts of the situation. He needs to talk to her and come up with a solution and compromise with her. Not act unilaterally, because she will be disappointed with any change that deviates from her vision (which she went and tried on and is dictating to her boyfriend through her sister), unless she understands the reason for it up front and has the chance to have input on the solution. The general public's opinion is irrelevant. HERS is what matters. And her's is what he needs. This isn't a simulation this is someone's life and their money. The fact pattern of their situation is what dictates our advise here on this board. Not general public opinion or any nonesense of that sort. The general public aren't sitting there trying on three stones then insisting a 30 point antique (that might have girdle issues) be used in that design.

 

[TRIALnERROR]

I don't think the OP's girlfriend understands how difficult it will be to have a .30 carat center stone in a 3 stone ring. It seems like she has very clear ideas as to what the ring needs to be, but it really won't work all that well in reality, proportion wise. I think the OP's cluster halo option would actually work much better, but alas that isn't what she wants. If the OP just gets her what she wants, I'm afraid she'll be disappointed when it doesn't look as big as the set she tried on in the store.

This is the reality Trail and Error. Even Laila, who values surprises agrees with me. And there is no "general public" that agrees with you here in this thread or anywhere else when what you are doing is ignoring the reality of the OP's situation. Maybe the problem is that just do not understand enough about jewelry to understand what that reality is. Regardless, whether it's willful or just lack of knowledge that's prompting you, your advice is one that will not lead to a good result given the facts of the situation.

You are equating knowledge of jewelry to reality? Maybe the problem is that you are out of touch with the real world. Men are by and large a bunch of traditionalists. I don't need to have 20,000 posts or be an expert in jewelry to comprehend this notion. You're making the emphasis entirely about "the ring", which saps the magic out of the proposal, IMO. Regardless if the proposal is with a diamond, a ring-pop, or dare I say, a CZ, is she marrying him or the ring? I'm sticking by my claim that OP is intending this to be somewhat of a surprise, so we will see who in fact is ignoring his situation. Cheers!

 

[TRIALnERROR]

I don't think the OP's girlfriend understands how difficult it will be to have a .30 carat center stone in a 3 stone ring. It seems like she has very clear ideas as to what the ring needs to be, but it really won't work all that well in reality, proportion wise. I think the OP's cluster halo option would actually work much better, but alas that isn't what she wants. If the OP just gets her what she wants, I'm afraid she'll be disappointed when it doesn't look as big as the set she tried on in the store.

This is the reality Trail and Error. Even Laila, who values surprises, sees the problem. And there is no "general public" that agrees with you here in this thread. I'm not imposing anything and you aren't arguing with ME, you are arguing with reality. As for the rest, when you are ignoring the facts, and attack sensible advice, yes I am going to get "that tone" with you.

Maybe the problem is that just do not understand enough about jewelry to understand what that reality is. Regardless, whether it's willful or just lack of knowledge that's prompting you, your advice is one that will not lead to a good result given the facts of the situation. He needs to talk to her and come up with a solution and compromise with her. Not act unilaterally, because she will be disappointed with any change that deviates from her vision (which she went and tried on and is dictating to her boyfriend through her sister), unless she understands the reason for it up front and has the chance to have input on the solution. The general public's opinion is irrelevant. HERS is what matters. And her's is what he needs. This isn't a simulation this is someone's life and their money. The fact pattern of their situation is what dictates our advise here on this board. Not general public opinion or any nonesense of that sort. The general public aren't sitting there trying on three stones then insisting a 30 point antique (that might have girdle issues) be used in that design.

I couldn't agree more with regard to the fact pattern. You've already come to a conclusion and are starting to make up your own facts to support it. Supporting a premise with the premise, rather then a conclusion, is flawed logic (circular reasoning). To say, "You should take her ring shopping, because that is what she would want" is really saying, "You should take her ring shopping, because you should take her ring shopping." Often, we feel we can trust another person so much that we often accept their claims without testing the logic. This is called blind trust, and it is very dangerous. We might as well just talk in circles. You have a right to your opinion, but you don't have a right to your own facts. Where did the OP ever state that his girlfriend went and tried on rings and then dictated the results to her sister? Or that she tried on three specific stones? My understanding is that she tried on a few rings at a family jeweler in order to give him some ideas of her preferences, a baseline if you will. The fact that he is intentionally avoiding the conversation and communicating with the sister supports my conclusion that he wants some mystery with regard to the proposal.

ETA:

I wanted to surprise her so I took a look at the platinum catalog and picked out this ring...

I would consider that statement as conclusive evidence.

 

[rubybeth]

I basically agree with Gypsy here that the OP should communicate with his girlfriend about a large purchase, and I find the statement that 'by and large, most men are traditionalists' to be kind of insulting, but I will disregard the tangent(s) that this thread has taken and address the original poster:

1) Do you know what size the 6 small diamonds are? Are they 2 pointers (.02 carats) or 1 pointers, or what?
2) What are the proportions of the original ring your girlfriend loved? Like, was it 1 pointers in the shank (3 on each side), with two .10 carat stones flanking a .30 carat, or was it 3 pointers in the shank with two .25 stones flanking a 1 carat center? If you can give us measurements in millimeters (mms) instead of carat weights, that would be excellent.
3) What size finger does your girlfriend have?

I'm hoping that someone with some photoshop or drawing skills can draw a mock-up of what the ring might look like with the proportions you are dealing with, and make sure that it looks close enough to the ring she loved to make it worthwhile to spend $5k. A .25 or .30 stone as a center stone is nothing to be ashamed of (I've seen .10 stones as center stones and they looked lovely and proportionate with the rings they were in) yet the 'look' your girlfriend might be going for could be thrown off by the proportions of the stones you have in-hand. But, as long as the proportions are similar, it could look just perfect to her. This is basically math here, and you can't disagree with that.

I'll attach some examples from Whiteflash, Eternity Diamonds, and Gabriel & Co. settings to demonstrate what I mean. These all have different proportions. They are all pretty, but have different looks. We just want to make sure that she gets what she wants, or at least understands that it might not be possible with the proportion stones she has.

Edited for stupid typos.