Need BM advice....

[Treasure43]

One of my best friends from high school is going to be a BM in my wedding. When she first found out I was engaged she was super happy for me. She drove 8 hours to my engagement party and spent the whole time talking with my MOH about bridal party and bachlorette party ideas. Anyway, when my MOH was trying to plan the bridal shower, she emailed all the girls and asked them what was good for them. BM didn''t respond to any e-mails. So MOH calls her and leaves messages. No response. Finally, MOH posts on her facebook wall and BM responds! She says she has no idea what''s going on this summer and can''t make a committment to any dates. MOH plans the shower on dates that work for everyone else since BM is being so evasive. I try to call BM and she won''t answer. Seems she''ll only answer me on text or facebook, which makes it difficult to have a conversation. She''s supposed to elope this summer with her FI, but she did mention vaguely that he might want to push it back a bit. Maybe she''s stressed about that? If she''s having problems with her FI or whatever or just doesn''t want to be in the wedding I wish she''d just let me know.

So finally, since MOH can''t get ahold of BM, I just write on BM''s wall, commenting on how she''s doing, inquiring about her new job, etc. She tells me she has a new waitressing job and she can''t come to the bridal shower because she has to work that weekend. At this point, I''m frustrated because she could seem to care less about anythng related to the wedding and I have no idea if she plans to be in the wedding. She''s the type who I could see not telling me till last minute that she''s not coming to the wedding. My MOH can''t get even find out if she has her dress and or shoes and I''ve had no luck with that either. Any suggestions? if she''d talk to me on the phone we could at least figure things out but texting and e0-mailing is difficult.

 

[elrohwen]

Honestly, as long as she shows up on the day of, wearing a dress, there's not much else you can ask for. It is a little worrying that your friend has dropped off the face of the earth, but I would worry about it as a friend, not as a bride. Just drop the wedding stuff for now and see if you can connect to her on a friend level.

 

[Treasure43]

Excellent advice! We seem to have lost contact and that''s perhaps what hurts me. If she''s having personal problems I''d love to be there to support her in any way I can. I''d just like to know that she still wants to be in the wedding and that''s enough for me. If she doesn''t, I''ll be sad about it but I''d just like to know.

Great suggestion about connecting with her on a friend level. I''ll make a more concentrated effort to do so!

 

[RaiKai]

And if she does not show up wearing the dress....then I would just roll with it. It really would just mean going on with the wedding with "one less person". All a BM "is required" to do is show up in the dress and anything else is gravy.

I would suggest that if she buys or does not buy the dress, you will have your answer!

And I agree about connecting with her on a friend level. It sounds like she is maybe feeling a bit stressed or pulled in different directions or who knows....so leave your wedding out of it and just ask how she is doing and let her know you are there to listen if she needs.

 

[zipzapgirl]

One of my best friends from high school is going to be a BM in my wedding. When she first found out I was engaged she was super happy for me. She drove 8 hours to my engagement party and spent the whole time talking with my MOH about bridal party and bachlorette party ideas. Anyway, when my MOH was trying to plan the bridal shower, she emailed all the girls and asked them what was good for them. BM didn''t respond to any e-mails. So MOH calls her and leaves messages. No response. Finally, MOH posts on her facebook wall and BM responds! She says she has no idea what''s going on this summer and can''t make a committment to any dates. MOH plans the shower on dates that work for everyone else since BM is being so evasive. I try to call BM and she won''t answer. Seems she''ll only answer me on text or facebook, which makes it difficult to have a conversation. She''s supposed to elope this summer with her FI, but she did mention vaguely that he might want to push it back a bit. Maybe she''s stressed about that? If she''s having problems with her FI or whatever or just doesn''t want to be in the wedding I wish she''d just let me know.


Sounds like she''s really wrapped up in whatever is going on right now. The highlighted part above about the FI may have hit the nail on the head. Sometimes people "disappear" for a while when they are having serious relationship problems, *especially* when it comes to anything that has to do with a wedding. As the other posters mentioned, I''d try to reach out on a friend level and leave the wedding organizationals out of it. Give her a break and trust that she''ll come through in the end.

 

[megumic]

Treasure are you sure we aren''t the SAME bride?!?!

I''m having a legitimately identical situation right now. I cannot get her via text, phone, facebook, email, smoke signal, morse code, you name it! I finally lost my patience (okay, I was patient for EIGHT FREAKING MONTHS!) and said it seemed to me like she was not doing anything to maintain our friendship and that she was not interested in being in the wedding and I wish she''d just tell me so.

I made it more about our friendship and how I feel like I''ve lost my friend and for reasons I don''t even know...

Dying to know how your sitch works out. Wish I had some good advice, but I really only can tell you I share your annoyance and irritation!