Need advice..

[OUpearlgirl]

I don''t quite know where to put this because my boyfriend and I are too young for engagement so I''m not a LIW and it''s really just a relationship problem. Moderators if you find this goes better someplace else, feel free to move it. Bear with me, this could be long.

I have been dating my boyfriend since September. We have a great relationship and he has so many wonderful qualities I''m not going to go into in this post. But, there is one thing that is starting to drive me crazy.

He has a group of about 10 guy friends that he is extremely close to. This is something about him I admire and I am glad he finds it important to keep his friends. The problem is, he can sometimes pick them over me. He would never side against me in a fight or anything, but it''s more a problem with his time. I''ll give you an example of a problem because right now I''m not sure how I should react.

This summer I am in Oklahoma taking classes and he has an internship in Texas. I have been down to see him twice now, but my family lives about 20 minutes from where he is. One time I went down there was for a family thing and I just got to see him because I was close. Well he came up this past weekend, I''m going down this weekend for my cousins graduation and to see him, and then he was going to come up the next. He just told me that he is no longer coming so that he can go to a friend''s birthday party. This particular friend he has told me repeatedly that he doesn''t like or respect anymore. We recently went to something to support this friend and he did not ever acknowledge our presence.

This would be one thing if it were something that happened every once in awhile. But, I feel like little things like this happen often and it hurts my feelings. I''ve tried talking to him about it and he gets defensive and doesn''t see my side at all. I am friends with his friends, they like me and I''m fine with most of them. They are not disrespectful and this is not an issue with trust. It''s also not that I can''t go two weeks without seeing him. It''s just one example of something that happens more than I find okay.

I just don''t know how to fix this. My feelings will continue to be hurt by this and he will probably continue to do this. What can I say to him that will not be offensive but I can also get my point across?

 

[Blair138]

OUPearGirl-I can see where you are coming from-it would bother me A LOT too...Just out of curiousity... how old are you guys? You say you are too young for an engagement so I am assuming 18-20ish? If I am correct-it is something MOST guys in that age group will do-Your relationship it still newer and usually when guys are in their late teens/early 20''s they have a hard time balancing friends and gf. Are his friends in relationships? That will have a MAJOR effect on this too. When I was in my first 2 years of college I spent A LOT of time fighting with my then BF about his best friend and him constantly choosing the friend over me. My advice is to hang out with your friends more and set times to be with each other. ALTHOUGH-for the particular problem you posted about-since you are going to VISIT him and do not live near him at the moment-I suggest calmly sitting down with him and letting him know that it would be nice for him to make the effort to be with you for at least a short period of time SINCE YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN TOWN and that he could go to the party later. If he''s still not up for it-maybe he''s just too immature for a GF right now...

 

[OUpearlgirl]

We''re 21 and 22. Very few of his friends are in relationships and those who are, aren''t serious or healthy relationships. I am his first serious girlfriend and he has made leaps and bounds from how we started haha. For the most part he is very mature, but every once in awhile his inner frat boy comes out and oh my lord, it drives me nuts!

The weekend in question- he was supposed to come up and see me and now no longer is so that he can go to a friend''s birthday. He said he forgot they were the same weekend and I believe him. It''s just frustrating when this happens once a month. I just called him and tried to talk to him about it calmly. He thinks we hang out all of the time and says he gets crap from his friends that he ditches them for me and they all think I''m more important. I''m sympathetic that he is trying his hardest to split his time between people. That''s part of being in a relationship. I have my girlfriends and I make a lot of time for them because that is something I find very important. I know he is the same. The problem is that I sometimes feel that they are TOO important. That if he had a night doing anything with me or a party/camping trip/etc with them it would ALWAYS go in their favor. I am not asking for it to always be in MY favor. Just every once in awhile.

He invited me to drive down to this party, but with gas prices the way they are, it can''t happen and he pretty much knew that before inviting me.