galeteia
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 9, 2006
- Messages
- 1,794
I broached the subject with the bride in question today after agonizing over it for a few months, and it didn''t go well.
Back when I lived in Canada, she was my best friend. We have barely spoken in the 1.5 years since I moved here; she lives in Canada and I''m down here in Texas. It was wonderful to see her during my vacation in Toronto this summer but our visit was very brief. While I''m sad that we''ve drifted apart, that''s what happens when you move to another country, I know.
She asked me to be her MOH shortly before I left and I tried to decline at the time because I couldn''t do all the MOH-ish things with her from 1000+ miles away, not to mention the insane expense of flying from Texas to Ontario. She explained that she needed someone, anyone, to have reserved that role so that her drama-riddled family couldn''t force her to have her much-hated SIL as her MOH. As her fiance put it, a "two dollar hooker off the street would be a better MOH than [SIL]" and knowing the SIL, I can''t disagree with that. Also, she and her fiance, who I''ll call Tom, agreed to give the plane tickets for me and my SO as my ''bridal party gift'' so we could afford to go.
SO has refused to go, as he has the excuse of teaching during that time. Why? Because we both cannot stand Tom. I''d been planning on politely declining the wedding invitation as a guest because I cannot in good conscience watch her marry this donkeybehind. Being asked to be MOH nipped that plan in the bud.
Also, I feel protective of my friend and was willing to run blocker on her insane family on the day of; they''ll all be circling like a shoal of piranhas, trying their best to upset her on her wedding day. So I was resigned to go to at least give her an ally on the day she''s shackling herself to total jerk.
However, in the interim, she''s become close to one of her extended family members and as a result, she now has someone on the inside who has been lighting up the gossip tree as to what is really going on within her nuclear family. SIL is now on everyone''s blacklist, and I now have a co-MOH. This was a huge relief on several levels, from the guilt of not being there for all the MOH duties to someone being able to stand up for her to her family. Basically, it gets me off the hook.
Now, my SO''s brother is getting married this summer, so by the time my friend''s wedding comes up in September, I won''t have any time left to take off. My inlaws will never speak to me again if I miss the FBIL''s wedding, so I could at best swing three days off- one to fly up, wedding day, then one to fly back.
This is going to cost a STUPID amount of money for the tickets, plus the $$ they''ll be shelling out for a full Italian wedding spread for my seafood-and-wheat-allergic self, then there''s the equivalent-value cash gift I''ll be putting into the busta for a meal I didn''t need, plus the MOH gown, plus the wedding gift.
We both make around $10/hr, with partners in school. (Except mine, not being a lazy primadonna, actually has a teaching position that bring in a little money) The amount this is going to cost both her and I is completely ludicrous. And for one day of travel-worn misery? She doesn''t need me as a MOH, she already has one that''s been in the thick of it for the entire wedding planning.
However, when I brought up the fact that my time off was limited and considering the costs involved, maybe it didn''t make sense, she understandably insisted that she still wanted me to be there and then shut me down.
The thought it costing over 1k between the two of us for me to be there for one day is making me physically ill.
Any ideas?

Back when I lived in Canada, she was my best friend. We have barely spoken in the 1.5 years since I moved here; she lives in Canada and I''m down here in Texas. It was wonderful to see her during my vacation in Toronto this summer but our visit was very brief. While I''m sad that we''ve drifted apart, that''s what happens when you move to another country, I know.

She asked me to be her MOH shortly before I left and I tried to decline at the time because I couldn''t do all the MOH-ish things with her from 1000+ miles away, not to mention the insane expense of flying from Texas to Ontario. She explained that she needed someone, anyone, to have reserved that role so that her drama-riddled family couldn''t force her to have her much-hated SIL as her MOH. As her fiance put it, a "two dollar hooker off the street would be a better MOH than [SIL]" and knowing the SIL, I can''t disagree with that. Also, she and her fiance, who I''ll call Tom, agreed to give the plane tickets for me and my SO as my ''bridal party gift'' so we could afford to go.
SO has refused to go, as he has the excuse of teaching during that time. Why? Because we both cannot stand Tom. I''d been planning on politely declining the wedding invitation as a guest because I cannot in good conscience watch her marry this donkeybehind. Being asked to be MOH nipped that plan in the bud.

Also, I feel protective of my friend and was willing to run blocker on her insane family on the day of; they''ll all be circling like a shoal of piranhas, trying their best to upset her on her wedding day. So I was resigned to go to at least give her an ally on the day she''s shackling herself to total jerk.
However, in the interim, she''s become close to one of her extended family members and as a result, she now has someone on the inside who has been lighting up the gossip tree as to what is really going on within her nuclear family. SIL is now on everyone''s blacklist, and I now have a co-MOH. This was a huge relief on several levels, from the guilt of not being there for all the MOH duties to someone being able to stand up for her to her family. Basically, it gets me off the hook.
Now, my SO''s brother is getting married this summer, so by the time my friend''s wedding comes up in September, I won''t have any time left to take off. My inlaws will never speak to me again if I miss the FBIL''s wedding, so I could at best swing three days off- one to fly up, wedding day, then one to fly back.
This is going to cost a STUPID amount of money for the tickets, plus the $$ they''ll be shelling out for a full Italian wedding spread for my seafood-and-wheat-allergic self, then there''s the equivalent-value cash gift I''ll be putting into the busta for a meal I didn''t need, plus the MOH gown, plus the wedding gift.
We both make around $10/hr, with partners in school. (Except mine, not being a lazy primadonna, actually has a teaching position that bring in a little money) The amount this is going to cost both her and I is completely ludicrous. And for one day of travel-worn misery? She doesn''t need me as a MOH, she already has one that''s been in the thick of it for the entire wedding planning.
However, when I brought up the fact that my time off was limited and considering the costs involved, maybe it didn''t make sense, she understandably insisted that she still wanted me to be there and then shut me down.
The thought it costing over 1k between the two of us for me to be there for one day is making me physically ill.
Any ideas?