Need Advice - Money Situation

[zhuzhu]

Date: 7/29/2009 5:50:36 PM
Author: lucyandroger
UPDATE


Well I just had a conversation with my dad. He''s in a really bad place - has realized that he''s gotten himself into a very bad situation and has no plan for next month''s rent. I didn''t ask but it seems like he and the gf have broken up. He''s depressed and doesn''t know where to go from here. He''s still mourning the job he lost several years ago.


I''ve convinced him to relocate to the city where I live and start his life over. The economy is stronger here and the cost of living is cheaper. He''s going to come down next weekend to apply for jobs. He needs a fresh start.

It is very nice to hear this upbeat update. It is very kind of you to support him emotionally in addition to financially. I would help my parents out in a heart beat. Even if you may not feel good about it at first, you will not regret it.

 

[Mara]

Good for you. I would probably give the money...I wouldn't lend it. I wouldn't expect my parents to pay me back.

That said, I would want to know more like.... what are you doing so that you don't have to ask me for this again? I can't finance your lifestyle, we have our own goals. I'm married, it's not just me... when I give you money I affect our own situation and our family.

Part of it is not just 'this month' but what about next month? Make sure he has a plan and if he doesn't, make sure he realizes you are not a bank. Or if he says 'well really I need 2 months', you could give $2k and then say that is it. It really comes down to what you feel comfortable with but you are a good daughter to try to help him see past just this month or next month and to long-term. I hope he follows through with his plans as discussed with you. It is hard to see parents in situations like this.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

I always say its a bad idea to lend money to family, only give it to him if you can afford to not get it back. If you can give him the money and think of it as a bonus if he pays it back then its okay but it does seem like your dad doesn''t have his life in order. If I were you I would offer to pay his rent directly. If he doesn''t want that then maybe he had other plans for it and you don''t want your hard earned money wasted. You know your dad better than any of us here but my father too was asking for money every time he called so I understand what you are feeling. Just don''t count of the money but you can still plan to get it back, just beware that he may not be able to pay you back.

 

[sparklyheart]

I''m glad you got that update and that you are able to help him possibly move to a better place with a better economy. The job he lost so long ago must have been very important to him so I can only imagine how hard it would be to move on from that.. Hopefully the new city will provide new/different opportunities so he can get his stuff in order. Good luck to both of you.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 7/29/2009 6:09:20 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/29/2009 5:50:36 PM

Author: lucyandroger

UPDATE


Well I just had a conversation with my dad. He''s in a really bad place - has realized that he''s gotten himself into a very bad situation and has no plan for next month''s rent. I didn''t ask but it seems like he and the gf have broken up. He''s depressed and doesn''t know where to go from here. He''s still mourning the job he lost several years ago.


I''ve convinced him to relocate to the city where I live and start his life over. The economy is stronger here and the cost of living is cheaper. He''s going to come down next weekend to apply for jobs. He needs a fresh start.

Great to hear the update. I hope things turn out well. Having gone through this with my dad (he never recovered financially), I know how it goes. At the end of the day, he was my dad, regardless of the hard times we went through with him and my last words to him as he died was that I was proud to be his daughter.

That is really beautiful TGal. I made sure to tell my dad that I love him no matter what and I didn''t make a big deal about giving him the money. I just focused on getting his life together.

 

[lucyandroger]

I just wanted to thank everyone for weighing in! I have read each and every post and it has helped to sort through this.


ETA - Also, I just wanted to let people know that I'm 24 years old and have only had a job for 9 months so that's where I'm coming from.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think you are a very special person to have achieved all you have all on your own, and also to help your dad in spite of his mistakes.

I am concerned, though, that you are going to feel pressured to help support him. Good jobs are extremely hard to find, and since he hasn''t had a good job in 7 years, I think it''ll be very hard for him to find one. We know people our age who have excellent resumes who''ve been out of work for 2 years. He also may need some mental health assessment because 7 years of not working regularly sounds like depression or something in that realm. I just hate to see you get into a situation where clearly it will take him some time to find a job, and he doesn''t even have money to live next month. You just cannot take over support of your dad. You have to put your relationship with your boyfriend first and you certainly have enough financial obligations of your own. I hope it all works out.