Need advice for picking a date...

[BriBee]

Skip below for my actual question if you want to bypass the back story....

FI and I originally decided we wanted a New Year's Eve wedding. We don't want to wait a long time and we like the idea of NYE because it's different and I think the type of party we can throw will suit us. We already have a soft hold on the venue we want, and to be honest I was getting really excited at the whole idea of it.

BUT...turns out that FI's brother (best man) is possibly going to be out of the country at that time. FBIL is getting married in September and they were planning to honeymoon in NZ during her break from grad school in December. OBVIOUSLY we can't get married without having them there (even though they tried to say "go ahead if that's the date you want, we won't be upset...)

But I'm still hesitant to move the date just yet because they haven't actually booked anything for the honeymoon. On top of that, they have been having some car issues and according to FI, FSIL mentioned that the honeymoon wasn't for sure yet because it was going to be a lot of $$$$. I'm starting to wonder, what if they end up postponing or changing their plans? They might need to put $$$ into a car and it could change their plans. Of course I would never hold it against them, but I would definitely be bummed if we moved our date and then it turned out we could have kept it at NYE.

So, my question is, should I just let go of NYE and find a new date so then I at least have something locked in and can plan full steam ahead (probably April-May 2014), or do I hold out a bit longer for NYE?
I can't wait too long on the NYE decision because we have to get planning and do STDs etc... but I'm also afraid that if we end up not doing NYE then the spring/summer 2014 dates will start being booked! What would you do???

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I would sit down with FSIL and ask her what she thinks will happen for their honeymoon. Let her know that you're ok with holding off a few weeks/month, but you'd like to know if they honestly think they'll be taking the trip to NZ and if there is a possibility they won't go, you'd just love having an NYE wedding. If she thinks they will go, then pick a new date. If she hesitates, I bet you can have the NYE wedding you want!! Good luck!

 

[audball]

I would sit down with FSIL and ask her what she thinks will happen for their honeymoon. Let her know that you're ok with holding off a few weeks/month, but you'd like to know if they honestly think they'll be taking the trip to NZ and if there is a possibility they won't go, you'd just love having an NYE wedding. If she thinks they will go, then pick a new date. If she hesitates, I bet you can have the NYE wedding you want!! Good luck!

I agree. I don't tend to think it's a good idea plan your date around things that aren't set in stone and/or things you can't control. Since they are close and you would be upset if they didn't attend, I'd sit down and have a heart to heart. Find out how serious their date is and whether or not it's actually going to happen. It sounds like you truly would be resentful if their trip fell through and you ended up with your less preferred date.

While we were looking at dates, we were thinking about FI's brother and SIL. They are planning to start trying to get pregnant in June. If they get pregnant right away, she could be delivering VERY close to our selected date (4/27/14). But we can't plan our date around that. It could take them MONTHS to get pregnant. It could happen right away. There is no reason to wait for it to happen. It would be a funny coincidence if she did get pregnant right away and the baby a week or two before our wedding. Her wedding (in mid March 2012) was in close conflict with my FI's sister (her now husband's sister). She delivered the first baby of the family 10 days before their wedding.

Long story short, life happens. Don't change your plans because of someone else's. If there's a chance their honeymoon is going to be postponed for other reasons as you stated, I'd move full steam ahead with your plans. Your wedding falling over that time will just give them additional reasons to postpone it.

 

[BriBee]

Thanks for the feedback. FI and I have been talking about it and I think we're both OK with just changing the date. We discussed talking to FBIL and FSIL about what their plans *really* are, but I don't really want to put any pressure on them to move their date or change their plans. They've been engaged since Dec 2011, and are getting married this September. FSIL is also starting a grad program that starts with a full year, and then another three years for the next step...so perhaps this December is really their only opportunity to take a honeymoon before things get crazy for her with school and clinicals etc...They were engaged first and are getting married first and I don't want to step on any toes. It also just occurred to me that while they may decide that the NZ idea is too much, they could still take a honeymoon and just change the location, but not the timetable.

And I think FI originally preferred a spring/summer date, but was willing to do NYE because it was unique and I got him really excited about it. So we'll prob shoot for 2014 sometime, and I know our wedding will be fabulous regardless of when the date is.

 

[audball]

Than yay for you! Given those circumstances, I'm sure you won't regret it. Join us in the spring 2014 wedding club!!

 

[audball]

So....what date are you thinking?

 

[star sparkle]

I'm glad you've found a solution you're both happy with!

For us, we had a date picked out before we were engaged and were planning on that date in our heads. Then, like a week before we got engaged, my SIL announced that she was pregnant with a due date just a day or two before the wedding date we had picked. I didn't want to change our date significantly, but I also wanted her to be there, so we pushed our date back by 2 weeks. At first SIL said she didn't think she'd be able to make the new date either, but at that point I realized that I didn't want to plan my wedding around others and let someone else dictate when I could get married. All ended well and she (with my 2.5 week old niece!) was at the wedding.

 

[BriBee]

So....what date are you thinking?

I'm not TOTALLY sure yet...I printed a 2014 calendar and FI and I have to go over the options this weekend. We have an appointment on Tuesday morning so hopefully we will pick the date then. I think we will probably do something in May, but even that is hard because we don't want to run into Mother's Day or Memorial Day, so that leaves 2 weekend options I think. The good news is that I e-mailed the venue and they are wide open except for one weekend in August right now.

Where we live (coastal) spring and summer are so hit and miss with the FOG, and the best weather is generally September/October, but that is a busy time at work for me and might make it hard to take a HM, plus it means an even longer engagement and neither of us really wants that. I was looking all over the summer months, and we don't want to even touch June due to several family birthdays, graduations, other weddings etc. July is a possibility and maybe August, but then we run into the long engagement thing again! And if we were thinking July or August, I feel like why not just go one more month and do September when the weather is generally the best! Who knew this would be such a hard part I kind of wish we had some really special or significant day in mind and we could just pick that and be done!

Anyways, to make a long answer longer...hopefully I'll have a date as of Tuesday

 

[audball]

Can't wait to hear what you two pick!

I TOTALLY get the frustration. We have a hold on 4/27/14 right now (engaged 12/21/12) and I'm still fighting with myself about the date. I WANT it to be sooner, but due to FI's leave time at work (new job) and wanting to save an adequate budget, we really can't see doing it before that date comfortably.

I'd prefer even a smidge more time, but DO NOT want a summer wedding (we live in FL...hot and hella humid). If we wait to get through the hurricane season and heat, it'll be October. That would have us at nearly a 2 year engagement which we don't want (despite loving the date 10/12/14!).

It's a hard choice! We've rationalized it six ways to Sunday and have (mostly) gotten to a point where it's a balance of soon enough, within range for us to comfortably save/budget, and not toooooo hot yet in FL. I just need to let the concerns go! (if only a girl could control the weather!!)