NANNY CAMS??

[nycbkgirl]

another note to my situation: DH is in law enforcement and is dead set on a nanny cam...i guess bc of the line of work he is in? and everyone at his job who has a nanny has the cams....so maybe i am trying to justify having one bc dh is forcing it upon me

....in any case i wish i heard from a pro-cam perspective lol...bc i love hearing different sides so i can make an unbiased decision.

 

[packrat]

I''ve never had any experience with them. I was adamant before we had kids that nobody we didn''t know and trust would ever watch them. (Not that I''m saying that prevents anything from ever happening) If we were to have to hire someone, I would want to have one. I''ve seen too much on the internet and on tv about people who don''t even think there''s anything going on, they just want to see how the day unfolds when they''re not there, and they see bad things. My mind works overtime with my kids.

Nobody around here as far as I know, has one. However, one woman was having a neighbor''s daughter watch her kids after school-the kids were older-and the kids would mention things in conversation that the sitter wouldn''t let them do this or that and got mad at them...they never said she was horrible or anything, but the mom wanted to know exactly what was going on. She hooked up her video camera, and when she came home from work, she watched the sitter scream at her kids and swear at them.

As far as MIL goes, regardless of who she is, and if she''s doing it for free so it''s a financial help to you, if someone doesn''t take care of your kids the way you expect them to, they don''t need to watch your kids. I don''t mean, oh she let them stay up 15 minutes late, or she didn''t make them eat their veggies. That''s part of the fun of being gramma, you get to do the fun things that you wouldn''t have done with your own kids. Conversely, that''s not a get out of jail free card that gives you carte blanche to do whatever/whenever regardless of what mom and dad want. I knew my MIL wasn''t doing anything I asked, b/c she TOLD me so. She enjoyed smiling and telling me "I know you said X but *I* decided it should be Y". I was never a controlling and aggressive person, until the kids came.

You said your husbands coworkers all have them..maybe talk to the wives and get their perspectives on it? Does your husband say why exactly he''s so adamant to have one?

 

[packrat]

I second the staying home idea, if possible. My husband works 2nd and 3rd shift, so for a while, we didn''t see much of each other-but it''s worth it to have your kids taken care of the way *you* want. Is there a room you can designate as the kids, where you and your sister have your business?

 

[megumic]

As a former nanny in NYC to a very wealthy family with 5 kids, this hits home for me. From reading through the thread, it seems more like you want to have complete control of everyone who is caring for your children, as opposed to a genuine fear that someone may harm them. Everyone has a different method of handling situations. Of course as their mother, you know what you think is best for them. But if you want/need a nanny, you must relinquish some of that control. As part of the job and qualifications of being a nanny, you should choose someone who has a very natural motherly instinct, even if the instinct isn''t exactly the same as yours, it still may be a good one.

As far as MIL goes, I would never have accepted a position working alongside a MIL. It sounds like between you, the MIL, and the nanny it would just be too many cooks in the kitchen. Go with MIL or nanny, but not both. It will be a constant power struggle and MIL will always win b/c she is family and has cared for the twins since birth, hence your directions would be out the window - even if the nanny tried to comply.

Back to the point - I have a feeling I was video taped and actually don''t mind. I would have liked to have known so I didn''t pick my nose or something, but I assumed they had cameras. You seem set that your real purpose is to ensure the children are being cared for the way you want, not the way MIL wants. Maybe just release MIL from her care duties and you''d feel better? I''m sure you can find a great nanny - there are a lot of them who will take direction well and care for your children exactly as you want. That was always my goal - respond and behave as the parent would.

Having been a nanny, and planning to hire a nanny, a few musts. Do a criminal background check. I''d also ask for no less than three references - employers, college professors, etc. - who you can call and poke around with some questions. Also ask for references of other families she has cared for. I highly recommend a one or two week trial period. It gives both her and you a chance to adjust to each others methods of handling the children and their schedule. Then you''re not stuck if you realize she is late everyday and annoyingly eats your expensive cheese or something.

Oh also, remember, the hardest and most challenging part of being a nanny isn''t the kids...it''s the parents. Hope my perspective was helpful

 

[brooklyngirl]

Nanny cams are for people who leave their children with the nanny without other family members present. I don''t think it would be useful in your case. If DH''s friends had a grandma around they wouldn''t need the cameras, I assure you. However, if the kids will be alone with the nanny at any point, then get the cameras. But you HAVE to tell the nanny/MIL that they are there. Knowing they are there only benefits you.

 

[mia1181]

As a nanny, I personally would feel uncomfortable with being videotaped all day at my place of employment. I don’t know what you do for a living, but try and picture having cameras on you… Honestly, would you really want your employer to see every time you pick a wedgie or listen in on all your private telephone calls? Would this really be acceptable to you? I know you might be thinking “well I didn’t choose to take care of someone else’s kid for a living” But please try and have a little respect for this individual who is coming into your home to take care of the most important thing in your world. Nannies deserve fair treatment and privacy too. Not saying nanny cams are wrong, just reminding you that we are people too.

If you want to use a webcam, I really do not understand why you wouldn’t just be forthcoming about it. Do you just want to catch a nanny doing/saying something to validate that they are all horrible and can’t be trusted with your children? Or do you want to insure that nothing happens from the start? If you did hide the cameras, how would you feel watching something happen and wondering if that nanny wouldn’t have done it, had she known she was being watched?

I should warn you though that if I was interviewing with a family and they told me they had a nanny cam I would wonder what kind of a situation I was getting myself into. Is this mother going to be over my shoulder watching my every step? Am I going to be accused every time my charge scrapes a knee? I certainly have nothing to hide, but I don’t want a job where I feel like I am not trusted. I''d really be wondering if it was more than just protecting the children.

Webcam or not, much of childcare is thinking on your feet. You really do need to hire someone who has a similar childcare philosophy as you so she can make the right decisions in your absence. The way you do this is extensive interviewing and having a trial period where the nanny works with you for a while and you decide if it will work out or not. Check those references!!! You wouldn’t believe how many people don’t! And run a background check! Pay competitive wages. I know it’s expensive in NYC, but you really do generally get what you pay for with nannies.

But then again I don’t think you are actually looking to hire a “nanny.” You actually want to hire babysitter or mother’s-helper. Nannies are for raising children. I don’t know how much you are planning on paying, but my guess is that you aren’t going to want to pay nanny wages if your MIL will be there anyway. Sorry, as a professional, educated nanny who holds a teacher credential, I get a little sensitive when people use nanny/babysitter/au pair interchangeably!

 

[nycbkgirl]

Packrat- THANK YOU! lol..for understanding my point of view as a worried mother who never went thru this process before. i have also seen lots of internet and heard of horror stories ! i will try to work something out with my sis about work hrs...will try to work 3x a week and home the rest of the time with the nanny and the kids.

Megumic- the nanny''s instinct may be a good one...no matter how many references i check or what her credentials look like...i DO NOT know this person and need to trust her with my kids...if anyone thinks that is an easy thing to do ..well they are mistaken. she may be a godsend but i need to know that for myself.


im sure a high percentage of nannies are being taped and do not or will not know about it...im just bringing this up as a topic of discussion.

MIA- as i said if i were a nanny i would also feel uncomfortable with being taped but a nanny should know that this is part of the job. nannies are entrusted with the LIVES of children. wedgies should be picked in the bathroom...what if u pick ur wedgie and dont wash ur hands and then feed my child??? seriously, i would like to see how my nanny deals with my child!....i wouldnt be watching the nanny cam every day like its the movie of the day ...at least the first week i would def wanna skim thru and just make sure this person is who she says she is and does what she says she does. i am sure u are a great nanny but u have to understand there are bad ones as well, who appear to be mary poppins! (esp in NYC). of course nannies are people so are your average security guards who are being taped from punch in to punch out...but they know it comes with the territory..u choose to have this job...yes security guards know they are being taped and nannies should always assume they are being taped as well bc they have a job taking care of the most valuable thing in the world. and IMO yes nannies should think mothers are watching over their shoulders all the time...know that my child is the most impt thing in the world and i dont really care if my nanny doesnt like it or needs her "privacy"....u dont get privacy when u are watching my kids...u get it when u leave thru my door and before u come in it. maybe i do have a new york attitude about things and im extra scared and cautious but thats how u have to be here bc its a tough place to live!
whether or not i am hiring a nanny or babysitter or the pay is not the topic of this thread. thanx for your input.

 

[TravelingGal]

nycbkgirl, I understand your stress. I went through it to some degree a year ago when I had to find a nanny for my daughter. My situation was a bit better in that I work from home. But I am WORKING so that meant my nanny would be unsupervised and she could still do a lot of harm to my child in the little things.

I did ask nannies during the interview if they were opposed to nanny cams. I said I didn't have one yet, but if I did, I would disclose that. The nanny I hired said it would not bother her. But honestly, in asking it, I just felt it wasn't right - for me.

I live in LA. Lots of freaks around here too. I decided this is someone I was entrusting with my child...the most important job ever and worthy of the respect for such a position. Again, I work from home so I was able to take more of a risk. But there will be lots of people I will have to entrust my child to in the future and I figured I might as well start using my gut instinct now. And I do trust my gut instinct 100% - it has never led me down the wrong path.

My nanny is amazing. I trust her implicitly. She takes my daughter to the park her own and I leave her at home with Amelia alone. The first time she took Amelia to the park, mommy panic did sort of start as I had all kinds of horrible thoughts of my nanny selling her off to baby sellers or something. But she came back fine and I can tell how much my daughter adores her.

As for your situation, I think it's all the wrong reason for a nanny cam. Your MIL will be there and will ensure that the nanny doesn't do anything horrible to your children. Setting up a nanny cam in your situation is setting up the people who have volunteered (or get paid) to take care of your children to fail. You will NOT like what you see. NO ONE will take care of your children better than you. Not your hubby, mother, MIL - no one. That is a very high standard to hold other people. If you don't like your MIL (who I take it is helping you take care of your children without pay?), then don't use her. Don't bite the hand that feeds you...she is helping you out so be understanding. If you really can't stand the way she does things, you can hire a couple of nannies who will follow your instuctions down to the letter or put the kids in daycare.

Never an easy decision, but it is done every day and very very few people have heinous conclusions.

 

[mia1181]

Oh trust me, I know that I should always assume I am being taped. Like I said, I don''t have anything to hide. My boss knows me and trusts me. She must be a terrible parent

.

I obviously realize that not all nannies are great and I am not opposed to nanny cams at all, I just don''t understand the secrecy.

When I talk about "a mother looking over my shoulder", I obviously don''t mean to see if I am doing anything harmful to the child, or something she''s asked me not to do. What I do mean is a micromanager.... I totally get that you need to protect your child, but like any other job it is very difficult to work when you have someone constantly telling how every little thing should be done... Not whether or not to let the baby CIO, but the mundane details.

I hate to say it but your response to me sounded like "when you work for me I own you" and that is what I am trying to explain is a red flag for a potential nanny (if you want a good one that is). Don''t believe me? Put it in your craigslist ad and see what response you get. Look, a great majority or nannies REALLY do love children. We WANT to do what you want. You are right, that you need to protect your children and if a nanny cam makes you feel better, then so be it... I just tried to give my perspective.

I do think that you hiring essentially a mother''s helper IS relevant because she will never be alone with the children anyway. What is there to watch?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/23/2009 1:56:24 AM
Author: mia1181
Oh trust me, I know that I should always assume I am being taped. Like I said, I don''t have anything to hide. My boss knows me and trusts me. She must be a terrible parent

.

I obviously realize that not all nannies are great and I am not opposed to nanny cams at all, I just don''t understand the secrecy.

When I talk about ''a mother looking over my shoulder'', I obviously don''t mean to see if I am doing anything harmful to the child, or something she''s asked me not to do. What I do mean is a micromanager.... I totally get that you need to protect your child, but like any other job it is very difficult to work when you have someone constantly telling how every little thing should be done... Not whether or not to let the baby CIO, but the mundane details.

I hate to say it but your response to me sounded like ''when you work for me I own you'' and that is what I am trying to explain is a red flag for a potential nanny (if you want a good one that is). Don''t believe me? Put it in your craigslist ad and see what response you get. Look, a great majority or nannies REALLY do love children. We WANT to do what you want. You are right, that you need to protect your children and if a nanny cam makes you feel better, then so be it... I just tried to give my perspective.

I do think that you hiring essentially a mother''s helper IS relevant because she will never be alone with the children anyway. What is there to watch?

mia, where do you work? I know a woman with triplets coming who will need help!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/23/2009 1:04:44 AM
Author: nycbkgirl
Packrat- THANK YOU! lol..for understanding my point of view as a worried mother who never went thru this process before. i have also seen lots of internet and heard of horror stories ! i will try to work something out with my sis about work hrs...will try to work 3x a week and home the rest of the time with the nanny and the kids.

Megumic- the nanny''s instinct may be a good one...no matter how many references i check or what her credentials look like...i DO NOT know this person and need to trust her with my kids...if anyone thinks that is an easy thing to do ..well they are mistaken. she may be a godsend but i need to know that for myself.


im sure a high percentage of nannies are being taped and do not or will not know about it...im just bringing this up as a topic of discussion.

MIA- as i said if i were a nanny i would also feel uncomfortable with being taped but a nanny should know that this is part of the job. nannies are entrusted with the LIVES of children. wedgies should be picked in the bathroom...what if u pick ur wedgie and dont wash ur hands and then feed my child??? seriously, i would like to see how my nanny deals with my child!....i wouldnt be watching the nanny cam every day like its the movie of the day ...at least the first week i would def wanna skim thru and just make sure this person is who she says she is and does what she says she does. i am sure u are a great nanny but u have to understand there are bad ones as well, who appear to be mary poppins! (esp in NYC). of course nannies are people so are your average security guards who are being taped from punch in to punch out...but they know it comes with the territory..u choose to have this job...yes security guards know they are being taped and nannies should always assume they are being taped as well bc they have a job taking care of the most valuable thing in the world. and IMO yes nannies should think mothers are watching over their shoulders all the time...know that my child is the most impt thing in the world and i dont really care if my nanny doesnt like it or needs her ''privacy''....u dont get privacy when u are watching my kids...u get it when u leave thru my door and before u come in it. maybe i do have a new york attitude about things and im extra scared and cautious but thats how u have to be here bc its a tough place to live!
whether or not i am hiring a nanny or babysitter or the pay is not the topic of this thread. thanx for your input.

nyc, I agree with mia that your attitude is probably not going to help a nanny last in her position with you. No one wants to be servant that doesn''t own her space. The BEST nannies are going to be in a position to find the best employees...who would you want to work for - someone who respects you or says, "sorry, I don''t give a crap about your needs?" Do you want the best?

Now that I''m at the top of the game in my field, no way I am I going to work for a mediocre company and a boss who micromanages me. I KNOW what I am doing. If you want to hire me, you''d better trust me to do my job. Why should a nanny be any different in her perspective?

Don''t think just about what kind of help you want - think through what kind of boss you''d like to be. People don''t quit jobs - people quit management. And I''ll tell you what - if you have high turnover in a nanny position, it is hard on the kids as they see a revolving door of nannies.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 7/23/2009 1:59:44 AM
Author: TravelingGal
mia, where do you work? I know a woman with triplets coming who will need help!

Haha not gonna be too far from LA!

I'm moving from SF to the OC next month! Never hire a PSer as a nanny though ... we corrupt children. My 3 year old charge says "just like your diamond Mia!" whenever she sees something sparkly!

ETA- TGAL DID U SEE MY OTHER THREAD?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/23/2009 2:10:43 AM
Author: mia1181

Date: 7/23/2009 1:59:44 AM
Author: TravelingGal
mia, where do you work? I know a woman with triplets coming who will need help!

Haha not gonna be too far from LA!

I''m moving from SF to the OC next month! Never hire a PSer as a nanny though ... we corrupt children. My 3 year old charge says ''just like your diamond Mia!'' whenever she sees something sparkly!

ETA- TGAL DID U SEE MY OTHER THREAD?

It''s ok, I let Amelia play with my rings to distract her. We are on the same page. Hee.

Yes, I did!

 

[nycbkgirl]

sorry if i gave off the impression that act like i "own" somebody that was even strange hearing that bc i certainly dont own anyone and would never even assume that...me watching my children is certainly not owning the person

..but if a nanny expects privacy in my house...i think thats stretching it..and not just my house but any. u cant expect privacy coming into a home and watching ppls BABIES! its sad that i only have nannies perspectives here bc my feelings are echoed by many (maybe not on ps lol) but certainly ppl i have spoken to. im someone who loves to hear all sides and never backs down from any debate

and i dont offend easily ..if ever... so im fine with ppl telling me their thoughts but im not ok with ppl telling me my feelings and thoughts are wrong (not saying anyone is but generally speaking)...everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs and all sides should be accepted.

TGAL- love to hear your views..always and on any topic

...but unfotunatley trusting my gut is not good enough when it comes to my kids and trusting a stranger to do their "job" is a little concerning to me. but im also ok if others feel thats what they have to do...again i never judge anyone and i dont like to be judged either...everyone is so different thats whats so great

...maybe i dont trust easily..perhaps thats a bad quialty? but it is what it is..maybe its bc i have never had any experiences with nannies and neither has my family.? maybe once i get to know the person i will feel differently? in any case thats my story..take it or leave it lol

 

[janinegirly]

I don't have any problems with nanny cams--and if I had a nanny, I'd get one or make mention that there might be one in the house. I think it's ok to be controlling when it comes to your kids!! As we all know the few bad nannies in the press also seemed to be great candidates initially and passed gut instinct standards,etc., so you never know. I for one will never feel 100% with someone who isn't family watching my child alone for long periods. This is part of the reason I personally may opt for daycare when the time comes--but if I did find someone who came with great recommendations and whom we connected with, I'd consider it.

Having said that, since your MIL is there, there is less concern because the nanny will never be alone, so the cam wouldn't add any extra security. On the other hand, I think it's a bit unfair for some of us to tell nycgirl to be SAHM, that is a personal decision that none of us can really weigh in on.

PS Questions for nannies-how do you feel about the stereotypes? Do you know of "bad nannies" or do you feel it's all a bad rap? I mean how many times do we hear about so and so cheating with the nanny or see a clip from a nanny cam catching some scary site. I admit it's made me very wary of nannies, but then I have friends who have great ones!

 

[purselover]

I would 100% get a nanny cam, everyday at work I see a ton of kids and their nannies and I am constantly horrified by what I see. I see so many nannies lose their charges, I see them screaming in the kids faces, grabbing them I think overly aggresively, gossiping with the other nannies, I could go on and on for hours. After seeing all this I swore I would spy if I ever have a nanny.

I really really think a nanny cam is a must you never know what people are actually like with your kids.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/23/2009 9:51:29 AM
Author: janinegirly
I don't have any problems with nanny cams--and if I had a nanny, I'd get one or make mention that there might be one in the house. I think it's ok to be controlling when it comes to your kids!! As we all know the few bad nannies in the press also seemed to be great candidates initially and passed gut instinct standards,etc., so you never know. I for one will never feel 100% with someone who isn't family watching my child alone for long periods. This is part of the reason I personally may opt for daycare when the time comes--but if I did find someone who came with great recommendations and whom we connected with, I'd consider it.

Having said that, since your MIL is there, there is less concern because the nanny will never be alone, so the cam wouldn't add any extra security. On the other hand, I think it's a bit unfair for some of us to tell nycgirl to be SAHM, that is a personal decision that none of us can really weigh in on.

PS Questions for nannies-how do you feel about the stereotypes? Do you know of 'bad nannies' or do you feel it's all a bad rap? I mean how many times do we hear about so and so cheating with the nanny or see a clip from a nanny cam catching some scary site. I admit it's made me very wary of nannies, but then I have friends who have great ones!

There are certainly 'bad' nannies, but I think few are bad in the sense that they physically harm their charges. More common are the nannies that don't engage their charges...I saw that a lot of those when I was a nanny myself (nannies not watching children at the park because they’re on the phone, or leaving the kids in front of the tv, etc.)

A positive relationship between nanny and family can only achieved if both parties desire it—it is really a two-way street. I, personally, loved being a nanny. It was the best job I could have hoped for while in college. However, I am one of the lucky ones, in that I worked for two wonderful families. I had one bad experience and I knew enough (as an experienced childcare provider) to know that the situation wasn't going to work and I removed myself very quickly. In this case, the mother was so controlling I knew it wouldn't work. I couldn’t do everything to her specifications. I'm sorry, but if your 8 year old talks back to you (screams at you) and disrespects you, and you allow that, and don't back me up when I don't allow it, IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK. But I knew enough to know that in the first few weeks—not all nannies are experienced enough with children (or in general) to decipher these things for themselves. And it’s too bad because it saves everyone a lot of headaches.

I think it's a matter of deciding what's most important to you. Part of the reason nannies get bad raps is because they are on the lower end of the totem pole as far as working status goes (which is funny because many of them are college educated). No they are not servants (not in the slightest) but you do have families who treat their nannies as such. And let's be honest, the reality is, you have some HORRIFIC families out there. Mothers who are demeaning, work-horses, watch you through a microscope, ungrateful, untrusting, penny pinchers, lazy, pushovers...the list goes on and ON.

I get that you can't trust anyone fully with your child-- I'd feel the same way, should I ever have no other choice but to hire a nanny (I hope I never do b/c I'd much prefer having my mother or MIL help me) so yes, I would have a nanny cam installed...just to help eliminate the 'what ifs.' BUT, IMO, if you're hiring someone to watch your children, I think it is smart to treat that person as you would friendly colleague or even a friend. Yes, first and foremost, it is a working relationship, but also realize that it's not the typical working relationship. Nannies are in your house, and therefore, IMO, they should feel at home (another reason they should be notified about cameras--I'd hate to be watched picking my nose and no, I don't always go into a bathroom to do that). If my nanny eats me out of house and home, I couldn't care less, as long as she's taking the BEST care of my child.

If I found someone I could trust, I would treat them like gold because they are taking care of my most prized possessions. That's where a lot of the problems lie. Nannies feel unappreciated, looked down upon, etc. so there is NO LOYALTY. Think about how you do your work when you hate your job, or your boss. You're uninspired, right? Uninspired and a combination of other things--mostly negative. Same thing in this case. If a nanny hates her job and the people she works for, she's not going to give that family 100%. My family was so good to me, I went out of my way to do the little things. I also loved my charges. It makes all the difference. Even to this day, although I no longer work as their nanny, I am still good friends with these families.

 

[VegasAngel]

If my daughter was being watched at home, no doubt I would have nanny cams. I would be upfront about it-you'll weed a lot of not so good nannies from the start. I remember reading an ad on Craigslist from a lady looking for a nanny. She put in the ad she had nanny cams & that she expected you to actually interact with her child not just sit on the phone or do your nails etc... Some people left responses about how they would never work for her with all those "conditions" or that she better be paying through the roof since they had to be on cameras. Yeah, it's a lot to ask a NANNY to actually do their job & properly care for your child & babysitter doesn't mean you actually sit on your butt & do nothing

.

I'm sure we have all seen way too many clips of children being abused on nanny cam. Two stick with me in particular: a nurse abusing a baby & another woman beating up an older special needs child.

 

[janinegirly]

Interesting Bia. And I do agree that there are some nightmare moms/families just as there are some psychotic nannies

.

Still like you say, it is a working relationship, so there has to be a line that separates family and a person who is paid to behave like family (meaning the trust will never be 100% and there is an expectation of performance). Agree that mutual respect is important in any aspect of life.

I too have seen nannies at the park who are all gossiping with the child rolling in the dirt. Also have heard of younger nannies on phones with the boyfriend, or having bf come by. That's the stuff that's probably more likely to happen (then the scary abusive stuff or torrid affair), but still has made me very wary and want to look at other options first (my mother is watching my LO until she is 1 year and at that point I will need help 2 days a week).

 

[nycbkgirl]

Date: 7/23/2009 9:51:29 AM
Author: janinegirly
I don''t have any problems with nanny cams--and if I had a nanny, I''d get one or make mention that there might be one in the house. I think it''s ok to be controlling when it comes to your kids!! As we all know the few bad nannies in the press also seemed to be great candidates initially and passed gut instinct standards,etc., so you never know. I for one will never feel 100% with someone who isn''t family watching my child alone for long periods. This is part of the reason I personally may opt for daycare when the time comes--but if I did find someone who came with great recommendations and whom we connected with, I''d consider it.

Having said that, since your MIL is there, there is less concern because the nanny will never be alone, so the cam wouldn''t add any extra security. On the other hand, I think it''s a bit unfair for some of us to tell nycgirl to be SAHM, that is a personal decision that none of us can really weigh in on.

PS Questions for nannies-how do you feel about the stereotypes? Do you know of ''bad nannies'' or do you feel it''s all a bad rap? I mean how many times do we hear about so and so cheating with the nanny or see a clip from a nanny cam catching some scary site. I admit it''s made me very wary of nannies, but then I have friends who have great ones!

FINALLY! lol. thanks for the support Janine..i was being attacked

lol.

even with MIL there i still dont feel secure bc they could be at different points alone throughout the house...yes im THAT crazy!

to answer your ?...i would never hire anyone under 50

 

[nycbkgirl]

Date: 7/23/2009 10:27:16 AM
Author: purselover
I would 100% get a nanny cam, everyday at work I see a ton of kids and their nannies and I am constantly horrified by what I see. I see so many nannies lose their charges, I see them screaming in the kids faces, grabbing them I think overly aggresively, gossiping with the other nannies, I could go on and on for hours. After seeing all this I swore I would spy if I ever have a nanny.

I really really think a nanny cam is a must you never know what people are actually like with your kids.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. was sooo waiting for ppl to de-lurk with this perspective!

. totally agreed.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am sorry you are so overwhelmed. Motherhood is a tough adjustment and much more difficult with twins I am sure! Sometimes it takes moms longer to build confidence but know that you CAN take care of your children alone. You really, really can. Now, on the subject of nanny cams they do make me uncomfortable but I think as long as they are legal and you TELL both your nanny AND MIL that they are there its understandable. Of course they have the RIGHT to refuse to work while being taped. Have you ever thought of a traditional daycare since you don''t really get along with your MIL? Maybe you would feel safer with your babies there.

 

[nycbkgirl]

BIA- whoever is accepted into my family is really the luckiest person bc we are so loving and would treat them like family (with boundaries of course bc it is a job)..BUT u have to earn that respect and trust first! if u live ur life trusting every tom,dick and harry u may have many upsets in life! my motto has always been: trust/respect is something earned, its not a god given right. (i always told DH that to warn him never to lie to me bc once the trust is gone its very hard to get it back) ..anyhoo went off on a tangent...point is i will trust my nanny once i see that she is trustworthy! like i said before i hired her bc i did see smthg in her that i liked but thats not good enough to earn trust!! my sis told her u will be the happiest person as long as u treat our kiddos right! i would never look down at anyone at any job or position...i treat the cashiers at my supermarket like they were my friends...so that is not an issue in my house!



so nanny came today 10 mins late (thats not a prob and i would never say anything ) but it kind of makes a first impression ...i worked since i was 13 and i showed up early for work every single day!...but like i said its not a big deal. so i showed her everything and then she wanted to have brkfst, she brought her own fruits and asked us for coffee, bread and butter and she didnt like the bread we had

...i said im sorry but i dont have time to do anything much less go shopping. let us all remember i have 3 mo twin babies ..so it would be nice for just MIL to watch them but with 2 its a whole diff ballgame. i showed her the fridge and said plz help urself to anything but i kinda feel she should be having brkfst before she comes?

...i would def give her time for lunch and snacks ...but brkfst right away when u come thru the door? what do u all think of that?

 

[nycbkgirl]

thanks TAC..always love your opinions too!...i wouldnt consider daycare until they were at least 2 or if we had no other choice. i rather them be in the comfort of their own home (and minus other sickly kids of course)...i def can take care of my kids on my own..but i mentioned before that i wanna slowly start returning to work and cooking and cleaning again lol...so it really cant be done without the help. its really not that i dont feel safe..its just a matter of whether this person is good enough to take care of my babies. i dont know this person and i need to have that control in the beginning.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/23/2009 11:50:47 AM
Author: nycbkgirl
BIA- whoever is accepted into my family is really the luckiest person bc we are so loving and would treat them like family (with boundaries of course bc it is a job)..BUT u have to earn that respect and trust first! if u live ur life trusting every tom,dick and harry u may have many upsets in life! my motto has always been: trust/respect is something earned, its not a god given right. (i always told DH that to warn him never to lie to me bc once the trust is gone its very hard to get it back) ..anyhoo went off on a tangent...point is i will trust my nanny once i see that she is trustworthy! like i said before i hired her bc i did see smthg in her that i liked but thats not good enough to earn trust!! my sis told her u will be the happiest person as long as u treat our kiddos right! i would never look down at anyone at any job or position...i treat the cashiers at my supermarket like they were my friends...so that is not an issue in my house!

Wasn't directing this at you. I was answering janine's question about nannies getting a bad rap.

Don't get it twisted, I agree that trust must be earned (just as respect must be earned), and even then, IMO, you can't fully trust anyone (other than your family), but I'm not that trusting as a person to begin with, ESP not with my children (that I don't have

).

I guess, because I was a nanny, and saw situations other nannies were placed in, I am a bit biased--just as you are as a mother. Good nannies are HARD to find and even harder to keep. But I'm sure you have a great family (loving and caring as you said) therefore you should have no trouble keeping a good one--I hope you find a wonderful nanny.

As for the breakfast thing, when I nannied during the summers I worked full days and I always ate breakfast with my kid. I usually made it for him because the parents left earlier than he would have eaten anyway.

I don't know...maybe my situation was different. It wasn't formal AT ALL and the family was very down-to-earth.

 

[nycbkgirl]

Date: 7/23/2009 12:15:59 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/23/2009 11:50:47 AM
Author: nycbkgirl
BIA- whoever is accepted into my family is really the luckiest person bc we are so loving and would treat them like family (with boundaries of course bc it is a job)..BUT u have to earn that respect and trust first! if u live ur life trusting every tom,dick and harry u may have many upsets in life! my motto has always been: trust/respect is something earned, its not a god given right. (i always told DH that to warn him never to lie to me bc once the trust is gone its very hard to get it back) ..anyhoo went off on a tangent...point is i will trust my nanny once i see that she is trustworthy! like i said before i hired her bc i did see smthg in her that i liked but thats not good enough to earn trust!! my sis told her u will be the happiest person as long as u treat our kiddos right! i would never look down at anyone at any job or position...i treat the cashiers at my supermarket like they were my friends...so that is not an issue in my house!

Wasn''t directing this at you. I was answering janine''s question about nannies getting a bad rap.

Don''t get it twisted, I agree that trust must be earned (just as respect must be earned), and even then, IMO, you can''t fully trust anyone (other than your family), but I''m not that trusting as a person to begin with, ESP not with my children (that I don''t have

).

I guess, because I was a nanny, and saw situations other nannies were placed in, I am a bit biased--just as you are as a mother. Good nannies are HARD to find and even harder to keep. But I''m sure you have a great family (loving and caring as you said) therefore you should have no trouble keeping a good one--I hope you find a wonderful nanny.

As for the breakfast thing, when I nannied during the summers I worked full days and I always ate breakfast with my kid. I usually made it for him because the parents left earlier than he would have eaten anyway.

I don''t know...maybe my situation was different. It wasn''t formal AT ALL and the family was very down-to-earth.

i agree and i have no problem with eating brkfst ..my situation isnt formal either but i would feel akward on my first day asking my employers for food right off the bat...maybe once we got to know eachother it woul be diff. my kids dont have brkfst so its not like they can do it together lol.

 

[TravelingGal]

nyc, your nanny would rub me the wrong way. My nanny has NEVER been late. Not once. In the beginning, I told her that she would have to bring her own food. She said fine. I was just glad that she was fine with it - and I''ve provided her with food every day since day 2. But she has NEVER EVER once asked me for something like coffee or whatever if we didn''t have it. If she doesn''t like what we have, she is more than welcome to bring her own.

I would be sitting down with your nanny and discussing expectations. Tardiness is not acceptable. If she was late because your place is new and she got lost, no problem. See how it goes tomorrow.

On the topic of inspiring loyalty, I do suggest employers of nannies take that seriously. As I said, it is tough on kids to have nannies leave and new ones come in. My nanny only works for me 2 days. She has gotten full time offers (from friends of her past employers) since she met me, but she has turned them down because she enjoys working for me. I really appreciate that because it''s hard to find a nanny who will only come in two days a week. Tough to fill those other days.

 

[nycbkgirl]

Date: 7/23/2009 12:54:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal
nyc, your nanny would rub me the wrong way. My nanny has NEVER been late. Not once. In the beginning, I told her that she would have to bring her own food. She said fine. I was just glad that she was fine with it - and I''ve provided her with food every day since day 2. But she has NEVER EVER once asked me for something like coffee or whatever if we didn''t have it. If she doesn''t like what we have, she is more than welcome to bring her own.

I would be sitting down with your nanny and discussing expectations. Tardiness is not acceptable. If she was late because your place is new and she got lost, no problem. See how it goes tomorrow.

On the topic of inspiring loyalty, I do suggest employers of nannies take that seriously. As I said, it is tough on kids to have nannies leave and new ones come in. My nanny only works for me 2 days. She has gotten full time offers (from friends of her past employers) since she met me, but she has turned them down because she enjoys working for me. I really appreciate that because it''s hard to find a nanny who will only come in two days a week. Tough to fill those other days.

thanks TGAL- i totally agree about the tardiness and the food..was just wondering if i was the only one

..glad to know that u also established boundries ...i would discuss that but i dont think i like her

...i think today will be her last day. not only bc of the lateness and food (thats not even a factor bc that could be discussed) she doesnt seem interested in the kids and when theres down time she just sits or wants to chat with MIL. i think we need to try another nanny that i thought was nice. i feel bad saying that your services arent needed anymore but luckily my sis is tough as a nail bc im a wuss when it comes to things like that

.

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 7/22/2009 10:04:32 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
another note to my situation: DH is in law enforcement and is dead set on a nanny cam...i guess bc of the line of work he is in? and everyone at his job who has a nanny has the cams....so maybe i am trying to justify having one bc dh is forcing it upon me

....in any case i wish i heard from a pro-cam perspective lol...bc i love hearing different sides so i can make an unbiased decision.

Hi,

Just curious, if your husband works nites, then isn''t he home during the day? Like, all day? Albeit, he is probably sleeping, but I am sure he doesn''t sleep the entire day? So, if your MIL is home with the kids and your husband is home, in case of emergencies I am sure she can wake him up, do you really need a nanny as well?

My husband is in law enforcement too and he works nites, we use a babysitter on Sundays and he have never suggested getting a camera. He''s home all day from 8 am to 10:30 pm, and he can hear every time the baby cries, etc. and our sitter knows she can wake him up in case of emergencies. He usually wakes up around 3 pm and the babysitter leaves.

I would think that whoever you hired would be detered to do anything malicious to your kids esp. since your MIL is right there and your husband is there too? Unless he doesn''t sleep at home?

If I were a nanny, I would be extra careful about doing anything if I knew that the parent was in law enforcement and was in the house, even if he was sleeping.

 

[LadyBlue]

Did she apologize for being late? Leaving in the city i know that sometimes you get trap in the subway, the bus is late or so many factors. But being late the first day, she should explain her self.

At what time did she start working? If she start at 10.00 am and ask for breakfast, thats a bit to much, but if start at 7 or 7.30 well, she is leaving her house around 6.30, so I understand that.

If the babys were sleeping, I understand why she had breakfast right away, so she will be ready when the kids wake up, if the kids were awake, then, I will be thinking if is the right nanny