My tolerance for bullies...

[isaku5]

has never been very high. I have championed those who were being picked on zealously since I was a young''un....and still am as an old one! I have to say here that I can''t remember ever being the object of bullying maybe because of my height, or maybe it was my self confidence (thanks, Dad).

Sure I was called "four eyes" (glasses since age 6), but that really doesn''t count.

I chose teaching as a career, certainly not because of the money, but because I genuinely wanted to help; during my many years, I saw diverse forms of bullying and strangely enough it was teenage girls who were by far the worst. The movie "Mean Girls" just touches the surface in my experience.

I wish I could always write pleasant, upbeat posts like the majority of posters here especially Kaleigh and Mrs. Salvo, or learn to stay neutral, but all day I have thought over the many helpful posts that both Cehra and TierHog (remember Ron?) submitted; yet both have been so belittled by a few that they are no longer willing to write anything. What a shame!!

As is usually the case, the "bullies" think they''ve won. Not so kiddies!!!! Grow up and learn to play nice!!

 

[lyra]

Hmmm. I definitely root for the bullied too. I don''t really know specifically about the issues you are addressing here, as I''m fairly new around these parts, but I do still live by the adage "If you can''t say something nice, don''t say anything at all." Of course, if it''s something blatant that pisses me off, I will definitely step up, on forums or in real life. I don''t like bullies.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/5/2007 6:55:53 PM
Author:isaku5
both have been so belittled by a few that they are no longer willing to write anything.

I respectfully disagree with your version of history ... but as to the power of "belittlement" I offer this:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
--- Eleanor Roosevelt

Where some folks see "bullying" ... others see "exposing hypocrisy". As long as everyone politely agrees to disagree I don''t see why differing opinions are such a problem.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Oops, I stand before the firing squad under my own free will.

I often read the posts several different ways. And attempt to interpret the tone. It can''t always be done. Likewise when I post I hope it is read in the manner in which I intended...but many times the next replier will write something negative and off it goes.

I am guilty of an similar aforementioned offense. We had a poster that was a bride to be, and was so angry that the grooms parents were not contributing their fair share to the cost of the wedding. She noted details all the way back to the grooms days as a toddler and felt that it was now payday, he was after all entitled.

I was livid. I couldn''t believe a bride was planning so much extravagance and expecting others (especially the grooms family) to pay for it...simply because she felt entitled. I read that post over and over...there was no other way to interpret it. So, instead of being neutral I told her just what I thought. I added my usual dose of banter filled with fluff and light hearted comments. Lots of smileys and parenthesis ...Others joined in and we no longer have that poster. I feel terrible that my post contributed to having lost a valuable poster. I have though about it many times...and don''t think I would have changed my decision to post.

You see, conviction draws something out of everyone. It may change your coarse of thinking...it may make you disagree...it may also make you furious with anger. It may open your eyes to a positive way of looking at a negative delimma. But that is what discussions should be-a give and a take. Agreeing to disagree...and then to support again. If we all spoke of rainbows and puppies and sunshine...we would be a superficial breed. How can I help you if I always agree or console you? Offering suggestions, help, prodding, a slap or kick, encouragement...and yes...correction. Some times a stern hand is required and often a giggle, a smile or a hug.

How should you counter? With your own conviction. Stand up for what you believe. Don''t run away with your tail between your legs! Stand on those legs!

Not sure if that is the proper reply to your post...but it is my reply just the same!

Respectfully, DKS

 

[door knob solitaire]

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--- Eleanor Roosevelt


Deco...may I quote you quoting Eleanor on that one? Absolutely wonderbar!!!

DKS

ps. on the bully subject...I had a wonderful set of parents who taught me that a bully has some problem...it may be jealously or lack but it is always an inferiority complex. Don''t be mad or scared of a bully, feel sorry for them. And so I grew up stronger having known that. It is how my feet are firmly planted on the ground. It will take an awful big bully to budge me off my stance.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/5/2007 7:37:41 PM
Author: door knob solitaire

I am guilty of an similar aforementioned offense. We had a poster that was a bride to be, and was so angry that the grooms parents were not contributing their fair share to the cost of the wedding. She noted details all the way back to the grooms days as a toddler and felt that it was now payday, he was after all entitled.

That''s who came to my mind, as well, DKS.

In general I prefer the whole say something nice or nothing at all thing. It''s hard, though, in a public forum, to stay calm and give posters the benefit of the doubt--and avoid giving them a piece of your mind when they''ve really bothered you. I didn''t take part in the now infamous Cehra thread (or the MaryAlaina one, for that matter--WAY before my PS time!).

I don''t know. It''s really difficult. PS is much, much more friendly and supportive than the vast majority of public forums. Those posters that may be seen as "bullies" in that thread are fantastically helpful people 99% of the time, so if their posts in a single thread seem out of line, I tend to think that there''s something I was not privvy to (past experience in another thread, say) rather than that they are ACTUALLY bullying. The benefit-of-the-doubt thing should be extended to the so-called "bullies" as well, IMO.

You never know what the nerdy kid in the glasses said/did to the butch kid holding him up by his shirt. We tend to think nothing, and in most cases that may be true... but who really knows?

 

[lumpkin]

Hmmm, I''ve never been one to bully and I don''t like to see anyone ganged up on. I have taken up several times for people when I felt they were being unfairly treated here, although, in my opinion it does not happen that often.

I posted to Cehra''s last major thread finally with annoyance.

I have worked with very indecisive people on decorating projects. They waste an inordinate amount of their own time and that of the designer''s, completely oblivious that there is nothing productive to be gained by obsessing over whether the blue fleck in the fabric will throw off the feng shui of the copper water feature (which was also obsessed over for weeks -- this BTW is an example). Then the designer gets flack for not being able to pull together the project to the client''s satisfaction, and the project stalls and the designer loses time/money and the project never gets completed. I''ve seen this type of client and situation several times and no one ends up happy.

The last big thread Cehra started struck me this way toward the end. A light bult went off in my head when I saw that someone had emailed the vendor on her behalf and the vendor came to post. By that time I didn''t know what to think except that it really resonated with me as being similar to a project a friend of mine had with her design client in the above example. People''s feelings and reputations were being put at risk and it seemed that her individual project was touching the whole PS community in a negative way. I think that''s why she got hammered. At that point I decided not to invest any further interest in the project until it was completed, as I said "when I see pictures" and thus would know that something actually came out of what seems to me the longest active project in PS history. I suppose that makes me one of the "visually greedy."

I noticed the PS Administrator locked the other thread. Why do we need to keep bringing this up?

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/5/2007 7:37:41 PM
Author: door knob solitaire
Oops, I stand before the firing squad under my own free will.

I often read the posts several different ways. And attempt to interpret the tone. It can''t always be done. Likewise when I post I hope it is read in the manner in which I intended...but many times the next replier will write something negative and off it goes.

I am guilty of an similar aforementioned offense. We had a poster that was a bride to be, and was so angry that the grooms parents were not contributing their fair share to the cost of the wedding. She noted details all the way back to the grooms days as a toddler and felt that it was now payday, he was after all entitled.

I was livid. I couldn''t believe a bride was planning so much extravagance and expecting others (especially the grooms family) to pay for it...simply because she felt entitled. I read that post over and over...there was no other way to interpret it. So, instead of being neutral I told her just what I thought. I added my usual dose of banter filled with fluff and light hearted comments. Lots of smileys and parenthesis ...Others joined in and we no longer have that poster. I feel terrible that my post contributed to having lost a valuable poster. I have though about it many times...and don''t think I would have changed my decision to post.

You see, conviction draws something out of everyone. It may change your coarse of thinking...it may make you disagree...it may also make you furious with anger. It may open your eyes to a positive way of looking at a negative delimma. But that is what discussions should be-a give and a take. Agreeing to disagree...and then to support again. If we all spoke of rainbows and puppies and sunshine...we would be a superficial breed. How can I help you if I always agree or console you? Offering suggestions, help, prodding, a slap or kick, encouragement...and yes...correction. Some times a stern hand is required and often a giggle, a smile or a hug.

How should you counter? With your own conviction. Stand up for what you believe. Don''t run away with your tail between your legs! Stand on those legs!

Not sure if that is the proper reply to your post...but it is my reply just the same!

Respectfully, DKS

MustangFan? I miss her terribly.

I think I stood up for her in that thread. I love my fellow LIWs!!!!
I think I would be sad if something I said caused someone not to come back too.

I

 

[musey]

Date: 9/5/2007 7:47:07 PM
Author: lumpkin

I noticed the PS Administrator locked the other thread. Why do we need to keep bringing this up?

I guess people don't feel resolved on it yet? It's been showing up in various permutations, always a slightly different take on the subject. But you're right, there's not much point in re-hashing that specific incident. Not sure that that was the OP's intention, or just general thoughts it had inspired.

 

[Gypsy]

I think, as a community we are generally upbeat and positive. It is unfortunate that some people on here, very new members or very old ones, do not have the tolerance for people whose personalities are different from theirs. They don''t understand that person or how they do things, and they express, at times, a lack of respect for the fact that people do not all have to do things the same way, or go about things in the same manner. And I find that when you remind people of the fact that they are, perhaps crossing the line, and disrespecting another member you get attacked and told that there we have an Admin for a reason-- to regulate our behavior. That''s a cop out for me. An Admin cannot regulate all things at all times, I think as members of a community we have a responsibility to respect ourselves and our community members enough to regulate our own behavior and make it unnecessary for an Admin step in.

 

[Mara]

when i see a whole new thread started, after another one was locked by the admin, and only uses the new thread to tell off other people and to tell THEM to grow up, all i can think of is

.

PS is a very friendly and caring place. there are many amazing people here. but people have LIMITS and sometimes other PS'ers just flat out test those time and time again. as someone who has been here for years i have seen my fair share of comings and goings.

just as with any online medium, someone who posts here should know that they can and may get all types of differing opinions, friendly, not friendly, whatever. you just take it with a grain of salt. and frankly those that can't do that really baffle me because how do they deal with dissention in real life??? i am a person who tries to call it like i see it rather than being neutral or always upbeat...question everything, accept nothing.

but anyway i digress. this thread is

. and there's no cop out in reminding people that we have an administrator for a reason, it's just flat out fact.

 

[isaku5]

Date: 9/5/2007 7:33:08 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 9/5/2007 6:55:53 PM
Author:isaku5
both have been so belittled by a few that they are no longer willing to write anything.

I respectfully disagree with your version of history ... but as to the power of ''belittlement'' I offer this:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
--- Eleanor Roosevelt

Where some folks see ''bullying'' ... others see ''exposing hypocrisy''. As long as everyone politely agrees to disagree I don''t see why differing opinions are such a problem.

I, for one, usually enjoy your posts, deco; they''re witty and very well worded (nary a typo to be found , but I disagree that either Cehra or Ron feel "inferior" and, by golly, they''re not!!! by a long shot. There is always a way to make a point without being insulting or downright rude.

Who''s next on the "hit list"?. Gypsy? After all, she''s taken her time to find the right setting, chosen the same designer that (dare I say), Cehra chose? And still has not finalized all the details....She''s taking her time to do what''s right for her - her ring, her money, her decsion BUT is she taking too much time? How much is too much?

Comparing bullying to "exposing hypocrisy" is an apples and oranges debate.

 

[luckystar112]

I also wanted to say that I don''t think there is anything wrong with differing opinions...at ALL.
But expressing your opinion with sarcasm and a ton of rolley-eyed emoticons can come off catty sometimes. At least I think so. And by people who I don''t think are really catty.

Sometimes those comments are deserved, sometimes they aren''t. But I would totally want someone to tell me if I was being a boob, but in a nice way of course. Like in my satin dress/psycho mom thread, where I was like "be harsh with me!" when I felt like maybe I wasn''t "getting" it and I was about to piss people off.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 9/5/2007 7:56:26 PM
Author: Gypsy
I think, as a community we are generally upbeat and positive. It is unfortunate that some people on here, very new members or very old ones, do not have the tolerance for people whose personalities are different from theirs. They don''t understand that person or how they do things, and they express, at times, a lack of respect for the fact that people do not all have to do things the same way, or go about things in the same manner. And I find that when you remind people of the fact that they are, perhaps crossing the line, and disrespecting another member you get attacked and told that there we have an Admin for a reason-- to regulate our behavior. That''s a cop out for me. An Admin cannot regulate all things at all times, I think as members of a community we have a responsibility to respect ourselves and our community members enough to regulate our own behavior and make it unnecessary for an Admin step in.

Gypsy, I agree, and I would add that the respect needs to go both ways. When someone ticks off that many people, it''s not all those other people, it''s the person who ticked that many people off. Some of those ticker-offers receive responses that gently try to tell them they are beginning to do that. They don''t get it and they keep pushing the rest of the community until several members take them to task.

 

[psadmin]

I don't want to be warning anyone anymore.

isaku5 or anyone else who wishes to stir the pot on Pricescope forum.

Please be Careful!!