froufrou
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2006
- Messages
- 304
Okay so I''ve been reading tons of threads where people discuss how they get asked all the time by relatives whether they are engaged yet, etc, which I never knew happened because my family never asks me those things. In fact, my mom is very strange when it comes to my boyfriend. She really really liked him until we started getting "more serious" and now she has the strangest and stupidest grievances against him. She met him pretty much on our first date because I lived at home when we started going out. My mom and I have always been very close and she actually has never liked anyone i''ve dated but that didn''t bother me as much because I was not so serious about them. Anyway, I think my mom must be very shallow.
I will list all my boyfriend''s good qualities which my mom has acknowledged...
he''s very smart (has like 3 BS degrees, and an MS, and is going for his PhD)
he''s very sweet and nice to me
he is very polite to my family
(among all these he is not a drug addict etc)
She thinks though that he is not good enough for me but whenever I tell her, "Mom, this guy is the "one" for me and we have been discussing getting engaged and he makes me very happy" then she says "okay" but later comes out with some "reasons" why she thinks we should not be together. Among her top-most reasons are (and this is not a joke):
he has very thin hair (this is the biggest one, his hair is not even "thinning" it is just thin and not bouncy)
he slouches a lot (yeah, so do I, she gets upset at me about that too)
she doesn''t like his clothes and tells me I should tell him what he should wear, although I like his clothes just fine
he''s boring (because he doesn''t drink and party, but neither do I, and I wouldn''t want him to like that)
she thinks he needs braces
ok...WHO CARES??!
I keep telling her that these are non-reasons for me and that I think he is cute, and that is the only thing among the other good qualities that should matter, and i dont care what kind of clothes he wears (well since I like them it does not matter...i would definately not want to dress him how she "dresses" my dad). Then when I say, "mom, please, i''m happy with him, okay?" she says "oh! i was just joking when i said those things about him!" The other day for Easter/Passover dinner she was saying that she thinks I am so "beautiful and smart and wonderful" and that my boyfriend is none of those things, and I just kind of looked at her, and then my grandma goes "why? i think he has many nice characteristics" and my dad was like "yeah he is a nice guy" and then my mom goes, "oh, I was just making a joke." and im like..what, that was not a joke AND it was not funny.
I have been reading this book called "You''re Wearing THAT? Dialogue between mothers and daughters" which says that if we think our mothers are criticizing us, it is only becaues they want what is best for us, and that is true for some of what my mom says but this whole disliking my boyfriend thing is completely strange and is not mentioned in this book as one of the things that mothers and daughters have fights over. SO...does ANYONE AT ALL have this problem??? If any of her reasons were at least valid reasons I would consider them...but they are NOT...i just disregard her opinions on this topic now but how can i get her to stop being this way?
I will list all my boyfriend''s good qualities which my mom has acknowledged...
he''s very smart (has like 3 BS degrees, and an MS, and is going for his PhD)
he''s very sweet and nice to me
he is very polite to my family
(among all these he is not a drug addict etc)
She thinks though that he is not good enough for me but whenever I tell her, "Mom, this guy is the "one" for me and we have been discussing getting engaged and he makes me very happy" then she says "okay" but later comes out with some "reasons" why she thinks we should not be together. Among her top-most reasons are (and this is not a joke):
he has very thin hair (this is the biggest one, his hair is not even "thinning" it is just thin and not bouncy)
he slouches a lot (yeah, so do I, she gets upset at me about that too)
she doesn''t like his clothes and tells me I should tell him what he should wear, although I like his clothes just fine
he''s boring (because he doesn''t drink and party, but neither do I, and I wouldn''t want him to like that)
she thinks he needs braces
ok...WHO CARES??!
I keep telling her that these are non-reasons for me and that I think he is cute, and that is the only thing among the other good qualities that should matter, and i dont care what kind of clothes he wears (well since I like them it does not matter...i would definately not want to dress him how she "dresses" my dad). Then when I say, "mom, please, i''m happy with him, okay?" she says "oh! i was just joking when i said those things about him!" The other day for Easter/Passover dinner she was saying that she thinks I am so "beautiful and smart and wonderful" and that my boyfriend is none of those things, and I just kind of looked at her, and then my grandma goes "why? i think he has many nice characteristics" and my dad was like "yeah he is a nice guy" and then my mom goes, "oh, I was just making a joke." and im like..what, that was not a joke AND it was not funny.
I have been reading this book called "You''re Wearing THAT? Dialogue between mothers and daughters" which says that if we think our mothers are criticizing us, it is only becaues they want what is best for us, and that is true for some of what my mom says but this whole disliking my boyfriend thing is completely strange and is not mentioned in this book as one of the things that mothers and daughters have fights over. SO...does ANYONE AT ALL have this problem??? If any of her reasons were at least valid reasons I would consider them...but they are NOT...i just disregard her opinions on this topic now but how can i get her to stop being this way?
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