My story.... very, very, long!

[sweetnghtmr]

Hey everyone! Needless to say I am a new member to Pricescope, and while I may be a new member I am def. not unfamiular with this great site! Let me tell you gals my story:

A while back I was trying to help a friend pick out a good diamond for his girlfriend, that''s when I stumbled across this site. I started reading the forums then and havn''t been able to stop! Or I wasn''t able to stop until about two- three weeks ago, my boyfriend (who knew I was addidcted to this site) asked if I''d do him a huge favor and stay away from it for awhile

At first I took offense to this request, but once I gave the matter more thought, I realized.... ''hmm, this could be a good thing!'' Thus began my two withdrawl from Pricescope.

Now, Jon (the bf) has been hinting around for days now about a surprise he was getting for me, he kept giving me clues and they all were leading in the direction of an engagment ring. Esp. this one: "It''s something you''ll love, and while I may have it soon, you''re not getting it until I''M good and ready to give it to you!" Today, he finally let it spill, he was so excite! Hense, my new allowance back onto Pricescope. The reason he didn''t want me here was because he actually became a member and was asking questions about the ring! I went back and read all his entires, trying to get as much information on the ring as possible. While it was still a bit of a surprise, I knew what he was up to! So now the ring should be here no later than next week, and from what I hear it sounds just like the engagment ring I''ve always wanted! (1.04 ct princess cut, platinum solitaire setting).

I don''t mean to go on forever, but I''m writing here with mixed emotions... I''m so excited about the engagment (whenever it may come) that I can''t even put it into words... but I''m having other problems right now that I''m affriad are bringing the moment down. That is my friends, anymore I feel like I don''t have any :.( I''ve loved reading everyone''s entries and I feel like I know you all... I knew this was the right place to come to get things off my chest.

What I''m scared of is what other people will think of our engagment, my best friend does not like him, he knows this. It is so hard to have your best friend hate your b/f for no good reason, she''s never given him a chance!! Everytime I bring him up she just shots him down. Even if I call and tell her something amazing he''s done, it''s always "Huh, well it wonl''t last" or "He probably just wants something". This hurts my feelings so much, I love this man, he has done so much for me, why can''t she see that? When I was telling her about my "surprise" she said "Good god, Leah, don''t marry this man... please don''t marry this man." Why? Why is she like this ? The only thing I can think of is that about 8 mo. ago her long term girlfriend, (yea g/f) broke up with her, and that was the same exact time my b/f moved in with me. Could this all be jealousey (sp?)?? At one point she also said she was in love w/ me and that''s why she dosn''t like Jon. Shortly later she took that back. So I don''t know whats true.

Another prob. are the ladies where I work, I work with mostly retired woman and they all keep telling me I''m too young to be tied down and it will never work. You better bet when this engagment comes I''m wearing that ring proudly, but what will they all say?? I know we''re young (me 19 me 22) but we''re not going to get married as soon as we get engaged we''ve talked about the summer of 2007. (He''s going to R.M.U. majoring in social sicences, and I''m going to community to become a paralegal) Plus, we''re so serious about this we''ve been prepairing our whole relationship. We have a number of saving accounts, one storing the down payment for a house, and a hefty one if I may say so! I think this is great, I think this shows dedication. We just want to wait until we graduate from college and get jobs, so we can choose the house location accordingly. While there are alot of things I still need to learn and prepare for, I feel we have an excellant head start. My family loves him, his family enjoys me (so I think) so why do I worry about the comments from people? I just don''t need to hear it. I want everyone to be as happy as I am...

I''m so sorry for the LONG entrey. I just have been lacking friends lately, we''ve all grown apart and really need someone, to talk to.

Well, enough mopping, back to the good news... he says he has a cetain date picked out for the proposal... the only clue he will give me is 1-2 months, so in other words, the wait is on!!! One good thing is he also said I get to see the ring as soon as it comes to make sure I approve

Thanks for listening, I can''t wait to hear back from you ladies! Let me know what you all think, I''d really appricate it.

P.S. Spelling has never been my strong point (as you can tell!)

 

[MelissaSue]

Congratulations. All I can say is.. if YOU want to marry him.. MARRY HIM!

But you should consider the reasons why your friends do not approve, with more than just a "they''re jealous".. they may have honest concerns. Find out what those are, and think about them. IMO, He can''t be all that bad of a guy if he posted on pricescope to get you a great ring! But your friends are the people who know you best, and getting marrried is not something to be taken lightly.. So really really think about it.. It seems strange to me that you would have to worry "what other people will think" of your engagement. All that matters is that YOU are happy.. and if you are worried about what others think this may actually be a concern about what YOU think.

That being said, its a decision that only YOU should make.. without any outside influences.

 

[sweetnghtmr]

This is the thing... all my friends do LOVE him except my best friend. The few I''m still close to think he''s great! I''m going to say yes, no matter what those people have to say, I just wish there was away to avoid all the neg. comments. This should be a time that I celibrate with my best friend... that makes me sad, I always thought this would be a time we could share. One reason I think she''s jealous is because in November she told me that, but like I said, shortly took it back. I do love him, and we''re working hard to prepare for our future... your right this is up to me, if others can''t take it then oh well, so sad. I''ll just have to endure them. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Shay]

Well ordinarily I''d say that 19 is too young for such a big commitment. But seeing as you are waiting until after your studies to marry, and that you are saving together for the house etc, I would say you are taking a very mature attitude towards this.

You just need to remember that this is your life, if you love and trust him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then do it.

You also need to take a harder line with your friend. If you love your bf enough to say yes then you should love him enough to defend him. I would tell your friend that either she starts treating him and your relationship with respect or she is out of your life. Many here will think that is a bit of a hard line to take, but I would put my future husband before a friend who cannot support my happiness.

Congratulations, best of luck and remember to show us pics as soon as you can!

 

[michela002]

Oh, this must be hard for you!!

Is your friend the only one who doesn''t get along with him? Does he dislike her in return? Maybe (before the engagement) you could sit down and talk to her, try and really figure out why she doesn''t like him? Maybe she has a reason? Try to approach her in a non-accusing way, without fighting (if that''s what you fear will happen), and have a heart-to-heart, try and sort out the mess out, and at least come out of it understanding each other. It would be nice for your fiance and your friend to get along, but that can only happen if you know why they don''t ... she won''t just magically like him one day. At least maybe if she knows it upsets you so much she can try and explain, and maybe she''ll never like him but maybe she''ll tolerate him, and realize as long as you''re happy then it doesn''t really matter.

And the women at your work, ah, stuff ''em.

If they do give you grief, just be firm and say you know they think you''re too young, but you''re happy, and age is not the be-all and end-all. Ask them how old they were when they got married!

Try not to take other people''s opinions too much to heart, and enjoy your engagement and proposal ... don''t let anyone spoil it for you.

 

[AGBF]

Welcome to Pricescope as a contributor, sweetnghtmr.

Even though there have not been many replies to this thread, what I would have said has already been said!

First, you are young, but you have a right to get married. You are also giving yourself time to get to know your future husband. If, with time, you start to see that you do not get along you have time to end the engagement. One can marry at an older age and still make a mistake!!!

Second, love is blind. Sometimes the people who are outside can see things in our relationshps that we cannot. Don''t dismiss what your friend says out of hand. Try to see where she is coming from and if there is anything she says that might have merit. You can still marry your boyfriend if you want to do so! It is a good thing that there is no law against marrying someone with flaws, or there would be no marriage! On the other hand, you DO want to know what you are getting into!

I hope we see more of you here.

Deborah

 

[appletini]

Welcome to pricescope! And congratulations on your upcoming engagement. As for your "best friend", she doesn''t sound like a very good friend to me. Since she seems to like girls and has mentioned before that she is in love with you, she definitely has some jealously issues. Has this friend always supported you in the past or has she always been a pessimist? If she is the only one with issues with your BF and your other friends love him and your parents love him, then you really have nothing to worry about. Don''t worry about your co-workers, they are just that, co-workers not friends. Perhaps in their younger days they settled, instead of finding the man they really want or pursuing their dreams.

I''m also proud of you for being so responsible and focused on your future at such a young age.

 

[Buena Girl]

Congrats on your soon to be engagement! Very exciting!!!

Can I make a guess as to whom your b/f is? Is it Jschreck ??

I know that poster just bought a princess solitaire e-ring.

As for your best friend, if she is the only person that has issues with your b/f, then it is quite possible she has issues she needs to deal with. Have you and her been very close, almost like sisters? Has it been harder for the 2 of you to hang out alone together since you moved in with your b/f? One thing that comes to mind is that maybe she is afraid of losing your close friendship and she doesn''t know how to handle or express these feelings. You know her better than us. Do you think she does have a crush on you? Or do you think it could also be that she loves you like a sister and doesn''t know how to express that to you? You said that you have lost touch with some of your friends. Maybe your best friend is afraid that the 2 of you will lose touch with each other.

Maybe instead of telling her all of the fantastic things your b/f does for you (if she is jealous of him, than telling her how great he is could possibly be counterproductive), tell her how much her friendship means to you and all of the great times you''ve had together. Express how you want her in your life forever and are excited for all of he fun things in years to come. You''ve probably already told her all of this, but it never hurts to try again.

Best of luck! And PLEASE post pics of the ring as soon as you get it

 

[AmberGretchen]

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming engagement

I think that it is important to really figure out what is going on for your friend and try to address that. I think that as Buena and others have pointed out, what is going on for her will definitely affect your response. If she is worried about your friendship, there are very concrete ways to address that - make time to spend just with her, try to think of activities that are special for the two of you and arrange them and so forth. If she has romantic feelings for you then you need to be gentle but firm in explaining that you don't feel the same way nor will you ever but you are happy to do whatever she needs to help her get past it - giving her space or whatever. I also think that its important to consider what your friends think and to honestly ask yourself if her criticisms have merit.

As someone else who has also been told by lots of people (including FI's parents) that we are too young, I think that a long engagement will help a lot with that, and it sounds like you guys are being extremely responsible and sensible in your decisions and your planning, and thats the best proof that anyone could ask for. I do think that marriage is a serious, huge commitment, and something that involves a lot of effort to make it work over the years, but that doesn't mean that age necessarily dictates one's success at that. More important is that you have thought through your decision and are both willing to work together and communicate to deal with problems that will arise. Its also important to be on the same page about big things like home ownership, kids, etc...but it sounds like you guys have got that all discussed.

As long as you are truly happy with your decision, no one can take that away from you. When people offer doubts or skepticism, think honestly about whether you think its legitimate and if you need to address their concerns, and either take the appropriate action, or, if you decide it isn't legitimate, forget about it and enjoy your engagement!

(also make sure to post pics of your e-ring and the story when it happens

) GL!!

ETA: FI's parents have now totally come around and are thrilled with the idea, so I think that that happens too - people's initial reactions don't always dictate their behavior

 

[psuheather]

Hey sweetnghtmr! (sorry in advance if this is long........)
Reading your post felt very familiar to me cause I'm kinda going through a similar thing. I got engaged almost two months ago to my high school sweetheart. We have been together on and off for about 10 years...we first started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. Needless to say, we were young and immature and went through some difficult times, which looking back now, we realize were so stupid (jealousy, not knowing how to fight properly, etc.) We ended up at the same college but spent most of the time that we were there broken up. During that time we dated other people and really grew up and, around the middle of my senior year, we got back together. Our relationship is wonderful and not even a shadow of what it used to be...I mean let's face it--you are such a different person when you're 25 than 16! Now, the problem is my "best friend." She was around during all of the high school drama, and can't seem to get over it. She has never made an effort to learn learn about our relationship now, even to the extreme that she pretty much refuses to be around him. Her deal is that she takes pride in not being "fake" (her words.) Once she has decided she doesn't like someone, why would she pretend otherwise? (again, her words.) Admittedly, she was my main confidant and I would really bash him to her when I was angry at him...but this was, like, 8 years ago! And it was all such stupid, petty stuff. She refuses to give him a chance now...recently she actually ignored him when he saw her at the mall. Walked right by him and pretended she didn't see him, even as he was calling out her name! It's ridiculous...my parents now love my fiance again and our relationship as does my sister (both very protective of me)...if they can see how great he and we are now, why can't she? This really strained our relationship and we actually haven't spoken now in about 6 months. She doesn't even know that I'm engaged! I called her once about a month ago and left her a message, but she hasn't called me back. I have already asked all of my other bridesmaids to be in my wedding, and now I'm trying to decide about her. Everyone is telling me that I shouldn't ask her, but I just can't imagine getting married and not having her stand up there with me. Here is what I've finally decided I'm going to do.. this brings me to why I am writing all of this--my advice for you about maybe how you should deal with your friend:

I'm going to call her and ask her to get together for lunch. At lunch, I'm going to tell her that I'm engaged and then I'm going to lay it out for her. Obviously, I have decided that this is the person that I'm going to spend my life with and he's not going anywhere. Even if she did give him a chance now and still decided that she doesn't like him or us together, she's never going to change the way that I feel about him. While I realize to a certain degree that she is trying to "protect" me, I am a big girl and have made my own decision. At this point, I can't contiue to have a relationship with someone that openly hates my soon to be husband. It is her choice...is it worth losing a friendship over maintaining this grudge?
Edit---I know that this sounds harsh, but I feel that she has been so harsh with me and I am tired of tiptoeing around her and taking her feelings into account all of the time.

The thing that drives me the mosy crazy is that I have yet to like one of her boyfriends (and believe me, she's had a lot of them.) But I realize that it's not my place to comment on who she decides to be with and I just want her to be happy. Anyway...hope that you can use that advice. The hardest part about this is that she may not come up with the answer that I am hoping for. She may tell me that she is willing to lose the friendship, which will be very hard. But if she's willing to do that, then she's not the friend that I thought she was.

As for getting married young, I usually have a hard time understanding this. To me, why do it so early? If you know that you are going to be together forever anyway, then why not wait a little while until you're more secure. However, it seems like you are your bf are being very mature about it. Sometimes it just sounds like young people are wanting to "play house" and don't fully understand the commitment of marriage, but that doesn't seem to be the case in your situation. I have a cousin who got married at 19. At the time, it was a huge scandal and the whole family was appalled. Now, it's 5 years later...she and her husband are still very happy, they both graduated from college, he went on to get a master's degree, and they just had a beautiful baby boy! So, I guess the moral is that everyone have to do what they feel is best for them.

 

[MissAva]

I think it is sweet that ya''ll are so committed and being smart about saving for you futures!

I hear people saying really smart things and i think you have alot of great advice here. My parents were high school sweet hearts married after college (both were 20) and they are still married now (26years still very much in love

). I have been dating my HS sweetheart for four years and we''re 22 I hear the same things you do and I know it can be frustrating!

Just try and keep in mind that everyone has your best intreast in mind. As for your friend I think AGBF and Appletini are dead on. I hope everything works out allright and post again to let us know what is going on!
...PS Was Beuna Girl right about who your BF is?

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone!

Psuheather: Oh god your friend sounds like ME. I''m like that too. If I don''t like anyone, I don''t talk to them, pretend, and I am really honest about it. But at the same time, I hated my sister''s boyfriend, and initially super resistent, but if that''s her choice I have accepted it (and I am civil, giving him the benefit of the doubt). I can understand about the dislike stemming from 8 years ago. My boyfriend 4 years ago broke my heart and my very best friend hated him/blasted him for it, but after we made up, she is ok with him. But she''ll always by on my side. So there''s the fact that she is very, very loyal and that is admirable, like your friend. I think you need to sit down with her, tell her how much you value her friendship and explain to her that you appreciate her loyalty/concern, but that you are marrying him. He is the man of your life, and that you want her to continue to be a part of your life after the marriage. See if you can get your fiance and her together, and talk it out. Unless she has a really good reason for hating him (i.e. he cheated on you fifty times) she''ll probably be willing to let it go. Good Luck!