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My sister is disapointed in me

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HopeDream

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Hi, I''m a newbie here, so I hope I put this in the right place.

The context:

My boyfirend and I have been together for 3yrs and have been talking seriously about our future, possibly getting married.

One day I decided that I should figure out what I want so I went shopping online for rings and finaly found something that I liked and emailed it to my boyfriend (my boyfriend is quite practical and knows I''m crazy pcky about the things I own, so he doesn''t mind the bold suggestion).

I chose the 1ct Tiffany lucida bezel - not because of the brand, but because I wanted a bezel that wouldn''t catch on things, and so far the Tiffany lucida is the only one I''ve found that looks interesting. (We probably won''t be able to afford it for 5 years, but I can wait.)

Anyway... The problem :

I was talking to my sister the other day, and I mentioned the possibility of an upcoming engagement (which she was totaly supportive of) and then I went to show her the ring I picked out and she said that she was very dissapointed that I had chosen a Diamond - that Diamond mining was unethical, used slave/underpaid labour, was dangerous etc.

My sister is a kind and gentle person, and hangs out with a lot of hippies - who are nice people, but I''m not sure if they always have the full story.

I love my sister, respect her opinion, and don''t plan on trying to change her mind, but for my own sanity as an ethical person, Is the diamond industry realy that "dirty"?

On their website Tiffanys seems to have an conflict free diamond policy - Is it realy effective, or is it just the ethical equivalent of greewashing?

Thanks for your time and Information,
HD
 

mrscushion

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Hi there, welcome!

If you search for "conflict diamonds" I am sure you will find a lot of relevant information on this site on "blood diamonds" from former African civil war regions (involving child soldiers, landmines, etc.)and the Kimberley Process, which has been implemented to prevent these diamonds to enter the United States.

But it sounds like your sister is opposed to diamonds not only because of the issue of conflict diamonds, but also because she thinks diamonds are generally mined in an unethical fashion where corporations make big profits and the mining laborers as well as the environment are exploited. She is free to think whatever she wants, and I think there is a kernel of truth to her opinion, but I also think it is a slightly one-sided point of view.

In your particular case, you may wish to think about buying Canadian diamonds. There are pros and cons about buying Canadian and they, too, have been discussed a lot on this site. Canadian mines adhere to stricter labor and environmental standards than many other mines in the world. Workers get paid more and have better benefits (obviously -- since they are in Canada, which has a lot of labor regulation). The diamond industry in Canada economically supports a lot of people (but this is true elsewhere around the world, too). Moreover, certain vendors such as Brilliant Earth make donations to aid and restoration organizations active in African regions affected by civil war and former conflict diamond mining. This is important because one argument against buying Canadian is that you are not supporting economic development in Africa, where development is badly needed. Also, Brilliant Earth (and other Canadian vendors, too, I would guess) use recycled metal for the ring mount to lessen the environmental impact of metal mining.

Good luck!
 

FrekeChild

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One awesome thing about Canadian diamonds is that they have a polar bear laser inscribed onto the girdle. It''s not really big enough to see, but I think that is so cool. Link
 

Tuckins1

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Tell her to get over herself- She shouldn''t pass judgment on you, it''s your life. If you want a diamond and are worried about conflict diamonds (which-YES, it is an awful and dirty business) then you can look into Canadian diamonds! (Sorry to be so blunt, but I hate it when people try to push their thoughts and beliefs on others!)
 

JulieN

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Garry is a pretty strong opponent of Canadian advertising. People in Africa have to make a living, too!
 

mrscushion

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Date: 3/14/2009 7:59:35 PM
Author: JulieN
Garry is a pretty strong opponent of Canadian advertising. People in Africa have to make a living, too!
Absolutely, that needs to be considered, too, and is what I was referring to in my post above. While the gem industry in underdeveloped areas doesn't maintain the best labor standards, it does provide a lot of jobs for people who otherwise might not be employed. It's not a black-and-white issue as the HopeDream's sister seems to think.
 

Smurfysmiles

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we got my ring at helzbergs and they gave us a conflict free guarantee :)
not quite tiffanys but they do exist lol
 

AllieGator

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Many diamond sellers have Conflict-Free guarantees, so if you should easily be able to find a diamond that works for you! Congrats on your upcoming engagement!
 

LilyOfTheValley

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Date: 3/14/2009 6:46:11 PM
Author: Tuckins1
Tell her to get over herself- She shouldn''t pass judgment on you, it''s your life. If you want a diamond and are worried about conflict diamonds (which-YES, it is an awful and dirty business) then you can look into Canadian diamonds! (Sorry to be so blunt, but I hate it when people try to push their thoughts and beliefs on others!)
I agree. I would have been blunt, too, because subtlety will almost never get you anything. People can subscribe to whatever moral standards they wish to, I don''t give a flip, but passing judgment on my actions and telling me things like, "I am so disappointed in you for...," would not warrant a positive response from me.
 

LaraOnline

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Date: 3/14/2009 10:11:17 PM
Author: AllieGator
Many diamond sellers have Conflict-Free guarantees, so if you should easily be able to find a diamond that works for you! Congrats on your upcoming engagement!

Yes, and of course Australian diamonds are probably mined with the highest labour costs in all the world!!
We love our unions over here, especially in the mining industry. Rest assured, Australian diamond miners are very happy should you buy our diamonds!

So you see the diamond story not quite as black and white as the ethicists amongst us would have us believe.

I would definitely get a guaranteed conflict free diamond!

Perhaps Tiffany will address the issue (which is serious) in some of their literature or online? Lots of diamond merchants do!
 

arjunajane

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"Conflict Diamonds" is pretty much a Hollywood construct that most people were blissfully unaware of until the movie

Yes, it is an issue - I'm not denying it exists. But not as much of an issue as people like your sis think

But just look up info on it here, and also on The Kimberley Process.

Your sister needs to do some more research

Plus, if she prefers that you get some other kind of gemstone instead of a diamond - that industry can be even more grey.
 

princesss

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Tell her to stuff it. What would she suggest? Sapphires? She ought to do a little research into how they''re mined. At least diamonds have the Kimberly process, which, while flawed, offers some regulation to mining.
 

jcarlylew

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ditto to what most others have said. this is YOUR ring. not hers.
everyone is going to have their "causes" but it is up to the ihndividual to have their own.
 

swimmer

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Is she aware of the sweatshop workers who made her clothes, shoes, picked her veggies, etc?
 

princesss

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Date: 3/15/2009 4:42:45 PM
Author: AnthroMoon
Date: 3/15/2009 4:26:34 PM

Author: swimmer

Is she aware of the sweatshop workers who made her clothes, shoes, picked her veggies, etc?

Oooh, very good point!!!
Of course not. There aren''t movies about that.
 

LilyOfTheValley

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Date: 3/15/2009 4:26:34 PM
Author: swimmer
Is she aware of the sweatshop workers who made her clothes, shoes, picked her veggies, etc?
2nd!

If she's going to suggest you use some other gemstone instead, remind her that many other gemstones (such as emerald and rubies) are acquired through questionable means. Most diamonds in the market are regulated, and so-called "blood diamonds" are quite rare now. If anything, it's the diamonds that are antiques, vintage, etc., are the ones that were unregulated (as far as how they were acquired, how the workers were treated, etc.). The market is different today. Your sister should do her researches more before passing judgment on your actions.

If I were you and I listened to my sister, I think I'd end up hating myself for yielding to another person's will.
 

Kaleigh

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Date: 3/15/2009 4:26:34 PM
Author: swimmer
Is she aware of the sweatshop workers who made her clothes, shoes, picked her veggies, etc?
Good point.
 

ilovethiswebsite

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I was concerned about conflict-free diamonds when we were shopping around. Truth is, even if you get a Conflict Free certificate from a local jeweler like Tiffs, it doesn''t mean jack. Some claim the problem is that most conflict diamonds are sent to India to be cut, and once they leave India, they track them, claiming they are conflict free... But no one really knows where they come from and they don''t have any documentation to prove they were in fact conflict free before they even got to India! Anyway- generally speaking, smaller diamonds aren''t a huge issue when it comes to conflict vs. non-conflict. It''s the rare, big diamonds that are usually "blood diamonds." If you really want to be guilt free - get a Canadian diamond. Mine is a polar bear diamond and it''s gorgeous - the cut is amazing - and it was cheaper... I bought it from a local vendor here in Canada so maybe that is why it was a bit cheaper.
 

HopeDream

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Mar 14, 2009
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Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your infomation and support!

It seems like I definately have some researching to do! (Though in general the diamond industryi s far more regulated than I thought).

If only Tiff''s sold synthetic diamonds, or Canadian.....


I''ve looked around a little but I haven''t seen a no-name lucida bezel type setting anywhere.
Neatfreak had a beautiful similar one made, but I don''t think the jewelers in my area are that skilled


Has anyone seen any other realy cool bezels out there (something more interesting than round)?

I really appreciate the warmth and helpfuness of this community


HD
 

FrekeChild

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Do you have a problem with going custom that''s not local? I think WhiteFlash did LTP''s setting, and maybe neatfreak''s too, and they do great work. Something to research anyway...
 

Deelight

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Date: 3/15/2009 11:31:38 AM
Author: princesss
Tell her to stuff it. What would she suggest? Sapphires? She ought to do a little research into how they''re mined. At least diamonds have the Kimberly process, which, while flawed, offers some regulation to mining.
Date: 3/15/2009 9:57:16 AM
Author: arjunajane
''Conflict Diamonds'' is pretty much a Hollywood construct that most people were blissfully unaware of until the movie


Yes, it is an issue - I''m not denying it exists. But not as much of an issue as people like your sis think


But just look up info on it here, and also on The Kimberley Process.


Your sister needs to do some more research


Plus, if she prefers that you get some other kind of gemstone instead of a diamond - that industry can be even more grey.

Ditto to both of these posts
get what you want and be happy - judgement is not cool.
 

LaraOnline

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The ''blood diamond '' thing is pretty uncool... we have lots of African migrants around here (it is closer to Africa than other parts of Australia, and the weather is similar) and one of my best girlfriends tells me stuff that would make your hair fall out.

I also have some scepticism about the efficiency of the ''conflict free'' promise.
I mean, something that can be so lucrative can bring out the worst in human kind, can it not? Diamonds have to be easier to run than guns!

But perhaps the terrible practices are still continuing...but being sold through economies that are not so particular, say, China or Russia? Anyway, pure speculation...
 

bee*

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Date: 3/16/2009 3:07:08 AM
Author: Deelight
Date: 3/15/2009 11:31:38 AM

Author: princesss

Tell her to stuff it. What would she suggest? Sapphires? She ought to do a little research into how they''re mined. At least diamonds have the Kimberly process, which, while flawed, offers some regulation to mining.

Date: 3/15/2009 9:57:16 AM

Author: arjunajane

''Conflict Diamonds'' is pretty much a Hollywood construct that most people were blissfully unaware of until the movie



Yes, it is an issue - I''m not denying it exists. But not as much of an issue as people like your sis think



But just look up info on it here, and also on The Kimberley Process.



Your sister needs to do some more research



Plus, if she prefers that you get some other kind of gemstone instead of a diamond - that industry can be even more grey.


Ditto to both of these posts
get what you want and be happy - judgement is not cool.
I agree. Definitely ditto the posts above.
 

tlh

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Date: 3/15/2009 11:36:07 AM
Author: jcarlylew
ditto to what most others have said. this is YOUR ring. not hers.
everyone is going to have their ''causes'' but it is up to the ihndividual to have their own.
YUP.
 

Dreamgirl

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Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
5,070
Find this video link and sit your sister down and make her watch it. (It's a great History Channel special) I'd also tell her that she doesn't have the full story (as you've told us) lol and your disappointed in her. But that's just me.
(kidding of course) And, Tiffany's ONLY sells conflict free diamonds as you read on their website, you've got nothing to worry about. Many other jeweler's are just the same...

Welcome to PS!!!
 

mrscushion

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Hopedream, I'm surprised you're calling the Lucida a bezel setting. As far as I know it's an x-prong setting?

Here are a few settings that are similar to the Lucida (or at least bear some resemblance, in my mind):
Vatche X-prong
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=923&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1124&action=show_detail
Whiteflash x-prong

As for Bezel settings, here are a few:
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1854&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1534&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1317&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1312&action=show_detail

Which shape of diamond are you interested in? You said "not your average round" but I wasn't sure if that referred to the shape of the center diamond or to the classic round brilliant-in-a-solitaire engagement ring. It doesn't sound like you're dead set on the actual Lucida diamond, which only Tiffany carries.
 

violet3

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Date: 3/16/2009 5:31:44 PM
Author: mscushion
Hopedream, I''m surprised you''re calling the Lucida a bezel setting. As far as I know it''s an x-prong setting?

Here are a few settings that are similar to the Lucida (or at least bear some resemblance, in my mind):
Vatche X-prong
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=923&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1124&action=show_detail
Whiteflash x-prong

As for Bezel settings, here are a few:
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1854&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1534&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1317&action=show_detail
http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=264&rn=1312&action=show_detail

Which shape of diamond are you interested in? You said ''not your average round'' but I wasn''t sure if that referred to the shape of the center diamond or to the classic round brilliant-in-a-solitaire engagement ring. It doesn''t sound like you''re dead set on the actual Lucida diamond, which only Tiffany carries.
The lucida is an xprong, but it also comes in a bezel setting, which i believe is what hopedream is looking for. It''s beautiful BTW.
 

AmberGretchen

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7,770
Definitely ditto what the many others here have said.

I have to say, family members who are judgmental like that make me so angry - how mean of your sister to ruin what should be so joyful for you, especially when it sounds like she couldn''t even be bothered to fully educate herself on the issue, and is just parroting what others have said, at your expense
 
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