My mother...

[ame]

She is SO not trustworthy of anything done online. She found out we are having WF do my wedding ring and Ryans will also be an online purchase. She ranted on me about how I need to get them appraised by an independent appraiser here because she bets we are getting ripped off and they are using CZs. Jeez Louise. Do you think that someone would have little or no complaints with the BBB and be ripping folks off?!

She got robbed by her jeweler here in St Louis. I did a search for a rock just like hers on ehre and she paid over 1K more than she shoulda. Her answer to that was "your website isn''t accurate."

 

[JCJD]

Sorry to hear this ame. Get your nails done or get a massage and relax - deep deep down I think she''s trying to be helpful! She''s worried for you and is going about it in an "interesting" way...

 

[ame]

Interesting is such a nice way to put it. I had a few shorter word choices lined up.

She was never this overbearing till I got engaged. Oh my god is everything a dramatic production. I couldn''t have the reception site I wanted because she didn''t like it. She bitched that we overspent on my engagement ring and then when they ruined it and I got my money back she said "see, aren''t you glad you listened to me and went with something more tasteful and inexpensive". Argh.

I am an extremely opinionated and abrasive personality but goodlord. Shes giving me a run.

She is SO nervous about the internet. My sister buys things online all the time and my mom gets so upset that she does. Not everyone is a con artist.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh please my mother is the same way and so is my 94 year old grandmother, they just don''t get it. Take it all with a grain of salt, and stick to your guns about what you want for YOUR wedding. My mother planned mine 18 years ago, and although it was beautiful, I am sorry I didn''t participate more.

 

[zdrastvootya]

How annoying! Best to carry on and talk about it as little as possible to her, IMHO.

My fiancee sort of thinks along the lines of "people are out there, ready to rip you off". I just did my due diligence, kept things quiet, and she was very happy with the end result, her e-ring.

Always irritating getting advice that isn''t helpful, or from people that don''t know much of what they''re talking about.

Z.

 

[diamondlil]

You know, there are many people out there who have a huge fear of the *big bad Internet,* and it''s not just our parents'' generation. I know exactly what you are saying.

I have purchased several fine jewelry items over the internet, and I''ve stopped mentioning the fact that I purchased on line to anyone because immediately they think it''s crap or I must have lost my mind. Somehow they think if you buy from a B&M and pay retail, you''re safe which you and I both know is definitely not the case.

Remind your mother that she raised you to have good sense, and she needs to trust your judgement.

DiamondLil

 

[Hest88]

LOL! My mother is always telling me about Internet horror stories she got from Chinese newspapers. I definitely don''t tell her when I buy expensive items from online dealers. As far as she knows, the H&A diamond ring we got her for Mother''s Day one year was purchased from "a friend" knew in Florida!

 

[codex57]

Ask if she wants to be invited to the wedding and ever wants to see her grandchildren. And my fiance wonders why I never tell my mom anything unless necessary.

 

[Patty]

Ame, it''s your mother''s job to drive you crazy. I think it''s written in the rule book.

Tell her that you bought your ring from a reputable jeweler in Texas. I know it won''t help at this point b/c she knows you went through the internet but I tell people that I got my stones from a 3rd generation diamond dealer in New York. Then I slip in the internet part, lol.

My original e-ring band was 4mms wide. Once I got my wide wedding band, I had them file my e-ring band down to 3mms because it looked better. I remember my mom saying in a disgusted voice, "Why would anyone file away gold?!" This was when gold was outrageously priced, but still!

 

[ame]

haha I heard that line when I had my ering sanded to 1.5mm! She couldn''t get over the fact that I sanded down platinum

 

[esqknight]

I'm sort of dealing with much the same issues with my mom who is phobic about internet shopping. I made the mistake of telling her I was contemplating buying the engagement stone for my girlfriend on the internet, and she told how foolish she (and the friends she discussed it with) thought this was. At the moment I've taken the position that I'll consider all my options and consider going with a jeweler who was recommended by a friend of the family if he can come close to the prices I've seen with internet venders. It is not purely a generational thing though, since I got the same flack from my sister.

Later,
Eric

 

[tomatoe]

I feel you! When we saved enough money to buy my regent upgrade and it finally arrived after a week, I was simply estatic and out of this world with joy. So of course, I showed it off to my parents and they shot me down with the exact same thing that yours did. (They're normally great and lovely but just leery of new things and changes.) I screamed at them, locked myself in my room and proceeded to bawl my eyes out to my dh. They apologised and now my mum proudly announces where my stone is from (Long Island NY) and trusts me 101% with all diamond purchases.

 

[ame]

She''s deaf when it comes to explaining things to her that she won''t hear. So I don''t bother. I dont even know if my dad would give a crap. My sister certainly doesnt and my brother doesn''t either. His parents just saw it as a really nice ring and were impressed that such high quality stuff can be gotten online.

 

[yellowfan]

Oh Ame:

Im thinking you have a mom that still thinks your a little girl, trying to look out for you! Tell her youre all grown up now! Your mom is probably overbearing now since her little girl is getting married and left home. She''s going thru empty nest syndrome. Are you the youngest child?


BTW hows the house coming along?

Take care,

Lori

 

[ame]

Nah shes just a nag. She''s just training me I guess. I am the oldest ironically. She has two more at home to annoy.

House is good, a huge mess but good.

 

[codex57]

Ame, are you Asian? You mom sounds like the typical asian mom.

 

[ame]

Nope. German-Irish american. I just come from some really high-strung FREAKS.

 

[movie zombie]

ame, assuming your ring came with a certificate and/or you had the ring appraised. why not just show her the documentation? not that you have to justify yourself, but perhaps she will see how wise a shopper you are and, of course, if you''re in a snitty mood, you can ask to see her papers for her ring....do a comparison, if you will!

peace, movie zombie

 

[ame]

Ooooohh I like that

 

[Jennifer5973]

I just had lunch with a friend who lost her mother right before her wedding a few years ago. It broke my heart as she teared up just talking about how she wished her mom was here. I am not trying to preach but if doubting online shopping is your mom''s biggest issue, I''d move on.

I spent years fighting with my mom becasue she was always trying to "help" and was, I felt, overbearing. As I''ve matured, I appreciate that it is out of love and just let it go. You would not believe how much less stress there is and how much better our relationship is.

Just food for thought.

 

[MelissaSue]

Ame - FMIL is the same way. i AM going to buy my wedding band online.. whether she likes it or not, She won''t be paying for that so she can''t really control FI about that.

but I have a feeling she is going to throw a fit if I try to have my BM dresses ordered from online (she will be paying for FSILs dress, so she DOES have a say) but unfortunately that will keep my other BMs from being able to save lots of money on their dresses!! I''d really like to be able to do this.. since it can be up to like $80 cheaper online...but i know she won''t go for it..

People are just wary of the internet. There is really nothing to be afraid of, but people hear about the bad things and that is all they believe. SOme people just like to do things the old fashioned way. It doesn''t matter though, because you are getting the ring you want regardless of what your mom says!

 

[MINE!!]

Just smile and say "I appreicate your concern" Remember that you are marrying the man, not the family. You fell in love with him, you do not have to fall in love with his mother as well. I know that it must be hard... but this is YOUR marriage YOUR ring and YOUR life, don''t let her bring you down!!!

 

[crafftygrrl]

Somehow, I don''t think this disagreement is about the Internet/diamonds/purchasing at all. It''s about having a say (read: control) in your life. Your Mom has raised you, and your marriage is HUGE event for your parents. You are leaving the nest for real. There will be someone more important in your life than your them. That''s very wrenching to them, even though they are happy at the same time.

Even though it''s been 19 years since I was engaged. I still remember all the angst about dealing with my Mom about the wedding. My parents freaked out when I got engaged, because I told them I was getting married (no parental discussion) and I was going to quit my job, move cross country, and live in sin for a year. It took years for my Mother to get over it.

My advice is to take a deep breath, try and find rational common ground on the wedding details and only keep her in the loop when necessary if its going to give you both heartache. Remember, the wedding is important, but your marriage and sanity are worth much more.

My Mom passed away earlier this year from Alzheimer''s. I miss her so much. So in the grand scheme of things, don''t sweat the little stuff.

 

[KittenKat]

Ame,

Your story is so darn similar to mine...

"She was never this overbearing till I got engaged."

Mine is the same way. It got so bad, that my fiance and I cancelled the wedding my parents were planning for us - and are now doing it ourselves.

Then again, it wasn''t just over wedding details - my mom was bashing my fiance''s family to anyone who would listen. She basically decided her issues with his family were more important than the fact I am marrying the most amazing man on earth!

Weddings seem to bring out the worst in family sometimes...

There is some great advice in this thread.