My mother sent me this lovely email tonight..

[Treasure43]

As a pre-note: my mother is extremely manipulative, controlling, and verbally abusive and has been for years.

So my mother picked out a navy dress the same color as my bridesmaids only because she knew I would get upset. I told her it was fine if she wore it and as soon as she saw it didn''t bother me anymore she''s now looking for a dress in another color. Anyway, long story short she called me tonight and told me that my uncle (her brother) might not be able to come to the wedding because he''s going through bankruptcy. I told her that was sad but I understood completely. She then says "I don''t think you really want him there anyway". I asked her why she said that and she said that she wanted me to call him up and ask him to come to the wedding. I told her I wasn''t comfortable doing that because if he''s that strapped for money I don''t want him to feel pressured to come or feel bad that he can''t. However, obviously he would still be getting an invitation and of course I want him to come. She then switched subjects and asked me what priority I was in her life and if my FI was my number one priority. I told her that he was but that of course she and the rest of my family are still EXTREMELY important to me and she freaked out. She then proceeded to yell at me about numerous other things like our sweetheart table, the flowers, etc. Apparently she has a wedding consultant for her out there in NY. No clue what that''s for. Anyway, originally my FMIL offered to pay for the favors but my parents had wanted to do it. However, tonight my mother told me that I should have been nicer to her because she will pay for stuff if I do what she wants. I let her know that it was fine if she didn''t want to pay for the favors and we would pay for them. She then hung up on me.

She sent me this hideous email:

We will not be attending the Easter dinner at Brian''s parent due to your selfish concerning my brother. Also the party planned or you at Chili''s in jULY IS OFF.
tHINK ABOUT YOUR PARENT AND GRANDMOTHER AND GOD FATHER AND DO NOT BE A SELFISH LITTLE b*tch (I edited)
pICK UP YOUR OWN CArr payments phone,
Joy top you and Brian. See you Sept. 17th.
I still love you-hate your attitude . Change -you used to be loving or forgert me (but I will be at the wedding). I hate you treatLofvement of you family and grandma does too.




votive- call zackery bear yourself.! I want no partjunable to help at this moment. My family comes firsrt-gram, reg.

I had previously told her I would be more than happy to pay my own car payments (originally she was paying them because she had bought the car for me as a gift from graduate school a few years ago. However, she wanted to keep up the payments until after the wedding because she''s not paying for the wedding. I also told her I''d get my own cell plan, however she didn''t want to pay the cancellation fee and told me not to worry about it.

Anyway, long story short, I''m getting my own cell plan tomorrow and not letting her pay the car payments anymore. However I''m really worried because it seems like if it isn''t one issue, it''s another. She just wants to make me mad and when I continue to stay calm she does more and more outrageous things to try and get a rise out of me. It''s a lose-lose situation for me. I don''t want to lose my mother in my life but I don''t know how much more of this I can take and it''s not a good environment to raise a child in (in a few years).

Anyone ever been through anything similar to this?

 

[JSM]

Are you financially able to take over the payments? It sounds like she may be paying for those things to maintain control over you (I had a friend in college who had a similar situation with her mother). Definitely distance yourself financially, like you plan on doing.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Regarding asking who is number one in your life (what a loaded question!), I would try not let her bait you like that. I'm sure others will have excellent advice!

 

[Treasure43]

We can financially take over the payments, though it won''t be as easy as it would have been if we were to wait until September, but it does seem like the best thing to do. However, my mother freaks out when she feels she''s not in control and I''m scared to see what she does when there''s nothing left to control.

She is trying to control me and I''m not sure how to not let her control me yet still maintain a relationship with her because as my FI observantly pointed out tonight my mother doesn''t have much use for people she can''t control. Once they don''t "need" her, she kind of despises them (just as she does my stepfather).

 

[decodelighted]

Post on your facebook wall ... "Letter From Mom"

verbatim.

Also, friend all her friends first. (I wish! I don''t have the patience tonight to write up my real advice but I''m sure someone else will say what I would have. Pretty obvious stuff for those who''ve dealt with cray cray Moms before. Nutshell: they get way, way worse before it ever gets better. You can only control you. You seem to be doing well. Keep on keepin'' on.)

 

[turboflgrl]

Geez... and I thought mine was frustrating to deal with! Now I have NO reason to complain!!

I''m so sorry you have to go through this. Frankly, I could barely make out what your mother e-mailed you and if that is exactly what she typed....... Wow.

I would definitely distance yourself and so long as you are not biting off more than you can chew financially, I would make sure I didn''t let her have ANYTHING to hold over my head. I don''t think I would even dignify that awful e-mail with a response.

 

[yssie]

::HUG:: treasure

.


I wouldn''t even be angry if my mother treated me like that - I''d be so, so hurt

. I didn''t realise how awful it was in your original dress thread! Ditto on making your own payments if you possibly can, and remove that source of power over you.

 

[iota15]

I have no words.

 

[House Cat]

I''ve read about people like this in the book Toxic Parents. Maybe it''s time you pick it up. It might help you out a lot.

I''m so sorry that you have to deal with this abuse.

 

[iota15]

Actually, I do.

This is a little bit manipulative BUT I would try to convince her to keep making the car payments. First off, tell her you still love her and need her (when you''ve cooled off; I know it would take me a while). Then tell her you need her to keep paying the car payments because of the wedding expenses and post-wedding expenses, and it was a gift, etc. etc. - whatever you can come up with. Your mother obviously needs to feel like she is controlling you. You know you can pay for the car payments yourself. If she absolutely refuses to, of course, put in the money for that month or months after that.

I bet, if you show her that you need her to make the payments and she feels she can use it to manipulate you, then she will make the payments. Let your mother focus her crazy, manipulative energy on the car payments and your fictional strapness for cash. Perhaps then, she''ll leave the other parts of your wedding alone more so than she would otherwise. Make the car and money the issue for her.

Of course, this is only a temporary band-aid. But, it may have the effect of giving her that illusive control over you (and the added bonus of your car payments being met - not that you need it). Plus, this allows you to maintain some kind of relationship with your mother, until perhaps the day you decide you no longer want one - or she feels she can''t control you and "despises you", as you say.

 

[iota15]

Overall though, I''d say your mother needs serious therapy. I hope I''m not offending you by saying this and this is just a blatant guess based on my past experiences, as I don''t know your mother or your situation. However, she probably feels like no one loves her and is a very lonely woman in her head. She probably also doesn''t like herself very much. The only way she feels anyone would stay around her is by controlling and manipulating their emotions and time - this is her way of connecting with other people.

She''s reasoned that she can only provoke strong reactions and emotions from someone who cares about her, even a little. It''s entirely a selfish exercise. She probably knows somewhere that her controlling methods are really a desparate cry for attention and love, and even counterproductive. However, anyone who refuses to be controlled reinforces the negative thoughts that she is someone that can''t be loved, or even worth straining themselves emotionally for.

The fact you said she is no longer your number one priority feeds into her self-loathing and fears of abandonment. Yes, this will get worse before it gets better because the black hole inside her will get more and more desparate for your love, time and attention - which in her head, she feels is slipping from her grasp. This requires serious self-examination by her, and perhaps an outside third party or professional can give her some perspective.

 

[oddoneout]

Date: 3/22/2010 1:58:57 AM
Author: iota15
Overall though, I''d say your mother needs serious therapy. I hope I''m not offending you by saying this and this is just a blatant guess based on my past experiences, as I don''t know your mother or your situation. However, she probably feels like no one loves her and is a very lonely woman in her head. She probably also doesn''t like herself very much. The only way she feels anyone would stay around her is by controlling and manipulating their emotions and time - this is her way of connecting with other people.


She''s reasoned that she can only provoke strong reactions and emotions from someone who cares about her, even a little. It''s entirely a selfish exercise. She probably knows somewhere that her controlling methods are really a desparate cry for attention and love, and even counterproductive. However, anyone who refuses to be controlled reinforces the negative thoughts that she is someone that can''t be loved, or even worth straining themselves emotionally for.


The fact you said she is no longer your number one priority feeds into her self-loathing and fears of abandonment. Yes, this will get worse before it gets better because the black hole inside her will get more and more desparate for your love, time and attention - which in her head, she feels is slipping from her grasp. This requires serious self-examination by her, and perhaps an outside third party or professional can give her some perspective.

First I totally agree with the above. Also I''d like to say I''m sorry you have to deal with all of this.

 

[Treasure43]

Thank you for all your replies and support. Yes that''s exactly what she typed (minus I cleaned up b*tch). She''s tried professional therapy before and she always walks out when they say something she doesn''t like. I think I''m going to pick up that book on toxic parents because I have no idea what to do. The more I distance myself and try not to fight with her the more ridiculous her actions.

I got yet another lovely email this morning, here''s part of it:
Obviously you do not need me,if I get no @, no facebook. Why not just disown me.?You hate me any .why the child I brought up is not you anymore, what happened. Brian???? his parents??? his friends, your friends>> Your selffishness.........
I would love my daughter back.

She seems to be struggling with the fact that I"m growing up and don''t need her help as much anymore. Many a counseler has told her that she has an unhealthy attatchment to me so this isn''t groundbreaking news.

I just honestly don''t think she can be happy and it''s so hurtful to me that we can''t celebrate this beautiful and fun time together and be excited about it instead of this. However, seeing as she threatened to commit suicide when I wanted my stepfather (her husband) to walk me down the aisle (my biological father died when I was 13), I guess this is pretty tame. I think I''m just exhausted with all the fighting and just want some peace.

 

[mrscushion]

Wow. I am at a loss for words. I am so, SO sorry you have to deal with this, treasure. This should be a joyful time in your life, not one plagued by completely insane e-mails from your mother.

You seem to be dealing with it extremely well. Bravo. I agree with other posters that you need to take on the payments yourself and extract yourself completely from her control. She is not reasonable, and never will be. I know how painful it must be to not have a good relationship with your mom, but in light of establishing a sane life with your FI (and potential future kids), you need to establish your complete independence as soon as possible.

Again, I hate for you to be dealing with this.

 

[meresal]

Treasure, I'm so sorry that she is doing this... but as we said in the previous thread... it was just going to turn into something else after the dress *issue* was dealt with. I think you handled all of her comments with such grace, and for her to send that email is just ridiculous. There is no reason for you to call your uncle and beg him to come when he has already told her he is strapped for cash.

I'm really not sure what advice to give you. Just lots and lots of *hugs*.

She just wants you to give in. She didn't let you take over your car payments and cell phone b/c it is a form of control. It took me a year to get my DH (FI at the time) off of his family *plans*. His mom made more excuses than I can remember.

I got a ridiculous email from my MIL a few weeks ago with some very passive agressive comments, and in my situation... I wrote back like I didn't catch a single one. Completely innocent and at the end I said, "Hope you have a wonderful evening. Love Meresal" Obviously your email was MUCH worse than the one I received, but my reply to her email hit my MIL where it hurt her the most. Her whole point with the email was to control my emotions by upsetting ME, and when I responded like it didn't, I'm sure it infuriated her, but what could she do from there? Nothing. Anything else would have made her look worse and worse.

Just keep being the bigger person and let these things roll off your back. If she pulls control crap... let go of the communication. Do what you need to in order to get thru the wedding and then deal with this relationship afterwards. Personally, I would tell her that her reactions are unacceptable and that when she decides to be respectful, then you all can talk again. Then leave it at that. She doesn't seem *worth* keeping in your life at her current state. I think you are doing a great job so far!

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 3/22/2010 8:18:47 AM
Author: mscushion
Wow. I am at a loss for words. I am so, SO sorry you have to deal with this, treasure. This should be a joyful time in your life, not one plagued by completely insane e-mails from your mother.

You seem to be dealing with it extremely well. Bravo. I agree with other posters that you need to take on the payments yourself and extract yourself completely from her control. She is not reasonable, and never will be. I know how painful it must be to not have a good relationship with your mom, but in light of establishing a sane life with your FI (and potential future kids), you need to establish your complete independence as soon as possible.

Again, I hate for you to be dealing with this.

My stepfather called me this morning and let me know that everything is on hold at the moment. Apparently my mother is having (or in the pre-stages of having) a serious psycological downward slide. The phone issue is on hold right now but he told me that if he gets his own plan he''ll make sure I''m on it. I plan to take over the payment next month but am not going to say anything about it and just pay it. It seems like not talking about it may be the best idea since conversation seems to only make the issue worse.

All financial issues aside, it''s difficult to see my mother hurting like this and know that there''s nothing that I (or really anyone else can do). I continue to forgive my mother for all the awful things she says but it has changed our relationship and I can never truly forget all the hurtful things she has said to me. I''m just hoping that complete independence from my mother doesn''t mean not having a relationship with her at all, but if that''s what it takes for sanity, than sadly that''s what it takes

 

[kama_s]

Oh boy. Your mum reminds me of mine. I''m not sure how it is in your case, but my mother didn''t really care much about me. It was all about her. After a while, it begins to take a toll on your sanity. I chose to cut her off from my life. I really didn''t have the patience to deal with drama everyday (I, too, would receive ranty e-mails like the one you posted, however, hers would be 10 pages long - I kid you not).

I have a feeling this will only get worse after your wedding. Your mother is an attention seeker, and it sounds like she''s getting progressively worse as the relationship with your FI gets stronger. I would limit contact. I wouldn''t respond to her ranty e-mails and if she calls you up to bitch you out, tell her you don''t like her tone and will only talk to her if she learns how to talk to you respectfully. And then hang-up if she doesn''t.

Sorry you''re going through this. Big hugs.

 

[ts44]

Oh dear, if she''s really becoming mentally unbalanced in a clinical sense, then it''s possible that the things she''s saying aren''t really coming from "her" if you know what I mean. Although, the long history of nastiness makes me think that at least some of it is on purpose. Tough situation, treasure...you seem to be handling it well and putting one foot in front of the other, which is great. I wish I had better advice for you but you do seem to understand that at some point you may have to distance yourself for the sake of your and your future family''s happiness and well-being. Sad, but true.

 

[Treasure43]

Kama,

If you wouldn''t mind sharing, at what point did it become necessary for you to cut your mother off from your life? I think that''s what I''m mainly struggling with here. When is enough enough and how do I know? I shudder to think what that would do to my grandmother and to others in our family. It''s such a difficult choice.

 

[House Cat]

Understanding the Borderline Mother

This is a better book for you. It''s a long read, but might relate better to what you''re going through. The moment you said she threatened suicide to manipulate, this book popped into my mind. Also, her level of enmeshment and dependence on you leads to this book.

Sweetie, this is a very big burden for you to bear. I''m sorry that you have to fight so hard for your autonomy. You DO deserve it. No matter what she does to threaten you, they are HER actions and you aren''t responsible for them. This thing she''s doing, you aren''t the cause. You were born to her as an innocent child. Your only job is to grow up healthy and happy, not as her emotional servant. Keep fighting for what is right, no matter how much she threatens and tantrums about. Even if that means that she doesn''t come to the wedding.


Honestly, it would be best if you pare back the wedding and give her as little control as possible. This is how I see things. It would seem to me that she views everyone in your life as a threat to her. I predict that she will do her best to ruin your wedding day if she has a chance. It would be best to be proactive and give her very little control.

Sending you so much love...

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/22/2010 9:56:42 AM
Author: Treasure43
Kama,

If you wouldn't mind sharing, at what point did it become necessary for you to cut your mother off from your life? I think that's what I'm mainly struggling with here. When is enough enough and how do I know? I shudder to think what that would do to my grandmother and to others in our family. It's such a difficult choice.

Definitely don't mind sharing. The problem I had was my memory. It was selective. Having had a crappy childhood, I had taught myself to forget all the hurtful things that she said, all the physical and emotional abuse. It was my way of surviving. I tried to distance myself from her several times, but it never worked. I just kept going back for more. In all honestly, I was in an abusive relationship, where she was the husband and I was the wife. I'd keep telling myself she'd change, or things will get better. She would apologize, a few weeks would go by and history would repeat itself. But as time went by, I did realize one thing. Even though I never remembered the specifics of our issues, I did know for a fact that I enjoyed life more when she wasn't around. I was peaceful, happy and NOT depressed. I told my husband before my wedding that I am going to give her one last chance - because I didn't want her to regret missing my wedding. If she blew this last chance, I was done. Well, guess what? She blew it. But this time, I had a spankin' new family that I could fall back on. Having a husband - my own little family - gave me the strength to close the door on my mother.

Long story short, if you feel you are exponentially happier without her, then the message is loud and clear. You need to take a break from her. Stop all contact and see how life is. I'm guessing your wedding is around the corner though, so sadly, this break might need to wait until after the wedding. I'm assuming you still want her to be present, right? If you stop contact, there is a good chance she won't attend.

 

[RaiKai]

I would tell your mother that you no are setting her free from paying at all for ANYTHING in your life, and that you are going to make your own arrangements (no need to provide her details on how). Yes, it may mean living on a tighter and smaller budget, but the trade off for me would be a lot less drama.

Your mother sounds like a drama queen, and like she is using her financing of "your life" as a mode of control. She also uses other people to project her own issues (i.e. controlling you via her interpretation of your grandmas feelings - your relationship with your grandma is NONE of her business). It is NONE of her business what your relationship with other family members is like, etc.....wedding or no wedding. And, if she feels threatened by the fact you are putting your "family unit" with your fiance first (which is in my opinion a very healthy thing and I think even a good therapist will tell you the same in my experiences!), then she needs to take responsibility for her own feelings and not project them on your or other members of your family.

As for fearing how she will be when she no longer has control: 1) that is no reason to let her control your life, 2) it is time to let her take responsibility for her own life and allow yourself to take responsibility for yours. You cannot take responsibility for HER life or her feelings, but you can for your own - take yourself to a really good therapist as if this has been going on your entire life there is obviously a lot of heavy issues here to start to go through especially as you move forward. She should do the same really...but only she can decide to get out of the blame game and do so.

Neither my husband or I have mothers or close family members like this (fortunately) however there are certain extended family members with severe psychological problems (control issues, bipolar disorder, etc) who almost feel entitled to tell others how to live and play these drama games with their siblings, their adult children and their spouses, etc anytime they make a decision for themselves not to their liking....to the point they tell them who to talk to and who not to and put others in the middle (my husbands grandmother for example has been told she should not display pictures of a certain family member as another family member does not like them...ugh...these are grown adults behaving WORSE than children!). We absolutely do NOT have patience for that drama and gossip and remove ourselves entirely from it and honestly don't care how they feel about it and we are pretty firm about our choices with people we still are in contact with. If we run into them we are respectful and polite, but we don't entertain their drama, if that makes sense. That is easier said then done with your own mother, but I think it is necessary at some point for you to say enough is enough.

She IS abusive, and the only way to stop the cycle of abuse is to remove yourself from the situation and work on healing yourself. Maybe she will do the same, maybe not (more likely not as it sounds like she refuses to accept responsibility for herself yet). Your mother is NOT emotionally and psychologically healthy and you cannot let that affect your life as it is doing so. And you are right, if you have children things will only get worse.

 

[Treasure43]

Kama,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like what you went through is VERY similar to what I''m going through and it''s reassuring to know that there is a healthly life waiting out there. Your suggestion about not having contact for awhile is a very good one. However, I''ve tried it before and I always lose my nerve. Mainly it happens when she gets my 93 year old grandmother all worked up and grandma calls me crying and saying she can''t live with us not talking. She enables my mother and encourages me to as well. In the end I usually wind up giving in because I feel like if my grandmother gets upset and has a heart attack or something I''ll have to live with it. Yes I know I''m letting them both manipulate me but we''ve all been in this cycle so long that it''s very hard to break.

I''m thinking about going to a counseler and talking about all of this because it has been going on for a very long time and I''m sure has impacted my life in many ways, some of which I may even be unaware of. It''s made me a bit of a people pleaser, which is why I think I''m so willing to do what you did with the selective memory thing. She apologizes and it''s very tempting just to forget about it and hope it won''t happen again...but it always does.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Wow. I am so sorry that for the ladies who have been through this. My mother has manipulative tendencies, but nothing this extreme.

She does from time to time say something truly hurtful, and then honestly either blocks it forever from her mind or simply lives in denial. My siblings and I just learned to pretend it didnt'' really happen either. Again, nothing nearly as awful as what Treasure and Kama have been through, but my heart goes out to you just the same. I know what it''s like to really sit in your room (or car) and question your own sanity. ("I HEARD her say that? Didn''t I?")

That said, my 2 children (through DH) have a Borderline mother. She has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and although no one has ever said it and I have no medical training, I truly believe she is a Narcissist at best and BPD at worst.

It is NOT that your mother doesn''t care about you. It is that SHE only feels loved when the situation is about HER. It''s frustrating to deal with someone like that, even for others to watch (especially people that love YOU) and times that revolve around others (the BRIDE, the GRADUATE, the NEWBORN!) are very stressful for the narcissist because everyone is in agreement that the world revolves around OTHERS! The narcissist can''t stand that.

During my wedding process, we were completely financially removed from our parents. In fact, we paid for our parents and siblings to attend. I bought my mom''s dress (it was ivory!) and I paid for her massage and pedicure while away. Anytime, the conversation would turn to someone who was financially unable to attend the wedding, I would respond by saying, "I am SOOOO glad that we were able to pay for you to come! I can''t imagine getting married without you by my side. Thank you sooooo much for dealing with Uncle X and him trying to manipulate his way to my wedding! I am so thankful that you are able to deal with him instead of burdening me with it. I don''t know what I would do without you!"

This gave her a job and let her know that she was important. When she chose an IVORY suit for my wedding and asked if Ivory was okay, I told her, "I am just so glad that you found something YOU love! I want you to be comfortable because everyone is going to be watching YOU! I know you are going to be the most beautiful MOB!" However, I honestly didn''t care what color she wore and again, she only has manipulative tendencies, not a full-blown abusive history.

I hope that you each get help for yourselves and that you are able to realize that YOU don''t set her off. SHE feels set off EVERY SINGLE TIME that anyone (your FI, your friends, ANYONE) pays more attention to YOU than HER.

I send many, many hugs.

 

[tyty333]

Date: 3/22/2010 11:36:06 AM
Author: wannaBMrsH
Wow. I am so sorry that for the ladies who have been through this. My mother has manipulative tendencies, but nothing this extreme.

She does from time to time say something truly hurtful, and then honestly either blocks it forever from her mind or simply lives in denial. My siblings and I just learned to pretend it didnt'' really happen either. Again, nothing nearly as awful as what Treasure and Kama have been through, but my heart goes out to you just the same. I know what it''s like to really sit in your room (or car) and question your own sanity. (''I HEARD her say that? Didn''t I?'')

That said, my 2 children (through DH) have a Borderline mother. She has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and although no one has ever said it and I have no medical training, I truly believe she is a Narcissist at best and BPD at worst.

It is NOT that your mother doesn''t care about you. It is that SHE only feels loved when the situation is about HER. It''s frustrating to deal with someone like that, even for others to watch (especially people that love YOU) and times that revolve around others (the BRIDE, the GRADUATE, the NEWBORN!) are very stressful for the narcissist because everyone is in agreement that the world revolves around OTHERS! The narcissist can''t stand that.

During my wedding process, we were completely financially removed from our parents. In fact, we paid for our parents and siblings to attend. I bought my mom''s dress (it was ivory!) and I paid for her massage and pedicure while away. Anytime, the conversation would turn to someone who was financially unable to attend the wedding, I would respond by saying, ''I am SOOOO glad that we were able to pay for you to come! I can''t imagine getting married without you by my side. Thank you sooooo much for dealing with Uncle X and him trying to manipulate his way to my wedding! I am so thankful that you are able to deal with him instead of burdening me with it. I don''t know what I would do without you!''

This gave her a job and let her know that she was important. When she chose an IVORY suit for my wedding and asked if Ivory was okay, I told her, ''I am just so glad that you found something YOU love! I want you to be comfortable because everyone is going to be watching YOU! I know you are going to be the most beautiful MOB!'' However, I honestly didn''t care what color she wore and again, she only has manipulative tendencies, not a full-blown abusive history.

I hope that you each get help for yourselves and that you are able to realize that YOU don''t set her off. SHE feels set off EVERY SINGLE TIME that anyone (your FI, your friends, ANYONE) pays more attention to YOU than HER.

I send many, many hugs.

That is just priceless! Sort of reverse psychology to keep her line...yes its all about the MOB!

 

[princessplease]

Wow, Treasure, I am SO sorry. Everyone has given you great advice so far, so I''m not going to repeat it, but you have to do what''s best for you. If you feel as though she''s only going to get worse, then you have some serious decisions to make. How is she going to act around your children?? That would seriously worry me. I know it has to be extremely hard, but if you''ll be happier in the long run without her presence, then you know what decision has to be made. ::HUGS::

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/21/2010 11:32:16 PM
Author: jsm
Are you financially able to take over the payments? It sounds like she may be paying for those things to maintain control over you (I had a friend in college who had a similar situation with her mother). Definitely distance yourself financially, like you plan on doing.

This does sound like it might be the reason - I would take them over yourself if you can.

Also sorry you''re dealing with this drama and stress

 

[Amanda.Rx]

OH MY GOODNESS! I''m so sorry! I would let her know how much that hurt you, and if she doesn''t cut it out, I''d cut her out of your life. That is very abusive, and nobody deserves to be talked to like that!

 

[packrat]

Mercy, what an awful lot on your plate! Excellent advice given already, so I just wanted to send some hugs!

 

[ilovesparkles]

I offer hugs, I have no words. My FMIL has down some awful things, but nothing to this magnitude. I hope you can find some kind of resolution for yourself if not for your relationship with your mother.

 

[Dannielle]

From that email it is clear your mom has an unhealthy attachment to you, and she wants to inject herself in to every situation just to feel needed by you.

I really think that your mom needs professional help as it is clear that there are some mental issues there. Does she drink? or is her typing always that poor.