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Wedding My mom ruined my dress

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Izzy03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
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I am so upset. I thought I had found the such a beautiful dress, and then my mom and her dumb friends had to ruin it. I posted pictures last night. Here is the link

They were saying that the transition from the bodice to the skirt would do nothing for my figure and that they really didn''t see me in the dress. Problem is my mom only showed them the website with the model, they haven''t even seen the pictures of me wearing it. I thought the model looked amazing in it!

I have not really had a great time dress shopping and kinda want to get it over with, now I have to go look some more! I know that not everyone is going to love every dress, and it is MY opinion I need to base my dress purchase on. However, it is really hard to feel good about buying this dress with all the negativity from my mom and her friends.
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Date: 9/3/2008 7:28:40 PM
Author:Izzy03
I am so upset. I thought I had found the such a beautiful dress, and then my mom and her dumb friends had to ruin it. I posted pictures last night. Here is the link


They were saying that the transition from the bodice to the skirt would do nothing for my figure and that they really didn''t see me in the dress. Problem is my mom only showed them the website with the model, they haven''t even seen the pictures of me wearing it. I thought the model looked amazing in it!


I have not really had a great time dress shopping and kinda want to get it over with, now I have to go look some more! I know that not everyone is going to love every dress, and it is MY opinion I need to base my dress purchase on. However, it is really hard to feel good about buying this dress with all the negativity from my mom and her friends.
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It''s a great dress and I would get it if you love it. I think it looks good on you, and will look even better when it''s in your size so the bodice part is shorter.

I''m sorry she said that! Did she know you were seriously considering getting it? I would never say anything negative about a dress to someone if I knew they were probably going to get it!
 
Wow. Don't let your mom show her friends any more dresses! Especially not without you in them - no one can judge well with the wrong body in a dress. You look AWESOME in that other dress you posted. Completely awesome, and it is not an easy look to pull off.

Sounds like its time for some limits. Either take your mom shopping with you, and explain that you don't want her going to her friends for opinions, you want her opinion of you in the actual dress, or cut her out of the dress shopping process. I know there is this fairy tale of a girl and her mom going dress shopping, but it is not to be for every girl. You may be much, much happier doing this on your own with your own judgment (maybe supplemented by some of the ps peanuts! or a close friend.) than allowing her in on the process if this is the type of contribution she will make: "I showed the picture to my friends and they imagine you will look bad in it." Totally ridiculous way to form an opinion, totally ridiculous way to behave!

ETA: My good friend bought a $$$$ dress with her mom's approval. It comes in and the V-neck is lower than her mother thought appropriate or imagined when she had seen her daughter try on the larger sample size. The mother actually said her daughter looked like a whore (!!!) and that she should alter the very expensive, all-lace, designer dress. Friend is devastated - who wants to wear a dress your mother thinks is inappropraite? - but finally realized that she had to go with her own opinion - she looked great, her cleavage was covered, didn't have the time or money to buy something different, and didn't want to do drastic alterations to redesign the dress. She wore it and it was lovely.
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Izzy, the dress you found is really beautiful! I have to disagree with your mom--I think it does a lot to show off your lovely figure. The second I saw it on you, I thought, "WOW." I am not easily impressed, and I thought you looked fantastic. It will look even better when the dress is proportionally fitted to you. I think you need to make your own decision here, and if you want, tell your mom that her unsolicited opinion is not appreciated (in a nice way). Objectively, the dress is gorgeous and looks great on you. The negativity from your mom and her friends is a downer, but I would consider still ordering the dress if you really like it.
 
Thanks guys! You definitely helped me feel a little better. My boss saw how upset I was at work so she searched the Jasmine website and found something similar. I called the bridal shop where I found my dress, and they do have a sample of this other dress my boss found. We are going to go try this new dress on during our lunch hour tomorrow and also try on my original dress. I guess I will go from there.

Here is the link for the dress I originally picked

Here is the link for the new dress
 
Awe, Izzy, I had a similar situation with my mom when I was dress shopping. I didn''t end up getting the dress and I love the dress that I ended up wearing so much more, but I definitely feel your pain. I think we have such high expectations for what our wedding planning experiences will be and it sucks when real life doesn''t live up to them. I know I pictured shopping with my mom, the two of us bonding and having a great time and it was the complete opposite. Eventually I got to the point where I stopped caring what everyone else thought and it made the wedding planning process much better for me.
 
Izzy - im sorry you are going through this, do you like your original dress? i think it looked great.
I know its hard because you want others (especially your mom) to like your dress as much as you do but ultimately its your choice! good luck going to look again during lunch! keep us posted. i love the two you are looking at. well the original and the new one. beautifuL!
 
i absolutely love that dress on you! if you felt it was the one then i think you should go with it, what matters is that u are happy wearing it, not what others think!
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forget your mom and her friends; how did you FEEL in the dress? if it made you feel beautiful and comfortable and bridey (HI! I have a BA in English and just said "bridey", haha), GET IT. and btw, there''s plenty more areas along the wedding planning path that mommy dearest will probably want to interject a different opinion than your own--you might want to remind her that YOU''RE the one who''ll be wearing the dress (or the veil...or carrying the bouquet...you get my point). if this is how she generally is with things when her view differs from yours, you might want to go ahead and prepare yourself for some parental diversions, like "here mom, you take care of the programs while i work on something i actually give a flying fart about"
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There is a reason my mother didn''t see my gown until my SECOND fitting. The first and ONLY time I went wedding dress shopping with her was just... the salesperson at Kleinfeld''s kept wincing and patting and rubbing my back to make me feel better me as my mother, in the guise of being helpful, insulted me with comment after comment... and then the only time she complimented anything it was so backhanded the salesperson''s eyes nearly popped out of her head. It was something.

BUT.. enough about me. We''re talking about you. It sounds like her opinion matters to you. I''m not saying it shouldn''t, but try to be honest about your mom''s personality. My mom, generally, unless she''s hopped up on pain or anxiety meds, is poisonous. If your mom is generally positive and supportive, take her advice and look some more. If she''s normally negative and puts you down... then forget it. Consider the source, then decide is what I''m saying. BUT it does bother me that they haven''t seen you in it. That''s the key. I wouldn''t discount ANY dress on ANYONE''s opinion that hasn''t at least seen you in a pic!
 
I am anxious to see pics of you in the second dress--the first one will be hard to beat, in my mind, but the second one looks lovely on the model as well. I think it''s great that you''re going with your boss. I actually had the most success when I went along and just took my regular ol'' rational self with me. Good luck with the dress search tomorrow, and keep us updated.
 
I adore the dress that you tried on and I think that it looks amazing on you. Go with your gut instinct on this one and not on what others are saying. You have to be happy in the dress that you''re wearing!
 
If you feel like this dress is ''the dress'' then don''t let ANYONE ruin it for you. It''s your day - if you feel freakin beautiful in a garbage bag then go for it I say!!! Hugs! BTW, I think it''s a beautiful dress.
 
I''m really sorry that you''re feelings were hurt. I''m sure that wasn''t her intent. When you asked for opinions two of us did think the transition from hips to skirt was unflattering. Someone said "girdle" and I said "vintage swimsuit". I think the tendency on PS is not to say anything except "I love it" unless you really think it''s a bummer. So when someone does say something less than glowing, maybe take it as a sign?
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I think your mom just saw the same thing we saw. Sometimes some will love your choices and some will not. I think when it''s THE dress, everyone will love it. I know I''ve seen some dresses posted here that every single person loved. Really, really loved. You have a very good figure and I don''t think you''ll have trouble finding a dress that is truly perfect for your wedding
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Ooops, I replied in the wrong thread!
 
OH I totally disagree with your mother. You have a beautiful figure and that dress suits you perfectly. Indeed, mermaid-style gowns are MADE for figures like yours! I think you should go for it. All that matters is how YOU feel in the gown. So your mom wouldn''t choose that gown for you...big deal. Forgive me my frankness, but she''s not dressing you anymore. This is about YOU!

Don''t worry about anyone else''s opinions, go with your gut.
 
Oh NO!!!! That is terrible. I am so sorry. I thought the dress was amazing, but it is not about what I, other PSers, or your mom thought- it is what you thought and you seemed to really like that dress. If you love it, please disregard what your mom and her friends said. It is so true that dresses can look vastly different on models than in person and that is no reason to give up a dress you truly care about. When I was dress shopping I was torn between 2 dresses and my mom preferred one and I was leaning towards the other- it was not made any easier when my mom all but insisted that I choose her favorite. In the end, I picked my favorite and now she is totally on board... Maybe give your mom a chance to see you in it and see how you feel in it and she will change her mind.
 
Date: 9/4/2008 10:03:45 AM
Author: tberube
OH I totally disagree with your mother. You have a beautiful figure and that dress suits you perfectly. Indeed, mermaid-style gowns are MADE for figures like yours! I think you should go for it. All that matters is how YOU feel in the gown. So your mom wouldn''t choose that gown for you...big deal. Forgive me my frankness, but she''s not dressing you anymore. This is about YOU!

Don''t worry about anyone else''s opinions, go with your gut.
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Word!

I''m so sorry you''re doubting the dress, Izzy, but please don''t. Lord knows that if I listened to my mom I would have walked down the aisle in a poufy monstrosity of a dress. I do understand that you want for your mom to love your dress, but you have to remember that her opinion is purely secondary. You look amazing in the dress.

I think it''s good that you''re going back today to try it on again as well as some other options. Maybe having the dress on again will help clear your head of your mother''s negative comments.
 
OMG...your mom''s getting married? Oh wait, no? This is your wedding?

Get my point?

Everyone is going to have opinions on everything...things they would do differently, things they simply loved...and even, at the end of the wedding maddness, you too will have opinions on things you, yourself, picked out. But if THIS dress makes you happy, and you FEEL good about yourself while wearing it...then remember: this is YOUR wedding not your Mothers, and certainly not her friends.

Next time anyone weighs in on your beautiful dress in a less than supportive way, just remind them it''s a good thing THEY don''t have to it.
 
See? And this is the THING that just drives me up a WALL with wedding dresses:

Can you tell me when in your LIFE you will ever buy something worth thousands of dollars that:

1. Doesn''t even remotely FIT YOU when you try it on

2. You can''t walk away with, despite having to pay for it in full before you ever even wear it in public?

FWIW, I think it''s beautiful. And I also think that once you get the right size and it''s altered to fit you like a glove, and you''re wearing all of your accessories and have your hair and makeup all done, your mom will MELT. She will be an absolute puddle of tears and Mom-ness, I swear. She''ll be bragging about how her daughter made the most beautiful bride ever until you have a kid...Really.

Some people have no imagination for certain things. For instance, with me? I can''t decorate my home AT ALL. I get paint samples, and I look at furniture and flooring, and I just CAN''T see it. I can''t. I can''t picture it, I have absolutely no "head" for that kind of thing at all. All I can do is point to things in pictures, and show people pictures of an empty room in my house and say "Sell me what it takes to do that thing in the picture..."

So, maybe your Mom can''t "picture" you in that dress. She SEES it like, on the mode, but she can''t "ENVISION" it actually ON you, and accessorized BY you, with your choices and special touches. It happens. I wouldn''t worry too much. It''s pretty obvious that you''ve chosen a beautiful dress, and you have a KNOCKOUT little bod for that style. She''ll break down, just watch! Don''t feel bad!
 
Actually, I don''t think women should take their mothers or best friends with them to the bridal shop. These people are used to telling you exactly what they think, even if it is hurtful; they have no problem at all spouting off about what they feel are your faults. They think, by virtue of blood relation or long association, that they know you, and they know best for you.

I should know. My first trip to visit the bridal salons of Austin was a disaster. I took my supposed best friend. Who then encouraged me to try on every OMG wrong dress, and actually tried to talk me into a disaster of a dress/veil combo that would have horrified my hubby and looked like crap in pictures.

Now moving on to the dress you chose: you would look lovely in a brown paper bag. Truly. Your figure is near perfect, and shown off to great advantage in the dress you chose. If you love that dress, if it makes you feel beautiful, and nothing else gives you the same feeling . . . it is the one you need to buy.

If I am being honest with you, I will say that the ''difference'' between upper and lower parts of the dress do not, IMHO, flow as they should. The upper bodice (really pretty) is one style; the box pleats on the bottom half are a different style. IMO. Now, I do think you should try on the latest dress, because it is so similar in upper body styling, while having a skirt that seems to ''float'' away in a very appealing way.

That being said, my opinion is not any reason for you to change your mind. Try both on; look at them as objectively as possible; compare each one in its details to the other. If you still love your original dress, and know it is ''the one'', go with your instincts.
 
Date: 9/3/2008 7:28:40 PM
Author:Izzy03
I am so upset. I thought I had found the such a beautiful dress, and then my mom and her dumb friends had to ruin it. I posted pictures last night. Here is the link

They were saying that the transition from the bodice to the skirt would do nothing for my figure and that they really didn''t see me in the dress. Problem is my mom only showed them the website with the model, they haven''t even seen the pictures of me wearing it. I thought the model looked amazing in it!

I have not really had a great time dress shopping and kinda want to get it over with, now I have to go look some more! I know that not everyone is going to love every dress, and it is MY opinion I need to base my dress purchase on. However, it is really hard to feel good about buying this dress with all the negativity from my mom and her friends.
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Click to expand...

I just looked at your pictures and I think it looks great on you. Family always has a tendency to be over judgemental. It''s like they''re trying to re-live their weddings (that is, if that had a wedding) through you. I know when I started looking at dresses, my mother ragged on every, single one. She called it being nice by calling my choices "garbage bags". Anyhoo, but I think the dress looks stunning on you and the only opinion that matters if yours (of course!) and your FH when he sees you for the first time in it and you take his breath away.

Hope you feel better!
 
What!! You totally make that dress work! Wear it with pride
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Thanks for all your kind words guys! I went back to and tried a few more dresses on and realized that the dress was "the one". I then went and ordered it through my local bridal shop, told them the dilemma with my mom, and they talked me through it. I ordered the dress in ivory, and it should be here in 10-15 weeks.

My mom isn''t happy, but I am, so she will get over it. Anyways, thanks for being there when I thought I was going to lose my mind! You all rock!
 
Congrats!!
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After seeing the thread with the three dresses, you totally went with the right choice! The lines on #2 aren''t as flattering - so who cares what your mom thinks! It''s all about what you love since you''re the one wearing it!
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