bem3231
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2007
- Messages
- 646
Hi everyone -
My mother is making me crazy - I''ll try to describe the situation as concisely as possible...
My mom and dad have been divorced for 14 years.
My dad has been with his girlfriend consistently for over 10 years. They have a long-distance relationship which works for them. While they do not plan to marry (I don''t think either of them wish to marry again) I vacation with them every year and see her whenever I can when she''s in town. His girlfriend and I are friends. My dad and I are very close.
My mom is older than my dad (she''s 7
and had been seeing someone up until May. They had been together off and on (and off, and on) for about 4 years.
My best friend got married two years ago, and both of my parents and their respective partners were invited. It was the first time that everyone had met. My dad did not want to go or to bring his girlfriend out of respect for my mother. I spoke to my mom about it and she said that she was fine with it - they had been divorced for over a decade, were all adults, and would get along just fine. The evening went relatively OK, but my mom was acting very strange and I found out later it''s because she had taken Valium to get through the night. Clearly, despite what she said, she was *not* OK with it.
Fast forward to January 2008. FI and I, although not yet ''officially'' engaged, know that we soon will be and are setting a date and choosing a venue. I speak to my mom before anyone else and ask her how she''d like my wedding to go in terms of her and dad''s significant others. She said that she thought that it would be appropriate that she and my dad be there together as my parents until after the ceremony, and then it was just fine to include their SO''s for the remainder of the celebrations. So, this is how I arrange it. I invited my dad''s girlfriend, and leave it up to my mom as to whether or not she wanted to invite her boyfriend (it feels weird saying ''boyfriend'' when it applies to your 78 year old mom!!). They had been having ''issues'', and she decided that she would rather he not come. They have since broken up.
Well, my mom has now changed her tune regarding my dad''s girlfriend. She has made comments that she thinks that he should be ''embarrassed'' to bring someone else to my wedding, and then today, when I told her about the seating arrangements, she made more comments. My bridal party, their spouses, my fiance and I were all going to sit at the head table. I had a table for my immediate family, and a table for my fiance''s immediate family. A good half of the guest list of 90 is my mom''s family, while my dad only has about 3 or 4 people there. I was, of course, going to sit my mom and dad (and his girlfriend) at my ''immediate family'' table (although not right next to one another).
My mom seems taken aback by this. She said that she just assumed that her and my dad would be at the head table, and I think that she also presumed that my dad''s girlfriend would be seated elsewhere (she knows no one else at the wedding other than my dad, me and my FI). Then my mom makes a comment that ''in her day, (dad''s gf) would have *maybe* been invited to the dance''. This is a destination wedding, and dad''s gf is already traveling about 5000 kms to be there. I''ve made elaborate arrangements so that she''s only coming for the actual wedding day, and not the rehearsal dinner, etc.
I am so frustrated!!! My mom keeps saying that she ''wants it to be however I want''. I want it to be a day which both of my parents can enjoy without anyone needing Valium!!
My mom is so sweet that it''s hard to tell her what I''m feeling, which is that she''s being a hypocrite!! When it looked like she might bring someone everything was a-ok, now that that''s not the case she''s making it difficult and giving me stress that I DON''T need!!
This is part vent, and part a request for feedback - has anyone dealt with similar issues or have any ideas about how I can manage this situation without losing my mind??
Thank you!!
My mother is making me crazy - I''ll try to describe the situation as concisely as possible...
My mom and dad have been divorced for 14 years.
My dad has been with his girlfriend consistently for over 10 years. They have a long-distance relationship which works for them. While they do not plan to marry (I don''t think either of them wish to marry again) I vacation with them every year and see her whenever I can when she''s in town. His girlfriend and I are friends. My dad and I are very close.
My mom is older than my dad (she''s 7
and had been seeing someone up until May. They had been together off and on (and off, and on) for about 4 years.My best friend got married two years ago, and both of my parents and their respective partners were invited. It was the first time that everyone had met. My dad did not want to go or to bring his girlfriend out of respect for my mother. I spoke to my mom about it and she said that she was fine with it - they had been divorced for over a decade, were all adults, and would get along just fine. The evening went relatively OK, but my mom was acting very strange and I found out later it''s because she had taken Valium to get through the night. Clearly, despite what she said, she was *not* OK with it.
Fast forward to January 2008. FI and I, although not yet ''officially'' engaged, know that we soon will be and are setting a date and choosing a venue. I speak to my mom before anyone else and ask her how she''d like my wedding to go in terms of her and dad''s significant others. She said that she thought that it would be appropriate that she and my dad be there together as my parents until after the ceremony, and then it was just fine to include their SO''s for the remainder of the celebrations. So, this is how I arrange it. I invited my dad''s girlfriend, and leave it up to my mom as to whether or not she wanted to invite her boyfriend (it feels weird saying ''boyfriend'' when it applies to your 78 year old mom!!). They had been having ''issues'', and she decided that she would rather he not come. They have since broken up.
Well, my mom has now changed her tune regarding my dad''s girlfriend. She has made comments that she thinks that he should be ''embarrassed'' to bring someone else to my wedding, and then today, when I told her about the seating arrangements, she made more comments. My bridal party, their spouses, my fiance and I were all going to sit at the head table. I had a table for my immediate family, and a table for my fiance''s immediate family. A good half of the guest list of 90 is my mom''s family, while my dad only has about 3 or 4 people there. I was, of course, going to sit my mom and dad (and his girlfriend) at my ''immediate family'' table (although not right next to one another).
My mom seems taken aback by this. She said that she just assumed that her and my dad would be at the head table, and I think that she also presumed that my dad''s girlfriend would be seated elsewhere (she knows no one else at the wedding other than my dad, me and my FI). Then my mom makes a comment that ''in her day, (dad''s gf) would have *maybe* been invited to the dance''. This is a destination wedding, and dad''s gf is already traveling about 5000 kms to be there. I''ve made elaborate arrangements so that she''s only coming for the actual wedding day, and not the rehearsal dinner, etc.
I am so frustrated!!! My mom keeps saying that she ''wants it to be however I want''. I want it to be a day which both of my parents can enjoy without anyone needing Valium!!
My mom is so sweet that it''s hard to tell her what I''m feeling, which is that she''s being a hypocrite!! When it looked like she might bring someone everything was a-ok, now that that''s not the case she''s making it difficult and giving me stress that I DON''T need!!
This is part vent, and part a request for feedback - has anyone dealt with similar issues or have any ideas about how I can manage this situation without losing my mind??
Thank you!!
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