My hubby is away and my toddler has gone crazy!

[LitigatorChick]

DH is currently in Vietnam (don''t ask), and has been gone for just over 1 week now. He is due back Tuesday afternoon. However, it can''t come soon enough, as my little guy is now having ISSUES!!! For the first day or two, he was fine. Then he started looking around the house for my husband. He has gone up to men in Starbucks, thinking they were my husband. He is having a hard time sleeping, and is generally grumpy.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice?

 

[Ellen]

Awww, poor baby!!

Maybe mark days off on the calender? Let him put x''s through the days, and have a colored circle drawn around Tuesday. Tell him when he gets to that one, daddy will be home. And maybe get a picture of hubby that he could look at/talk to/tell goodnight.

I never had to go through my hubby being gone long enough for this to happen, but that''s what I think I might have done.

Good luck!!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks, Ellen. I should have specified, but he is only 20 months old, so he does not really understand a lot of this. I think that is the main source of frustration.

 

[Ellen]

Oh, well yes, that''s really young. Hmmm. You might still try looking at a picture of daddy. But at this age, it''s mostly going to be just trying to get throught it.

Candy might help.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Ellen, you make me laugh! His nanny gave him french fries yesterday!!! Do you think it is better to show him pictures of daddy and talk about daddy, or should I just try not to bring it up? I wonder if it just bothers him more to think about him.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/27/2008 9:44:36 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
Ellen, you make me laugh! His nanny gave him french fries yesterday!!! Do you think it is better to show him pictures of daddy and talk about daddy, or should I just try not to bring it up? I wonder if it just bothers him more to think about him.

You know, that's a good question. And I just really don't know. I guess it could go either way. I think I was bringing the picture up more so he wouldn't go thinking strange men were daddy, but maybe it isn't such a good idea...

Hopefully someone else who has been through this will chime in. Like I said, I never experienced this particular problem.

 

[SilverLily]

Though not the same situation, I had a problem with my 2 year old son being upset when he started his mother''s day out program this year. I am a work-at-home mom so he was always with me for his first two years of life. When he went to the preschool, he would cry off and on all day for me. The teacher tried everything to make him happy...holding him, giving him candy, taking him for a walk outside with just her, etc. He just missed me too much. Then one day, some new photos of the kids in the class were put up on the bulletin board. He noticed that I was in the background of one picture of his classmate. The picture was taken during open house and I just happened to be standing behind this little girl when they took her picture. That did the trick! When he would get upset and miss me, he would walk over to the bulletin board and look at the picture. He would tell the teacher "that''s my mommy!" and she would say "yes, and you will get to see her soon after lunch" (I pick him up at 1:00). He never cried again after that.

So, in our case, looking at my picture soothed him. I think it might help your son to look at pictures of daddy and talk about daddy.

Hope this helps!

 

[vespergirl]

Aww, poor little guy. My son is 15 months old, and my DH travels a lot for work, so we sort of go through the same thing, but I just think he''s used to it because he''s been travelling since he was born every couple of weeks. He gets SO EXCITED when DH gets home at night though, I''m like, hey, what am I, old potatoes? I guess he just gets tired of Mommy by the end of the day & is ready for some roughousing

I had to go away over this past weekend, and he''s not used to having me gone, so my husband said that there was crying at night, which he normally doesn''t do, but by the third night, he was OK. So, maybe after a couple of days, he will get acclimated?

Still, it''s so tough with the little ones, because they really don''t understand the concept of time at all, so it''s hard to explain "he''s coming home tomorrow" or that sort of thing. I guess I would just try to distract him after explaining - maybe that would work?

 

[neatfreak]

I babysit for a little girl who has the same issues when her mom leaves (she's 3, but doesn't talk yet, so developmentally is a bit behind I think). The mom is a SAHM, so the little girl isn't used to being away from her and has major separation anxiety as a result.

What work for me is DISTRACTION DISTRACTION DISTRACTION. TV, snacks, dancing and loud music, anything that can get her thoughts on something else, and she's good to go for awhile. For her it creates more issues if her mom comes back during the middle of the day and leaves again, or if she hears her voice/sees a picture.

But it has gotten better now that she is more used to me being there in place of her mom. I think it will get better after a few days.

But I'd try Ellen's idea too, depending on the kid that might work as well. Good luck!!!!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks for your responses! I am just so sad to see him out of sorts. He walks around, looking for hubby, saying "dada". I try to explain, but he does not understand. I didn''t think he had such a strong attachment to DH!!!!

We are doing a lot of distraction (my number one parenting tactic at this age!!!). But at bed time, he is not distracted, and seems more disturbed. Part of his bed time routine is to have a bath with my husband, and obviously, that does not happen. We are trying to do our best, but it is hard.

Only 6 more sleeps to go!!!

 

[somethingshiny]

Oh, I feel for you litigatorchick!

DH switched shifts for a while and our 2 yr old (who was around 18 months at the time) nearly had a conniption! We talked to Daddy on the phone a lot, and looked at pictures, and made pictures for Daddy. It''s so sad when you see them wandering around yelling for DADA! It was really hard when he went back to normal shift and could see our son again, too. The little guy kept thinking if he left the room, Daddy was going to leave again. So, we had a few days of thisclose.

I hope it gets better for you both!

 

[musey]

Oh my gosh, what a cutie! I like Ellen''s calendar idea.

My dad worked weird hours (he''s an ER doc) when I was young and my mom put a framed photo of him by my crib/bed. I don''t know about the rest of the day, but I remember her using it at bedtime to help ease separation. She''d pick up the photo and we''d talk about where he was and what he was doing. I don''t remember how old I was though, if I remember it I was likely a bit older than your son.

 

[Rock Candy]

When my kids were little and my hubby was going out of town, I would have him tape record reading some of their favorite books. I would then play the tape for them and turn the pages as they were listening to "daddy''s" voice.

 

[Kaleigh]

On the bright side, kids of that age have no real concept of time. I like the idea of having his picture and saying good morning to daddy and at night giving the picture a kiss night night. Or if it''s upsetting him, don''t bring it up. You''ll know what works best for him. Bless his heart. I know how you feel. My husband traveled a lot when the kids were little but not for long periods of time and he always was able to call them. Hang in there!!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. We had a much better evening last night. I showed him some pictures of daddy on the computer, and he really liked that. I think it helped a bit.

Here is a front view of my little prince, Miller:

 

[Efe]

What a cutie. I haven''t read the entire thread but wanted to mention that you can get a couple of Quickcams and download Skype (for free) and he and daddy can chat as long as they like (again for free). He will be able to see and hear his daddy and will probably love being on camera.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks for the idea, Bizoumom. He is a little young for chatting, and we are having some computer issues in Vietnam.

 

[Ellen]

Aw, what a doll baby! I''m so glad you two had a better night.

 

[somethingshiny]

What a looker! He is so darned cute! Of course, I have a soft spot for blonde boys...

Glad it''s going a bit better. Hang in there!