my girlfriend is looking at diamonds, but...

[canuk-gal]

HI:

In the PS repitoire, is there a chain yanking emotie? (Sorry, did I say that out loud?)

cheers--Sharon

 

[jstarfireb]

Since I had full control over my ring design process (to clarify, I''m the girl), I''d like to share my 2 cents'' worth. Had we done things the other way around...would I have been happy to get whatever my fiance picked for me? Sure, but I also had a very specific design in mind. It''s not superficial; it''s about self-expression. When I look at my ring, I feel proud that there''s so much of "me" in it, and I love my man even more for having enough respect for me to let me do what I wanted. He put a lot of money into it, and to give me free rein to design whatever I wanted (within budget) was a huge act of love and selflessness.

Now, it''s certainly fine if she and you have both agreed that you will do the entire ring design and keep it a surprise (the exact opposite of what I did, but to each their own!). However...correct me if I''m wrong, but I''m getting more of a vibe that it was more your decision than hers. And even if it was completely mutual, I definitely don''t think it can hurt to take her ring shopping. From your first post, it appears that you two have already discussed getting engaged (you must have if you''ve discussed the ring), so it''s no surprise if you take her to try on some rings. You''ll get a better idea of what she likes, and for that matter, so will she! Maybe she''ll try on a ridiculously big ring and hate it. Maybe she''ll hate the one she thought she loved. You really never know.

What I find puzzling about all this is the apparent contradiction between your desire to get her something that''s her style and your insistence on keeping her out of the design process. You say she should love the ring for the beauty that you see, but that goes both ways. You should consider the beauty that she wants to see too! Even if they love each other deeply, people have individual stylistic differences. For example, I definitely wanted a princess, and I''m sure that he would have chosen a round without my input. Those kinds of things matter!

To your credit, the MM setting looks a lot like the one she picked out from ebay, so hopefully you''ll have nothing to worry about. But please consider at least taking her to a jeweler to make sure that''s what she really wants!

 

[Lynn B]

Should probably just keep my mouth shut... but...

I do appreciate OP''s desire to surprise his GF, and I''m sure the ring will be gorgeous, but personally I would be totally offended by my BF/FI/DH buying me anything that I am expected to wear every day for the rest of my life and assuming that because he bought it I AM going to love it!

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/25/2008 2:25:44 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
Hey Doc! I think she has given you her input on what she likes by showing you things she likes on ebay. I think that you picked a setting and a diamond size that is right in line with what she is looking at. I think you''ve thought long and hard about what she wants and what you want. If you were my boyfriend I would totally understand why you''d feel the need to rant. She will probably feel silly for stressing (which is probably what she''s doing). That Mark Morell setting is so much better and more fluid than the one she sent you a link to. BTW...total carat weight on the ebay one is 4.75 however the center stone is about 2.5. Will she really be able to notice the difference in size between a well cut 2 and that one, I don''t know but I''m sure it won''t matter.


I think you''re doing the right thing. Just keep playing dumb or tell her that you know what she wants and reassure her that she will get an awesome ring when the time comes. That should relieve some of her anxiety.

Thanks for listening to my rant, and for the kind words.

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/25/2008 2:26:20 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 6/25/2008 1:58:02 PM

Author: doctork

Date: 6/25/2008 12:51:08 PM

Author: Ellen

Date: 6/25/2008 10:19:28 AM


Author: Ellen

Date: 6/25/2008 10:04:51 AM


Author: doctork


Wow, I didn''t mean to spur up a debate like this! It''s good to see different point of views though. To me, when I hear girls talking about how they picked out the ring and told their man to buy it, or told their friend to tell him what they liked I think it''s pretty selfish of them. I think a proposal is the ultimate way of a man giving himself to the woman. All the work he puts in to choosing the right ring to ''impress her''. It''s like the male peacocks showing off his feathers to the female peacocks (along with a million other animal examples). If a woman can''t see the love put into the ring and see the beauty that the man sees then we have a problem. It shouldn''t be a matter of whether the woman likes the size, style, color, etc or not. The fact of the matter is, the woman should love and cherish anything her man gets him no ifs, ands, or buts. Just my opinion.

Well, if you truly believe that, then there shouldn''t be a problem with whatever you pick out, no matter what she''s indicated she wants. Right?

I''m feeling left out here, you didn''t address my question.

Let me put it another way. What exactly was the point of this thread, if you truly believe this?



To quote your last sentence, ''I''m worried that a 2 carat diamond will be unimpressive to her now after gawking at all these gigantic rocks''




Again, if you really believe this, then get her whatever and she will love it. Right?

I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to ignore you. I do believe she will love whatever I get. The point of this thread was merely a rant. I didn''t intend anything to come out of it.

No problem. But I think you''re missing my point. If you know she''ll love whatever you get her, there would have been no need to rant. And you wouldn''t have stated that you''re worried a 2 ct. rock would not be enough for her. I think you are worried, and to be honest, I would be too after the size stones she''s been talking about.

I think you''d really like to believe she''ll love whatever, but deep down you don''t.

And here''s where I think it might help if you let her be a part of this. If you let her at least try some diamonds on, you can incorporate how much cut means. And once she sees well cut stones, she''ll learn a couple things. One, they''re expensive, and two, a well cut stone does not have to be 3 carats to stand out and be flashy. Also, as has been pointed out, she could find out what styles look good on her hand. I adore split shanks, but they don''t love me. Had I not tried one on first, I could have made a very expensive mistake.


I know you want to surprise her, and there''s nothing wrong with that, if you really know what it is she likes, and what makes her eyes light up. You can''t truly know that though, if you don''t at least take her out.

I see your point. That''s probably why the thread took off like it didn''t. I didn''t exactly put a lot of thought into what I was saying. It was merely a rant. At first shock, sure was I thinking to myself that what I get her may not be good/big enough. But after thinking about it more, I quickly came to realize that she doesn''t even know what a 2, 3, 4, 5 carat diamond looks like. The think the biggest she has seen is maybe 1, or 1.3 carats.

I do agree with you that I should try on rings with her, and let he see the real differences between the colors, cut, carats, etc. We do often stop into jewelry stores and look, but most stores these days don''t carry much over 1carat.

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/25/2008 3:20:04 PM
Author: vslover

Date: 6/25/2008 10:56:32 AM

Author: doctork



There are a million variables involved in every equation. For me, my girlfriend and I are extremely extremely close. The number of hours we have been apart in the last 3 years is under 100.

Do you work at home? DH and I don''t spend any time apart other than when he''s at work (and 2 days a week that''s at home)...and have never been apart overnight...we''re ''extremely extremely close'' and I am still glad that I at least gave him guidelines of what I wanted in an e-ring.

We both work at home, in the same home-office even. This makes it difficult to do anything without her finding out. It''s hard enough to find time to do research and post on pricescope. Often my posts are rushed, because I''m doing them when she steps out of the room to the washroom or something lol.

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/25/2008 8:07:32 PM
Author: LittleGreyKitten
I do have to strongly suggest that if your GF has not physically tried on different settings, it would be a really, really good idea to let her try on some different setting styles at a B&M store. Very often we girls think we know what''s gonna look perfect by looking at a picture/screen, then when we try the the thing on it just doesn''t quite work! If there is any room in your philosophy for that, it really is a good idea and wouldn''t ruin her surprise one bit. I think you could finesse a trip like that without totally giving her the idea to expect a proposal soon if you''re creative and sneaky enough.


I think a gorgeous temporarily-set diamond would be *plenty* surprise enough, as well, as Dancing Fire says. Most of the risk you''re taking with your plan is with the setting, not the diamond.


I think that men are more sentimental about e-rings, sometimes.


I suppose if you''re absolutely, 100% positive sure you can read your GF''s mind *and* that she really knows what she likes and doesn''t just think she does, go for it and get the ring and the custom setting too. But I do think you have to accept that there is a chance, even though it might be a tiny, tiny chance, that she will come to you afterwards and say, ''Honey, I love you but I don''t love the ring/setting you picked out.'' And by that time she''ll probably feel completely horrible and selfish and awful, and fear upsetting you greatly, and the ring she ought to adore will have grown to be a big issue at least in her mind. (Truly, you do read that exact story on here a lot, and most of the time the man worked dang hard picking out the ring.) I think if you can accept that you''re taking that risk, proceed at full speed ahead

Oooh, here''s a good analogy. When my husband was car shopping a few years ago, I knew what he was looking for. He''d told me a dozen times after looking online (but not in person). I could have gone and picked out a black Mazda RX-8 base model with no sunroof and surprised him. And he would have been very sad when he finally saw the silver color in person and fell in love with it, with the full touring package with sunroof and stuff. Because that''s what he finally ended up with; he realized that particular car looked better in lighter colors- it shows the lines better- and that having a sunroof was incredibly important to his enjoyment of his car after all. So, I may have known what he *thought* he wanted just fine, but it would have still been the wrong thing, because he hadn''t actually driven any or seen them in person.

I agree with you on this. I''m sorry if I came off acting like I completely refuse to look at rings together, let her try on rings, etc. We do do that stuff, but I act completely uninterested and make sure that she is the one that suggests we go into the store as to not be suspicious

.

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/25/2008 9:29:18 PM
Author: honey22
How about a compromise then if you are stuck on being *stubborn* (for want of a better word).


You go out by yourself and pick exactly what you want.


Then after the whole suprise engagement thing has happened and the inital excitement has died down, look her straight in the eye and ask her if it is her dream ring and if it is exactly what SHE wanted. If she tells you it''s not what she wanted, then you should immediately and graciously be amenable to her changing the setting, upgrading the stone (within your budget of course). You can''t have your cake and eat it too - just because you love her, it''s doesn''t mean you know everything about her. I have been with my partner for 12 years and he was suprised recently when I told him that I don''t really like pearls! Where on earth did he get that idea from...... He is my best friend, we share everything, we have lived together for over 10 years, but he thought I liked pearls - WTF?! I have never said I liked them. On the other hand, he knows things about me that suprise me. Things that no-one else would know and I we would both say we know each other incredibly well. But the truth is, after 12 years, we are still learning things about each other, and I dare say, we will be for many many years to come.


I really think this is a good compromise, chances are she is going to love it anyway, but then she won''t be stuck with the angst of having a ring that she doesn''t 100% love.

honey,

After reading this thread and seeing all the different views I changed my opinions a bit. I am 100% willing to do this. In the end I want her to be happy. If what I pick for her she truly doesn''t like, then I will absolutely work with her on it to make it the perfect ring.

 

[doctork]

Okay I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who put in their 2 cents to this thread. I definitely didn''t intend it to go this direction, but I''m not disappointed. I do believe that after reading some of the replies, I positioned myself on the opposite side of the fence (far far far on the opposite) just so I could debate. My views are NOT as left winged as I made them sound. However, I''ve learned a lot of things from this thread and will take a lot out of it. I thank the pricescope forum enlightening me! I''m not sure what I was thinking trying to debate with a forum of intelligent women who live and breathe diamonds

.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 6/26/2008 10:37:11 AM
Author: doctork
Okay I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who put in their 2 cents to this thread. I definitely didn''t intend it to go this direction, but I''m not disappointed. I do believe that after reading some of the replies, I positioned myself on the opposite side of the fence (far far far on the opposite) just so I could debate. My views are NOT as left winged as I made them sound. However, I''ve learned a lot of things from this thread and will take a lot out of it. I thank the pricescope forum enlightening me! I''m not sure what I was thinking trying to debate with a forum of intelligent women who live and breathe diamonds

.

 

[motownmama]

On the flip side - MY DH bought the ring and proposed without an iota of input from me - complete surprise! It''s one of the happiest memories of my life (behind giving birth 4X, of course).

 

[Irishgrrrl]

DoctorK~

I''m glad we were able to help, and I hope we didn''t scare you too much!

Good luck in finding a ring and planning the proposal, and please follow up with us to let us know how it goes!

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/26/2008 10:50:08 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
DoctorK~


I''m glad we were able to help, and I hope we didn''t scare you too much!

Good luck in finding a ring and planning the proposal, and please follow up with us to let us know how it goes!

I have to admit, I was scared a bit

. I appreciate all the help on this forum thus far. I''ll definitely repay it by posting the story & pictures. I''ll be on here a lot in the next while though. Paris is in 3 months, so I have to put all the pieces of the puzzle together before then.

 

[honey22]

Date: 6/26/2008 10:30:27 AM
Author: doctork

Date: 6/25/2008 9:29:18 PM

Author: honey22

How about a compromise then if you are stuck on being *stubborn* (for want of a better word).



You go out by yourself and pick exactly what you want.



Then after the whole suprise engagement thing has happened and the inital excitement has died down, look her straight in the eye and ask her if it is her dream ring and if it is exactly what SHE wanted. If she tells you it''s not what she wanted, then you should immediately and graciously be amenable to her changing the setting, upgrading the stone (within your budget of course). You can''t have your cake and eat it too - just because you love her, it''s doesn''t mean you know everything about her. I have been with my partner for 12 years and he was suprised recently when I told him that I don''t really like pearls! Where on earth did he get that idea from...... He is my best friend, we share everything, we have lived together for over 10 years, but he thought I liked pearls - WTF?! I have never said I liked them. On the other hand, he knows things about me that suprise me. Things that no-one else would know and I we would both say we know each other incredibly well. But the truth is, after 12 years, we are still learning things about each other, and I dare say, we will be for many many years to come.



I really think this is a good compromise, chances are she is going to love it anyway, but then she won''t be stuck with the angst of having a ring that she doesn''t 100% love.

honey,


After reading this thread and seeing all the different views I changed my opinions a bit. I am 100% willing to do this. In the end I want her to be happy. If what I pick for her she truly doesn''t like, then I will absolutely work with her on it to make it the perfect ring.

I am really glad to hear that - for both of you. There is every chance you will hit the nail on the head and get the perfect ring, but in the event that your gf changes her mind (and we tend to do that a bit

) then she will be just as happy with the ring that you are. I always feel sorry for posters that come here and say that they are unhappy with their ering, and they are unhappy that their partner is unhappy they don''t like it. It''s such a disappointment for both of them.

Good luck with your search - don''t be afraid to come back here for suggestions on a killer rock if you are brave! You have handled this really well, and yes, you were a little mad for trying to debate sparklies with us - we are a bit OCD when it comes to diamonds

 

[Diamond Joe Quimby]

You have said that you are going to Paris?? If you need any help with this, pleae let me know.

Me and my girlfriend have an international lifestyle (I’m Australian, she is british and we live all over the place)…..as an indication, I have done the London-Sydney flight more than 15 times in the last 3 years….

Anyway, we have spent lots of time in Paris and have many French friend (although, interestingly, none of them live in france any more!!)

For example…..I would not suggest proposing in the Eiffel tower – whilst it looks great in the movies, more often then not its full of tourists and kids running around and getting down on oe knee whilst you are shoulder to shoulder in a small 100 year old viewing platform is not as romantic as it seems……

I would suggest going to Palais Chaillot – it’s a beautiful area with the best views of the Eiffel tower, although a busy tourist place, at night it can be very quiet and there is always a secret corner you can got to to be alone….. there are beautiful fountains and in the summer at 10pm lights come on at the Eiffel tower which make the tower appear as though it is ‘shimmering’ like a million stars are attached to to…….I have been to Paris many times with my girlfriend and seeing the lights come on at the Eiffel tower form near here is one of the best experiences I can remember! (damn, I should have proposed whilst I had the chance – but didn’t have a ring sorted…….silly me!!!)

Anyway,this is a much better choice in my opinion, easy to get to (last thing you want is to have to walk a mile to propose) with a train station nearby, best views in Paris, discreet, romantic and spectacular.

There are some photos attached at the bottom to give you an idea of the view from the area I am talking about – its basically a big open elevated, paved area with scultures etc – has views down over these great fountains to the Seine and Eiffel Tower….really nice!

If you need any other advice on where to go, what to see, where to eat, let me know!! My French friends have taught me a lot over the years

DJQ

PS – you MUST go and get hot chocolate from the Café Angelina opposite Le Jardin Tuileries – a french favourite and hot chocolate to die for!!!!!!

Mmmmmmm…..hot chocolate………..

 

[coatimundi_org]

Date: 6/26/2008 10:39:52 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 6/26/2008 10:37:11 AM

Author: doctork

Okay I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who put in their 2 cents to this thread. I definitely didn''t intend it to go this direction, but I''m not disappointed. I do believe that after reading some of the replies, I positioned myself on the opposite side of the fence (far far far on the opposite) just so I could debate. My views are NOT as left winged as I made them sound. However, I''ve learned a lot of things from this thread and will take a lot out of it. I thank the pricescope forum enlightening me! I''m not sure what I was thinking trying to debate with a forum of intelligent women who live and breathe diamonds

.

Ditto Ellen''s Clappy/Laughy guys.
DoctorK--the set you have your eye on is Perfecto Mundo! I think your girlfriend will be beyond thrilled to receive such a beautiful e-ring/wband.

Good Luck to you!

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

Date: 6/24/2008 10:08:22 PM
Author: MikeRato1
i would get her a 42 carat cz

I like this idea! LOL. I find it hard to relate to someone who thinks that 1.5 carats is small since my first diamond was .24 ct. If it were me, and I am the female in the relationship, I would like it IN THE LONG RUN, if my fiance had sprung $20K for a really great 2 carat, than a doo-doo diamond from Ebay. Bigger is definitely NOT better if the diamond is crap.

Also, check out Shenoa before buying. I have heard negative things. The setting you have picked out from Mark Morrell is pricey. Maybe you should spend more money on the center stone. Just a thought.

How 'bout this from Whiteflash?

http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-906695.htm with this:

http://www.whiteflash.com/Engagement-Rings/Styles/Diamond-Settings/-Diamonds-for-an-Eternity-_998.htm or this:

http://www.whiteflash.com/Engagement-Rings/Styles/Diamond-Settings/The--Imperial--Engagment-Ring_1107.htm#

 

[doctork]

Diamond Joe Quimby,

Thanks for the tips! Can I contact you off the board to discuss Paris? E-mail, messenger?

 

[Diamond Joe Quimby]

hiya, yeah sure - feel free to contact me off the board - although I''m not sure how as I don''t want to go listing my personal email up here - is there a way of sending private messages from one member to another on this forom - if so send me your email!

 

[K9]

I''m sorry, but I MUST come out of hiding for this...

Diamond Joe recommends not proposing on the Eiffel Tower. I was proposed to on the lower level of the 2nd deck. Most people are on the upper section of the 2nd deck, but the lower part is QUIET. At least it was for us. I never saw the proposal coming - it was nice and private and it''s everything it should have been.

Of course, it''s a total cliche to be proposed to there, but I really don''t care.

I don''t personally know anyone else who has been proposed to there and it''s a story that everyone loves because everyone knows what the Eiffel Tower is.

Just saying, don''t discount it completely. Maybe just a little biased I am?

BTW - never knew I was going to be proposed to even though I WAS consulted on what I''d like as an engagement ring. And, even though I had input, 5 years later I reset my diamond into a Mark Morrell Sunburst. Tastes change so honestly, it''s a crap shoot!

 

[doctork]

Date: 6/27/2008 12:06:02 AM
Author: Diamond Joe Quimby
hiya, yeah sure - feel free to contact me off the board - although I''m not sure how as I don''t want to go listing my personal email up here - is there a way of sending private messages from one member to another on this forom - if so send me your email

Yeah, that''s why I didn''t post mine. I don''t see a private message system on here...

 

[Diamond Joe Quimby]

muttlover - the lower second deck is sometimes quiet - usually first thing in the morning or late at night - or sometimes in the winter (pretty cold up there).

Last time I was in the eiffel tower (about 12 months ago) the second deck had about a millino people lined up to get the lifts to the upper level - so a bit hit and miss.

I was there one february (middle of winter pretty much) and it was bloody windy and freezing so thats another thing to taek into account - when its windy you really feel it in the tower!!

If you had your heart set on a proposal in the eiffel tower I woiuld suggest booking a table at the Jules Verne Restaurant which is on level two - it has its own lift and is a little more private - and ONE of the best views from any restaurant.

If Doc wants to start a new thread in the ''propsal ideas'' section then perhaps we can have these discussions there? And I am more than willing to offer my advice/experience of the area.....

The reason I proposed where I did was that, from their, you get a great view of the tower instead of FROM the tower, and its a spectacuilar location, easy to get to - not as touristy (especially at night) and has a great ''feel'' about it........ my opinion anyway

I did not mean to offend anyone who was proposed to in the eiffel tower!

Perhaps the Doc needs a couple of plans - that way he can look at the eiffel tower thing - if it doesn''t feel right at the time then have the other location as the ''backup'' proposal area - might also throw the girl off the scent a little - ie. she''ll come down the tower wondering why there was no proposal - to be hit with it ten mins later!!!!!!