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my girlfriend is looking at diamonds, but...

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doctork

doctork

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
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Okay my girlfriend has been looking at diamonds and rings online now for quite a while, and she''s starting to be more open about it with me. We''ve both already agreed that the engagement should be a complete surprise, and that I am picking out the diamond and ring and all that stuff. She cannot know anything about anything that I have planned or that I know. So basically, I''m forced to play dumb or else she will know something is up. But, she has been looking at websites, including Ebay! that have diamond rings for sale, that are like 7 carat total weight, 2.5-3carat center stone for $15,000. These diamonds either have no, or a really weak certificate, less than great cut, etc. She knows the basics of the 4c''s but that''s about it. I wish I could clue her in so she stops looking at these things, but I just can''t!

Also, she has mentioned that she wants to sacrifice color & inclusions and stuff like that in order to get a bigger rock. She has been looking at these 3-5 carat diamonds for like ~$20k. I don''t know what to do, I personally don''t think it''s a wise decision to sacrifice that much to get a big diamond. I''ve got my eyes on ~2carat diamonds for around 20k! She also mentioned that she thinks any diamond under 1.5 carats is small to her. I''m worried that a 2carat diamond will be unimpressive to her now after gawking at all these gigantic rocks.

end rant.
 
Ew. Well, first of all, has she tried rocks this big on?? If not, maybe you could swing that somehow? I mean, does she know her hand could even carry that?

Secondly, I think the size you''re looking at is great. If you can lower the color and clarity (don''t know what you''ve been eyeing), go to an extremely well cut J, and SI2 if possible, which may help you swing a slightly bigger size.

Not sure what to tell you after that. I''ll be honest, I''m not real fond of girls telling their men exactly what they want, and expecting no less, when they''re talking a lot of money/big stones. Maybe I''ll just bow out now, while I''m ahead.
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Oh, and good luck!
 
hey DOc,

I''m a guy - so no doubt all the women will hassle me for this .....but.....

Isn''t that what all women do? Surely, walking past a jeweller hand in hand would not be complete without your other half pointing and waving frantically at the ''perfect'' engagement ring..... jeeeez, my OH has been ''looking'' for rings for 2 years (we have been together 4)....

Just shrug it off, act all disinterested in the whole thing, whilst doing your own searching looking for hte ideal ring in your own time.....

I have just ordered my ring - should be here any day now......but I''m still shrugging my shoulders at comments from my other half about rings she sees - hopefully, she has no clue that I have actually already ordered and paid for her e-ring!

Diamonds - you appear to be hesitant about dropping to much on quality - and from my experience reading on PS thats a great move - I myself decided to go with a really great stone, although I could have gone larger had I dropped quality standards....

A fewthings to consider.......

I am a complete lay-person with no knowledge of diamonds until I jumped on this forum 6 months ago - so this is what I have learned and things that helped me in my selection.

One, after doing lots of research and looking, it is my understanding that a well cut stone will look BIGGER than a poor cut stone...there is a great thread on here where someone comapred 1 carat stones.....it showed that a GREAT cut 1 carat stone was aroun 6.5mm in width...as the cut quality diminished some of hte 1 careat stones had widths of less than 6mm....... so in actual fact, a well cut 0.8 will have a larger face up area than a poorly cut 1 carat (generalistaion). I have selected a 0.82 carat stone with diameter of 6.07X6.10 - and have viewed 1 carat stones, twice the price, that are less than one quarter of a mm larger (dimater wise).

Two, deal with a great online vendor- I used whiteflash, tell them that you want an eye clean stone and give your specs and price range etc.....tell them you are willing to sacrafice a ''little'' on quality (perhaps colour and clarity - but keeping a great cut) in order to increase the size of the stone, they should be able to give you some great options. I keep saying that the best thing I did was use whiteflash - I was very hesitant at first to use an onlinestore in anothe country (I''
m in Australia) but have to say they were excellent.

Third, do lots oresearch into settings and designs - sometimes its the SETTING that really emphasises the size of a stone, which will make it appear larger on your girlfriends hands. My girlfriend has very small hands anyway (size 4) and I selected a plain solitaire setting, narriw 2.5mm) band with sweeps up to the stone. I wanted the stone to be emphasised by the setting....so this is an option to make the stone look larger.

Fourth, buy a centre stone of great quality and us eside stones or other measrues to a) increase the appearance of the main stone and/or increase the overall carat weight of the ring - so you can say to your griflriend/future fiance that hte ring is a total carat weight of say 3 carats, with the centre stone being 2 carats..........

Fifth, carats aren''t everything - even for people who LOVE large diamonds, its how it ''APPEARS'' - so she may prefer a smaller carat weight IF it looks like a largerm more substantial setting.

Sixth, one of the more experienced members wrote a post that I''ll never forget (although I can''t find the bloody thing) it said something like "the perfect stone is the one selected by a guy, who presents it to a girl to represent his love for her and its a stone the she loves because of what it represents" or something like that.....

If I find it I will post....

There are many people on here (pretty much all of them) who know more than me - what I know is that this is a very important purchase and you want to get it right - I know that htis forum and whiteflash helped me to acheive that (depite the nerves, and constant self-questinoing along the way - including whether I had purchased a large enough diamond...

regards,

Diamond Joe....


P.S. (whiteflash has a great upgrade policy, so if you get something she doesn''t like, you can always have it upgraded later (perhaps as part of a wedding setting - I have it in the back of my mind that the stone I propose with might perhaps be re-set (or even upgraded) in a year or two as part of an integrated wedding/e-ring/eternity band setting incorporating all the other diamonds I have purchased my girl over the past 4 years - she wears a gorgeous 30 diamond princess cut channel set ring on her right hand that I had made for our first xmas together (around 1 carat total) - I have always talked about having this re-set to form her wedding band/eternity ring and perhaps I''ll have the main engagement ring stone also set with it!)
 
Well, if she doesn''t mind a peppered stone, who are we to say she should go for eyeclean? Of course, you can always leave GOG''s education page accidentally open on your computer so she can learn all about cut and inclusions
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Honestly, those massive rocks she is looking at on ebay for those prices are more than likely to be massive pieces of frozen spit. And will look as such. Doesn''t matter how big it is, still gonna look like crap.

When she lays her eyes on an 2ct ideal cut, sparkly ball of fire, she will forget all about those bigger lumps of carbon and will thank you for it.

If I had the choice, I would much rather have (and show off to people) a smaller ideal cut sparkly little ball of happiness than a larger less sparkly lump.

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Date: 6/24/2008 9:25:58 PM
Author: honey22
Honestly, those massive rocks she is looking at on ebay for those prices are more than likely to be massive pieces of frozen spit. And will look as such. Doesn''t matter how big it is, still gonna look like crap.


When she lays her eyes on an 2ct ideal cut, sparkly ball of fire, she will forget all about those bigger lumps of carbon and will thank you for it.


If I had the choice, I would much rather have (and show off to people) a smaller ideal cut sparkly little ball of happiness than a larger less sparkly lump.


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I totally agree...

I ALSO however agree with Ellen''s post that going down to an ideal J-Si2 might buy you a bit of size too without sacrificing too much.
 
What about a 2 carat with a halo setting?
 
I recommend having her become educated about diamonds on PS before demanding so much! I agree with others, go to a local jeweler and try on various sizes so she has an idea of what they will look like on her finger, but make sure to try on Ideal Cut stones.
 
i would get her a 42 carat cz
 
Date: 6/24/2008 10:08:22 PM
Author: MikeRato1
i would get her a 42 carat cz
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ahahahhahaha!! ^^^^^ tooo funny!
Oh deary me, yes indeed, get what she wants and put it next to a gorgeous well cut 2ct sparkler and then see what she says!
 
Date: 6/24/2008 9:25:58 PM
Author: honey22
Honestly, those massive rocks she is looking at on ebay for those prices are more than likely to be massive pieces of frozen spit. And will look as such. Doesn't matter how big it is, still gonna look like crap.


When she lays her eyes on an 2ct ideal cut, sparkly ball of fire, she will forget all about those bigger lumps of carbon and will thank you for it.


If I had the choice, I would much rather have (and show off to people) a smaller ideal cut sparkly little ball of happiness than a larger less sparkly lump.


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Definitely!

Get her the most beautiful 2ct your money can buy and she won't even remember what she originally thought she wanted!

Oh to be in her shoes!!!...i hope i hope i hope...
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I would get her the largest J-K SI2 (as eyeclean as possible) and stick it in a halo setting--- maybe even a halo with sidestones.

I would also find a way to educate her on diamonds.
 
http://store.pearlmansjewelers.com/jewelry/view/3859/1016/ Something like this would be my choice. LOTS of bling halos everywhere... the halo increases the size dramatically... and it''s got prongs so if the center has a visible inclusion on the outside rim of it, the inclusion can be hidden under a prong. Nice ring, nice side view.
 
Well, I''m a woman, and I just don''t understand ladies who expect their guys to be mind readers. It''s a nice fantasy, but this is real life, and it simply doesn''t happen.

You should really go shopping together and have her try on rings, and start the education process. I expect that there is going to be some sticker shock when she realizes how much a large quality rock costs.
 
Date: 6/24/2008 7:52:38 PM
Author:doctork

Also, she has mentioned that she wants to sacrifice color & inclusions and stuff like that in order to get a bigger rock. She has been looking at these 3-5 carat diamonds for like ~$20k. I don''t know what to do, I personally don''t think it''s a wise decision to sacrifice that much to get a big diamond. I''ve got my eyes on ~2carat diamonds for around 20k! She also mentioned that she thinks any diamond under 1.5 carats is small to her. I''m worried that a 2carat diamond will be unimpressive to her now after gawking at all these gigantic rocks.

end rant.
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find a less expensive girlfriend. J/k
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a well cut 2 ct rb is about 8.10mm,not a small rock. tell her size means nothing if it doesn''t perform
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Hey all!

My post was more of a rant than anything. I know in the end she will be happy with what I get her. And I know some of you disagree, but I''m going to buy what I like. She is not involved in the buying or shopping process AT ALL. She doesn''t even get to talk about what she likes, what I like, what size I''m looking at, when I plan to propose, NOTHING. The engagement is going to be completely special and something she will never forget. I know she will be happy with whatever I choose for her, no matter the size.

A girl shopping for diamonds for the first time, is like a guy shopping for cars.
Girls: bigger = better
Guys: faster = better

It''s not until later that we get the experience to appreciate things :)


PS: I''m currently looking at a 2carat round, in this wedding set: http://www.mwmjewelry.com/D_J_2-653ct_wed_set/
 
You have chosen a GREAT setting, AND a fabulous size.

I do think that you should take her to SEE diamonds. She should see the difference between an ideal cut stone and a lesser cut.
She should see these things with her own eyes, so that she will be THRILLED when she gets the beauty that you have taken so much time to research and find.

Personally, I had NO idea what I wanted until I started SERIOUSLY looking.

Best of luck to you!

Annie
 
I think your attitude towards the ering is rather bizarre, quite frankly. Why are you so bent on not allowing her to have any say in any part of the ring? You sound like it's more about you than about her. Dont you want her to look at her ring and love it? You assume that she will "love anything you get her" yet you dont really know what she loves since she doesn't appear to have even seen rings in person yet. I'm sure you've worn something and she's said "are you really going to wear that honey?" Or you've seen something of hers and wondered, "huh?" Just because people are together as a couple doesn't mean they know exactly what the other person really REALLY wants when it comes to something as intimate as a wedding/ering. Why cant you can shop together and she can see what she likes best in terms of shape, setting, etc. Honestly, very often until a woman tries on a ring, she thinks she loves it from the photo but on her particular hand it doesn't look so great.

It sounds like she knows a proposal is coming, yes? If you want the proposal to be a surprise why not propose without a ring, many of us have done it that way and then shopped together...It's actually very romantic shopping for rings after you're engaged!

ETA: It seems that you think that keeping all of this super secret and her having no say in any of it will somehow make it "more special"...There are enough threads on PS where women are so bummed out with the ring their FI chose because they didn't get a say in what they were going to get...Just food for thought. And before you say it, I'm sure each of their men thought that their ladies would be "happy with whatever I give her..." too.
 
Just a comment on surfgirls last post about why would you not include the girl in the engagement ring process.

I have taken the stance that my girlfriend know NOTHING about the choosing of hte ring, diamond or proposal. I guess part of it is that I''m fairly traditional and like things to be that way (you know, the surprise engagement). Also, I know what my girlfriend likes and what jewellery will suit her tastes etc. I can honestly say that I put a lot of effort into all the gift I give her so I can surely understand Doc''s point of view on wanting to have it all a secret....

I know that there are lots of girls on here who have been burned by getting the engagement ring they don''t want (not happy with or whataver....). but those are cases where the guy just hasn''t put in the effort in getting the right ring!!

In this case, might there be a possibility that the Doc is right to make the decision himself? - seems to me that its him looking on Pricescope, doing hard yards doing the research and reading. He appears to want a good quality diamond in a great setting from a respected vendor.

Whereas his partners is looking at rings on ebay........

Not trying to be rude (and I know you weren''t either) but I can entirely see why the Doc wants to keep it a secret and do it his way....its exactly what I did.....(and have always done).....and let me tell you that when I gave my girlfirend her right hand ring, white gold channel set pricess cut stones with a total 1 carat total weight, there was no complaining that I had made the wrong decision........ in fact, 4 years later she still gets daily comments and I still find her staring at it if we are out in the sun.....

If gives me great pleasure in knowing that I know my girl so well, and that I can choose something that is perfect for her.....I also thinks she genuinely likes that fact that I do the yard yards to get her great gifts that I know she will love.

So, my advice, you go for it Doc, I''m sure you know what this chicky of yours likes, so you make the decision! Do your research, take your time and you''ll get it right!
 
Joe, I can appreciate your comments, and I'm sure you know your GFs taste and buy her lovely gifts. However, an engagement ring is a completely different beast. I think that's what men dont really get. They perhaps think it's another piece of jewelry and they already know their lady's tastes in bling so they can handle the task of choosing for her. The thing is, there are many mannnnny women here who will tell you that they thought they loved a certain shape or setting but when they put in on their own hand it looked awful and they ended up loving something they never thought they'd ever want. I guess that's ultimately my point, an ering is a different sort of jewelry and most women dont even know what they really want until they try on different shapes/settings and see what looks best on their hands. Aint no way you can know that unless your lady's already gone shopping and knows what she loves IRL...And a guy can put an enormous amount of effort into choosing what *he* thinks is best for his lady, but that still doesn't mean it's the one she wanted. We hear stories here all the time from ladies whose men took a lot of time and effort but didn't involve the lady in the decision and she's not happy with the ring even though she knows he put the effort into the process (which, BTW, turns "the ring" into an unnecessary drama that didn't need to be in the first place, if only he asked her input). It seems like this macho game of "I'm man enough to know what she wants and dammit, I'm not going to let her know anything about it. I can do it myself!" And it's just not that easy without her input.

Okay, rant over....
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Dittoing absolutely everything Surfgirl''s said in this thread ... seriously, if you want to see some angst, try typing "hate" and "ring" into the PS search engine. You''ll find threads from ladies whose FI''s had their rings custom designed, who chose carefully for symbolism, and who, through some little accident/misunderstanding/mishearing still came up with something that the lady in question appreciated for its symbolic worth ... but didn''t love. In some cases, AT ALL. Why on earth put someone *you* love in that situation?

I have no personal attachment to the idea of the "Surprise!" proposal, so I realize I''m speaking in ignorance, but can''t you still get that effect while allowing for open discourse and honestly finding out her preferences?
 
I see your points surfgirl and circe,

And I wasn''t (and not) trying to be argumentative - this is obviously just my opinion and people have different ones.

I accept that every relatioship is different, and everyone does these things in a different way.......

I know exactly what you are saying about the e-ring not being just another item of jewellery. I understand completely that its an entirely different beast....forgetting the money aspect, I have invested more time and effort into this purchase than any other thing I ahve ever bought. took me nearly a year to figure out what to get....

I would consider that if I did not know exactly what she wanted, and what she would like to have, then I would feel that perhaps it was not the right time to be asking ''the question''. Other people have different ways of doing things, and I guess this is mine (and I''m positive that this is a process that my girlfriend wants as well - I am sure that she would not feel the same if I suggested buying the ring together - I even though of perhaps buying the diamond and presenting it to her either in a case, or in a cheap setting - but i KNOW that that would not feel right to my other half, and nor would it to me).

The man (me) choosing hte ring is an importnat part of the process for us...

I understand that for a woman, getting engaged and married is big deal, and that the ring is an imortant part of that, but please don''t assume that its any different for a male......... we don''t just pop out and grab the first diamond ring and say that''ll do (well, at least I didn''t)....... this is a pretty important process for me as well....

For me, its not a bravado thing, and not something I ahve taken lightly - I guess what I''m saying is that each couple has a different way of approaching this process, and that I can understand Doc''s way (secretive, he chooses the ring, surprise engagement) because my situation is the same!

By the way - here is what I chose.

Reasons I chose it - girlfriend has small hands (size 4) doesn''t want anything too showy/flashy, she wanted simple to give her more options for the wedding band, thin band the emphasise the diamond, white gold to match her other jewellery. A simple, classic, elegant solitaire! She has no idea I have it on the way, we are on holidays in Fiji in 2 weeks and it seemed like the perfect time.....

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/images-from-wf-waiting-for-delivery.88399/

I know that its perfect and she''ll love it .......
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and if not the Whiteflash have a great upgrade policy
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Sounds like a lovely ring Joe!

I agree with you - my GF has had no input into the ring I''m designing, it''s going to turn out wonderfully, and she''ll love it. Like you Joe, I know that - no debate.

I think some people may be lacking the intrinsic knowledge of our partner''s taste that we have. For example, my older brother should not be allowed to choose a ring for someone.

Some people got it, some don''t
 
I''m with Surfgirl here.

You can have a complete surprise proposal - without a ring, or with a placeholder ring that can then be used when you are travelling in places you wouldn''t want to wear the real one in.

Ring shopping/designing together is really romantic and fun.

I suppose if you know she''s just into solitaires, or you''re happy to make changes if she doesn''t like it, or to upgrade later on then that is fine.

It also depends how picky she is. An e-ring is not a pair of earrings given at xmas that she can choose not to wear if she doesn''t like it, it comes with all sorts of other emotions attached to it.

I totally agree that the man gets to decide and plan the proposal. The ring is not the proposal - it''s a piece of jewellery that is worn for life to celebrate it, and that celebration should be between both people.

Each to their own at the end of the day - but do you really want to put her in the awful situation of not liking the ring and having to either put up with something she isn''t into so as not to upset you, or telling you what she really thinks.

I was proposed to without a ring - in the UK it''s much more common that you shop together afterwards - and those of my friends who didn''t have a proposal without the ring were pretty jealous of the fun FI and I had designing mine.
 
Wow, I didn''t mean to spur up a debate like this! It''s good to see different point of views though. To me, when I hear girls talking about how they picked out the ring and told their man to buy it, or told their friend to tell him what they liked I think it''s pretty selfish of them. I think a proposal is the ultimate way of a man giving himself to the woman. All the work he puts in to choosing the right ring to ''impress her''. It''s like the male peacocks showing off his feathers to the female peacocks (along with a million other animal examples). If a woman can''t see the love put into the ring and see the beauty that the man sees then we have a problem. It shouldn''t be a matter of whether the woman likes the size, style, color, etc or not. The fact of the matter is, the woman should love and cherish anything her man gets him no ifs, ands, or buts. Just my opinion.
 
Date: 6/25/2008 10:04:51 AM
Author: doctork
Wow, I didn''t mean to spur up a debate like this! It''s good to see different point of views though. To me, when I hear girls talking about how they picked out the ring and told their man to buy it, or told their friend to tell him what they liked I think it''s pretty selfish of them. I think a proposal is the ultimate way of a man giving himself to the woman. All the work he puts in to choosing the right ring to ''impress her''. It''s like the male peacocks showing off his feathers to the female peacocks (along with a million other animal examples). If a woman can''t see the love put into the ring and see the beauty that the man sees then we have a problem. It shouldn''t be a matter of whether the woman likes the size, style, color, etc or not. The fact of the matter is, the woman should love and cherish anything her man gets him no ifs, ands, or buts. Just my opinion.
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DoctorK~

So you''re saying that if, for example, your GF bought you a sweater for your birthday . . . the most hideous sweater you''ve ever seen in your life . . . you''d wear it and love it, just because she gave it to you?
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I truly do understand your point about wanting to surprise her, and I have nothing but respect for you for doing so much research and putting so much time and effort into selecting a ring for her. BUT, you have to remember, she is going to wear this ring for the rest of her life. It simply HAS to be something she loves! And I know you feel very confident that you know what she likes and that you can pick out the perfect ring for her by yourself. But, as a previous poster stated, we get a LOT of stories here on PS from girls who have been proposed to with a ring that they just do not like, no matter how hard they try to like it. And then the girl often worries that, if she tells him she wants to exchange the ring for something she likes better (NOT necessarily a more expensive ring!), he may be offended and she doesn''t want to hurt his feelings.

Here''s how my DH did it: We had already discussed getting engaged, and we both agreed that we wanted to do this ASAP. We looked for a ring together, and found one that we both loved. We bought the ring, and he kept it hidden somewhere in our house. (I still don''t know where it was! LOL!) Then, a couple months later, he surprised me with the proposal. And I was COMPLETELY surprised! So it worked out great for us . . . he got to surprise me, and I got a ring that I absolutely love.
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Just my humble opinion. I hope everything works out great with your ring and proposal! Good luck!
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Date: 6/25/2008 10:04:51 AM
Author: doctork
Wow, I didn''t mean to spur up a debate like this! It''s good to see different point of views though. To me, when I hear girls talking about how they picked out the ring and told their man to buy it, or told their friend to tell him what they liked I think it''s pretty selfish of them. I think a proposal is the ultimate way of a man giving himself to the woman. All the work he puts in to choosing the right ring to ''impress her''. It''s like the male peacocks showing off his feathers to the female peacocks (along with a million other animal examples). If a woman can''t see the love put into the ring and see the beauty that the man sees then we have a problem. It shouldn''t be a matter of whether the woman likes the size, style, color, etc or not. The fact of the matter is, the woman should love and cherish anything her man gets him no ifs, ands, or buts. Just my opinion.
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Well, if you truly believe that, then there shouldn''t be a problem with whatever you pick out, no matter what she''s indicated she wants. Right?
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