Wedding My fiance just told me he is having 2 bachlor parties

[julesbeth]

Do you feel disrespected that he is going to a strip club? Or because you don''t want him to have 2 parties?

I guess though, if he wants 2 parties and he has people that are willing to throw it for him then why not let him have fun? If he wants to and you don''t want him to, why do you win? I am really not trying to be evil by saying this at all, but what if your post said ''I want 2 bachelorette parties and he won''t let me?'' We all would be on your side about how unfair he was being... right?

 

[marchswallowbird]

Ugh, after reading this and the horror stories over on IndieBride, I wonder why this tradition of bachelor and bachlorette parties persists. They seem to serve no good purpose whatsoever!! When I was with an old boyfriend, a friend of his was getting married and the bacheolor party nearly derailed the wedding).

 

[Nocturnius]

Just kind of perusing through, I didn't read all of the replies.

Did you consider maybe the reason he's talking about two parties is because he knows it bothers you?

I don't mean this in a bad way. I mean that most men, or at least all the ones I've met, will say things like this to get a ruse out of their ladies. Like perhaps you're paying too much attention to the wedding and he knows you'll pay him attention if he says "I'm going to go party it up with liquor and babes two nights before the wedding with my wild and crazy cousins; why, who knows what could happen!"

Or maybe he really does want two parties, in which case, let him go. He's going to be all yours after you say I do. Let him have a good time with the men that are important to him.

I do think the "I'm not telling you when so you don't call me" was really disrespectful and I would certainly talk to him about that if I were you. That just doesn't seem like something a future husband should be saying in the first place, and it sends up a big red flag. It's a very immature way of behaving, and immaturity does not factor in well with marriage.

One of the most important things to remember when talking about anything to a man, though, is never accuse and stay calm. Don't use phrases like, "you don't respect me at all," because that's saying it's his fault and he will immediately go on the defense and not listen to you. Be calm, cool and understanding. Instead of, "I don't want you to have two parties," turn it around and ask him why he wants two. Talk it out calmly, and maybe the comrpomise could be something like this: he can have two parties, but he has to tell you when and where they are.

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 9/17/2008 6:11:24 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
Ugh, after reading this and the horror stories over on IndieBride, I wonder why this tradition of bachelor and bachlorette parties persists. They seem to serve no good purpose whatsoever!! When I was with an old boyfriend, a friend of his was getting married and the bacheolor party nearly derailed the wedding).

I completely agree. FIs bestman called him up to discuss his bachelor party and FI said "I haven''t been a bachelor for a few years now, so having a bachelor party seems a little stupid. Why don''t you and the guys come over and we will play some games Gwyn never wants to play with me". AKA heavy war boardgames that take 4+ hours to play. He also mentioned getting together with the "girls" afterwards and going out on the town a bit.

A little background info, my FIs (and mine also) favorite thing to do is play games. Video, computer, board games...all sorts. So this would really be his ideal night. And its more like something he would always do then some last hurrah that is meaningless because he hasnt been single (nor living alone) for a while now and getting married doesnt symbolize the end of anything in his life that has been happening up until that point.

On the other side, My best friend is coming out with another good friend and my sister from the east coast. We are going to go out and hit up some kareoke places and maybe do some bowling or something. FI and whoever else is welcome to come along, though it isnt something that he is really into so he will probably just stay in.

When we originally talked about these parties we considered a joint one, however the timing didnt work out too well as his will have to be earlier in the month and mine will be a couple days before the wedding (when my girls come into town).

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 9/17/2008 6:05:28 PM
Author: julesbeth
Do you feel disrespected that he is going to a strip club? Or because you don''t want him to have 2 parties?

I guess though, if he wants 2 parties and he has people that are willing to throw it for him then why not let him have fun? If he wants to and you don''t want him to, why do you win? I am really not trying to be evil by saying this at all, but what if your post said ''I want 2 bachelorette parties and he won''t let me?'' We all would be on your side about how unfair he was being... right?

To this I would have to disagree. I think that if someone came online with a problem like they really wanted two bachelorette parties but their FI has begged them not to but they really don''t care what he thinks and is doing it anyway, that we would all be a little "Huh?".

I think people would immediately want to know why two parties is really necessary, especially when her FI clearly has a big issue with it. Also, how much respect you can have for a person at the same time you are blowing off their feelings.

I don''t see it as a so and so wants to and so and so doesn''t so someone needs to give in. To me, the OP seems uncomfortable with a bachelor party in general (I may be wrong about this but this is how I read it). She has seen bad things happen in the past and, for whatever other reasons, really doesnt want this happening. To compound this, her FI not only told her he wants a bachelor party anyway, but TWO parties. Additionally, he wont tell her when so she wont be calling him during his strip club adventures/bar brawls or whatever. The fact that the second one is two days before the actual wedding and in Vegas no less...I think even I might be a little concerned.n So she voices this, begs him not to, especially this excessive Vegas one, and he pretty much says "F you, Im going to do what I want. AND, I am not going to tell you when so you can''t call me during it!"

Now I know there are two sides to every story. And I am basing my assumptions on what the OP posted. I think that, if the situation were reversed, people here would be telling the girl that she probably isnt mature enough to be getting married. And if she can so easily blow off her FI, then she should re-evaluate exactly how she feels about him and what her definitions of love and trust and respect for another person are.

 

[Pandora II]

I think the real point here isn''t the two parties, but the fact that the OP''s FI is disrespecting her feelings and acting in a way that is not how a future loving husband should.

For what it''s worth my DH had two parties - he went to Eastern Europe for SIX days with his bestfriends and then had an evening out with all our other friends here in London. However, the 6 day trip was sight-seeing and playing mock-up Cold War games, and the evening was dinner and drinks. At no time were strippers/clubs or anything of that nature involved. DH rang me on the trip to say how much he wished I was there too (I had been invited, but declined) as it would be more fun.