Home My 7-year old son often embarassess me...

[Arkteia]

He loves to phantacise. He tells these stories with absolutely straight face. Recently in a restaurant he said, "I just swallowed a lego piece". His nanny, myself, everyone got hysterical. He was not in distress though. Later he said it was "in his sleep".

Another story. We drive to Vancouver, WA, spend half a day there, then drive to Ocean Shores in Portland and spend a night in a hotel. Breakfast included, so in the morning everyone gets together in a cafeteria. All of a sudden, he says loudly, "My mother is having a birthday today, let's sing "Happy Birthday" to her". People look at me, I have to explain that no, my birthday is in December... That my son's birthday is in two weeks... later one lady comes up to me and asks in a low voice, "but your birthday is today, isn't it?"

Same place. A couple is talking to a cleaning lady. They mention driving just across the border, from Vancouver. My son chimes in, "I live in Vancouver, too..." The lady smiles and says, "where at?" "9th street," he says. Apparently everyone knows 9th street (what is there?) so I have to explain that no, we are not from Vancouver... To which, she says, "Oh, I know, you're from Vancouver, BC..." When I name totally different town, her face fells.

He told me that he liked Jennifer who lived in Seattle and that his father took him to see her..."Is she cute?" - "Very cute". Now I got anxious about my husband seeing "Jennifer" and asked, "how old is she?". Six, he said. OK, I knew what would come nest. "What's your father's name?", I asked. "David", he said. OK, David is our nanny's father... Now I know that Jennifer goes to my son's aftercare.

We have it every day. It is funny but my son always keeps poker face when he says it so I am afraid people will start calling him "a liar".

 

[swingirl]

Sorry but that isn't fantasy, those are lies. And I wouldn't be amused or think it was funny. It'd be time for some discipline because he knows the difference. He is going to be called a liar by his peers, teachers and other adults. If it were my child I'd be talking about how lying is wrong and embarrassing other people is wrong.

 

[taovandel]

I might be wrong, but I would think 7 is a little old for telling fantasies like this. And if he isn't too old for it, he's definitely old enough to know that lying is wrong. I would take this opportunity to discipline him by telling him that it's not funny to tell lies and it's wrong to do so.

 

[hay joe]

Now that's funny. I found myself laughing about it (again) an hour after reading it. It sounds like your son is quite a happy prankster with a wild imagenation and a heart of gold. He may be famous for it by the time he's 20. Good luck in pointing him in the right direction.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think you should take him to a child's therapist. It is important to know if he believes his lies or if he is doing it for attention/manipulation.

 

[Mara]

When he does these things do you talk to him about it? Does he know he should not be doing that? When you tell him this what does he say?

Also you say it's funny and he does it daily. Maybe he likes the attention he gets and if you feel like it's 'funny' then he must not think you feel it's wrong.

I agree that it's not fantasizing... it's lying. And at this age he should understand the difference between something like an imaginary world and lying. I would try to dig deeper as well. Good luck.

 

[zoebartlett]

At 7 years old, I think your son is telling stories because he wants/likes to get attention from others. Maybe part of it is fantasizing, but I think it's mostly lying, and as Mara said, he should know the difference by now.

I used to teach first grade, and I had a student who did this all the time at the beginning of the year. He told stories a lot, flat out lies, and I began calling him out on it. I asked him if what he had just told me (or the class) was really true or something that he wanted to be true. I didn't make a big deal of it because that's what he wanted, but he knew I was on to him. After a while, he began to check himself before attempting to lie, and he stopped a couple of months later.

I'd have a chat with your son about lying and why it's not okay. Maybe bring up the story, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Not that your examples exactly relate to that story, but it gives a good explanation of why it's not good to lie.

 

[Echidna]

Crasru, I second Tacori's advice about checking this out with a therapist and doctor. I don't have any children, but I have a relative that constantly told what we thought were "lies" growing up. It turns out that the inability to tell fact from fantasy was symptomatic of a serious condition that she had related to her nervous system (can't remember what it's called at present, sorry). I'm not trying to scare you, but I just wanted to present an alternative (though very unlikely) explanation.

 

[junebug17]

My guess is your son is enjoying the attention he's getting from doing this. I think I would talk to your son and point out that it's not nice to confuse and mislead people. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but I'd call him on it. At seven, he will be able to understand this. When my daughter was young she had a friend who would tell lies, and the mom would say "Oh Billy, are you telling stories again?" And I would think to myself, no, Billy is telling lies again. I'll be frank, after a while the kids wouldn't believe anything he said, even if he was telling the truth about something! And unfortunately, kids started disliking him.

ETA: Your son may outgrow this, but you might as well catch it now so that people don't start forming negative opinions about him.

 

[GliderPoss]

Possibly hilarious now but not cool in the long run. Particularly at school. I would start calling him out on it publically so he learns that the attention he gets from telling lies isn't the good kind of attention.

 

[TooPatient]

Sorry but that isn't fantasy, those are lies. And I wouldn't be amused or think it was funny. It'd be time for some discipline because he knows the difference. He is going to be called a liar by his peers, teachers and other adults. If it were my child I'd be talking about how lying is wrong and embarrassing other people is wrong.

Exactly this.

His stories are going to lead to trouble for someone.

What happens when he tells a teacher that another kid did something wrong? Or he tells a teacher that his dad likes to visit a 6 year old girl?

 

[TravelingGal]

Um, you might need to think about some things. He may not think it's a big deal because in your mind, it's all fantasy for him.

You should have started this post by saying "My son likes to lie."

But I agree with the others...don't know how big an issue with this until you take him to see someone who may be able to determine what's going on here.

 

[steph72276]

I actually think it's great that he is so creative, but he needs an appropriate outlet (creative writing, children's theater, etc). And he is at an age where he should know the difference between reality and fantasy and it sounds like he either can't distinguish that or he's doing it to get attention. I was a kindergarten teacher for years, so my suggestion is first to speak to his teachers to see if they are noticing anything like what you have noticed (could be that he's just doing it around you for the attention), second set up an appointment with the school guidance counselor to get him evaluated...there may or may not be cause for taking him elsewhere, but it's at least a start, and third have a good long chat with him about how serious this issue is and the negative effects lying can have on himself and his relationships with his friends. Good luck!

 

[Lanie]

I absolutely second what Fl Steph says. If he's not doing this in school, then you are clearly allowing the behavior and he knows you think it's "funny". My guess is that the teachers aren't letting him get away with it (assuming they notice it too). I'd talk to all of them first before making an appointment with a specialist.

I'm a teacher as well, and I had a student like this. He was a little older (10) but he would do the same thing. His mom would always talk about what a wonderful actor he was, and he actually was in commercials. He could play the part, so to speak. It was an attention thing in this kid's case. We would all ignore it and he stopped doing when he realized the other kids never believed him. Still doesn't excuse the behavior, but it could be a possible attention getting mechanism.

 

[Haven]

At 7 years old, I think your son is telling stories because he wants/likes to get attention from others. Maybe part of it is fantasizing, but I think it's mostly lying, and as Mara said, he should know the difference by now.

I used to teach first grade, and I had a student who did this all the time at the beginning of the year. He told stories a lot, flat out lies, and I began calling him out on it. I asked him if what he had just told me (or the class) was really true or something that he wanted to be true. I didn't make a big deal of it because that's what he wanted, but he knew I was on to him. After a while, he began to check himself before attempting to lie, and he stopped a couple of months later.

I'd have a chat with your son about lying and why it's not okay. Maybe bring up the story, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Not that your examples exactly relate to that story, but it gives a good explanation of why it's not good to lie.

This is great advice. I teach little guys on the weekends and I've had a couple first and second graders over the years who did something similar. I would say "Are you telling me the truth right now?" with a smile. If they persisted in telling lies I'd have a private conversation with them and start out with "I think you're having a difficult time with truth telling" and go from there. Of course, I'd get the parent involved if it persisted.

As the parent, you can do the same thing that Zoe described, and it will likely help your son kick his habit. Kids do lie, and they will continue to lie if it gets them attention. The big problem here is that it gets worse, and as he gets older the lies could have serious implications. Good luck!

 

[Arkteia]

Thank you all very much for your advises. Due to pneumonia I was not on PS for a week so I was able to read them only today. And I know what his teacher says (in short, it does not bother her - he is very shy and she rarely hears him in class). But I think that creative outlet is a great idea, especially since he is so musical.

Among other presents, he got a small guitar for his birthday from his nanny. Apparently, my husband and I failed to notice that our son has perfect ear for music and sings very well. (We are both tone-deaf). So we shall try this outlet. Also, I know a very nice lady who is finishing her Master's degree in child psychology and is planning to start a social group. I am signing him into her group. I hope it will be a good start. He was very introverted as a young child, and since his teacher thinks he is fine, I wonder if he is simply overcompensating.

 

[steph72276]

Sounds like some great ideas with the music and social group! I would just stand firm and let him know it's not okay to pass his stories off as truth. Maybe get him a journal so he can write it down, and be sure to label it fictional stories.

 

[Mara]

Ditto Steph. and sorry to hear about pneumonia!

If you are not already, when he does things like this I would just make sure he UNDERSTANDS that he is not telling something truthful. In the examples given, it sounds like each time the situation is kind of shrugged or laughed at rather than addressed--potentially a reason why he continues to do it. If he knows you guys don't like it, he may be more inclined to stop it.

and fab idea on the journal! Maybe he'll be the next Stephen King.