Home Mothers of small children - how much do they eat?

[softly softly]

Just wondering how much your baby/toddler/preschooler eats on a daily basis.

My husband and I were discussing this with his brother the other day and were somewhat shocked at how little he and his wife are giving their 4 year old daughter (M) to eat. According to my BIL they are really concerned that M has a tendency to overeat if left to her own devices so they restrict her food intake to the following:

Breakfast: one piece of toast
Mid morning snack: half a piece of fruit
Lunch: equivalent to half a sandwhich
Afternoon snack: quarter of a piece of fruit
Dinner: small portion of family meal

As the parent of two active kids (5.5 and 4) that sounds like a meagre diet for a growing child. Granted I would not question it if that was all M wanted to eat because I know from experience how little food small kids can happily live on, but it seems somewhat mean to restrict her to such small portions when she quite clearly wants to eat more. It has never occurred to me to restrict my kids'' food intake, but M''s mother has been paranoid about M''s weight since she was a baby and she seems convinced M is overweight and needs to be on a diet. From what my BIL has said I don''t think SIL has the most healthy relationship with food especially as she has told him she enjoys the feeling of being hungry and I can''t help but wonder if she has her own body image issues she is projecting onto M.

From what I can tell, while M is not the smallest or skinniest 4 year old I have ever seen, she does not appear to be overweight or even chubby. She is probably a slightly bigger boned child, but then so is my daughter and she eats exactly the same amount of food as my son who is noticeably smaller and slighter than other kids his age, which makes me wonder if diet is the only factor that controls a child''s build.

I can understand restricting a child''s access to foods that are high in fat and which have little nutritional value, but I can''t really understand the need to cut down on the amount of healthy food such as fruit and vegetables they want to consume. Interestingly enough, what they see as worrying behaviour - M''s desire to sit until she finishes everything on her plate - I see as a positive life skill I wish I could get my children to adopt.

Both my kids eat more than M is given and both are still comfortably within healthy weight ranges for their age/gender and height. I have always had trouble getting my kids to eat a full meal in the evening so after many battles I have accepted that they prefer to graze during the day and eat smaller portions at meal time. I figure the fact that I can control the nutritional value and also the frequency of their snacks makes this a workable strategy. Given that they appear happy and healthy I can''t imagine ever being concerned by the amount of food they request or consume, so I''m wondering what other people think? How much does your toddler/preschooler eat?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I feel like my kid never eats! She doesn''t really eat breakfast but sometimes I can get her to eat a yogurt or dried fruit (she thinks it is candy and I am not correcting her). She barely eats lunch at school. Her report always says "nibble." She usually will eat peas (she loves peas) and part of a sting cheese. They do give her snack. I am not sure what it is or how much she eats. I give her a snack before her nap. Usually it is a banana or apples with peanut butter on them. Dinner is also tricky. She will sometimes eat pasta or 2 cut up turkey hotdogs. That''s on a good day. She won''t eat bread (freak) and she will only eat somethings we do. I try to expand her diet but she is a creature of habit. She will also eat salad with ranch dressing. Sometimes I will give her that for dinner.

 

[Mara]

that doesn't seem like very much food to me at all! then again i don't know how much food kids are supposed to eat.

it's sad really that this poor girl will prob end up with food issues BECAUSE of what they are doing to her. shouldn't they be trying to teach her satiation rather than just dictating it all for her? what will she do later when they aren't around? probably overeat.

that said i think it's interesting that the desire to sit til you finish all your food is a life skill you want your kids to adopt. my mom tried that with me, it never worked, and to this day i only eat like 1/2 my dinner. but i eat more at other times of the day. on the flip side my husband was raised to sit til he finishes and he DOES, even if it takes over an hour to eat. this drives me crazy and i tell him that our kid won't have to do the whole sit til you finish, its just like an exercise in torture. i think that kids know what they want and when it comes to something like food unless it's affecting growth or sleep (i am a nut about sleep) then let them dictate their own eating preferences. food is about control in one aspect for people with disorders so if parents remove the controls entirely from the child, it could lead to issues later in life.

i know a bunch of kids whose parents dictated the 'sit til you finish' who are overweight today and say they wish they didn't have that ingrained in their heads. (not to say everyone will turn out like that of course).

 

[Jas12]

I think my 2 yr old son eats more than that for breakfast alone

That is not a lot of food. Like you mentioned, many toddlers eat very little and grow just fine, it''s the purposeful restriciton that sends red-flags. If she wants to eat that whole piece of fruit, let her. Age 4 is no time to be on a diet!!!

I am a firm believer in limiting what kinds of foods kids are exposed too & see no issue in making sure your child does not routinely eat fattening/sugary food. And I don''t think they should routinely be given a bowl of sugary cereal or cookies etc. if they don''t eat dinner, but i don''t limit the amount of healthy food. Most dieticians will say that kids know when they are full and will stop eating. They don''t (yet) have the emotional hang ups and attachments to foods that adults do. So unless this girl''s parents had some major feeding problems with her in the past (does she have behaviour issues or anything like that) or are under the guidelines of a Dr. i think it''s odd and not very healthy. She''ll eventually pick up on their fear of obesity and eating and then they''ll have a true problem on their hands

 

[softly softly]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:41:21 AM
Author: Mara
that doesn''t seem like very much food to me at all! then again i don''t know how much food kids are supposed to eat.


it''s sad really that this poor girl will prob end up with food issues BECAUSE of what they are doing to her. shouldn''t they be trying to teach her satiation rather than just dictating it all for her? what will she do later when they aren''t around? probably overeat.


that said i think it''s interesting that the desire to sit til you finish all your food is a life skill you want your kids to adopt. my mom tried that with me, it never worked, and to this day i only eat like 1/2 my dinner. but i eat more at other times of the day. on the flip side my husband was raised to sit til he finishes and he DOES, even if it takes over an hour to eat. this drives me crazy and i tell him that our kid won''t have to do the whole sit til you finish, its just like an exercise in torture. i think that kids know what they want and when it comes to something like food unless it''s affecting growth or sleep (i am a nut about sleep) then let them dictate their own eating preferences. food is about control in one aspect for people with disorders so if parents remove the controls entirely from the child, it could lead to issues later in life.


i know a bunch of kids whose parents dictated the ''sit til you finish'' who are overweight today and say they wish they didn''t have that ingrained in their heads. (not to say everyone will turn out like that of course).

Mara that is exactly what concerns me - they seem to be so anxious about her eating habits that I fear they will give her issues and anxiety about food. It also causes tension amongst the family because my SIL is convinced that my MIL overfeeds M when she watches her, whereas it seems to me that the poor kid just wants to make the most it when she is being given the opportunity to decide when she is full.

When I say that I wish my kids would sit and eat their meals it''s not so much about eating everything on their plate as it is about sitting still and actually staying at the table. I can''t tell you how often I have to tell my daughter to sit down during mealtimes and it drives me crazy. I don''t think it''s so important to finish everything on their plate, but I absolutely think it is important to sit still and not jump up or turn away from the table while eating and we try to set an example by sitting down as a family which I also think is important. I also really really wish they wouldn''t complain about food without trying it, but that''s a whole ''nother battle.

 

[jewelz617]

My daughter is almost 2 and she eats like a bird. She will have a huge breakfast (and I mean yogurt, a banana, cereal, fruit and 2 cups of milk) and then almost nothing the rest of the day. It's so weird. But she eats on her own schedule, and when she's done she's done. Her food intake has always fluctuated and she's very active and sleeps through the night so I don't think there's an issue.

 

[TravelingGal]

Hm, and I thought my kid didn''t eat a lot. I guess it''s not so bad.

Here''s an average day.

Brekky: English muffin with vegemite (what can I say, she loves it.

), one fried egg (she normally will only have a few bites), and a cupful of fruit (usually strawberries or pineapple).

Mid morning snack: pistachios (my mom gave her some ages ago when she probably wasn''t supposed to, but Amelia loves them, so she gets this as her slightly salty snack).

Lunch, entire turkey sandwich (wheat bread, mayo, and turkey). Or sometimes a container of fage with fruit.

Afternoon snack: Banana, orange, or piece of string cheese. (she usually will eat the entire banana or orange.)

Dinner: bowl of meat pasta with veggies. Or maybe just an avocado and some carrot. Dinner can be the hardest.

In addition, she has 24 oz of milk...one first thing in the morning, another cup after her nap and one after dinner. She doesn''t always eat well, but this is what we attempt to feed her on an average day. For treats, I offer her graham crackers, dried fruit, or crackers.

 

[softly softly]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:57:20 AM
Author: Jas12
I think my 2 yr old son eats more than that for breakfast alone

That is not a lot of food. Like you mentioned, many toddlers eat very little and grow just fine, it''s the purposeful restriciton that sends red-flags. If she wants to eat that whole piece of fruit, let her. Age 4 is no time to be on a diet!!!


I am a firm believer in limiting what kinds of foods kids are exposed too & see no issue in making sure your child does not routinely eat fattening/sugary food. And I don''t think they should routinely be given a bowl of sugary cereal or cookies etc. if they don''t eat dinner, but i don''t limit the amount of healthy food. Most dieticians will say that kids know when they are full and will stop eating. They don''t (yet) have the emotional hang ups and attachments to foods that adults do. So unless this girl''s parents had some major feeding problems with her in the past (does she have behaviour issues or anything like that) or are under the guidelines of a Dr. i think it''s odd and not very healthy. She''ll eventually pick up on their fear of obesity and eating and then they''ll have a true problem on their hands

Jas you have pretty much summed up how I feel. From what I can tell M does not have any issues with food, nor does she seem to have any behavioural issues that would necessitate restricting her diet. It seems so wrong to be trying to restrict her intake of healthful foods to such an extent. By all means don''t give her cake or ice cream, but let her have a whole piece of fruit. BIL has also commented that she is not as active as my kids (they play together often), but I wonder if she simply does not have the energy to play as hard as my kids do because she is on such a restrictive diet.

 

[VegasAngel]

With that piece of toast do they put peanut butter or something on it? I understand portion control but that meal plan doesnt seem right for a 4 year old.

My daughter eats to live & that sounds about how she was eating around 2.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:59:31 AM
Author: softly softly

Mara that is exactly what concerns me - they seem to be so anxious about her eating habits that I fear they will give her issues and anxiety about food. It also causes tension amongst the family because my SIL is convinced that my MIL overfeeds M when she watches her, whereas it seems to me that the poor kid just wants to make the most it when she is being given the opportunity to decide when she is full.

I agree with both you and Mara - I think it''s okay (and probably exactly the right thing to do) for parents to determine when mealtimes are and what foods are served but to restrict how much food a child is allowed to eat at 4 years old seems like such a problematic idea

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Wow that doesn''t sound like a lot of food and doesn''t sound that well balanced nutritionally. I don''t have kids yet, but I personally think the focus should be more on healthy foods than how much food your kid is getting. Don''t restrict, just provide good, nutritious foods for them.

 

[swingirl]

The child''s weight is a clue as to whether she is getting enough calories or not. If she''s average weight now she must be getting what she needs. People today have a really skewed idea of what size "normal" portions should be because they eat at restaurants and watch TV commercials where giant portions are shown and bigger is better.

You''d be surprised to see what we ate in the 50''s where only 2 kids in my elementary school were fat. We ate ZERO snacks. It wasn''t a trend back then. Most kids brought a sandwich and apple for lunch. A few of the lucky kids got cookies, Twinkies or potato chips. Most had a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast. And after school it was, "Don''t spoil your appetite" and "Wait until your father gets home for dinner". My mother''s idea of dessert was a few Lorna Dunes although she baked wonderful cakes for special events. Of course we had the occasional potato chips or popcorn on a Saturday night. And root beer floats. We were middle class and we never felt deprived or hungry. But people''s idea of how much food was necessary was way different than today.

This is an interesting display of photos of what people around the world eat in a week.

 

[Jas12]

Softly--that was my next question. Is she active? If not, my guess is she is suffering a calorie deficiency. I saw it in a low income daycare i worked at & i see it now as a teacher. Kids that didn''t eat breakfast (or came in with a donut for breakfast or something) were lethargic all morning until we fed them! That morning piece of toast better be smoothered in peanut/almond/vegemite butter or something and with a big glass of milk, otherwise her blood sugar will be terribly low. This will also impact her capacity to learn and make her sleepy. Also, she could be damaging her metabolism in the long term. I feel sorry for her.
Many moms have body image issues. And then they wonder why their daughters do too. When you start worrying about the fat rolls on a normal baby like it''s a bad thing, it''s easy to see where things are headed. We all know kids pick up on everything we do . The overt and covert stuff.

Oh and i realized i didn''t answer your question about what my kid eats
This is an average day (2 years old). I think he eats a lot and is on the high end of normal for his weight, but i still don''t restrict good stuff:

Brekki: glass of juiced greens or almond milk
average sized bowl of cereal or oatmeal
1 piece of toast with peanut butter
big handful of chopped fruit

Lunch: bowl of pasta or veggie soup (with a side of something like chesse or hummus dip )

Dinner: whatever we are having (chicken, rice, steamed veggies is a typical night) and he eats as much as he wants unless we are having something indulgent (like if we eat out and there are fries, he is only allowed to have a few)

Snacks: trail mix, dried fruit, fresh fruit, dry cereal, cheese, turkey slice, crackers and things like animal cookies/muffin from grandmas ...2 x a day.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I have to agree with the others in that it doesn''t seem like your niece is getting enought to eat. Some kids don''t eat a lot though so maybe that''s the issue?

On an average day this is what DS eats (he will be 2 in July):

Breakfast: 1 packet of oatmeal prepared with whole milk with either fresh fruit or yogurt.

Snack: Dried fruit, an entire banana, whole wheat toast - something small.

Lunch: Half of a PB&J or grilled cheese with whole fruit and cottage cheese.

Snack: same as above.

Dinner: kid-sized portion of whatever we''re having.

We offer DS water and whole milk all day and he is allowed 1 sippy (about 8ozs) of 100% juice per day. When he goes to daycare (1-2x per week) we will send a Gerber Graduates toddler meal for lunch to make it easier on our sitter. DS also loves veggies, which I think is great. He will gladly eat peas, beans, corn, carrots, potatoes (white and sweet), asparagus and broccoli. Sometimes if all else fails we just heat him up some mixed veggies and feed him that.

 

[somethingshiny]

HERE IS A LINK to daily nutrition for little kids.

JT (4) eats well.

breakfast~ 1/2 c cereal and a 6 oz glass of milk. (he will not put the milk on the cereal!)
snack~ piece of fruit, string cheese or yogurt
lunch~ Most of a whole sandwich, pb&j, Turkey and swiss, etc and usually some applesauce or yogurt, milk
snack~ granola bar, crackers or any of the above snacks, sometimes juice with it
dinner~ a few bites of everything I''ve made. Last night he had about a 1/4 of a sloppy joe, a few bites of potatoes, broccoli, and carrots, milk
snack~ same snacks from above, but if he''s to have a sweet snack this is when I let him-cookie, pie, whatever I''ve made.

JT doesn''t have to finish everything on his plate but he does have to try everything on his plate. He''ll go for several days with only wanting to eat fruit or meat. As long as he takes a bite of everything else offered he can do that. He always straightens out his own diet in the end.

I have cousins who shared a pb&j until one was 8 and the other was 5. They are very small people and have just never eaten much.

 

[Puppmom]

Softly, that doesn''t seem like enough calories to get a kid by. Although, eating habits vary greatly from child to child. I have a petite 15 year old DD and, at 5''2" and 87lbs she eats A LOT and always has. In elementary school, the standard school-sized lunch was not enough for her so I would have to give her extra money! Needless to say, we always pack now - not only does DD get more but it''s cheaper and she eats healthier. With an appetite like hers, we have to make sure there are plenty of healthy options around.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:32:39 AM
Author:softly softly
According to my BIL they are really concerned that M has a tendency to overeat if left to her own devices so they restrict her food intake to the following:

Breakfast: one piece of toast
Mid morning snack: half a piece of fruit
Lunch: equivalent to half a sandwhich
Afternoon snack: quarter of a piece of fruit
Dinner: small portion of family meal

Good lord!! My one year old eats way more than that! I am sorry, but I think resticting your child's food when they are eating healthy things is horrible! A four year old does not eat for emotional reasons or all the other bad habits that adults have -- but she will if they keep on with what they are doing

. Sounds to me like the mother has an eating disorder and is projecting it on her child. If this was my relative I would be *very* concerned for the child's safety. Sorry to sound extremist, but that is very worrying! A couple in the US recently had their kids taken from them for resticting the calorie intake of their infant, whome they also worried was "too fat".

Here is my son's daily intake at 14 months, sample day of today:

20 Oz of milk, divided by 4 servings.
Breakfast: one cup of oatmeal plus 1/3 cup apple sauce and yogurt mix
snack: 1/4 cup cottage cheese with 1/4 cup apple sauce
lunch: 2oz tofu cubed with teriyaki sauce, half an avocade, half a banana
snack: half a banana and half an avocado
dinner: 2 egg omlette with onion and peppers sauteed, one piece of whole wheat bread

ETA He is a slim boy of average height and weight, and is *very* active. I think Jas is right that you cannot judge the child's health by her weight and height alone. Her evergy level has a lot to do with it as well. Our son is a non-stop mover and shaker, and burns all his extra calories that way. I actually think he is too slim and would like to fatten him up, but I do not feel comfortable giving him even *more* food! His belly is enormous! Like santa clause.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I just gave T lunch. She ate two turkey hotdogs, about 5 tater tots and 2 forkfuls of peas. Does M seem hungry or ever ask for food? I think it is so strange when parents are worried their babies/tots are overweight. I mean they are BABIES. It is sad b/c there is not really much you can do but feed her well when she is at your house. My dad used to work with a lady who had pretty severe anorexia and she passed it down to her teenage daughter. The mother actually asked me (her daughter and I were only a year apart) what kids take to school for lunch.

It was a really sad situation.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 4/15/2010 1:00:31 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I just gave T lunch. She ate two turkey hotdogs, about 5 tater tots and 2 forkfuls of peas. Does M seem hungry or ever ask for food? I think it is so strange when parents are worried their babies/tots are overweight. I mean they are BABIES. It is sad b/c there is not really much you can do but feed her well when she is at your house. My dad used to work with a lady who had pretty severe anorexia and she passed it down to her teenage daughter. The mother actually asked me (her daughter and I were only a year apart) what kids take to school for lunch.

It was a really sad situation.

That is really sad, Tacori.

Your daughter is so much like our friend''s daughter, who is almost 4.5 now! She is a fiesty smart cookie too, and will not eat anything you want her to eat

 

[vespergirl]

My 3 year old son is not a big eater & never has been, from infancy, but that''s not from our lack of trying to get him to eat. When he does have a rare "hungry day," I give him as much food as he wants. I would never control the diet of a child that age unless more than one dr. had urged me to do so.

His typical food intake is:

Breakfast: Two Yobaby yogurts with fruit & veggie puree

Snack: Ritz crackers

Lunch: Whole wheat pasta with butter, cheese & tomato sauce

Snack: Popcorn

Dinner: Roast chicken leg with mashed potatoes

Drinks: Usually 3 cups of milk and 1 cup of apple & veggie juice per day

Unfortunately, we have never gotten him to eat any fruits or veggies unless they are hidden in other stuff (yogurt, pasta sauce, juice). Because he has always been extremely slim (7th percentile for weight since birth) we can''t just not feed him unless he eats carrots and apples. We tried that for a couple of days (under the recommendation of an eating therapist) and he just wouldn''t eat anything at all. So, we give him juice & yogurt instead.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I honestly don''t think the amount of food influences a child''s growth that much, especially when I have 2 prime examples. My son is 7, daughter 5. Ever since they were toddlers, he''s eaten 2-3X the amount that his sister can put down...but my son is in the 15% for his age, and she is a healthy 75%. I swear she grows just by inhaling air! Here''s an example of their usual daily meals:

Breakfast:
Son: Whole Bagel (medium size) with cream cheese, glass of OJ
Daughter: 1/4 of a bagel with cream cheese, 2 sips OJ

Snack: 1/2 Navel Orange Each

Lunch:
Son: Whole Ham and Cheese Sandwich
Daughter: 1/2 a Ham and Cheese (on a good day)

Afternoon Snack:
Son: a hot dog, or bean and cheese burrito, or a 2 chicken soft tacos
Daughter: a few wheat thins, or a slice of cheese

Dinner:
Son: Orders regular size adult portions at restaurants, I give him "my" size portions at home
Daughter: 1/4 of a plate size of anything we have. I don''t even let her order at restaurants because she can easily eat a few bites of our food and be full.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 4/15/2010 1:10:20 PM
Author: vespergirl
My 3 year old son is not a big eater & never has been, from infancy, but that's not from our lack of trying to get him to eat. When he does have a rare 'hungry day,' I give him as much food as he wants. I would never control the diet of a child that age unless more than one dr. had urged me to do so.

His typical food intake is:

Breakfast: Two Yobaby yogurts with fruit & veggie puree
Snack: Ritz crackers
Lunch: Whole wheat pasta with butter, cheese & tomato sauce
Snack: Popcorn
Dinner: Roast chicken leg with mashed potatoes
Drinks: Usually 3 cups of milk and 1 cup of apple & veggie juice per day

Unfortunately, we have never gotten him to eat any fruits or veggies unless they are hidden in other stuff (yogurt, pasta sauce, juice). Because he has always been extremely slim (7th percentile for weight since birth) we can't just not feed him unless he eats carrots and apples. We tried that for a couple of days (under the recommendation of an eating therapist) and he just wouldn't eat anything at all. So, we give him juice & yogurt instead.

Don't worry about your son not eating enough. I have one of those too. He has always been off the charts (below) when it comes to weight. He's never cared to eat lunch at school. I got tired of taking out old sandwiches from his backpack. At restaurants he'd order salads and fish. In high school I'd show up with a McDonalds bag and a milk shake which he'd never finish but at least it was some high calorie food. He's now 6'2", bone thin, can go for a whole day without eating. But he's healthy, in college, and can eat 1/2 a pizza when he IS hungry. Kids are just so different it's hard to know what is normal.

 

[Mara]

swin i agree that people tend to eat more now than years ago, portions are bigger, people overeat, etc etc. if you looked at a technical 'serving' of something it is usually 1/4 or less of what we get served or serve ourselves.

but most doctors now would say now that having breakfast, lunch, dinner is not necessarily the best way to get your food in. even for adults, they recommend snacks during the day. and snack is not a hostess cupcake, but rather a fruit or some nuts or similar. eating continuously throughout the day is more desirable from a 'getting your nutrients in' perspective than eating 3 big meals.

AND that menu for a kid seems ridiculous! half a piece of fruit?? my friend's FOUR MONTH OLD girl eats 45oz of milk, 1/2 a banana and 1/2 an avocado a day. SHE is eating half a piece of fruit at 4 months...not 4 years.

how is that child supposed to be sustained throughout the day? i am not surprised to hear she is not as active. activity burns calories. if you have a kid who is a mover and shaker then they probably need more nutrients and calories than someone who likes to sit and read.

if the kid was dictating the portions herself and ate like a bird, that would be more 'normal' to me than the parents doing this to their kid. as someone else said, we aren't born with hangups or obsessions with food...it usually is a learned behavior or rebellion against feeling like you have no control with your food.

softly, gotcha re: just sitting and eating at the table! and what does your brother say about this thing with the kid's diet? if he notices lack of activity, doesn't he go HMM?

 

[swingirl]

Date: 4/15/2010 1:54:57 PM
Author: Mara
but most doctors now would say now that having breakfast, lunch, dinner is not necessarily the best way to get your food in. even for adults, they recommend snacks during the day. and snack is not a hostess cupcake, but rather a fruit or some nuts or similar. eating continuously throughout the day is more desirable from a ''getting your nutrients in'' perspective than eating 3 big meals.

This is true and interesting. Until recent times, though, most people around the world ate only 2 meals a day. Maybe the trend of snacks during the day (although I love to eat them) is what is getting people fat these days. It''s one thing if eating several snacks means that the other meals are smaller but what if people are eating full-sized meal AND snacks. A lot of extra calories so we don''t feel hunger during the day. But it''s never good to eat big meals anyway and 3 BIG meals will certainly get you in trouble with your scale!

 

[RaiKai]

My concern definitely would be passing on that food anxiety, rather than how much she is actually eating. Some kids just don't eat a lot and are fine. It is more about the attitude she is learning about food - whether she ate a lot or a little - that concerns me.

I won't get into too much detail on here as while I am open about it with my DH and my past therapists and so on it's not something I tend to go around talking about a whole lot. But, let me say I had a serious eating disorder many years ago, and, while healed from the actual disorder and I no longer participate in the characteristic symptoms of it I still would say I have some ongoing eccentricities in my relationship to food and weight as a result.

And I really think that a lot of what laid the foundations for it to come up after a "trigger event" came from viewing my own mothers unhealthy relationship to food. As a kid she never restricted my food intake aside from promoting healthy choices and I ate quite normally, however, she herself was almost always, always on a diet and anxious about her weight - that mixed me up as a young girl who thought her mother was just beautiful and just perfect as she was and most definitely not overweight.

There have also been studies done that do demonstrate a lot of these sorts of anxieties and disorders are inherited in some form, as in addition to certain emotional or attitudinal relationships to food, there are chemical processes at play. It is something that concerns me though when I think about having my own children.

I would definitely be concerned that M's parents (and particularly her mother) are placing these restrictions on M and especially passing on that paranoia about her weight. I'd say those comments about "enjoying being hungry" signal that M's mum does indeed have an unhealthy relationship to food and her body....that is a very, very, very common statement from those with anorexic tendencies.

 

[softly softly]

Thanks for sharing your perspective with me ladies. For those who asked, I''m not exactly sure what M has on her toast, but I know that gluten and lactose appear to exacerbate her exma so she is never given milk, and I know they consider peanut butter to be too fattening. Dreamer I don''t think you are being alarmist, the situation worries me greatly but I don''t think there is very much I can do to help the poor little girl as BIL was VERY offended when we suggested that her diet sounded pretty sparse. Basically he yelled at us and told us to mind our own business. It''s tough because I really do feel for M and I worry that she will have issues with food later, but at the same time I realise I have to respect their right to raise her as they see fit, and for what it is worth she does not appear to be under-nourished, just hungry and lethargic.

It seems to me they are trying to fight a loosing battle against her body type and in the process will end up making her acutely self-conscious of how she looks and how much she eats. However BIL is absolutely convinced that they are acting in her best interests. He is adamant to the point of aggressiveness and as I mentioned earlier it is causing something of a rift amongst the family because he is constantly accusing my MIL of overfeeding M when she watches her. Another comment he made that I found baffling was that when M and her 2 year old sister S spend a couple of nights with MIL & FIL they come back with rounded tummies and it takes them a week to get rid of them. I thought all small kids had rounded tummies? My son is skinny but he definitely has a tummy.

Oh and I realised I didn''t list what I give my kids:

Typical day''s food for my kids aged 5 & 4

Breakfast: One wheatbix (whole wheat cereal) mixed with banana or grated apple and a dollop of yoghurt.

Snack: Piece of string cheese or fruit

Lunch: Sandwich on wholemeal bread or rice cakes. Fillings vary but generally consist of cream cheese spread, avocado and tomato and ham or chicken. Occasionally they will ask for Vegemite or peanut butter. Most days they eat all their sandwich, minus the crust

, other days they will eat half or only have a few bites. If they are still hungry after eating their sandwich I give them a small tub of yoghurt to finish off.

Snack: Fruit, or raw veggies such as carrot and capsicum and crackers if they are still hungry.

Dinner: I try to get them to have at least 5 bites of what we are having. Some nights they will happily eat a small portion, other nights they are completely not interested. I have tried to stop meals from becoming a battle by making it clear that they are expected to sit and participate in the meal, but that they don''t necessarily have to eat everything that is put in front of them. My biggest challenge is getting them to try new foods.

My kids also get to have biscuits and sweet treats such as ice-cream fairly regularly but I am always careful to restrict the amount available.

 

[cara]

Uhhh.... wow. This one sounds close to the pretty fine line between raising your child as you see fit and abuse.

Obviously the details matter a lot, and could be slightly wrong when you aren't there monitoring the kid's diet everyday but the parent's comments are just worrying.

Would they consider a going to a child nutritionist? Under the guise of getting grandma and grandpa to feed healthy things to their children or deal with M's skin condition? Heck, you could even sell it as getting a nutritionist's input about healthy ways to make sure your kid *doesn't* overeat, since they think that is her problem. But they probably wouldn't go for it (?) if they are quite aggressive and defensive about their food choices for their children.

At some point there is child protective services. But that seems like an extreme step, I'm not sure if it is warranted at this point or would even be helpful. It certainly would not be helpful to your family relations and access to the children, so probably just as a last resort if things get worse than they are now... But it sure sounds like they are being but at risk of having food issues later, if not actually harmed by the restricted diet now.

 

[PumpkinPie]

who considers peanut butter to be ''too fattening'' for a 4 year old??

I ditto (or thritto) the idea that this situation may be a recipe for a disordered relationship with food in this child''s future. It''s very sad to me.

Thank you RaiKai for sharing your story. I''m sorry you''ve struggled

 

[Kaleigh]

As a Mom who''s child was allergic to most foods, he survived... I was like he''s not eating enough. I was wrong, he was fine and then some. Don''t worry they do make up for it....Promise!!!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 4/15/2010 10:57:20 AM
Author: Jas12
I think my 2 yr old son eats more than that for breakfast alone

That is not a lot of food. Like you mentioned, many toddlers eat very little and grow just fine, it''s the purposeful restriciton that sends red-flags. If she wants to eat that whole piece of fruit, let her. Age 4 is no time to be on a diet!!!


I am a firm believer in limiting what kinds of foods kids are exposed too & see no issue in making sure your child does not routinely eat fattening/sugary food. And I don''t think they should routinely be given a bowl of sugary cereal or cookies etc. if they don''t eat dinner, but i don''t limit the amount of healthy food. Most dieticians will say that kids know when they are full and will stop eating. They don''t (yet) have the emotional hang ups and attachments to foods that adults do. So unless this girl''s parents had some major feeding problems with her in the past (does she have behaviour issues or anything like that) or are under the guidelines of a Dr. i think it''s odd and not very healthy. She''ll eventually pick up on their fear of obesity and eating and then they''ll have a true problem on their hands

big ditto to all of this! I''d be more worried about the food issues they are creating. Also, she''s old enough to start figuring out ways to sneak food or overindulge when on a playdate at a friends house b/c she''s worried she won''t get enough food at home. If she''s goes to school next year they will have less control and kids really have the opportunity to go crazy in the lunch room, swapping lunches etc.