Mother of the Bride RANT!!! sorry

[Jaders731]

Hey Ladies..

Sorry for the following rant..I just have to get it out..

Are any of you having issues with your moms about wedding planning? My Fiance is an architect.. so naturally he is interested in helping with the planning.. specifically with the design oriented things.. for example, the save the date cards, the invitations, the cake design, and the reception decor and set up!

My mom is NOT handling this well.. she says that my FI is taking all of the fun out of the wedding for her.. that she gave birth to me.. and that this wedding is something that she and I should be planning... She basically feels like he should just nod and agree with anything that she picks out... AND if i suggest anything.. she thinks I am being his mouthpiece...

This sucks.. now, i just want to elope... and the worst part is..that she will say something that I can give her a complete logical explanation to.. and weeks later she will bring it up again as it still upsets her... she isnt listening to me..

Our save the dates, we let her address them byhand.. cuz she begged.. so we threw her a bone and let her... she spelled my FI''s brothers name wrong.. come on!! and several people didnt receive theirs... now.. no big deal whatever..
But now, my fiance wants to put together the invites (that he essentially designed) and hand address them (he has wonderful handwriting) and we cant afford calligraphy.. well my mom is sooo angry and upset.. she thinks we dont like her handrwriting and she is mad, because they are hosting the wedding (well.. the invites say they are.. but FI and I are paying for OVER half) and she isnt able to put them together.. ughh.. i dont even know what to do or say.. she doesnt get it...

She actually thinks that my FI chose my bridesmaids, because I asked one of his friends to be one of my bridesmaids... um.. can you say DELUSIONAL... she ended up not being able to do it... so I asked my future sister in law because we became very close while she was planning her wedding.. so my mom of course thinks that FI chose her.. What the heck.. its a lose lose situation for me...

I''m ready to can the whole thing and run to Vegas... there are sooo many other things that she is complaining about.. I cant even list them all.. plus.. i dont want to bore you all!

Thanks for listening.. I''m just so upset...

 

[sumbride]

Wow! I''m so sorry you''re going through this! It sounds like your mom is really scared of losing you. I don''t think you''re doing anything wrong... it''s really cool that your FI wants to be involved! And your bridesmaids really shouldn''t be any of her concern. She''s just throwing a childish fit here. I know you live in the Carribean... does she live near you or far away? Do you think this is more of her "resentment" for you moving away?

In the end, it is your wedding, not hers. I hope she realizes that.

 

[labbielove]

Hi Jaders,
Take a deeeeep breath.
So sorry for your stress,
Sorry to break it to mom but guess what? This is not about HER. It is Your and His day, much as people love to believe we exist only to please them (and this seems exaggerated by the fact they gave birth to us)
Best advice is that to make sure you and FI are a united front in this respect. And unfortunately it falls on you to be the "bad guy" and set the boundaries with her. But do it now or else it can spin totally out of control.

I have mother of bride issues, but they are on the other side of the pendulum. Mom hasn''t asked word one about the preparations or offered any assistance at all. So the grass is always greener.

Hang in there!

 

[robbie3982]

Sorry you''re going through this

. Wedding planning seems to bring out the worst in some people. I think our moms have expectations of how our weddings will be based on how theirs were or weren''t. I''m seeing it come up a lot in my wedding planning as well.

I think that you need to stand up to your mom and tell her, listen, this is how it''s going to be or we won''t be having a wedding. Especially since you''re paying for more than half of it yourselves. She needs to be reminded that this is yours AND your FI''s wedding and if he wants to help he can.

 

[anchor31]

Ack, I''m sorry you''re going through this... The same thing is happening to me but with my FMIL.

I understand that your mother wants to help in the preparations, it''s exciting for a lot of mothers, but I just don''t get that she''s not happy that your hubby-to-be is involved the the planning of HIS own wedding! It''s not HER wedding... I think she really needs to back off. One thing I''ve really appreciated since our engagemement is that FI has always stood up for me in regards on the issues with him mom, so I really think that you should tell your mother to respect your wishes... Because your FI is involved doesn''t mean you don''t love her, it doesn''t mean that she can''t help at all... But she can''t do everything.

 

[firebirdgold]

hmmm, I''m flashing on Bridezilla... perhaps this would be a good time to have a meltdown and start wailing It''s MY Day!

Being reasonable doesn''t always stop someone else''s temper tantrum, having a louder one actually does because then they try to be reasonable and calm you down. Besides it''s fun when you''re just acting. I''ve only tried it a couple of times in dire emergency, but it sounds like you''re already there!

I totally understand where you''re coming from! My mother isn''t pulling this stuff about our wedding (yet another reason we''re having a dw with just our families) but in general she''s an over-anxious, paranoid, over-mothering, hypochondriac (for her kids), self-obsessed drama queen who''s fond of playing the persecuted martyr. If a meteoroid fell out of the sky and took out New York, she''d apologize profusely. If she actually does something wrong and/or hurtful the best she can manage is: I''m sorry that you feel that way.

And the fact that I''ve grown a backbone and am tired of her pushing me around and smothering me means that she thinks my fi is controlling me!

I''m 34 and she''s still treating me like this, Run Now while you still have the chance!

Sorry for the rant, your post hit a nerve.

 

[Kit]

This may be harsh...

Your mom is being selfish. You need to say to her, Mom you are being selfish. From now on I am making the decisions about my own wedding.

Her job is to love and support you, not feel any ownership over this wedding.

Part of your problem I think is catering to her, i.e. throwing her bones with the invites, etc. This just fuels her behavior and perpetuates the relationship that you two have where she throws a fit (like a child) and you cave in. We all know what happenes to children like this when their parents don''t tell them no. They become spoiled, unpleasant children to be around.

Set up boundaries and put your foot down with your Mom. This will continue to happen for the rest of your life unless you stay firm with her and just say no. Eventually she''ll get the picture: her whining and self-absored attitude just won''t work anymore.

Good luck.