Home Moms of older children: how hard is it to let go?

[Shoopy]

I was thinking about this last night. I went to pick up DD from the in-laws and they were sitting with her outside. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up, she squealed, and started clapping (she claps when she''s excited). I thought how awesome is it going to be when she learns how to walk and can run to me when I get home

.

After I put her to bed, I started thinking about what will happen when I come home and her face doesn''t light up and I barely get a hello (let alone an applause

). I adore my mom and she''s my best friend but we had our moments when I was a teen. Ok...lots of moments

. I''m sure that my mom would come home from work sometimes and wonder what happened to the little fiery whose face lit up whenever she saw her.

The same thing with bed time. Last night before I went to bed, I decided to change her shirt because she had drooled all over it

. She was asleep throughout the entire process and I sat on the glider for a little while with her. Even though I know how awesome it is for her to be independent and be able to fall asleep on her own without mommy, I still like holding her. I wonder how old she''ll be when the holding/hugging/kissing isn''t allowed anymore.

I suppose by then it won''t be a big deal to me but still...how sad.

 

[Girlrocks]

It rips your heart out.

It''s part of the reason I keep having kids.

I was dropping my 5 year old at a playdate yesterday, and when I asked her if she wanted a kiss, she said "nope" and ran off, leaving me on the front stoop lips puckered up and sad.

Then I walked back to my car very sad, but was greeted by my youngest with the same applause that you mentioned, so that lifted my spirits again.

My 10 year olds...heartbreaking. One is still mama''s girl, she is attached to my hip! But the other..."mom, don''t walk me into school" "mom, just drop me off in the parking lot for practice" "mom I can ride my bike by myself to her house"...it hurts everytime but I know it''s just a part of growing up I try to remember that part of my job as a mom is to prepare them to be adults who can function on their own.

But it still hurts. And it goes by sooooo fast. A second ago my twins were newborns, then I blinked and now they''re 10!!! More than half of their childhood is gone. In 10 years they''ll be off at college somewhere.

Now I''m sad.

 

[Clio]

It can be sad when my 12-year-old doesn''t want me to put my arm around her shoulders in public or give her a hug. At the same time, though, it''s so great to see her evolve and develop into her own person. Sometimes she''s still my little kid, and I treasure that, but more and more I see glimpses of the really cool adult she''s going to be, and it''s fun.

 

[soocool]

My DD (now 17) went through periods when she was younger when she did not want me around or to hug her, but a lot has changed in the past couple years. She loves the displays of affection from her dad and me. Maybe it''s because she realizes that she will be going off to college in another year. Her boyfriend even commented that he wishes his family would hug and kiss him every once in a while. I give them both hugs when they go out!

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 4/9/2010 12:55:54 PM
Author:fiery
I was thinking about this last night. I went to pick up DD from the in-laws and they were sitting with her outside. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up, she squealed, and started clapping (she claps when she''s excited). I thought how awesome is it going to be when she learns how to walk and can run to me when I get home

.

After I put her to bed, I started thinking about what will happen when I come home and her face doesn''t light up and I barely get a hello (let alone an applause

). I adore my mom and she''s my best friend but we had our moments when I was a teen. Ok...lots of moments

. I''m sure that my mom would come home from work sometimes and wonder what happened to the little fiery whose face lit up whenever she saw her.

The same thing with bed time. Last night before I went to bed, I decided to change her shirt because she had drooled all over it

. She was asleep throughout the entire process and I sat on the glider for a little while with her. Even though I know how awesome it is for her to be independent and be able to fall asleep on her own without mommy, I still like holding her. I wonder how old she''ll be when the holding/hugging/kissing isn''t allowed anymore.

I suppose by then it won''t be a big deal to me but still...how sad.

My 13 year old son won''t let me kiss him goodnight (on the cheek of course) anymore and it makes me sad

Recently I slipped andcalled him sweetie when I had his freind in the car and he was not happy with me! Kinda stinks. He often barely looks up or does not at all when I am around.

My younger kids though still light up when they see me. Even my 11 year old daughter So I''m learning to enjoy every moment of it because it ends too soon. And yes its a part of growing up, but it makes me feel old and it does hurt

 

[packrat]

I don''t know what I''ll do when the kids get old enough to not want to be kissed or cuddled or seen with me. I bawled when London got on the bus the first day of preschool, I bawled her first day of Kindergarten. And when Trapper started to crawl..and walk..He''s our last and I know I baby him because of it. My dad mentioned the other day how much easier it will be when Trapper is in school too, and JD said, "Well, it won''t be any easier on his Mommy''s heart".

Pictures of them as newborns still turn me into weepy mush. I can still "feel" what it felt like to have little babies and ohh how I miss that.

 

[Lynn B]

After living through the teen years, you''ll be surprisingly OK with seeing them go!!!

Haha! Seriously... yeah, "letting go" can be hard... but I just reminded myself that this is what I raised them for, right? To be happy, healthy, confident, self-sufficient and responsible ADULTS.

Each age has its own beauties and rewards, and I can tell you that the relationship you have with a grown, adult child is mighty wonderful, too. Different, of course, than those tender younger years, but fulfilling and delightful in its own way.

ETA: AND it''s also a time to kinda "reclaim" your own life... reconnect with your husband... challenge yourself with new interests, hobbies, travel, education, whatever. Some well-deserved "me" time after all those years of active (exhausting!) parenting.

It''s OK... really it is. Trust me!

 

[jewelz617]

I am dreading (DREADING) the time when my daughter starts to pull away from me. She''s still in the "mommy is the sun I orbit around" stage, but I can already tell I don''t have much longer. I say "Can Mama have a kiss?" and before she would happily oblige, now she shakes her head "NO!" and runs away laughing

I''m a huge mush about the baby stage and it''s honestly heartbreaking but exhilarating to have watched her go from a 7 pound sleeping little bundle in my arms to a running, talking energy machine. Sadder still, she''s my first and last child, so I''m soaking up these moments like a sponge.

 

[iluvcarats]

It is bittersweet, for sure. My daughter just turned 11, and it seems like just yesterday she was a baby. I do miss her as a toddler, saying funny things and experiences things for the first time, but I am beyond proud of her. She was a tough baby/toddler. She was sleepless, and she was anxious and clingy. But she has really blossomed into a confident young girl, and I find it really rewarding that she is happy and going forward. I feel like all my patience is paying off. She and my son ( are still super cuddly. We were just all cuddling on the couch watching AFV. They ask to cuddle all the time, and I don''t take it for granted. I am sure one day, they will claim more independence, as they should. I just try to enjoy each step, because there is magic happening within them at every stage. I really learn so much from being their mom. Sometimes I wonder, did I give birth to them? or did they give birth to me?

 

[Kaleigh]

It''s hard at first. But you want them to fly on their own. The teenage years can be a bear. But just wait till they are 20 or so, you''ll have that kid back that you loved before the teenage years.... They need to vent to challenge you... But once all that is over they come back to you, as they were before. It''s a wondeful thing. I adore my kids more than anything. I am very blessed my children are the nicest kids, and are so very good to us.

 

[PumpkinPie]

this is such a sweet thread - sometimes I need to read things like this when I''m on the fence about having kids.. you are all so sweet!

 

[snowflakeluvr]

I have loved being a mom to my five children, but am getting a little weary since oldest is almost 22(and just moved home post college) and youngest is 4 1/2.

When i drove our oldest out of state, 3 1/2 hours away to university, I gave her a gift about every half hour as we drove(our favorite movie, a new coach wristlet, licorice, her favorite magazine, etc). I remember feeling so warm and close to her as we drove. Then we saw a large stuffed sheep??? in the hatchback of a kid''s car about 45minutes from her college town. We laughed and giggled over that. I also spent a day helping her get settled, so we had a night to get used to the idea of her being there and me not...When I left the next day(dad had come and gone the day before to get the bed set up in dorm etc) , we held each other in the parking lot and I only got a wee bit weepy. When I came home that day, I found a ''thank you" letter from my daughter in my sock drawer-basically thanking me for raising her well.

I think it is part of the life cycle, and I love my kids more each day as they grow into themselves as individuals. Having young kids though is probably what has kept me occupied(youngest are 4 1/2 and 6) and also having a teenager at home, with another one off at college, so my life is very busy and full. It''s amazing to parent, but having two more in my 40s has been harder than I ever imagined. I was the energizer bunny but I am a little less so now.

I do sit and stare at ALL of my kids. I take them in. My husband does not do that nearly like I do. I LOVE to just watch them BE. It amazes me and always fills my heart, much like you seeing your DD greet you

My graduated daughter is home now, but lamenting over finding a job in her field while she just began waitressing. Growing pains again as I am sure she will succeed in life-we never stop parenting, encouraging, comforting, accepting, learning, loving our kids. It''s a forever thing. It has been the most challenging and rewarding career I ever could have chosen!

PS I CANNOT read Love You Forever-I lose it about three words in...my older kids laugh but that book is IMPOSSIBLE for me to get through

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 4/10/2010 11:34:06 AM
Author: snowflakeluvr
I have loved being a mom to my five children, but am getting a little weary since oldest is almost 22(and just moved home post college) and youngest is 4 1/2.


When i drove our oldest out of state, 3 1/2 hours away to university, I gave her a gift about every half hour as we drove(our favorite movie, a new coach wristlet, licorice, her favorite magazine, etc). I remember feeling so warm and close to her as we drove. Then we saw a large stuffed sheep??? in the hatchback of a kid''s car about 45minutes from her college town. We laughed and giggled over that. I also spent a day helping her get settled, so we had a night to get used to the idea of her being there and me not...When I left the next day(dad had come and gone the day before to get the bed set up in dorm etc) , we held each other in the parking lot and I only got a wee bit weepy. When I came home that day, I found a ''thank you'' letter from my daughter in my sock drawer-basically thanking me for raising her well.


I think it is part of the life cycle, and I love my kids more each day as they grow into themselves as individuals. Having young kids though is probably what has kept me occupied(youngest are 4 1/2 and 6) and also having a teenager at home, with another one off at college, so my life is very busy and full. It''s amazing to parent, but having two more in my 40s has been harder than I ever imagined. I was the energizer bunny but I am a little less so now.



I do sit and stare at ALL of my kids. I take them in. My husband does not do that nearly like I do. I LOVE to just watch them BE. It amazes me and always fills my heart, much like you seeing your DD greet you

My graduated daughter is home now, but lamenting over finding a job in her field while she just began waitressing. Growing pains again as I am sure she will succeed in life-we never stop parenting, encouraging, comforting, accepting, learning, loving our kids. It''s a forever thing. It has been the most challenging and rewarding career I ever could have chosen!


PS I CANNOT read Love You Forever-I lose it about three words in...my older kids laugh but that book is IMPOSSIBLE for me to get through

I bawl when I read that book. In fact, just thinking about the cover makes me tear up. It''s not only the book itself, but the reason that author wrote it that is so poignant.

 

[junebug17]

I''m not gonna lie, it''s pretty hard. The teen-age years can be a little rocky and painful, for both parents and kid! But I just remind myself that in the end, the ultimate goal of parenting is to have your child become an independent, self-sufficient adult who can function on his/her own, so these growing pains are necessary and it''s really in your child''s best interest to encourage him/her to stand on their own two feet. And you never really stop being a parent, even when your child is older. They will always need you for emotional support, advice and love.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/10/2010 12:22:49 PM
Author: junebug17
I''m not gonna lie, it''s pretty hard. The teen-age years can be a little rocky and painful, for both parents and kid! But I just remind myself that in the end, the ultimate goal of parenting is to have your child become an independent, self-sufficient adult who can function on his/her own, so these growing pains are necessary and it''s really in your child''s best interest to encourage him/her to stand on their own two feet. And you never really stop being a parent, even when your child is older. They will always need you for emotional support, advice and love.

and expensive when they start driving.

 

[Dreamer_D]

My son is only one but boy oh boy, having kids is bitter sweet. I feel like I am on a fast train heading towards the grave now that I have a child, time just flieeeeees by so fast I can''t keep up at all. I feel like it was yesterday that he was born and now he is walking and learning to talk.

I don''t know how you get over it and let go. I think that Girlrocks has it right... keep having more kids

 

[softly softly]

I''m just getting past the baby and toddler stage and I''m already finding it hard to let go. My 5 year old son who is normally very affectionate child just told me the other day that he would prefer it if I didn''t hug him in front of his friends at school. My 4 year old barely glances back when I drop her off at Kindergarten.

But I do know from experience that seeing them happily engaging with others at school is so much nicer than having to walk away from a tearful child who doesn''t want to be left behind, so I guess I can''t really complain.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 4/12/2010 1:31:08 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/10/2010 12:22:49 PM
Author: junebug17
I''m not gonna lie, it''s pretty hard. The teen-age years can be a little rocky and painful, for both parents and kid! But I just remind myself that in the end, the ultimate goal of parenting is to have your child become an independent, self-sufficient adult who can function on his/her own, so these growing pains are necessary and it''s really in your child''s best interest to encourage him/her to stand on their own two feet. And you never really stop being a parent, even when your child is older. They will always need you for emotional support, advice and love.

and expensive when they start driving.

lol

These are good tips/thoughts to remember

. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I gave my mom a hard time during the teenage years because I was so distant. It wasn''t until I moved away that I started appreciating her. As a matter of fact, I remember the exact moment when I realized how much she meant to me. It was when she dropped me off at college and had to leave the same day. I said bye to her before she got on the elevator and she gave me a hug. I noticed she was crying and as soon as those elevator doors closed I remember feeling like "I want my mommy" LOL!

 

[Dancing Fire]

believe me...toddler yrs are inexpensive compared to teenage yrs.