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Home Moms of kids of all ages - rate your DAY to DAY satisfaction and happiness...

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TravelingGal

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Thinking about Glitterata''s last post in another thread, I''m curious...since you''ve become a mom, how would you rate your DAY TO DAY happiness and satisfaction? If you were to be honest about it...

Now, it goes without saying that most, if not all of us would not give up our children. But would you really say your day to day happiness is better or worse than when you have them?

I''m especially interested in responses from moms of teens and older children.

My answer? Sometimes day to day, it is mundane. But my day to day satisfaction and happiness is actually higher than before I had Amelia. I really had to think about this to answer it. Before, I''d go out and have fun when I wanted, but there were a lot of boring days and blah days too. Amelia, at 10 months, just really lights up my day.

However, I''m definitely more TIRED from day to day and not nearly as relaxed. That is for sure. But that doesn''t impact my happiness and satisfaction as much as I thought it would.

I could totally see my possible day to day happiness going way down when she''s a teenager though....
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Well honestly I think my happiness has stayed about the same on average. Some things went up, some things went down. But my overall satisfaction with my life has gone way up since the boys were born. Hope that makes sense...sleep deprived today.
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You really wanna know?
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Mine aren''t teenagers so maybe it doesn''t apply. It''s up and down. Some days are much happier than others, some days are more satisfying than others. But I love them so much than I can''t imagine life without them now. Well, yes I can but I wouldn''t redo my life, if given the opportunity. Definitely more tired!
 
Date: 1/29/2009 3:54:59 PM
Author: Kaleigh
You really wanna know?
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Yup!!!
 
I feel like you do, TGAL, some days are mundane, but overall I believe I am happier. Before the baby, I think I was perceived as being more interesting (now I''m probably in "mom" category) and I had a more exciting life I suppose. But I was always complaining to my single friends about this that and the other and definitely not happy.

Being married without children is something I didn''t experience for very long--but my guess is DH and I would have become very bored with our routine fast. Now, nothing is boring because every month brings something new (as she gets older) as you get to re-experience life through a child''s eyes. Now I come home and I feel more purpose--caring for the baby and being as good a mom as I can be. The future seems clearer and things that were old are new again (Christmas, Easter, the beach,etc). I think part of that is biological--if that instinct didn''t kick in and it didnt'' create a sense of fullfillment (despite the actual day to day stuff being v. boring and tiring), none of us would want kids!

I''ve read articles on the inverse relationship between kids and happinesss but I believe that stems from stressed out couples who are trying to have it all and are overcheivers. The ones who are driving kids from soccer to ice skating to camp and various other activities all the while trying to keep up with Joneses. Not saying these are bad things--just a lifestyle which can make a couple exhausted, grow apart and become less happy as individuals (vs. as mom and dad). I think this may be something we face more as the child gets older, or after more children are added to the mix, but with just one baby--it''s hard not to just feel grateful and more balanced inside, which for me, makes me happier.
 
Ok let''s see. Well the teenage years are rough. I will say there were times where what they said would just about kill me. I also had times where I wanted to pull my hair out.
I did enjoy the part of having their friends here, going to all their sporting events. I think at that point it''s all about them at least for us it was. We were so busy with all their events.
I had one that was easy and one that was a PITA, but say that with love and affection.
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I am glad that they felt they could tell me anything, we were and are so close. Sometimes they would tell me stuff I really didn''t want to hear or know. But better to be in the know than in the dark.
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Best advice I can give is to keep the communication lines open. Makes a big difference.
 
Well, I always wanted kids so much that if I hadn''t of had them, I would have been very unsatisfied and unhappy! I enjoy kids immensely. Now as a mom, there is a sliding scale of satisfaction. I always based my impression of kids on drawings/prints I''d see of sweet little kids gathered around the fireplace playing board games and reading books. Much to my dismay, kids don''t actually do that in real life. They run around the house screaming, yelling, fighting and acting like little monsters. . .BUT, they also hug, cuddle, say "I love you," and occasionally play board games with me
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Since I''m an only child without any experience with siblings, the one major thing I didn''t anticipate is the amount of bickering between kids. I had NO idea kids argue so much over the silliest of stuff. They yell at each other if one of them looks at the other. They fight over a single Lego block. It''s even weirder that they''ll fight and two minutes later be best friends and then argue again.
 
Date: 1/29/2009 5:08:27 PM
Author: MC
Well, I always wanted kids so much that if I hadn''t of had them, I would have been very unsatisfied and unhappy! I enjoy kids immensely. Now as a mom, there is a sliding scale of satisfaction. I always based my impression of kids on drawings/prints I''d see of sweet little kids gathered around the fireplace playing board games and reading books. Much to my dismay, kids don''t actually do that in real life. They run around the house screaming, yelling, fighting and acting like little monsters. . .BUT, they also hug, cuddle, say ''I love you,'' and occasionally play board games with me
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Since I''m an only child without any experience with siblings, the one major thing I didn''t anticipate is the amount of bickering between kids. I had NO idea kids argue so much over the silliest of stuff. They yell at each other if one of them looks at the other. They fight over a single Lego block. It''s even weirder that they''ll fight and two minutes later be best friends and then argue again.
LOL MC, that made me laugh out loud. If you were an only child, I can only imagine what a surprise this was for you! My brother and I did this ALL THE TIME!

That''s part of the reason I''m scared to have two...I remember the amount of refereeing my mom had to do and the thought of THAT is FAR more exhausting than waking up every couple of hours when they are newborns!
 
Very interesting question, TGal. I''m not really sure how to answer!

I guess my day to day happiness definitely fluctuates. There are some mornings when I''m literally exhausted by 9 am after getting 2 kids dressed, fed, diapers changed, dealt with at least one toddler tantrum, dropped off at daycare, etc. It''s HARD WORK and then I get to go to my office and start my other job!! I force myself to live from day to day because if I think ahead to those teen years that Kaleigh mentioned, I think I might run away!

But when I really think about it, yes, I''m happy and satisfied. I love watching my older daughter spouting out new words every day or even crying out in her sleep for MOMMY! And then I look at my baby who is just so enthralled with the world in general and it warms my heart. And when they interact with each other, forget about it, I''m a blubbering mess because I''m so thrilled to see MY DAUGHTERS together!

Are there times when I miss my life before I had children? Yes, of course, but those moments are few and far between. I was thinking that DH and I used to go out to dinner ALL THE TIME and could both go to the gym at the same time and didn''t have to schedule every move we made. It was a very carefree existence. Things are not as easy now but it makes me appreciate the little things even more. Like it''s our anniversary next Wednesday and I am soooo excited that MIL is coming over to watch the girls while we go out to dinner. It just makes those occasions more special when you don''t experience them all the time.

So for now, I would say that I am generally happy but again, those teen years are looming in the distance and I reserve the right to change my mind at any time!!
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Date: 1/29/2009 5:15:17 PM
Author: TravelingGal


I remember the amount of refereeing my mom had to do and the thought of THAT is FAR more exhausting than waking up every couple of hours when they are newborns!
It''s funny because when kids are loud and/or argue so often, it''s easy to just block all their noise out which reduces the amount of refereeing necessary. A few weeks back we were in Supercuts (lol - that is where my kids get their hair cuts) and the boys had been banging away on toys meant for 3 year olds and were fighting over the toys while I was reading a magazine. I happened to glance up and there was an older man, very grouchy, who was glaring at me. Suddenly I realized my kids had been causing a major commotion for about 5 minutes! lol

Oh, and I often think that it''s be easier if the boys were 10 years apart, but my husband insists it''s good that the boys are 22 months apart because they can be friends and play together. Sure, okay. He only says that on the good days.
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Okay, I''m an older mom, but you asked... My girls are 18 and 21, one is in university (which has been on strike for almost 3 months now), the other is in the process of applying to schools. I totally get the empty nester thing now. It starts around when the kids are finishing high school. They are only minimally under your control by that time, and believe they can leave home at any moment rather than put up with your ridiculous rules and attitude. Then a year or two later you''re left wondering how on earth you''re ever going to get them out of the house at all--suddenly they can''t clean up after themselves, cook, do laundry or even get up on time for school or work! Finally, you just want them out. You want peace and quiet, you want them to appreciate you through having them experience the real world that they seemed so ready to enter a few years ago. Suddenly they realize they can''t afford to leave. You wonder if they ever will, as you''re dreaming of a smaller house and a boat and maybe even vacations alone with your spouse. You still love them dearly, couldn''t live without them, but dammit, you want them to grow up now!
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Day to Day it fluctuates. I love being a mom(usually) I''ve wanted nothing more for many years. I just well was unprepared perhaps undereducated for how hard it truly is. I mean like being married it is great & all, but really hard.
My kids are all little, my oldest are 3 and that is a very challenging age! There are days that things go pretty smoothly and days that I feel so ill equipped.

So looking forward to not changing diapers or doing most of the laundry, but that is part of "being in the trenches". I also suffer with chronic back pain which makes a lot of physical things difficult.
Are they worth it, yes. One hug from my baby(that''s now 2) and I just melt. My son (FASD & MR) being able to articulate rather than just rage and making milestones that were thought to be nearly impossible for him just takes my breath away. Hearing my older daughters playing nicely or truly apologizing after fighting etc. gives me peace.

Truly this is the toughest job, I''ve ever loved and thought about resigning or at least taking a leave of absence from
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these are my messy miracles and my challenge & blessing.

Thank God for naptime, great friends & PS to help keep me sane! Where''d I be without the distraction of looking at "diamond ****" aka show me the ring on PS or hearing from others in similar situations as mine?
Thanks guys
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My day to day happiness has very high BECAUSE of my kids. They are both in college now but close enough that I can visit. On a slow day around the house I’ll send my son a text and ask him if he wants to go out to dinner. I make regular “appointments” with my 21 year old daughter to meet for lunch, go shopping, or hit a museum. My kids are enjoyable to be around and I love hearing their viewpoints even if I disagree. We get into heated debates, we laugh out load, my daughter complains about her social life, I have to squeeze information out of son ABOUT his social life but overall it is a delight to have these people around.

Of course, there are disappointments and the old, “where did I go wrong” moments. But if I didn’t have kids there would be no one to tell me how wrong I am on many many subjects! Then I would go through life thinking I am always right. My husband tells me I am wrong but I don’t believe him! When the kids gang up on you, well, you have to listen.
 
Just popping in here to explain how the experiments I mentioned to were conducted.

Parents [edited to add: AND NONPARENTS] were interrupted from time to time--I don't remember whether they were given timers or were phoned by researchers or what--and asked to rate their happiness at that exact moment. They were also asked to describe what they were doing at that moment.

So that's a little different from asking them to look back over their lives--or even look back over a day--and say how happy they were on average over that period.

I read about this in a book about happiness by the Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert. "Stumbling on Happiness." Very interesting book, I recommend it.

Here's a Newsweek article on the subject:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792/output/print
 
I''m a SAHM to a 3 yr old. I''d say my day to day satisfaction is wonderful. I have good friends that I talk to regularly and one of them is a mom, too. We live close and see our family often. JT absolutely amazes me everyday (Yesterday he told me he wanted to do something and prefaced it with "don''t say it''s unnecessary." This was after he found out he could fly if he took a giant leap from one piece of furniture to another.) My DH is a real MAN which is all I could ask of him. I indulge in my hobbies woodworking, reading, PSing, researching, etc. The only debt we have is our house. As I said in the other thread, to me happiness is a fleeting emotion. I experience lots of happiness day to day, but I feel I''m truly content which is a much deeper feeling (at least to me.)
 
Tough question to answer. I feel like i have a lot more love in my life--a house full of love--and although most days i feel like there is more repetition to my day than i would care for, and a lot less freedom i would still say i like my life better. One thing i have noticed about having a baby. I can''t stay in a bad mood for long. If i come home pissed about something or i am having a serious conversation with DH the baby can snap me out of funk in no time flat. I can go from crab-apple to giggles instantly.

i am interested in the responses from parents of older kids too. A lot of moms seem to be really frightened of the teen years. Thinking about myself as a parent (prior to having a kid) i never, ever worried about the teen years. I suppose this is b/c my sister and I was extremely easy teens--we never rebelled, we didn''t go through silent/moody/withdrawn faze. I don''t remember hating or being annoyed with my parents (that is just kicking in now
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) Our home was always drama-free. maybe i''ll be so lucky!??
Or maybe i should start worrying
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***CORNY ALERT*** I''m going to wax poetic about my kids...

With two teenagers and a 6 year old in the house I would rate my day to day satisfaction and happiness as a 10 out of 10...10 being the best possible score! Now, ask me in a few more years. My boys are 14 1/2 and 13...We have just embarked on our journey through the teen years. Sure they sass me every now and then. And the boys bicker near constantly some days. I still love every minute of being a mommy...Well, maybe except for stomach flu nights...

I''m doing the only job I''ve really ever wanted to do. From the time I was a child I knew I wanted kids. Moreover, I knew I wanted to be a SAHM. I treat parenting as a job. I get up every morning and I go to work. When DS came along, oh, a decade or so before he was expected I knew I would have a lot to prove as a parent. I''ve always been up for a challenge.

My kids are so much fun. They are seriously funny, SUPER smart, polite, well mannered, and they get along relatively well. I adore them and I *think* they like me more than a little!
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Something happens every day to make me proud, laugh hysterically, or just have a generally heart warming moment. I''ll tell you about a few so you have something to look forward to when your your bambino is older.

A few weeks ago, my mom called to let me know that my grandmother passed away. As I sat alone in the kids'' playroom shedding a few tears, DS#2 came in the room. He knew what happened by looking at me. Her death was not unexpected, but, hit me like a ton of bricks when she passed nonetheless. DS just sat with me and we hugged for a long while. Now, if you know anything about teenage boys (at least MY teenage boys) you will know that they don''t sit around hugging their mommas! I don''t know why, but, it felt like a very profound moment to me.

On a lighter note, my macho cool DS#1 circled my room early one morning while I was still in bed. When he saw my eyes open he was in my room like a flash. He was just so excited to tell me that the Crest Whitestrips I got were working. And he gave me a big grin with his newly whitened chompers!

And my dahhhhling little DD...On Monday she told me that she almost cried at school because she missed me so much and just wanted to hug me. Awwwwww...She is not a clingy child AT ALL. And she wasn''t having a bad day. She just missed me.

Oh sheesh, maybe I sound like a crazy person or like all of these things are so insignificant, but, my kids are what matter most to me. I am so proud of the people they are and the choices they continue to make (and their straight A report cards don''t hurt either
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). I think you really need to pay attention to the small stuff in life. It''s what really matters and defines who you are.




 
hmmm come to think of it I''ve been raising kids for more than half my life.
I must be happy cause they keep coming!
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Miranda--ahh, you have sweeties. Your crest-white strips story is adorable -the nuances of real love. I can''t relate exactly as i still have just an infant--but i have many moments like that with my DH--sometimes the tiniest yet genuine exchanges are what make your day, like when you are excited to share some insignificant bit of news b/c you know that other person will actually care about hearing it and you saved it just for them.
You sound like you are doing the ''one job you really wanted'' *really* well!
 
Date: 1/29/2009 4:45:29 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Ok let''s see. Well the teenage years are rough. I will say there were times where what they said would just about kill me. I also had times where I wanted to pull my hair out.
I did enjoy the part of having their friends here, going to all their sporting events. I think at that point it''s all about them at least for us it was. We were so busy with all their events.
I had one that was easy and one that was a PITA, but say that with love and affection.
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I am glad that they felt they could tell me anything, we were and are so close. Sometimes they would tell me stuff I really didn''t want to hear or know. But better to be in the know than in the dark.
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Best advice I can give is to keep the communication lines open. Makes a big difference.
done that already !! now that i''m bald what i do next??
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Date: 1/30/2009 1:13:56 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 1/29/2009 4:45:29 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Ok let''s see. Well the teenage years are rough. I will say there were times where what they said would just about kill me. I also had times where I wanted to pull my hair out.
I did enjoy the part of having their friends here, going to all their sporting events. I think at that point it''s all about them at least for us it was. We were so busy with all their events.
I had one that was easy and one that was a PITA, but say that with love and affection.
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I am glad that they felt they could tell me anything, we were and are so close. Sometimes they would tell me stuff I really didn''t want to hear or know. But better to be in the know than in the dark.
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Best advice I can give is to keep the communication lines open. Makes a big difference.
done that already !! now that i''m bald what i do next??
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Propecia.
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My day to day happiness and satisfaction with my life have actually increased beyond measure since I had my baby.

I should qualify that by saying:

I was working crazy hours in a stressful job while studying part time at lawschool. DH was working more hours than I thought there were in a day. I rarely saw my friends and barely saw my husband. I would have struggled if I'd had to describe our house. It was burgled once, and I wouldn't have noticed if the police hadn't called round. That's how tired I was. I was also bored, because I hated the routine.

Now, I'm enjoying a year off work, after that I'll go back for two or three days a week. DH works part time and often from home. A lot of my friends are at home with their kids, or work part time / flexi time.I've really enjoyed catching up with good friends I'd started to grow apart from. Most days, Amelia and I can go out and meet up with friends for lunch, or the three of us can go out and do things as a family. I'm having a MUCH nicer life. DH and I are chilled out and happy. I think this is a time in our lives I'll look back on forever with fondness! I'm surprised how happy I am and how much I'm enjoying this.

BUT....it isn't going to last forever, is it?? I mean, she's going to grow up and go to school and eventually become a teenager and I'm not holding out any romantic, optimistic hopes of that phase!
 
OMG!!! I want to change my last post LOL. My lovely little baby just peed on my when I changed her diaper then vomited over me. I was wearing my one and only high end designer jacket that I saved and saved and saved for, since we were about to go out and have one of these nice lunches I was talking about. That''ll teach me! Hahaha.

Ah well, I love her anyway and she makes me very happy most of the time
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Jen
 
Date: 1/30/2009 5:31:34 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
OMG!!! I want to change my last post LOL. My lovely little baby just peed on my when I changed her diaper then vomited over me. I was wearing my one and only high end designer jacket that I saved and saved and saved for, since we were about to go out and have one of these nice lunches I was talking about. That''ll teach me! Hahaha.

Ah well, I love her anyway and she makes me very happy most of the time
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Jen
LOLOL!

Poor thing, but I forgive her too cuz she''s so darn cute!!

I do feel bad for your jacket though.
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Cute? Huh!
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I just got back from visiting a lady who is nearly 100 years old. She was a midwife and health visitor and in fact, she deliverd my (now 70 year old) father. She was a lifelong friend of my grandparents.

This is a lady who has delivered babies, spent her working life around babies, loves babies very much, enjoyed spending time with a baby today - I think if you cut her in half, she''d have ''babies'' stamped through her like lettering in seaside rock. Yet she never had or wanted to have a child of her own.

Made me think of this thread. She enjoys babies but had no interest in giving up her work with them to have one (as she would have had to do in the days when she was working). She isn''t crazy about older kids and in terms of day to day happiness, babies all day every day was what she wanted and I suppose, what she got.

I thought it was interesting in the context of this thread.

She might have got it right, now I think about it, in that she''s never in all her long happy life had to deal with a teenager!!!
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Jen
 
Date: 1/30/2009 5:31:34 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
OMG!!! I want to change my last post LOL. My lovely little baby just peed on my when I changed her diaper then vomited over me. I was wearing my one and only high end designer jacket that I saved and saved and saved for, since we were about to go out and have one of these nice lunches I was talking about. That''ll teach me! Hahaha.


Ah well, I love her anyway and she makes me very happy most of the time
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Jen
This made me laugh out loud! I do feel for you and your designer jacket, though! Hopefully it''ll come clean!
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In short, I am happier. Not that I was not happy before she was born, because I was very happy, but our daughter enhances our lives in more ways than I can count!

I think every mom has her bad days and yes I have given up some things in exchange for my mommy lifestyle and along with a child comes the constant worrying and stress. But, the rewards are unmeasurable! I got to see my daughter walk for the first time and I get wet kisses and I get to hear "momma" in the baby monitor. I wouldn''t trade those things for anything. Nothing compares to hearing my daughter giggle. Nothing.
 
I am overall much happier now that I have my son. I think that a big part of it is due to the fact that I had a very high-stress job before that I didn''t enjoy, and now I stay at home with my son, so it''s nice to be able to do what we want with our day.

There are some things I miss - wearing fancier "work" clothes and heels every day, eating out at fancy places more frequently like we used to, and I also shop for myself less now (how many pairs of jeans do I need?), plus, we are taking different types of vacations with a 2 year old in tow.

However, he won''t be a toddler forever, so the things that I miss I will be able to go back to once he''s in school.

I also am thinking about finally going to grad school - now I have time to do it, whereas I wouldn''t have been able to while working full-time.
 
overall, i am so much happier. there are days where i just need a break and want to get away, but then the sight of my little guy running to me to give me hugs and kisses totally makes up for it. sure he is only 13 months right now so it hasn''t been super tough, like the much dreaded terrible twos or the teenage years, but he''s had his share of bad times, and it has all been worth it to see him do things for the first time, or to see him smile when he sees me, esp the first morning smile when he sees me coming to get him and he says "mommy" in his high pitched super happy voice. i wouldn''t change my life for anything. he brings so much happiness into my life, i couldn''t even begin to imagine what it would be like without him.
 
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