Moms in the delivery room?

[Bliss]

Anyone planning on having anyone else witness/share the experience? Even if you're not expecting now, what did you always imagine when you thought about giving birth? Who was there with you and your DH? I've been reading stories about women having their DH, mother and MIL in there! Thankfully, our hospital only allows 2 people when it's time to push!

I would love to hear any of your plans or experiences with who you had in your delivery room! I want my mom to be in the delivery room to share in the experience but I know in the end, it's all about me and DH sharing this together.

Any thoughts?

 

[meresal]

It was only me, DH, the doctor, and the nurses.

For me, there were already enough people in there and I wanted it to be just my little family when our LO first arrived. Also, to be honest, I don't know where another person would have stood. Between the wall behind me, the IV machine over my left shoulder, the monitor over my right, DH to my left, a nurse at each knee, and the doctor (well, you know where), it would have been crazy.

With that said, my delivery only lasted one push. Maybe you could ask your DH if he would like your mom to be there in case it is a long delivery? You should have whoever you want though, whatever keeps you happy is best!
I bet some people have more input that had longer labor's than I did.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

My personal rule about people in the delivery room is that if you weren't there when the baby was conceived, you're not there when the baby is born.

They were expecting my little guy to possibly need to go to the NICU so they brought in a whole team of pediatric staff for the delivery. I had no idea that there would be 4 or 5 other people there aside from my doctor and 2 nurses. Presumably while I was splayed open doing my thing, the pediatric staff weren't standing there watching the show but rather talking amongst themselves!

 

[Dreamer_D]

My mom and my husband were with me for the birth of me son, and I plan to have the two of them with us again for our second child's birth next year.

My mom was an absolute LIFESAVER! The reality is that probably 99% of men are really out of their element in that situation, and my husabnd was no exception. My mom, having gone through it, was a wonderful help to me in focusing and managing the pain. Beforehand, my husabnd was worried about my mom taking over and him not getting to be totally involved, but in the actual situation he was really glad she was there as he had no idea how to help -- classes simply cannot replace actual experience in this situation, I think.

During the actual delivery she took a back seat and DH got to hold one of my legs and really see our son being born up close. He loved it, I think it was the highlight for him being a big part of things like that ... and yes, he still enjoys me sexually after seeing it all up close and personal!

ETA: Labour and delivery are two different situations. YOu can always have mom with you in labour and leave during delivery if you wanted.

 

[meresal]

Dreamer, are you saying your mom was there for labor but not involved in the actual delivery?

If that is what your saying, then I should calrify my post... I had family in the room all the way up until we started pushing, then we cleared everyone out and it was only DH and myself (with nurses and the doctor).

 

[megumic]

We're planning to homebirth all of our babies with a midwife (provided the pregnancy is low-risk, that I reach term, etc.) so besides me, DH, and the midwife, we could have as few or as many witnesses as we'd like. It may be any combination of people from my mom, MIL, best friends, SIL, etc. It really depends on how I feel when it's time to push and whether they are distracting from my process or not and how calm or anxious others are making me.

Perhaps for the first it will just be me and DH, and then for subsequent births we'll add to the mix!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Dreamer, are you saying your mom was there for labor but not involved in the actual delivery?

If that is what your saying, then I should calrify my post... I had family in the room all the way up until we started pushing, then we cleared everyone out and it was only DH and myself (with nurses and the doctor).

My mom was in the room, which was large as had a seating bench to one side, and she say there out of the way. She took some pictures which traumatize me to this day and she saw the whole thing, but she was not there and in the way or overly involved.

I sort of think that the labour part is so much more important in terms of support etc becuase it lasts hours and hours, whereas the delivery is so much shorter. So in labour I needed the support of my mom, but in the actual pushing phase the midwife was in charge and DH was the only family member right with me.

 

[swingirl]

Husband, doctor and nurses. No need to show anyone else my crotch during childbirth.

 

[fieryred33143]

Bliss-this was just *my* personal take on the whole thing.

I felt like the whole ordeal was just intense. The decision to keep me there, the pain of the pitocin, the checking on me, people coming in and out. Call me selfish/pathetic/whatever but what really helped me through it was knowing that the people in the room were there for me and for my comfort.

My mom didn't want to be in the room with me. She was hurting bad because of the amount of pain I was in. When she was in the room with me going through the contractions, I could tell she was crying so I told her it was ok to wait outside.

My MIL wanted to be in the room but didn't really care about me. She was very excited about having her granddaughter in the world. I was just the vessel between her and meeting DD. It's not what I wanted/needed in the room.

At the end of the day, having just FI in the room was the best choice for me. It was a beautiful moment, one I wish I could relive over and over. We had plenty of time for DD to be greeted to her whole family. For that moment it was just the three of us, our own little family and I would not have had it any other way.

 

[taovandel]

We also had decided just me, my husband and the doctor/nurses....The only thing I regret and feel guilty about (even though my husband said it didn't bother him) was that I didn't ask the nurses to take pictures and I had my husband do it....I felt like it took away from his moment--like he had a job to do instead of just enjoying the moment. But he said that he didn't mind it---it gave him something to do instead of feeling like he was just standing there...

 

[anchor31]

My mother was there for the delivery along with my husband. I don't regret it and will ask her again IF we have another (and that's a big if). The hospital only allowed 2 people during delivery and that was fine with me, I would not have been comfortable with anyone else. It was great having 2 people because if one needed to get coffee, I was never alone. Nurses come and go, and depending on how long delivery is, you can end up metting a dozen... Also, DH is squeamish about needles and blood, so it was really a lifesaver to have my mom there for the epidural while DH went to take a breather outside. She also felt very priviledged to be there for the birth of her first grandson. I would have been very uncomfortable having MIL there, we are nowhere near close enough for that. I was worried she would be offended, but thankfully she wasn't. She understood that you're (typically) a lot closer to your mother than your MIL.

 

[packrat]

I wanted my Mom there with me. I don't think I ever asked JD, I think he just knew that she would be. However, I ended up w/a c-section and they would only allow one other person to come in. They had her put scrubs on anyway just in case JD couldn't handle it, and I'm pretty sure she was waiting right outside the door the whole time and she got to ride up to OB with her. My mom is very calming to me. MIL didn't even know I was in labor, JD called her after the baby was born and I was out of recovery back up in the room.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Besides the medical team I had only DH and my mom with me during delivery. During labor I had DH, my mom, my sister, my dad and my BFF. For internal checks everyone left the room except DH. Only my mom and DH were allowed to stay once I started pushing because I really needed to concentrate and not feel like I was the entertainment. My labor was long; I was admitted around 5pm on a Tuesday and delivered at 2:44 a.m. on Wednesday morning. My son was also pre-term (36+4) so when I started pushing a whole pedi team was in the room in addition to my doctor and a nurse attending to me.

It was great having my mom there with me even though our relationship can be touch and go and it meant so much to her to be there with me. DH held one leg and she stayed up by my head, over my right shoulder, holding my hand the entire time. We were all teary-eyed when my son made his debut

I am expecting another child and am due in early February and at this point I'm pretty sure I'll do the same thing for delivery.

 

[ponder]

I think you just know. You either have to have her there or you dont.

I would have killed my mother. We have a great relationship, but she would have smothered me with her attention and worrying. I actually even refused to let anyone come to the hospital until after DH#1 was here. I did not want anyone watching the clock waiting for her to arrive. I guess I was afraid of performance anxiety .

DH was fine on his own, but he is the kind of person who could successfully deliver a strangers baby while stuck in an elevator with no prior experience.

 

[House Cat]

I had c-sections and I was only allowed to have one person in the operating room, that was my son's father. I would have had my mom there if I could.

I have a very dear friend who allowed a huge crowd into her delivery room. I was there and I counted 10 people. She had her husband, mom, dad, twin sister, and her four kids, me and her other best friend! It was quite an experience! I still chuckle at the thought sometimes. She really did want all of us there!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think fiery really nailed it when she said you don't want anyone there who is not there to completely and utterly support *you*.

 

[packrat]

When my cousin had her first baby, I was in the room. I think we were 19 at the time. I was thrilled beyond measure. Stunned and amazed, bawling my eyes out, and it is totally something I will never ever forget. I'll always have a soft spot for that little girl (who is now turning 15!).

 

[KimberlyH]

Because of H1N1 I was only allowed 4 visitors besides my husband the entire time I was in the hospital and they were designated upon arrival. My parents and a family friend, who was my deceased MILs best friend, were present through most of my labor. My mom and husband were in the room for delivery; they each held a leg. She took all the pictures and allowed my husband to just be present in the moment. If the family friend weren't there I'd have pushed for my Dad to be allowed to stay (only two people "suggested" be present), she was intent on doing so, even suggested my husband leave so she could, which was very strange. He'd have stayed above my head, he was disappointed and looking back I'd have pushed the issue if I weren't so focused on the fact that it was time to push. My delivery room was huge. So my advice is to decide beforehand and discuss with doctor so you don't have to decide when you're in the midst of L&D.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My mom, DH, doctor, nurse, and peds team were all there There was quite a crowd. I am very happy and do not regret having my mom there. It was a special moment and I am very close to her. When I am sick/in pain I want my mom. She is a great support system for me.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

My mom and husband were in the delivery room. Well, up until they took me to the surgical suite for my c/s, then it was just DH and I.

 

[Laila619]

There is no way I'm having anyone in the room besides DH. I want it to be just us. Mom or MIL? Not gonna happen!

 

[Bliss]

Wow, so many amazing replies!!!! Thanks!!!!

Meresal - wow, 1 push delivery? You are a lucky, lucky lady!!! Congrats again on your little one. DH initially said he would rather it be just us. But he also wants me to be comfortable and I really would like for my mom to be there during labor and delivery. I'm a big baby - I want my mom! DH also says a lot of his male friends were really glad their MILs were there in the end because they were helpful and kept the mamas-to-be calm. So we'll see! The main thing is, how do you time it? I would have to fly my mom up last minute, which I can do but would she get here in time?

LoganSapphire, I totally agree with you on that point. If not my DH or my mom, I would not want ANYONE ELSE there! I bet in the end I wouldn't notice but I feel like it's an intimate moment that only certain people should share. No dads, no FILs...no brothers or sisters!

Dreamer!!!! Awwww, how sweet! I think I would feel better if my mom was there. DH is awesome but I've always imagined that my mom would also be there, too. DH is also worried that he will be left out and I'll have to make sure that my mom acts as a supporter and doesn't try to run the show! Besides, her child rearing experience is from 30 years ago and quite outdated. I had a chat with her about how she's going to handle seeing me in pain and she swears it won't be a problem. Ha! We'll see. You had a midwife as well in the hospital? Was she in addition to the doctor? I am debating whether or not to get a doula but then my mom would not be in the room, right? My hospital only allows two people during delivery, I think.

Megumic, home birth sounds amazing and beautiful. In my ideal world, I would like to do that. Have you seen the Ricki Lake documentary? I think it's called The Business of Being Born and addresses hospital vs. home births. It really opened my eyes to the experience... I think it would be very empowering and amazing! Good for you!

Swingirl...LOLOLOLOL! I am very modest as well but I just have the feeling that's all going to fly out the window during L&D. I just know I won't care at that point with everyone coming in to check and etc. Someone told me a story recently about a woman who was giving birth and her FIL walked into the room uninvited to view the birth of his grandson - she became so uncomfortable that it actually slowed DOWN the whole process. Now, THAT I would be supremely uncomfortable with!

Fiery! Awww, what a sweet little girl you have! I feel like I could walk through fire to have a girl like yours and I will have to keep that in mind during the very intense process of L&D! I really really appreciate your honest advice from the heart. I love my MIL and she would LOVE to be there for at least the labor part but I think it would be irritating. Like you, I feel like she'd be too gleeful and not compassionate AT ALL about what I was going through. Of course, I know she loves me but the total lack of empathy and unsurpressed GLEE while I was in pain would totally be annoying! Support and comfort are needed - not arewethereyet arewethereyet arewethereyet hurryhurryhavemygrandchild comments! I don't think she would be able to help dancing in joy and not being mindful of the process of getting to the end result! Hahahaha. She is so cute, though. But yeah, not allowed.

Taovandel - awwwww, what a sweetheart DH you have. How nice of him to take photos! I bet he really loved capturing those moments you will treasure forever. Maybe the photos have more meaning now because Daddy caught those incredible moments himself!

Anchor31, I agree. I would love for my mom to be there. Heck, just knowing she was in the room would make me feel a whole lot better. Of course, the #1 most important person is DH. But it would just be so nice to look at her face and see her radiating support and love when I feel scared. Aren't moms the best??? I think DH will love that she will bring food!

Packrat, that is a sweet story. I hope my mom gets to be there but if I do end up getting a c-section, I won't mind having her outside the OR. Thinking of DH at least being there brings me such comfort. I can't imagine all the service members serving overseas or elsewhere who can't be there for their children's births. That breaks my heart. Wow, how amazing that you also got to witness a birth. So beautiful!

DivaDiamond, your story made me tear up! That is something I would love to experience... maybe DH holding a leg and my mom up near the head or nearby. Awww, I just know it would also mean so much to her. Wow, what an incredible experience. I know I'm going to cry and cry when I see her for the first time. Even thinking about the first moment I lay eyes on her makes me want to bawl!

Ponder, that is awesome. Your DH is your rock and that is fantastic!!! My DH is super excited about the birth and I don't think he'd be fazed by anything. If my mom had a meltdown or something and wasn't able to be there, I'd be totally OK with that as well. I wonder how she'll react to my being in pain. She swears she'll be OK but if she even starts to freak out, to the waiting room she shall go (with kisses and hugs)!!!!

Housecat, that is sweet! Isn't it interesting how this scenario can cause drama in families? I know someone who wanted just her mom and her DH. But then when MIL found out that my friend's mom was going to be there, she threw a fit. And suddenly my friend and her DH were fighting over who would get to be there - if one mom was there, then both had to be...that kind of scenario. Thank goodness my MIL understands that I need my mom to be there. I think it's important for the woman giving birth to have her support team (whether it's just DH or others as well) to be with her. Same for after the birth - I want my mom to help out and then MIL to come to visit. Initially, I think moms help take care of the daughter while the MILs will be all about the baby. I guess it's natural!

KimberlyH, congrats on your little one!!!!! Wow, I am so glad you got at least your mom and DH to stay. Strange about the family friend trying to take over, though! It is SO understandable that you were in the moment. I am sure we all have regrets and will have regrets about the day and what took place or didn't take place. But wow, you got to have all that love and support around you for that special memory? Amazing!

Tacori, me too! Bring on the crowd of DH, mom and the delivery team! I am like you - I want my mom! Awwwwwwww... Now the big worry is, when do we fly her up? I wish I knew when the baby will be coming... Eeep!

Hudson Hawk, that is so wonderful that you got to have both and then just you and DH for the actual moment. Awwwwwwww! I love these stories! And congrats on your little one!!!

Laila... LOL!!!!!!!!! I will probably be thinking of you when my mom has a meltdown from seeing me go through the contractions. "I should have listened to LAILAAAAA!!!!!"

Thanks for sharing!

I have another question... does anyone or did anyone think about having their DH stand by their head vs seeing everything below? Of course DH should witness everything but I have heard from male colleagues that they were scarred for life and didn't see their wife the same way for a very long time. Is this just something they say to scare preggo women or what?!!! I would think the birthing process is miraculous and beautiful but are some men really that delicate?!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Bliss I was in a midwife's care so she was my primary attendant in addition to the nurse. The doctor only pops in when you are pushing and even then only when the baby is crowing (I had a transfer of care because of meconium so an OB and Peds attended the actual birth). Ask your hospital whether the two person limit is for the while labour or only the delivery. And I utterly recommend a doula IF you can find a good one. If you plan a natural labour at all, you need that support. If you plan a medicated labour, then I think it is much less necessary.

 

[Dreamer_D]

About the men not wanting to be "scarred for life"... well you need to know your husband. I personally would be utterly offended and disappointed in my husband if he said such a ridiculous thing but every woman and relationship is different. As I said, DH watched it all from about 10 inches away, including the necessary butt wipes when you are really pushing properly (tip of the day -- pushing properly is exactly the same as trying to have the biggest poop of your life. Same muscles same everything. That is why you will poop It means you are doing it right. ). He did not care, still thinks I am sexy, still loves that part of my body in the same way he did before (which was/is a lot ). But that is my husband, you need to know yours to judge.

 

[taovandel]

My husband always said he didn't want to look....but the very first second the nurse said that she could see his hair...he was down there looking..haha! And Honestly, my legs were so far back---he really couldn't avoid seeing it all.

PS...I did not poop...but I did fart..hahaha--the 1st and only time my husband has ever heard me fart (and it wasn't during a push either...it was after one and I was resting....)

 

[Dreamer_D]

My husband always said he didn't want to look....but the very first second the nurse said that she could see his hair...he was down there looking..haha! And Honestly, my legs were so far back---he really couldn't avoid seeing it all.

PS...I did not poop...but I did fart..hahaha--the 1st and only time my husband has ever heard me fart (and it wasn't during a push either...it was after one and I was resting....)

Are you sure The nurses are very quick to clean up, and they do not say anything... hee hee

 

[Bliss]

Hehehehe, Dreamer I am like you! I think DH would think it's the cutest thing ever if I pooped.... which is SO GROSS but he thinks my bodily functions are "cute." Is that creepy or gross? Typing it out sounds like he is a creepy McCreeperton! LOL

TAO, your husband ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I personally am scared because I've read the stories and heard from colleagues that they were scarred for life and etc. Why do men say that? It must be true for some - I've read it in some baby books as well - men having a hard time seeing that area as sexual again after witnessing the birth. I personally want to revel in the awe inspiring goddess like powers of birth - I just feel like it is such a universal MIRACLE. I feel like the men should be stunned into reverence and awe for such a Great and Beautiful thing... but the reality is, it must look pretty frightening, too! Sometimes the insecure part of me wonders if he will still find me sexy after seeing a hairy little head come out of there? Is that silly? It sure sounds silly - I mean, I'm not a giggly teenager but that area is just so sacred and beautiful. I don't want it to look gory or anything, which I am sure the birth process is. LOL, the crazy fears that pop into one's head!

Being preggo, this makes one a target for every scary birth story alive IRL. Even men will walk up to me and tell me scary stories!

 

[geckodani]

I'm not a mom, but I thought I'd post from the other side, since I was in the room when my nephew was born.

It was truly the single most amazing experience I have ever been a part of, and I will never, ever forget it.

My sister asked me pretty early on in her pregnancy to be present, and I was stunned, and honored that my big sister wanted me there. There was crying, and laughing. Lots of crying . And then asked what she needed me to do. Basically I was there for moral support, to help her, help my BIL and stay out of the way if/when needed. She's 4.5 hours away, so when I got the call to start driving it was sheer craziness. I don't think I've ever gotten through customs that fast though!!! The grin must have been what did it.

I asked her why she wanted me there, and she said that I was one of the few people that would be able to keep her calm. She opted not to have our mother there because... well... I believe she said something along the lines of Mom would make her neurotic, and would probably try to color coordinate all the IV wires...

She was in labor for over 12 hours (overnight, of course ) and it was nice because one of us could go get coffee, walk around, call the parents to update them etc. while the other one stayed with her. And even though I told her I would leave the room when she delivered if she wanted, I ended up holding a leg while my BIL had the other side when it was time to push, and was there for the whole thing. I will never, ever forget what it felt like to watch my sister do this amazing thing. To give birth to this precious little person. It was truly amazing, and I will be forever grateful that I was able to be a part of it.

So basically, from what my sis said, having two people there was nice because it gave the other one a break without leaving her alone, and having the most calming/supportive person you can think of there is a nice thing to have as well.

And for whoever you honor with that privelege, well, I can guarantee they will never forget it.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hehehehe, Dreamer I am like you! I think DH would think it's the cutest thing ever if I pooped.... which is SO GROSS but he thinks my bodily functions are "cute." Is that creepy or gross? Typing it out sounds like he is a creepy McCreeperton! LOL

TAO, your husband ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I personally am scared because I've read the stories and heard from colleagues that they were scarred for life and etc. Why do men say that? It must be true for some - I've read it in some baby books as well - men having a hard time seeing that area as sexual again after witnessing the birth. I personally want to revel in the awe inspiring goddess like powers of birth - I just feel like it is such a universal MIRACLE. I feel like the men should be stunned into reverence and awe for such a Great and Beautiful thing... but the reality is, it must look pretty frightening, too! Sometimes the insecure part of me wonders if he will still find me sexy after seeing a hairy little head come out of there? Is that silly? It sure sounds silly - I mean, I'm not a giggly teenager but that area is just so sacred and beautiful. I don't want it to look gory or anything, which I am sure the birth process is. LOL, the crazy fears that pop into one's head!

Being preggo, this makes one a target for every scary birth story alive IRL. Even men will walk up to me and tell me scary stories!

I think you will be fine Bliss. My husband is like yours, I tease him all the time because he likes all the gross things and finds them cute or attractive -- smelly armpits... I shan't go on but I am sure you get the picture. My point is, he is not put off by the natural aspects of the human female body and I think finds the level of intimacy involved in knowing everything about his partner really a turn on. During the labour he was just enthralled by watching the head show then recede, then show a little more, then recede, and everything else. He was not really thinking about much else. So I guess my point is that he is not squeemish. I have seen pictures of Hunter crowing (my mom took them) and it is pretty darn shocking! But he did not care, he loved it. And he still found be attractive when I was very very pregnant and also post-partum when I was 70lbs heavier than I am now. So god love him, he is a very accepting man when it comes to physical things. And birth was no different. I think your hubby will be the same. Does he find you attractive as a pregnant woman? Some men find it wildly attractive and others find it unattractive. I think that might also tell you a little about how he will react to seeing birth. What does he want to do?

I think some people are taught to find their bodies and others bodies a little shameful, and so they only like bodies when they are clean, hairless, perfectly positioned, and anything "natural" is a real gross out. It is a little sad. That said, I am not a grossy like my husband and prefer some boundaries haha. But I would still love to watch a birth, it would be really awesome.

 

[charbie]

I'm not a mom, but I thought I'd post from the other side, since I was in the room when my nephew was born.

It was truly the single most amazing experience I have ever been a part of, and I will never, ever forget it.

My sister asked me pretty early on in her pregnancy to be present, and I was stunned, and honored that my big sister wanted me there. There was crying, and laughing. Lots of crying . And then asked what she needed me to do. Basically I was there for moral support, to help her, help my BIL and stay out of the way if/when needed. She's 4.5 hours away, so when I got the call to start driving it was sheer craziness. I don't think I've ever gotten through customs that fast though!!! The grin must have been what did it.

I asked her why she wanted me there, and she said that I was one of the few people that would be able to keep her calm. She opted not to have our mother there because... well... I believe she said something along the lines of Mom would make her neurotic, and would probably try to color coordinate all the IV wires...

She was in labor for over 12 hours (overnight, of course ) and it was nice because one of us could go get coffee, walk around, call the parents to update them etc. while the other one stayed with her. And even though I told her I would leave the room when she delivered if she wanted, I ended up holding a leg while my BIL had the other side when it was time to push, and was there for the whole thing. I will never, ever forget what it felt like to watch my sister do this amazing thing. To give birth to this precious little person. It was truly amazing, and I will be forever grateful that I was able to be a part of it.

So basically, from what my sis said, having two people there was nice because it gave the other one a break without leaving her alone, and having the most calming/supportive person you can think of there is a nice thing to have as well.

And for whoever you honor with that privelege, well, I can guarantee they will never forget it.

I'm so glad you shared that story, gecko! It brought tears to my eyes, and I'm not even preggo! I've always thought id want just DH there wheneve I give birth, but more and more I hope to have both our mothers. I'm freaked out about pooping during pushing...ugh. I know how honored they both would be, so hopefully I can figure it out once the time comes. There would be so much love in the room...what a great environment for the baby to come into the world with! Both our moms are pretty level headed, tho, so I can imagine them both focusing on me, then the baby