MOH Dilemma…any advice?

[tallblondemonster]

This is a bit of a two part question...a bit of background info:

There was never any questions as to who would be my MOH…to make things simple lets call her "T". The hiccup is that T just let me know that she won''t be able to make it to the destination wedding…only reason being is that she recently had a baby and he is too young…baby would be less than a year old and I completely understand that she doesn''t want to travel to Caribbean with baby…so no problem with that…am really sad that she won''t be able to come as will miss her but I understand…we''re having a quick private civil ceremony here (paperwork) and she''ll be my MOH for that but won''t be able to travel for what we consider the real wedding in the Caribbean.

Dilemma 1 is that now there are only two other couples going with us…FI''s bestman and his girlfriend and FI''s brother and wife (SIL).

I''m not sure who to ask to be the MOH…I don''t want either one to feel left out or have their feelings hurt as there is only two of them…I am close to both of them…we usually get together with both couples and I talk to both of the girls during the week so it''s not a matter of the one that is closer…there have been a lot of family issues with FI''s family over the past few months and this brother and wife have been very supportive and have stuck by us which has been a real blessing.

Any advice on how to make this decision and then also how to ask her to be my MOH? This is problem 2...I don''t want this person to feel like second choice since my MOH T can''t make it to the Caribbean…I don''t want to hurt their feelings.

Thanks!

 

[Lorelei]

Personally if you are about as close to the GF as the SIL, I would ask the SIL on the basis that she will soon be your family and the best man's GF won't be - that way I think everyone would understand and it would minimize hurt feelings - it just seems to be the right thing to do in my opinion and that the GF would easily understand your reasoning even if it isn't vocalised. If you were closer to the best man's GF then I would ask her, but if not, perhaps a future family member with your SIL to be may be the right choice.

 

[musey]

Do you really need a maid of honor? Are you choosing one of these people because they are truly meaningful to your life and you want to include them in the wedding, or because you feel like you "should" have a MOH? Would you have included them in your wedding party even if your 1st choice MOH would be able to attend?

Just wanting to have *a* MOH, regardless of who it is, is fine as long as you are okay with it. But realize that you don't have to have one just to have one.


Otherwise I agree w/ Lorelei, go with future family, unless you are particularly close to the girlfriend. If you can't choose without hurting one of their feelings, why not have both split the job? Isn't that what they did a couple times on "Friends"? I don't know how to avoid making one (or both) of them feel like "second choice"... if they know you have a best best best friend who is not attending, they'll know they were second choice.

Wow, that post was like one big question!! Sorry 'bout that

 

[KimberlyH]

Ditto musey''s question. We had a small wedding, I''m assuming yours will be too as it''s a destination wedding, and I just figured no need to have someone stand next to me, all of the people I loved were sitting right behind me, that was close enough.

 

[luckystar112]

Ask your brother''s girlfriend! She''ll say no, and you''ll look like the good guy. Muaha ha ha ha ha ha....

Totally kidding, btw

 

[tallblondemonster]

Lorelei - i was leaning towards asking my SIL for those very reasons so glad to hear i was on the right track.

Musey & KimberlyH - i never even thought of that idea of not having a BM/MOH...i guess i always pictured it with both...as for including the SIL and G/F in the wedding we were going to do so if we had the wedding at home and had a bigger wedding...right now it wouldn''t make sense to have a wedding party when so few people are going (it started out with a whole lot more LOL!) Not having anyone up with us would certainly solve the problem especially since there will only be the 4 of them and they''ll all be pretty much right there beside us...sounds like a good solution...i just don''t want the BM to feel bad but will run it by FI and see what he thinks.

Thanks!

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Nik,

I''m not sure if you''re still looking for advice but I agree with the others. I don''t think you even need to have a MOH just to have one. If you decide to have one, it might be good to ask your future SIL since she will be family.

 

[tallblondemonster]

Thanks Zoe! i think we''ve decided to go with no MOH/BM...it will be special just to have everyone there esp. since its such a small group it will be lovely and intimate...i just never thought of something so simple LOL...thanks everyone!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 9/11/2007 10:25:36 PM
Author: tallblondemonster
Thanks Zoe! i think we''ve decided to go with no MOH/BM...it will be special just to have everyone there esp. since its such a small group it will be lovely and intimate...i just never thought of something so simple LOL...thanks everyone!

I think that is a great idea. That way no one''s feelings are hurt. Funny we are invited to a wedding in Mexico in April (baby will be 6 months) and we are going, baby and all.

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure, if you already have had the civil ceremony that you even need a MOH with such a small group. But that is just my view...and maybe your friend will change her mind if she can get some good child care for a couple days, though I would not hold my breath about that!

 

[tallblondemonster]

DiamondFan & Tacorie-ring- the civil ceremony will be right before we leave...I wish T could go regardless of the MOH issue...it would be great to have her there with us and i''ll miss her but its her decision and i kinda had the feeling that she wouldn''t be able to come so its not a big shocker even if it''s not what was originally planned. Before baby came she said no matter what she''d be there but things change...its actually really sweet...she won''t let him out of her sight