Miscarriages, fertility, and trying to conceive

[autumngems]

It's been a difficult year for me to say the least. DH and I have been trying to conceive and had 2 miscarriages this past year.

I don't think DH has been as affected emotionally by these events as I have. I shared my experiences with a few close friends, but haven't felt comfortable talking about it more openly. It seems most of my friends are pregnant or recently gave birth. My social media is flooded with baby and family photos, and while I'm happy for my friends, it's a constant reminder of what everyone has and what I can't have. In normal times, I'd delete my social media profiles, but I feel it's the only connection I have to the outside world these days.

We will start the IVF process if we can't conceive again on our own soon. If any of you have been through miscarriages and fertility challenges, I would appreciate any encouragement and advice you have on how to stay positive. It's been extremely difficult and isolating, as COVID has amplified these emotions, since I am not able to keep busy with activities and spend time with family and friends.

Hugs to you on this journey. We had our daughter after a year of trying and when she was 5 we tried for a few years and then with fertility drugs. We were told it was unexplained infertility after 1.5 years of fertility drugs. I wish you the best.

 

[yennyfire]

I am also in this “club” that no one wants to join. I had a miscarriage before each living child. It nearly broke me and I completely remember the feelings you’ve described. My only advice is to be kind to yourself. Sending gentle hugs and prayers your way.

 

[affguy]

I sympathize. I have an adult daughter from when I was very young, and my wife and I were in agreement on not having a child until about a year ago, when she said she'd changed her mind. I was an easy convert and we rapidly scrapped and rebuilt our vision of our future, while burning through cash on IVF. Unfortunately, the egg retrieval was quite hard on my wife, and we didn't get as many as we hoped for. Our only PGS normal blast implanted, but we lost her around Thanksgiving. We haven't officially decided what we're going to do going forward, but given how unpleasant the retrieval was, the most likely outcome at this point looks like us rearranging our hopes & dreams again, with a greater appreciation of the physical, psychological, and financial tolls of infertility treatment.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

Thank you for all the support, stories, and for those who have shared your struggles. Sending positive thoughts to all who are trying to conceive.

I'm having another wave of emotions as another friend just announced her pregnancy. I feel so happy for her, yet so sad myself. Maybe this is just part of the grieving process. My first miscarriage was very traumatizing, but I'm not really sure I've sufficiently grieved for the second one.

 

[maryjane04]

Thinking of you @MRBXXXFVVS1
I am hoping to start trying maybe later this year or next year and these are some of my fears. Fertility and infertility it seems is a topic that not many understand or talk about. I'm praying for you and wish you all the best. But in the process, take time out and enjoy life without putting too much pressure on yourself. It makes me warm inside to hear how open and supportive PS members are. <3

 

[wildcat03]

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I've had two losses in the last 18 months. In that time I've also had 3 IUIs, 3 IVF retrievals, 1 IVF transfer. The losses are hard. Long and painful (physically and emotionally). I will never forget waking up after my first D&C. I had known the pregnancy wasn't viable for weeks, but had been waiting for the heartbeat to stop. Yet somehow that moment, waking up from anesthesia without my husband (pre-COVID, they just hadn't brought him back yet) was one of the loneliest and saddest I've ever felt. I seem to have strong first trimester symptoms regardless of viability, so I am tired and nauseated and not helpful around the house. My long shifts in the ER tend to drain me of any useful energy for a day afterwards. I have learned that my husband grieves our losses differently than I do. I have learned to ask for the support and solidarity I need and have also learned how best to help him. The losses have not been the finest moments of our marriage, but they have made it stronger.

I have also learned that sometimes I just need to play some sad songs and cry. I like country music and the song "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" has been on repeat in my car many many times during the drives to/from the fertility clinic (an hour away).

 

[Indylady]

I feel for you, MRB! I just went through a miscarriage that started Christmas Eve and went on till early Feb (ectopic, so I needed a shot of methotrexate too) and am finally feeling like normal. Sending you lots and lots of love. I got two therapists, acupuncture, and recently began taking ashwaganda to help with stress too (not a fertility supplement!) and avoiding alcohol. Magnesium has helped me a lot too with emotions/depression feelings and I’ve been taking that for a while, please check with your doc on supplements though, I don’t want to advise something that doesn’t work for you. Sending you lots of love

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

@wildcat03 @Indylady I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, thinking of you both!

I've also been listening to Beyonce's "Heaven" and just letting myself grieve. Every month when my period comes, it's so emotional.

Does anyone have any "advice" on the IVF process? Anything they wish they did or knew in advance?

 

[wildcat03]

@wildcat03 @Indylady I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, thinking of you both!

I've also been listening to Beyonce's "Heaven" and just letting myself grieve. Every month when my period comes, it's so emotional.

Does anyone have any "advice" on the IVF process? Anything they wish they did or knew in advance?

I have endless advice. After 4 retrievals (one in 2017, 3 in 2020) I'm basically a reproductive endocrinologist (joke). If you want to contact me, my user name on loupetroop is the same as mine here. You should be able to search it and message me through there.