Mini Mother Rant

[vc10um]

UGH. So, just had to yell about something to people who would understand.

A little background:

I was emailing back and forth with my mother today while at work. She is currently dating someone who''s been a family friend for about 15 years and they''re talking about getting married (they''ve been together since early March). I''m very excited for her, but told her that he better ask my permission before he proposes!

Here comes the rant:

In response, my mom told me that he might ask me in October when we all have dinner while I''m in town. Then she asks "Is A going to ask *me* anything in October?" With a big ol'' winky face. I told her maybe, but my hopes aren''t too high because I know he doesn''t have a ring yet and I don''t think he''s quite been looking (since if he''s away from me it''s usually putting in a few extra hours at work...), and that if it doesn''t happen by Thanksgiving, I''m taking a hope break until the Cherry Blossom Festival in March (we live in DC).

She suggested that if I don''t have a ring by Thanskgiving that I dump him and move on!!! Ladies, by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, A and I will have been together a WHOPPING 17 months!!! SERIOUSLY!??! After less than a year and a half, she thinks that if I don''t have a ring I should pack up, move out, and move on!?!! Just because she''s ready to head to the altar again with a man after 7 months...even though she''s known him for FIFTEEN YEARS. UGH UGH UGH. When I pointed that little timing detail out, she said she "saw my point"...but didn''t seem to change her opinion. *Sigh*

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest to a group of women who would understand where I was coming from.

 

[suchende]

We have the same mom!! If you figure out how to get her to re-join us in reality, please let me in on the secret!

 

[vc10um]

Haha. Will do.

I think part of the issue is she''s *itching* for grandkids. Her youngest brother''s daughter is preggers and so she''s freaking out because *HE* is going to be the first grandparent...

So she wants me to get the ring, so I can say "I do", so I can start pumping out babies. But she needs to remember I plan on starting Law School next fall...she has AWHILE to wait.

 

[crossmyfingers]

That stinks, vc10um. You''re right, it seems crazy for you to give up 17 months in.

I vented to my mom a couple times about how I''ve thought a proposal was coming on a particular weekend or around a holiday and she has said two things: 1) I''m sure it''s coming soon, I thought he would ask you on Valentine''s Day, it''ll be any day now, or 2) Well if he doesn''t do it soon and you are thinking about it, just move on. What kind of answer is THAT?! Move on? We just got to our two-year anniversary. I don''t think it''s unreasonable that we aren''t engaged or married yet.

Then I went to my parents'' tonight and my dad told me, "You know, your mom and I thought he was going to propose to you for your anniversary." Thanks I guess, Dad, but nope. I don''t think BF''s asked their permission but I guess they don''t expect him to. So weird.

Sometimes I wish parents would keep their crazy ideas about us getting proposed to themselves. No, actually, pretty much all the time.

 

[sctsbride09]

Sorry about your Mom

The only thing I would say is to NOT throw in the towel after 17 months. While 17 months is long enough to know you want to marry, it is not long enough to just dump him and move along if you dont get engaged immediately.IMHO. It sounds like you''re right about the grandkid thing (my mil is that way it KILLS me) so just try to keep in mind its her stress not yours. And enjoy this time in your life, very exciting to be in the engagement process (looking at rings, diamonds and such yay!) The timeline of the engagement doesnt matter, as long as its right for the couple involved. So while 7 months may be good for them, some people (most) want more time than that.

 

[vc10um]

sctsbride09, I definitely don''t plan on following her timeline. I have one of my own, and it''s pretty flexible, lol. It''s just one of those things that really got under my skin because I know she really likes A and would love to have him as part of our family, but she seems to be completely ignoring that fact when it comes to telling me how to live my life.

I think she''s also just worried that since A can be really indecisive (I''ve never seen a person take as long as he does to decide between white and wheat toast, lol) that he''ll be indecisive about ME. But I know he thinks about marrying me, he''s just waiting for the right time and place, and for a chance to go look at rings.

 

[sparkly_stars]

I vented to my mom back in the day, once and only once. I never brought it up again...because I felt it made DH look back, and it gave her a reason to push my buttons.
Overall, I think people (ANY people) like pushing buttons, to some degree.
I think its a bit extreme for her to suggest you pack your bags up at 17 months...a TALK at 17 months would be okay though, and the fact that you say you have a timeline that you''re comfortable with... I''d avoid that subject with her!

Anyways, just try and stay strong...it''ll happen, maybe just not on HER time line haha. As long as you''re not pulling hair out, we''re okay!

 

[sctsbride09]

LOL about the decision on wheat vs. white toast. My DH is the same exact way when it comes to decisions (not limited to just food either

), thats why its good to have a "strong" woman that doesnt mind making them haha.*end thread jack* ETA no that doesnt mean he will be indecisive about you!

 

[Stone Hunter]

So sorry that''s very annoying. Sounds like she''s so focused on her own wedding and wants to compare wedding ideas with you or maybe do a DOUBLE wedding!

HA HA or maybe it''s just that she does want grandkids now.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 9/29/2009 11:29:58 AM
Author: Stone Hunter
So sorry that''s very annoying. Sounds like she''s so focused on her own wedding and wants to compare wedding ideas with you or maybe do a DOUBLE wedding!

HA HA or maybe it''s just that she does want grandkids now.

Oh the horror!!!

She HAS however, already suggested that my sister and I re-wear BM dresses (same style from David''s, just different colors) to be her BMs, lol.

Mine''s teal. My sister''s is Watermelon Pink.

 

[trillionaire]

My mom and I were talking last December, and she teased that my dog would be better behaved if there was a man around the house... so I teased back that I was going to get married JUST so that my dog could have a stable household... and she proceeded to tell me that if I wanted to get married, I need to leave my then-boyfriend, because he was never going to marry me.

I was shocked that she said it, and moreso because I knew his intentions, and he already had a ring! (in her mild defense we have been dating 5+ years, but we were only 26!)

She cried when he proposed in July, at our family reunion, and wouldn''t you know that everyone knew it was going to happen BUT her!

 

[fleur-de-lis]

For what it''s worth, there''s a *definite* timeline difference for couples in their 20s/30s (especially those for whom it is their first marriage) and couples with adult children who are re-marrying in their late 40s/50s/60s.

Your mother sounds like she''s in her happy zone, but the two of you have different perspectives and end goals based on your age differences! Don''t mistake her judgment for your own-- she''s looking at your situation with HER eyes and despite the similarities, she''s blind to the rather obvious differences!