JustLikeYou
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2009
- Messages
- 77
Oh boy. I''d just like to share my crazy story. So my boyfriend''s clock is ticking before mine, and it was always curious to me that he always brought up starting a family, but never really ever mentioned marriage or the like. He said before that he never wanted to get married, but then within the past year started saying how committed he is to me and all that jazz.
Anyway, into my "Are men really that clueless?" story, I was home for the weekend two weeks ago and we were snuggled up on the couch watching TV. He once again brought up the subject of kids and how cute ours would look. The beginning of the conversation went like this:
Me: "Well, if we''re going to have kids, I want to get married first"
Him: "But you know I don''t want to get married"
Me: "If you want to have kids with me, you''re getting married to me"
Him: "But I already feel married to you"
Me: "Well, you''re not. Why are you so against marriage?"
Him: "What is getting married going to say that I don''t already say? I love you, I''m committed to you..."
This escalated very quickly, and our opposing ideas sprang up VERY bluntly. We argued back and forth on it for a good 15 minutes. It got debate-level. I cried a little. He even said once "If you want someone who wants marriage, I''m not that guy, I don''t know what else to tell you". The conversation continued:
Me: "You''re never going to find a good woman who wants to have kids without getting married. What you ask for is baffling."
Him: "I mean, yeah, of course I''ll sign paperwork and do the legal thing, because starting a family means sharing a life, but you won''t see me on an altar"
Me: (like hitting a brick wall, i went silent, as "signing legal paperwork" IS "getting married") ".... . ...What do you think marriage is?"
Him: "I''m not sitting in a church, in a stuffy tuxedo, getting read to from a book I don''t believe in, going through counseling before hand, I don''t believe in any of that. You want a traditional wedding. I won''t do it."
Me: ".........When have you ever known me to be that kind of person? When I say traditional, I mean that you propose and then we get married on some amazing beach somewhere with our own vows written in front of a really small group of friends".
Him: (sits in silence for about 30 seconds, which felt like a half hour) "Oh. .. .. .. Well, if that''s your version of getting married, then lets do it tomorrow."
Me: *blink* .. .. . *blink blink* . .. . .
*smacks forehead repeatedly*
You know, to be fair, we are not religious, but for some odd reason, many of our friends are, with two being mormon and two being Jehovah''s Witness, so of all the weddings he''s been to, he only knows THAT type of thing. But, C''mon!!
Of course he felt really awful for me crying and made it up to me. Also when we went out in the boat later that weekend, he would randomly throughout the day say things like "What about Jamaica? Jamaica''s got some nice beaches" or "You know, I haven''t been to the Bahamas in a really long time. Green Turtle bay would be beautiful to get married at".
*sigh* I can''t fault him. I love him. And for my guy, who is incredibly smart with a college degree and his own successful business, is just so obliviously dense sometimes. I can laugh about the conversation now, but man, was that tense for a minute! lol.
Anyway, into my "Are men really that clueless?" story, I was home for the weekend two weeks ago and we were snuggled up on the couch watching TV. He once again brought up the subject of kids and how cute ours would look. The beginning of the conversation went like this:
Me: "Well, if we''re going to have kids, I want to get married first"
Him: "But you know I don''t want to get married"
Me: "If you want to have kids with me, you''re getting married to me"
Him: "But I already feel married to you"
Me: "Well, you''re not. Why are you so against marriage?"
Him: "What is getting married going to say that I don''t already say? I love you, I''m committed to you..."
This escalated very quickly, and our opposing ideas sprang up VERY bluntly. We argued back and forth on it for a good 15 minutes. It got debate-level. I cried a little. He even said once "If you want someone who wants marriage, I''m not that guy, I don''t know what else to tell you". The conversation continued:
Me: "You''re never going to find a good woman who wants to have kids without getting married. What you ask for is baffling."
Him: "I mean, yeah, of course I''ll sign paperwork and do the legal thing, because starting a family means sharing a life, but you won''t see me on an altar"
Me: (like hitting a brick wall, i went silent, as "signing legal paperwork" IS "getting married") ".... . ...What do you think marriage is?"
Him: "I''m not sitting in a church, in a stuffy tuxedo, getting read to from a book I don''t believe in, going through counseling before hand, I don''t believe in any of that. You want a traditional wedding. I won''t do it."
Me: ".........When have you ever known me to be that kind of person? When I say traditional, I mean that you propose and then we get married on some amazing beach somewhere with our own vows written in front of a really small group of friends".
Him: (sits in silence for about 30 seconds, which felt like a half hour) "Oh. .. .. .. Well, if that''s your version of getting married, then lets do it tomorrow."
Me: *blink* .. .. . *blink blink* . .. . .
*smacks forehead repeatedly*
You know, to be fair, we are not religious, but for some odd reason, many of our friends are, with two being mormon and two being Jehovah''s Witness, so of all the weddings he''s been to, he only knows THAT type of thing. But, C''mon!!
Of course he felt really awful for me crying and made it up to me. Also when we went out in the boat later that weekend, he would randomly throughout the day say things like "What about Jamaica? Jamaica''s got some nice beaches" or "You know, I haven''t been to the Bahamas in a really long time. Green Turtle bay would be beautiful to get married at".
*sigh* I can''t fault him. I love him. And for my guy, who is incredibly smart with a college degree and his own successful business, is just so obliviously dense sometimes. I can laugh about the conversation now, but man, was that tense for a minute! lol.
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