Men and Christmas

[Allisonfaye]

My husband, a self described Scrooge, drives me crazy every year about this time. The day we get the tree. It is usually a week before Christmas. If, god forbid, we get the tree one minute too early, it will dry out and burn the house down. Then, we argue over what tree to get. I always want bigger, he always wants smaller. So I aimed for fatter. Those trees were too weak to hold anything. Usually, I just give in and let him pick. He usually picks ok, if not a tad on the scrawny side. Then, oh, the fun of bringing it in and setting it up. It usually involves a lot of swearing (by him) and hemming and sighing. I am just on eggshells. I am so sick of it. Now, the tree we got is too large for our stand because...''if you get a bigger tree, it isn''t going to fit in a stand for a smaller one''...

Oh, excuse me. Christmas Tree 101. I should have known THAT.

He''s not a bad guy or anything. But this one event turns him into a beast.

Anyone else have other wise pretty nice guy who turns into a beast around this time of year? Oh, and don''t get me started on the actual holiday. He has ruined more of them for me than you can imagine.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

this is our first christmas together but sometimes in the kitchen we get into each others hair without meaning too lol
its just us for christmas so were planning on having a mini feast so im sure it will be interesting

im sorry he ruined some of your holidays

 

[bee*]

This is myself and D''s first Christmas living together and D got our tree today. We had that exact conversation that you have with your hubbie before he went to get it! I said that I wanted the biggest one he could find, he said that he wanted a small one. I''m stressed with my exams and so after our little argument I won

He came home with a huge tree (maybe even a bit too big, but I''m not going to tell him that).

 

[EricaR]

This is why K is banished from the house while I do all the decorating.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am just annoyed b/c he won''t tell me what he wants for x-mas and he never likes anything I pick out on my own

 

[Sabine]

We haven''t tackled a live tree yet, but after 3 years of arguing over putting up the easy fake one, we''ve come to this compromise...I give dh a time when he needs to have the tree inside and set up by, and I leave the room while he does it. Then he sits on the couch while I decorate the tree (and the rest of the apartment) by myself as long as I can have a cheesy christmas movie on. Finally, we did that this year with no fighting whatsoever. Of course, I would love it if he could get more into the christmas spirit and actually enjoy decorating the tree with me, but I''ve at least accepted that he doesn''t like to do it and can still enjoy doing it myself.

 

[LaraOnline]

I gave in and got a really good quality artifical tree.
I guess that''s kinda dull... but artificial displays are very common over here, probably the norm actually, not so many live trees sold.
We used to have to go into the bush to get a live one, and often it was a bit ''wierd''-looking!

 

[mia1181]

Date: 12/14/2008 6:24:14 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I am just annoyed b/c he won''t tell me what he wants for x-mas and he never likes anything I pick out on my own

Ditto my DH is super into the whole "Christmas spirit" he loves decorations and lights, but HATES getting gifts. His motto is "if there is something I want, I''ll get it myself." It''s always really hard to find gifts for him.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/14/2008 6:24:14 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I am just annoyed b/c he won''t tell me what he wants for x-mas and he never likes anything I pick out on my own

My DH is like that too. He''s just not one of those people who sees things and says, "I want this" or "I want that." Finally after 16 years of frustration, he provided help by leaving a catalogue out on the counter opened to a page showing razors. I asked him if he wants a new one and he said yes. FINALLY!

 

[oobiecoo]

Hubby and I have been arguing over Christmas the past few days... I love getting into the Christmas spirit and putting up the tree and wrapping presents and all that. He doesn''t mind the tree stuff too much but he HATES wrapping gifts. I really want us to do these things TOGETHER but it takes the fun out of it if I have to practically force him to.

As for the tree argument, just get an artificial one. You can put it up *whenever* you want and probably pick out *whatever* kind and size you want. I know its not as exciting as a real one but it sounds like the way to go with your hubby. He sounds like my dad... my mom ended up buying a really nice, pretty large artificial tree and we''d put it up Thanksgiving weekend WITHOUT my dad home lol.


On a side note... how do everyone''s DHs feel about GLITTER? DH HATES it and it makes it really hard to find nice ornaments and wrapping paper without having glitter on it.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

fi doesnt mind the glitter on ornaments and what not but he wouldnt let me drape my martha stewart ribbons down the side because and i quote "it looks weird" ugh, pssh! so the cat got a new toy to play with and i got a fun new belt haha
i can pretty much put whatever i want on the tree though because he doesnt like to take part in that
the one thing he said no to was the set of a couples first year of ornaments set because it thought it was cheesy lol, well whatever, i think next year ill get a "our first christmas" ornament lol

 

[Smurfysmiles]

fi doesnt mind the glitter on ornaments and what not but he wouldnt let me drape my martha stewart ribbons down the side because and i quote "it looks weird" ugh, pssh! so the cat got a new toy to play with and i got a fun new belt haha
i can pretty much put whatever i want on the tree though because he doesnt like to take part in that
the one thing he said no to was the set of a couples first year of ornaments set because it thought it was cheesy lol, well whatever, i think next year ill get a "our first christmas" ornament lol

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Ha! We are about the opposite! My hubby went to get a tree the weekend after Thanksgiving and he bought a huge one! I was pointing out that a tall slender tree would take up less room, but he is into big and tall! Lol! He puts on the lights and our daughter and I do all the decorating.

My biggest problem is that he won''t tell me anything he wants this year, so all I''ve bought is clothes. I gave him a long wishlist of jewelry items!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I never fail to take the tree stand with us when tree shopping. Saves a lot of unnecessary hassle. My DH couldn''t care less about decorating the house--and it do it with gusto; but he always enjoys it after. Some guys just don''t care for the fuss and frills of the season. Try not to fret! Give him some scotch!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Mia, MC (so funny about the razor) and DS, glad I am not alone. I really think I may get him nothing. He is the type to buy whatever he wants or needs when he wants or needs it. I really have NO idea!

 

[somethingshiny]

DH used to be a bit of a bear around the Christmas season. Eventually I just sat him down and explained to him how important Christmas is to me. I explained my religious happiness for the season, my Christmas memories as a child, the memories I wanted to create for our son, etc etc. Now, the week before we start decorating. I state, "Christmas is coming and since there are some areas that are more important to me (decorating, baking) I AM THE BOSS. Please accept my pickiness and general bossiness with gratitude that I care enough to make the Holidays special." It works really well and he''s taken more of an initiative at the Holidays, too.

Of course, there is still eye rolling...

 

[Sha]

Ha! I can relate, in a way. This past weekend, I had told DH that we would be putting up the Christmas tree together. I was really looking forward to it since it''s our very first Christmas tree; Last December we were moving and didn''t really have time for Christmas decorations. So I was looking forward to this as a little ''couple'' project for us. I practically had to drag him kicking and screaming!

LOL. A lot of it was mock annoyance on his part, because I think he really did enjoy the time together, but he made comments like, "Why do we need a tree anyway?", and then he started griping about having the tree broken up in little pieces in the box (it''s an artificial tree that has to be assembled). Anyway, he assembled it, but I decorated. He said I was "better at that kind of stuff". He did like looking at the tree afterwards, though.

He hasn''t really celebrated Christmas much over the past few years, so I think he was secretly happy about the whole thing, really.

Sometimes guys just put up a front, but they secretly appreciate the sentimental things that we make an effort to do.

I think men are generally less sentimental than women, though, so they might not be as into some of the decorating/family-type things that we are.

What was Christmas like for your DH as a child? I wonder if that has something to do with how he acts around the Holidays... or is he like that for everything? I''m sorry to hear about his attitude though.

It must make it harder for you to enjoy the Holidays the way you would like to.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Geez, AllisonFaye, what do you think happened in your hubby''s past to turn him into such a grumpy Scrooge about Christmas?

I''m definitely more into the holiday decorations than my fiance, but we''ve found a happy balance after a few rotations around the sun together. I recall that he never put up a tree or lights when we met and acknowledge that if it were up to him, he''d set up nothing; when we met, I was the person setting up a victorian-style tableau even if it were terribly inconvenient. (Ever see a live, giant Christmas tree riding home in the passenger seat of a comically small convertible? Yeah, that''s me.) I''ve put in the effort to "de-scrooge" him when it comes to placing ornaments on the tree while listening to Christmas music and sipping cocktails, but I''ll handle putting garland on the banisters and fireplaces. He''s come to really enjoy our little traditions with the live tree each year and I feel a little pride in helping him enjoy the Christmas spirit, but there''s no doubt that if we weren''t together, he wouldn''t do ANY of it, and that makes me appreciate what he does do.

It might not help, but I think you''ll feel a lot better if you stop walking on eggshells and just do what you want. Get the big tree if it makes you happy. It sounds like your hubby is going to be grumpy no matter what, so you might as well choose the course of action that will make only one of you grumpy, don''t you think?

Heck, who knows. Perhaps after a few years of you modeling that people CAN be happy at this time of year, maybe he''ll come around and warm up a little bit on his own. But until then... ugh! You have my sympathies, Allisonfaye!

f-d-l

 

[Catmom]

Ha, I have the opposite problem. DH plans his xmas decorating [outside] for months and starts the week of Thanksgiving so that the lights can be turned on the day after Thanksgiving. Friday after Thanksgiving we go get our real tree and it''s usually a 9 footer. We then come back, and set it up so that the branches fall while we have turkey sandwiches. Then he puts the lights on it. I do the rest of the tree decorating while he and the kids go outside to finish up the outside decorating. We have a decorating reputation to uphold in our neighborhood, LOL.

 

[somethingshiny]

Another thought about the secret Christmas enthusiast (ie: husbands and so''s that don''t let on). They LIKE fun Christmas wrapping paper and bags. I usually get "man" wrapping paper for DH. You know the kind, no snowmen, trees, Santas, angels, etc. Just holly or something. The other day when I was going through my wrapping stuff, DH threw out the "man" paper and said "this is NOT Christmas". But, he kept all the frilly and "kid" looking papers!!

So, I wrapped his gifts today in the most Christmasy stuff I had. And included lots of ribbons and bows.

 

[Elmorton]

DH and I had a blast picking out our tree yesterday (and by that I mean thank god I''m still married!). I think the issue is that picking out the tree is a "man" thing - but DH had never cut down a tree, never been to a tree farm (I''ve done all of these things before). Also...I''m a lot more stuck on traditions from my childhood, so DH complained about the length of the needles (I like long, he likes short), and he''s not very good at hanging ornaments. I know, this sounds like something that you can''t be good nor bad at, but he stands there with an ornament forEVER, and then when he does place it, the entire ornament is covered by a branch. I try not to say anything, but I''m an idiot, so he''ll catch me moving his ornaments, haha. Oh, and before we even got in the door, he cursed up a storm because I wanted to cut off branches and an extra two inches right before we brought it in...and he was pretty ticked when I was the person that managed to lop the end off (our saw was super dull...turns out hedge clippers can do anything). I think the tree definitely symbolized "manliness" and I was getting in his way.

Other than that, my DH is AWESOME at Xmas time. We both really get into it.

My dad, however, is the most bah-humbug person ever. Everything is a PITA to him, and he tells us all how we get him awful gifts (but when pressed, can''t name anything he didn''t like). Once it''s Xmas eve, I know he loves it, but leading up to Xmas was a pain once I got older.

 

[bebe]

I do it all. Except pay for it. Honestly, I drag box after box out of the attic. Put up 2 trees, all the inside and outside. DH might help if I ask.
I do all the shopping for our family, my family and his family. And we have big Christmas''. We have both families over, I cook and clean it all up. (China, cyrstal and silver)
Then I take it all down, put it back in the attic and clean up.

 

[Class n Sass]

This is the first Christmas for DH and I. He didn''t have any complaints about getting a tree. We both agreed that we wanted a real tree because of the smell but nothing too large. The tree ended up being a tad bit larger than I thought it would be once we got it into our apartment and set it up but nevertheless it''s great. I did all the decorating myself simply because my husband works so much and is tired in the evenings. He gets one day off on the weekend and by the time we do laundry, grocery shop etc. there is usually not much time left.

Now as far as Christmas gifts are concerned we still haven''t really discussed our guidelines. I need to bring that convo up like tomorrow since Christmas is close. I don''t want him to think that I don''t want a gift. He brought up Christmas about two weeks ago but I hadn''t really put much thought into it at that point so I told him we would discuss it late. I know we will put a limit on how much we spend just because we have a baby coming soon and don''t want to go overboard. I went shopping on Sunday and picked up a pair of gloves for him, new slippers and I am hoping to find some cufflinks sometime this week. All three of those items are things that I know he really needs. I haven''t purchased the cufflinks yet but the gloves and slippers were about 35 dollars because Macys has good sales. I really just want him to think about me when he buys a gift and put some thought into it. Not the standard perfume or body treatment gifts.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 12/14/2008 6:24:14 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I am just annoyed b/c he won''t tell me what he wants for x-mas and he never likes anything I pick out on my own

Tell me about it! And if I do get it right, he always tries to buy stuff for himself about a week before Christmas, which more or less forces me to tell him that it''s exactly what I was giving him. Can''t win.

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 12/17/2008 3:31:22 AM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 12/14/2008 5:44:14 PM

Author: EricaR

This is why K is banished from the house while I do all the decorating.

My family ALWAYS leaves the house while I decorate. Its simply not big enough for me, the decorations and the fam. LOL I am a focused woman when it comes to my decorating!!! Hubby doesnt say a word, he knows better. lol

When I started the tree, it wasn''t looking the way I wanted it to look so I kept taking stuff off and putting it on and Nate was like, "Just put the stuff on there, it looks fine." I looked him dead in the face and said, "Leave right now."

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 12/17/2008 6:15:00 AM
Author: pennquaker09

Date: 12/17/2008 3:31:22 AM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 12/14/2008 5:44:14 PM

Author: EricaR

This is why K is banished from the house while I do all the decorating.

My family ALWAYS leaves the house while I decorate. Its simply not big enough for me, the decorations and the fam. LOL I am a focused woman when it comes to my decorating!!! Hubby doesnt say a word, he knows better. lol

When I started the tree, it wasn''t looking the way I wanted it to look so I kept taking stuff off and putting it on and Nate was like, ''Just put the stuff on there, it looks fine.'' I looked him dead in the face and said, ''Leave right now.''

LOL! Did he go??

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 12/17/2008 6:26:00 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 12/17/2008 6:15:00 AM

Author: pennquaker09

Date: 12/17/2008 3:31:22 AM

Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 12/14/2008 5:44:14 PM


Author: EricaR


This is why K is banished from the house while I do all the decorating.

My family ALWAYS leaves the house while I decorate. Its simply not big enough for me, the decorations and the fam. LOL I am a focused woman when it comes to my decorating!!! Hubby doesnt say a word, he knows better. lol

When I started the tree, it wasn''t looking the way I wanted it to look so I kept taking stuff off and putting it on and Nate was like, ''Just put the stuff on there, it looks fine.'' I looked him dead in the face and said, ''Leave right now.''

LOL! Did he go??

He took Savannah and Gray to his sister''s house.