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Meeting Biological Parents

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poptart

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I was wondering, is anyone on here adopted and have they ever met their biological parents? I turn 21 this year and am thinking seriously about trying to find my biological parents. I have talked with my mom about it and she said that it wouldn''t hurt her feelings for me to do this. I would like to find my dad as well, but am pretty sure he is back in the Middle East still, so most likely I would just meet my mother if she filed to meet me as well. I don''t know anyone who is adopted and my MIL has told me about one of her friends who met her biological mother, but was wondering if I could get some more perspectives on what it was like. Thanks in advance!

*M*
 

Minny

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Nov 22, 2004
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Hi Poptart! I myself was not adopted, so I cannot speak personally about the experience, but I am an adoption social worker so I have heard many adult adoptees speak about finding their birthparents. Although each situation is obviously unique and personal, I believe most adoptees find that the process is gratifying and enlightening. (I''m sure it is also extremely emotional, somewhat frightening, and overall pretty mind-blowing!
) Many adopted persons even state that having their questions answered actually brought them closer to their [adoptive] parents!

If you do decide to search for your birth parents, I would encourage you to connect with a counselor who has adoption experience so that you have a safe place to process your thoughts and emotions. Best wishes.
 

Mandarine

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Hi Poptart, although I was not adopted, I just wanted to wish you well in whichever direction you decide to take. I am sure it will be a very emotional situation, but one that can bring you a lot of happiness too...through forvigeness and closure (and maybe through the start of a new relationship if that is what is best for you!).

I just wanted to send good thoughts and prayers your way,

M~
 

poptart

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Minny, thanks for your advice and insight! I had honestly never considered a counselor, but that makes a lot of sense. I wonder sometimes if my mother is even on file because I went to an adoption agency purely and completely by luck/accident. I hope that they got all of her information down though.

Mandarine, thanks for your support, and I''m so glad you are feeling better!

*M*
 

Cehrabehra

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I am not adopted, but I helped a friend find her biological family a few years ago.... It turned out after she was born her mother and father had married and had 3 more children... she and her older brother (different father) had been given up. She was too nervous (about rejection) so I was the one who called this woman and told her her daughter was looking for her... it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life... and I wasn''t even being connected!! There''s no way to prepare someone out of the blue out of all those years... the energy is just amazing.

For better or worse I would go for it.
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 3/11/2007 8:05:42 PM
Author: poptart
Minny, thanks for your advice and insight! I had honestly never considered a counselor, but that makes a lot of sense. I wonder sometimes if my mother is even on file because I went to an adoption agency purely and completely by luck/accident. I hope that they got all of her information down though.

Mandarine, thanks for your support, and I''m so glad you are feeling better!

*M*
actually that''s a great idea - you have no idea what''s going to pop up... my friend did fine with her two new sisters and new brother, but the brother she was adopted out with (different father) didn''t fare so well... he found his mother but the rest of the family wasn''t his and he got more depressed about that... for 20 some years it was just the brother and sister and they always thought they had the same father as well... she felt welcomed and while he was also (sorta) he didn''t feel it and made him feel even more alone than ever.
 

poptart

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Date: 3/11/2007 8:14:30 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
Date: 3/11/2007 8:05:42 PM

Author: poptart

Minny, thanks for your advice and insight! I had honestly never considered a counselor, but that makes a lot of sense. I wonder sometimes if my mother is even on file because I went to an adoption agency purely and completely by luck/accident. I hope that they got all of her information down though.


Mandarine, thanks for your support, and I'm so glad you are feeling better!


*M*
actually that's a great idea - you have no idea what's going to pop up... my friend did fine with her two new sisters and new brother, but the brother she was adopted out with (different father) didn't fare so well... he found his mother but the rest of the family wasn't his and he got more depressed about that... for 20 some years it was just the brother and sister and they always thought they had the same father as well... she felt welcomed and while he was also (sorta) he didn't feel it and made him feel even more alone than ever.
I think if I do find her it should be quite interesting, and I assume she has children by now. She would only be about 36 though. It is kind of neat thinking that I have half siblings somewhere, and that maybe someone else actually resembles me! My family is Irish and German... and I'm mostly Jordanian, so yea, I don't look like anyone, haha!

ETA: I forgot to put my question in! How did your friend's relationship with the family end up in the long run? I know it was probably awkward at first, but were they able to resolve the past issues for the most part? Sorry if I'm being too nosy, I am just curious, so feel free to decline in answering if it's too much info.

*M*

*M*
 

diamondfan

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Poptart, I was also not adopted but growing up I had a couple friends who were. I am not sure if their adoptions were open or closed at the time, or what would have happened if they tried to find their biological parents. My adopted friends did say that they had wonderful lives, felt very loved by their parents, and knew that being a parent was more than biology...the parents who raised them, taught them, supported them, cared for them when they were ill, provided love, support and other things, those were the parents in my friend''s eyes. But still underlying things was a curiosity, a desire to see the biological parents if possible, to satisfy something in them. One friend really wanted to and her parents supported it, and my other friend was not sure, she wanted to, but was worried about what it might do to her parents, and how she would feel once she did meet them, what would be in the future for all of them. Anyway, it is a tough thing to decide, but whatever you do, I hope it works out for you. I recall hearing Faith Hill, who was adopted, talking about having met her birth mother, and how odd it was to see this woman who looked so much like her, had her mannerisms (or Faith had HERS is more like it) and they had not been together for all those years. She felt caring for her, but still considered her adopted mom and dad her true parents, they were the ones in the trenches so to speak, who did all the work, and while she was thrilled to see her biological mom and talk with her, it was not ultimately going to change the facts of her life and who she was. I always thought it was great to hear, and see someone in the limelight talking so candidly about her experiences.
 

neatfreak

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I second the idea of a counselor. I had a friend who went looking a few years ago-and was devastated to find out that her mother hadn''t registered that it was ok to contact her. My friend felt rejected and was really depressed for awhile. Finally she sought out a counselor and it really helped her.

As long as you have no expectations for the event, I say go for it! Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
 

Dandi

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My story is a little different from yours poptart but I''ll share with you anyways... when my mother was 20 (unmarried) she unintentionally fell pregnant, and back then was a bit of an outcast and therefore gave up her son (my ''half-brother'', ''P'', as much as I hate the term, he''s my brother and that''s that!). His biological father wanted nothing to do with mum or P, and in turn P wasn''t interested in knowing his biological dad. Mum always told us about P from an early age, and was always keen to meet him. The rest was in P''s hands once he turned 18. He''d had a rough trot initially... his first adoptive mother died of cancer when he was 12, and his adoptive father remarried. Mum met dad a few years later, they married and had my other 2 brothers and I.

When he turned 18 we received a letter telling us he''d like to meet us and a photo of him, from him... he only lived 1 hour away from us. It was the most wonderful day, I''ll never forget it. Mum was so happy she cried. We met half way between our two towns and had lunch etc. It was awkward at first, we weren''t sure whether or not to hug each other! We did though


After that we caught up every major chance we got, he was my sponsor for my Confirmation, he came to my 21st birthday, we went to his wedding, and we''ve been to Melbourne (where he lives) for dinner a few times. There''s always been a bit of unease between himself and mum, I suppose he''s harboured a few feelings of anger and confusion as to why she gave him up, etc. He was thrilled to learn he had two brothers and a sister though! (He has two adopted brothers too). Communication between he and myself and my brothers has always been great, he gets along well with my dad, and he and mum have had a few long over-the-phone heart to hearts. He''s met her extended family and we all get along well and I think he''s glad to have met us.

Now that he is married and has a new baby girl of his own communication has been at a minimun these past few years, limited only to a card at Christmas time. He will be at my wedding in November, however, and he frequently sends pictures of his daughter, who is now a year old (we are yet to meet her).

Whoa, sorry that was so long! I''ve got alot to say
 

intagems

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it was very touching to read your post. i wish you good luck and happiness!!!
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 3/11/2007 8:29:29 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 3/11/2007 8:14:30 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 3/11/2007 8:05:42 PM

Author: poptart

Minny, thanks for your advice and insight! I had honestly never considered a counselor, but that makes a lot of sense. I wonder sometimes if my mother is even on file because I went to an adoption agency purely and completely by luck/accident. I hope that they got all of her information down though.


Mandarine, thanks for your support, and I''m so glad you are feeling better!


*M*
actually that''s a great idea - you have no idea what''s going to pop up... my friend did fine with her two new sisters and new brother, but the brother she was adopted out with (different father) didn''t fare so well... he found his mother but the rest of the family wasn''t his and he got more depressed about that... for 20 some years it was just the brother and sister and they always thought they had the same father as well... she felt welcomed and while he was also (sorta) he didn''t feel it and made him feel even more alone than ever.
I think if I do find her it should be quite interesting, and I assume she has children by now. She would only be about 36 though. It is kind of neat thinking that I have half siblings somewhere, and that maybe someone else actually resembles me! My family is Irish and German... and I''m mostly Jordanian, so yea, I don''t look like anyone, haha!

ETA: I forgot to put my question in! How did your friend''s relationship with the family end up in the long run? I know it was probably awkward at first, but were they able to resolve the past issues for the most part? Sorry if I''m being too nosy, I am just curious, so feel free to decline in answering if it''s too much info.

*M*

*M*
She was living in NM and they in AZ and they ended up becoming pretty close... the brother that was of a different father was back in boston with the adoptive mom (abusive adoptive dad had died)... my friend became VERY close to one of her sisters... and somewhat close to the other... and kinda in the middle with her brother... the two girls became good friends but otherwise kinda close like you would be with cousins, except you know they''re siblings... kinda weird... anyway she has since moved back to boston but they definitely are in touch. I don''t think she fits in quite the same as the ones raised by them - there are other factors I haven''t mentioned that kinda complicate things... but there is definitely a lifelong relationship.

BTW her birth mother emailed me cards for like christmas, valetnine''s and mother''s day for a couple years - thanking me every time for bringing her and her daughter back together :*)
 

lumpkin

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I met my biological dad a few years ago. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. It did answer some questions, but it raised some new questions as well, and although nothing BAD happened, I''m not sure much was gained by meeting him. He''s a very self absorbed person and no real relationship came about, which was a little disappointing since my adopted father is deceased. I think as long as you keep your expecations to a minimum you will be okay, but don''t go in expecting to be welcomed with open arms and become part of a big happy family. Giving up a child is difficult for some people, so the parents may have some deep wounds, too, and they may not be so terribly anxious to relive all that. Or, on the part of the father, maybe it didn''t mean much at all, just sport that ended up with an unexpected pregnancy. On the other hand, they may have really hoped that some day they would get to meet you. You just really don''t know what to expect, so expect very little. I wish I could be more encouraging than that.
 

poptart

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Date: 3/12/2007 4:58:40 PM
Author: lumpkin
I met my biological dad a few years ago. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. It did answer some questions, but it raised some new questions as well, and although nothing BAD happened, I''m not sure much was gained by meeting him. He''s a very self absorbed person and no real relationship came about, which was a little disappointing since my adopted father is deceased. I think as long as you keep your expecations to a minimum you will be okay, but don''t go in expecting to be welcomed with open arms and become part of a big happy family. Giving up a child is difficult for some people, so the parents may have some deep wounds, too, and they may not be so terribly anxious to relive all that. Or, on the part of the father, maybe it didn''t mean much at all, just sport that ended up with an unexpected pregnancy. On the other hand, they may have really hoped that some day they would get to meet you. You just really don''t know what to expect, so expect very little. I wish I could be more encouraging than that.
I am not expecting anything if I actually do end up meeting either of my parents. I come from a loving family and am not doing this to fill up some hole that they left or anything like that. I just have questions that I would like answered, and if either one of my bio parents can do that, it would be great, and if not then I can at least say I tried and not have another big question mark looming over my head. I''m sorry your meeting did not end up the way you had thought. Do you regret doing it, or was it one of those things where, it''s done now, and I can live with it type of feelings? I guess the worst part of it all is the uncertainty.

*M*
 

poptart

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Date: 3/12/2007 1:45:40 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
Date: 3/11/2007 4:28:58 PM

Author:poptart

I was wondering, is anyone on here adopted and have they ever met their biological parents? I turn 21 this year and am thinking seriously about trying to find my biological parents. I have talked with my mom about it and she said that it wouldn''t hurt her feelings for me to do this. I would like to find my dad as well, but am pretty sure he is back in the Middle East still, so most likely I would just meet my mother if she filed to meet me as well. I don''t know anyone who is adopted and my MIL has told me about one of her friends who met her biological mother, but was wondering if I could get some more perspectives on what it was like. Thanks in advance!


*M*
How wonderful your Mom is supportive of you! My husband''s ex ''J'' was adopted and when she discussed with her Mom about finding her bio Mom it went very badly, moreover, it was a bad meeting with the bio Mom and though she has met her daughter, still doesn''t have anything to do with her. ''J''s'' adoptive Mom passed away about two years ago, and had a bitter relationship with her, so sadly now she has no parents as both her adoptive parents have passed on. In this particular case, it was a bad experience, however, I don''t think that''s always the case.


I say good for you if you have the support of your family.
It''s too bad that the meeting for your friend did not turn out well. If I do meet either of my bio parents and they decide not to have a relationship with me, I would actually be fine with it. I mean, they already gave me up once, so it''s not like I would actually be EXPECTING something to come out of it. I would also be fine if they wanted to communicate some more and maybe talk through some things.

*M*
 

poptart

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Date: 3/12/2007 2:19:46 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
Date: 3/11/2007 8:29:29 PM

Author: poptart


Date: 3/11/2007 8:14:30 PM

Author: Cehrabehra


Date: 3/11/2007 8:05:42 PM


Author: poptart


Minny, thanks for your advice and insight! I had honestly never considered a counselor, but that makes a lot of sense. I wonder sometimes if my mother is even on file because I went to an adoption agency purely and completely by luck/accident. I hope that they got all of her information down though.



Mandarine, thanks for your support, and I''m so glad you are feeling better!



*M*
actually that''s a great idea - you have no idea what''s going to pop up... my friend did fine with her two new sisters and new brother, but the brother she was adopted out with (different father) didn''t fare so well... he found his mother but the rest of the family wasn''t his and he got more depressed about that... for 20 some years it was just the brother and sister and they always thought they had the same father as well... she felt welcomed and while he was also (sorta) he didn''t feel it and made him feel even more alone than ever.
I think if I do find her it should be quite interesting, and I assume she has children by now. She would only be about 36 though. It is kind of neat thinking that I have half siblings somewhere, and that maybe someone else actually resembles me! My family is Irish and German... and I''m mostly Jordanian, so yea, I don''t look like anyone, haha!


ETA: I forgot to put my question in! How did your friend''s relationship with the family end up in the long run? I know it was probably awkward at first, but were they able to resolve the past issues for the most part? Sorry if I''m being too nosy, I am just curious, so feel free to decline in answering if it''s too much info.


*M*


*M*
She was living in NM and they in AZ and they ended up becoming pretty close... the brother that was of a different father was back in boston with the adoptive mom (abusive adoptive dad had died)... my friend became VERY close to one of her sisters... and somewhat close to the other... and kinda in the middle with her brother... the two girls became good friends but otherwise kinda close like you would be with cousins, except you know they''re siblings... kinda weird... anyway she has since moved back to boston but they definitely are in touch. I don''t think she fits in quite the same as the ones raised by them - there are other factors I haven''t mentioned that kinda complicate things... but there is definitely a lifelong relationship.


BTW her birth mother emailed me cards for like christmas, valetnine''s and mother''s day for a couple years - thanking me every time for bringing her and her daughter back together :*)
Thank you for clarifying a little more. I guess that a slightly awkward relationship would be a little expected after all those years, but it''s good that she has opened the lines of communication.

*M*
 

poptart

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*bump* any other takers?


*M*
 

lumpkin

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Date: 3/12/2007 6:55:08 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 3/12/2007 4:58:40 PM
Author: lumpkin
I met my biological dad a few years ago. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. It did answer some questions, but it raised some new questions as well, and although nothing BAD happened, I''m not sure much was gained by meeting him. He''s a very self absorbed person and no real relationship came about, which was a little disappointing since my adopted father is deceased. I think as long as you keep your expecations to a minimum you will be okay, but don''t go in expecting to be welcomed with open arms and become part of a big happy family. Giving up a child is difficult for some people, so the parents may have some deep wounds, too, and they may not be so terribly anxious to relive all that. Or, on the part of the father, maybe it didn''t mean much at all, just sport that ended up with an unexpected pregnancy. On the other hand, they may have really hoped that some day they would get to meet you. You just really don''t know what to expect, so expect very little. I wish I could be more encouraging than that.
I am not expecting anything if I actually do end up meeting either of my parents. I come from a loving family and am not doing this to fill up some hole that they left or anything like that. I just have questions that I would like answered, and if either one of my bio parents can do that, it would be great, and if not then I can at least say I tried and not have another big question mark looming over my head. I''m sorry your meeting did not end up the way you had thought. Do you regret doing it, or was it one of those things where, it''s done now, and I can live with it type of feelings? I guess the worst part of it all is the uncertainty.

*M*
Oh, I''m glad I did it. If for no other reason, than that if he had died and I had not met him, I would always have regretted it. I also found out that he has colon cancer running through his family, so I did get medical information that was valuable.

The only part that I wish I had done differently is I would not have introduced him to my boys. Actually my youngest was just a baby and he has no memory of it, but it was confusing to my other boy. It seemed like he wanted to meet them and get to know me, but once we met a few times, I found him to be really all about himself, and he''s an alcoholic, and I just don''t need any of that in my life, particularly from someone who doesn''t really give back emotionally, KWIM?

I really had no expectations, either. Thankfully. I like his wife, though, and we keep in touch at Christmas.
 

poptart

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Lumpkin: I especially understand the medical history part. I hate not knowing what could possibly run in my family. Since I want to have children some day, I would at least like to know if there is anything such as a high cancer risk. I get to file in less than a month, so we''ll see how that goes. May is going to be a very amazing month with lots of stuff happening!

*M*
 

diamondsrock

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Messages
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this is a topic that comes up occassionally in our home. My dh is adopted and, at one point, was interested in finding his bio mom. He found out the history of his adoption from social services. She was very young, a Polish immigrant, and tried to keep him in the family. Sounds like she wanted to have her sister raise him in Poland but he was born early here in U.S. before she had a chance to make it back to Poland to deliver. It was a good scenario and sounds like she really cared.
Now, he''s torn and doesn''t seem as interested. I think it''s fear of rejection. He told me I could find her on my own if I wanted to and then let him know how it turns out.
Seriously though, I''ve told him I would be willing to help but part of me does want to locate her on my own on his behalf because I''m not sure he''d ever do it himself. Sometimes I think I"m more curious than he is. I would especiallly like to know some medical background on him. I always wonder if he has brothers or sisters, etc... Howver, it is his decision as to what to do. I think if she wasn''t interested in meeting him it would crush him emotionally.
 

musey

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FI's father, C, was adopted in 1954. He found his biological mother and father about 7 years ago (before I met FI). Since then he and his birth mother (and biological half bothers and sisters, 7 of them) have cultivated a fantastic relationship, but he still maintains only minimal contact with his biological father. C's mother has had a VERY difficult time with it, but has a lot of emotional and psychological stress to start with (she was a German war bride). C's birth mother has tried to have a relationship with the mother that raised him, but she will have none of it!

I finally got to meet his biological mother, half sister, two half brothers, and four of their children last December (on a trip to Hawaii, where they all live), and honestly, some of the presonality similarities they have are simply *uncanny*!

I've heard FI's father speak so well about adoption and his biological family on many occasions, and he's incredibly glad that he has had the chance to build a relationship with them. He found a sort of second family with them and seems to be very fulfilled by their presence in his life. His father died only 2 years after he found his biological mother, so I think it went a long way toward filling that void.

Since this is all filtered through me, I'd say to definitely take it with a grain of salt... but he does seem to be very happy with his choice to seek them out.
Good luck, and keep us all updated through your process!
 

poptart

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Date: 4/23/2007 5:44:56 PM
Author: diamondsrock
this is a topic that comes up occassionally in our home. My dh is adopted and, at one point, was interested in finding his bio mom. He found out the history of his adoption from social services. She was very young, a Polish immigrant, and tried to keep him in the family. Sounds like she wanted to have her sister raise him in Poland but he was born early here in U.S. before she had a chance to make it back to Poland to deliver. It was a good scenario and sounds like she really cared.

Now, he''s torn and doesn''t seem as interested. I think it''s fear of rejection. He told me I could find her on my own if I wanted to and then let him know how it turns out.
Seriously though, I''ve told him I would be willing to help but part of me does want to locate her on my own on his behalf because I''m not sure he''d ever do it himself. Sometimes I think I''m more curious than he is. I would especiallly like to know some medical background on him. I always wonder if he has brothers or sisters, etc... Howver, it is his decision as to what to do. I think if she wasn''t interested in meeting him it would crush him emotionally.
I can understand the fear of rejection, but I guess if either of my parents wanted nothing to do with me that would have to be ok I guess, haha. Do you think you will go ahead and try to find his mom for him? If he already gave you the go ahead then a part of him must really want to find her. It''s very odd wondering if you could have another family out there somewhere. Perhaps she has already gone back to Poland, though. My father is Jordanian so I have pretty much no hopes of ever finding him, but that''s ok. One is better than nothing.

*M*
 

poptart

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Date: 4/23/2007 6:02:10 PM
Author: musey
FI''s father, C, was adopted in 1954. He found his biological mother and father about 7 years ago (before I met FI). Since then he and his birth mother (and biological half bothers and sisters, 7 of them) have cultivated a fantastic relationship, but he still maintains only minimal contact with his biological father. C''s mother has had a VERY difficult time with it, but has a lot of emotional and psychological stress to start with (she was a German war bride). C''s birth mother has tried to have a relationship with the mother that raised him, but she will have none of it!


I finally got to meet his biological mother, half sister, two half brothers, and four of their children last December (on a trip to Hawaii, where they all live), and honestly, some of the presonality similarities they have are simply *uncanny*!


I''ve heard FI''s father speak so well about adoption and his biological family on many occasions, and he''s incredibly glad that he has had the chance to build a relationship with them. He found a sort of second family with them and seems to be very fulfilled by their presence in his life. His father died only 2 years after he found his biological mother, so I think it went a long way toward filling that void.


Since this is all filtered through me, I''d say to definitely take it with a grain of salt... but he does seem to be very happy with his choice to seek them out.

Good luck, and keep us all updated through your process!
Yes, you have to take it with a HUGE grain of salt, since you can never know how people will react. It sounds like your FI''s father had a happy ending though, which is always nice. I guess in a way I am very bent on finding my bio parents, but at the same time I am a little indifferent, just because it''s too risky to assume that you''re instantly going to have a great relationship with someone you haven''t met in your entire life. I just think it''s fair that I should be able to know a little bit about my history.

*M*
 

hopefulheidi

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Jan 10, 2005
Messages
335
I''m coming at this from a little bit different perspective but here''s my two cents regarding a reunion:

When I was 4, my older sister found herself unexpectedly pregnant by her fiance. She was 18 at the time and fresh from high school. A few months in to the pregnancy she found her intended "parking" with another girl. Needless to say his unfaithfulness paired with his unrelability and a number of other shortcomings, severed their relationship permanently. At the time she wasn''t earning very much money and didn''t feel she could offer her baby the type of life she would want for him. Although my parents volunteered to help out, my sister made the incredibly tough decision to give him up for adoption.

Back in the 80s, in our small town, our family doctor somehow became a big part of the adoption process. My father and two sisters both have, and potentially carry, a genetic disorder. There were a number of potential adopters that were frightened off by the idea of possible birth defects. Our doctor, however, knew of a couple looking to adopt that were willing to overlook the complication. I''m obviously not familiar with all of the details as I was very young at the time but these people were to become my nephew''s parents.

Although from my understanding, it was intended to be a closed adoption, my family (grandpa, aunt and uncle in particular) are familiar with my nephew''s adoptive grandparents. While my sister never had direct contact with my nephew or his parents, his grandparents did share stories and sometimes even photos with my aunt who passed them on to us. In this way my sister was reassured over the years that her son was happy and loved. My nephew''s adoptive grandfather even brought him to visit *my* grandfather (my nephew''s great grandfather) without telling him of the relationship. He wanted to make sure that even if my grandfather passed away, that my nephew would at least be able to say that he met his biological great grandfather, even if he didn''t know it at the time.

A couple of years ago I came across a site where adoptive children and their biological parents could register in order to find one another. At the time my nephew was not yet 18 but I helped my sister to register in case he came looking for her in the future. There was no expectation of meeting him on our part but that didn''t stop me from hoping.

His 18th birthday was this past September and so far we''ve not heard from him. From what we''ve been told, he''s perfectly content with the family and life that he has and he feels no need to connect with his bioligical relatives. In a way this is exactly what every birth parent should hope for but at the same time we''d still love the opportunity to meet him and for him to meet his half brother.

After my great aunt passed away last year, my nephew''s grandparents attended the memorial service and following gathering due to their friendship with that side of my family. Before leaving, they came to chat with my mom, sister, aunt and I and they showed us my nephew''s senior photo (they brought a large one specifically to share with us on that occassion, although it wasn''t for us to keep). I hadn''t seen a picture of him for years and it was quite surreal to see my sister''s features in his nearly grown face.

Around the same time I had been spending a number of hours on myspace searching for long lost friends. At some point we got the brilliant idea to try locating my nephew''s profile and low and behold, I found him. I never contacted him (and would never dream of doing so) but I have been able to view photos and learn a bit more about him. Just like me, he loves computers which is so cool. Based on the photos of his current automotive restoration, he also has a lot of my dad in him as well. It''s so wild to think I have a nephew out there whom I''ve never met.



OK, so that was an unnecessarily long story.

I meant to use my story as an example of the sort of biological family that may be out there waiting for you. While I would never violate my nephew''s privacy by contacting him first, I would SO love the chance to get to know him. I''m thrilled that he''s had such a wonderful life with his parents and brother and as his biological family we''d never want to replace that. If nothing else, we''d love to offer him the option to have even more people to love and care about him.

I know there''s no guarantee for a wonderful reunion, but it''s always a possibility ;-)

Regardless of what you decide...I really wish you peace in your decision.

~Heidi
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
That''s a very touching story Hopefulheidi! Maybe one day your nephew will feel the urge to contact you, but as long as he is happy with the family he is in now, that is the most important thing. He is lucky to have two families who care about him so much. I don''t expect my mother to be very receptive of me since she was barely 16 when she had me. I am not sure I would want that past coming back to find me either if the situation were flipped. But I figure if I''m given the opportunity to find her, I would regret not even trying more than I would trying and not getting in contact with her.

*M*
 

innerkitten

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 1, 2003
Messages
5,623
This all reminds me of a very bizzare story about a good friend of my mothers. I''ll call him Jim. When Jim''s father was on his death bed ( his mother had already passed away a few years before) he told him that they weren''t his real parents. Imagine the surprise. He was born in the 1940s to a single mother. She was really struggling and had to work long hours to make ends meet. I guess there was also a real stigma attached to being a single mother in those days. Since his biological mother had to work she hired a woman to take care of her son everyday.
Here comes the weird part. One day the nanny and her husband basically stole him and decided they would raise him as their own! The biological mother knew what happened and never reported it to the police or anything. I guess she also thought it was the best thing because things had been very rough for her. I know it''s weird but it''s true. And so Jim was raised with who he believed were his real parents, had a normal happy childhood and didn''t find out till his father was dying that they were not his real parents and who his mother was.
He has met his biological mother and they have some sort of relationship these days. Not sure how close they are but I know they talk.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 4/25/2007 1:09:20 AM
Author: innerkitten
This all reminds me of a very bizzare story about a good friend of my mothers. I''ll call him Jim. When Jim''s father was on his death bed ( his mother had already passed away a few years before) he told him that they weren''t his real parents. Imagine the surprise. He was born in the 1940s to a single mother. She was really struggling and had to work long hours to make ends meet. I guess there was also a real stigma attached to being a single mother in those days. Since his biological mother had to work she hired a woman to take care of her son everyday.

Here comes the weird part. One day the nanny and her husband basically stole him and decided they would raise him as their own! The biological mother knew what happened and never reported it to the police or anything. I guess she also thought it was the best thing because things had been very rough for her. I know it''s weird but it''s true. And so Jim was raised with who he believed were his real parents, had a normal happy childhood and didn''t find out till his father was dying that they were not his real parents and who his mother was.

He has met his biological mother and they have some sort of relationship these days. Not sure how close they are but I know they talk.
That is a very bizarre story indeed!! Kidnapped by your adopted parents even though you didn''t know you were adopted! It''s sad but at least he got to meet his biological mom. I would have a LOT of questions about that for sure. And I can''t even imagine being told many many years later that I was adopted. It would be a mind boggling experience. I''m glad he found his bio mom though, after such a long time. Thanks for sharing that story. It was very interesting!

*M*
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Your birthday''s coming up in May, right? Are you decided if you''ll start researching this summer?
 
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