Mealtime battle - fussy kids, please help!

[Winks_Elf]

Here''s the situation at my home. Four kids, ages 11 (boy, trys everything, great eater), 8 (girl, and the worst eater of the group...only eats pasta, waffles, bread, PB, chicken nuggets, steak, burgers when in the mood, yogurt, grilled cheese, cereal, oatmeal, apples and bananas), 4 (boy, same as above but also eats corn, rarely touches pasta, and won''t eat anything with a red sauce...pizza included!), and 2 (girl, will eat all above but veggies and red sauces too). Now, to give you a great example of what dinnertime is like here, last night I made marinaded london broil, steamed broccoli, and beef flavored Rice-a-roni. Awstin (the oldest) cleaned his plate, had seconds. Kimberly ( would only eat the meat. Refused to try the rice, would not eat so much as a bite of broccoli. Billy (4) refused to touch the food, as did Ruby. Those two wound up having peanut butter sandwiches on wheat bread before they went to bed.

I''m sick and tired of mealtime becoming a battle. It is cheaper for me to buy the foods that they will eat, but my older daughter''s nutrition is becoming dangerous. She''s the tallest at about 4''8" tall, and weighs 74 pounds (keep in mind she''s only 8...she''s been off the charts for years). She has horrible constipation all the time because of the lack of vegetables. She does eat apples, but that''s not a balanced enough diet. A typical day for her would be oatmeal in the morning, lunch she has school food (ick!), and at dinner she eats either nothing but chicken nuggets or nothing but whatever beef I''ve cooked. She won''t touch beef stew, any soups...this is the worst eater I''ve ever encountered!!!! A bigger problem is the two younger children see her refusal to eat, and they follow suit.

Who else has had really bad eaters in their brood? I swear Kim would rather sit there for 5 hours after dinner is done than to eat something she has determined in her little head is "icky."

 

[oobiecoo]

Honestly, I just don''t understand this... you are the parent... MAKE them eat! I remember turning my nose up at spinach and some other things when I was little but my mom made me eat them and now I love it all! My best friend is picky and its because her mom didn''t make her eat veggies. She has gotten better since I''ve known her but the doesn''t eat any vegetables other than corn and potatos. She claims that she eats enough fruit to make up for it... but that has so much sugar! She''s passed out so many times (and injured herself) because of her nutrition that she had all these tests done and they decided she needed more iron. She took her iron supplements until she ran out and then declared she was better and didn''t need to take them... even though her diet hadn''t changed a bit

.


If you want your daughter to be healthy and live to be an old age, then you need to bring the hammer down. Otherwise, you are simply cheating her out of life.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Tough situation! My friend was in a similar situation with her three children, who all have very strong likes and dislikes. She tackled it over a summer vacation, when there was no school food or other food sources, then she bought only what she wants them to eat. Nothing else, so there''s no nicer alternative in the house. No crisps, cookies, processed foods etc. Then, she gives them a meal that she knows all of them can eat and that''s it. Eat it or don''t. If they don''t there''s nothing else on offer and if they do, there''s a lot of praise. No fuss is made, no cajoling kids to eat, no negative comment or instruction. She requires good table manners, but unwanted food is simply removed without comment at the end of the meal. Last few times I''ve seen them eat a meal, there is a nice calm atmosphere and everyone is now eating plenty of good quality food. I have to say I''m impressed, in the past, mealtimes were a crazy fight there, with some really challenging behaviour.

Good luck, and try not to be too hard on yourself. Four kids! I''m struggling with one! You''re doing a great job!

Oobiecoo, I''m curious. How do you make another person eat something they don''t want to?

Jen

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 12/23/2008 1:18:37 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Tough situation! My friend was in a similar situation with her three children, who all have very strong likes and dislikes. She tackled it over a summer vacation, when there was no school food or other food sources, then she bought only what she wants them to eat. Nothing else, so there''s no nicer alternative in the house. No crisps, cookies, processed foods etc. Then, she gives them a meal that she knows all of them can eat and that''s it. Eat it or don''t. If they don''t there''s nothing else on offer and if they do, there''s a lot of praise. No fuss is made, no cajoling kids to eat, no negative comment or instruction. She requires good table manners, but unwanted food is simply removed without comment at the end of the meal. Last few times I''ve seen them eat a meal, there is a nice calm atmosphere and everyone is now eating plenty of good quality food. I have to say I''m impressed, in the past, mealtimes were a crazy fight there, with some really challenging behaviour.

Good luck, and try not to be too hard on yourself. Four kids! I''m struggling with one! You''re doing a great job!

Oobiecoo, I''m curious. How do you make another person eat something they don''t want to?

Jen

Well, thats exactly what your friend is doing with her children. If they don''t eat what she makes then they stay hungry because there are absolutely no alternatives. Doing this over the Christmas break sounds like a good idea.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I see! I had some grim mental images of children being force fed nice steamed veggies. Glad I got that wrong!

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 12/23/2008 1:44:02 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
I see! I had some grim mental images of children being force fed nice steamed veggies. Glad I got that wrong!

Yes, you just puree the steamed brocolli and put in a syringe lol. You could also sneak the veggies into things... they have whole cookbooks for this. That would be a way for your kids to have better nutrition while you work with them on the veggie issue.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Hmmm...well, in my 11 years as a mother I've learned two very important facts of life:

1. You can't make a child who isn't tired sleep, and
2. You can't force a child to eat something they don't want to eat.

My daughter will go hungry instead of eating something she does not want to eat. I don't buy junk foods, and in all fairness, the chicken nuggets I buy are the Tyson's with no artificial anything in them. BUT, just because they aren't loaded with junk doesn't mean that she's getting the rest of the nutrients she needs. The big problem she has is constipation. It's been an issue since she was about 3, and continues to this day. That's why I think need to get more veggies into her. I have no idea how she's managed to get as tall as she has considering her diet. She's not fat, please don't think that. She's simply really tall. She wears a size 12 jeans, 14 dress, and a woman's size 7 shoe...at age 8. By the time she's 12, she'll probably be towering over me.

BTW, how many of you go through a gallon of milk in one day? I have to buy 3 or 4 gallons at a time because we do go through so much of it. They all love their milk!

 

[Pandora II]

My brother refused to eat anything other than chocolate spread on bread until he was about 7 or 8. He just fell asleep or threw temper tantrums if you tried anything else.

He was the third of four and my mother was fed up with battles over meals at that point.... so, he just ate bread and chocolate.

He''s 6ft 5" and rugby player like, so I don''t think it exactly stunted his growth.

 

[vespergirl]

I can see it from both sides - I was a pciky eater as a kid, and now my 2 year old son is getting better, but was a picky eater before.

The way that my parents solved it with me was by insisting that I would eat my vegetables, or I could not leave the table. Not loads of them, but a few bites. There were a few grim nights when I sat there for hours, but after about a week of that, I would just eat a few bites of vegetables to be done with it. One of my parents would just sit with me with a book until I ate it, so the parents have to connit as well. If I didn''t eat my vegetables by bedtime, then I didn''t get to watch TV or read or play before bed. Eventually, it was just easier to eat the 3 bites of vegetables.

My son is 2 now, and is finally eating well. He wasn''t so much of a picky eater (he would try anything) as he just didn''t have a big appetite - a few bites and he was done. After agonizing over it, and speaking to the pediatrician, he finally advised that I should just let him eat as much as he wants for a few days, without turning into a power struggle, and eventually his appetite would win out and he would eat. After a few false starts and caves on my part, I finally just started to basically ignore him at mealtime, and now he eats until he is full. There are some days he cleans his plate, others that he just has a few bites - but I''ve found that the less of a big deal I make out of it, the more he just eats on his own.

Regarding the vegetable issue, I just make one meal for the whole family, but always make sure that there is something on the plate that I know he will love, even if it''s just a slice of bread on the side. My son was very hesitant to eat greens at first, but since he sees my husband and I enjoying them, he eventually started eating them as well. After a few weeks of seeing peas, broccoli, or spinach on his plate every night, he fianally just started wanting to eat like daddy eats. We also explain to him how vegetables make him jump high and run fast, which is great motivation for a 2 year old However, all bets are off if you & your husband aren''t eating the veggies. If you guys are modeling eating healthy, great, but if not, it''s not fair to be forcing the kids to eat something that mommy & daddy won''t eat.

I think that you have to enforce the fact that your kitchen is not a restaurant and you are not a chef - you are making one meal, and that''s what everyone''s eating. If they don''t eat dinner, I''m sure they''ll be hungry the next morning and eat what you serve at breakfast.

I guess I''m more from the old school, and believe that the parents are in charge and call the shots. Not everything needs to be a battle, but health and nutrition are important. It sounds like your older daughter is old enough to learn the rules. Say, she doesn''t have to eat her veggies, but maybe that means that you guys don''t let her watch TV or take away her favorite toy for a few days. Everyone is allowed to not like the occasional thing, but if you guys don''t get her eating veggies now, she never will.

I am actually grateful that my parents made me eat my veggies, and were exposed to all different kids, because I outgrew my childhood pickiness, and am now a hobbyist gourmet cook. If I hadn''t gotten used to those flavors when I was young, I wouldn''t be as open-minded about different foods today.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 12/23/2008 2:57:24 PM
Author: Pandora II
My brother refused to eat anything other than chocolate spread on bread until he was about 7 or 8. He just fell asleep or threw temper tantrums if you tried anything else.

He was the third of four and my mother was fed up with battles over meals at that point.... so, he just ate bread and chocolate.

He''s 6ft 5'' and rugby player like, so I don''t think it exactly stunted his growth.

LOL! My younger brother ate an inordinate amont of Honey Nut Cheerios and chocolate milk (for breakfast & after-school snack every day) and is now 6''5", slim and muscular. There must be something in the chocolate!

 

[Miranda]

This is never an easy situation! My kids are all pretty good eaters. I''m grateful for that. My sister''s kids are super picky, though, so I know all about the challenges you face. I can think of a few tips. Make sure EVERY bite counts. Get rid of any and all sweets...Including sweetened yogurts which are loaded with sugar. I would not let her eat school lunches, either. There is little to no nutritional value in these. They are mass produced and contain loads of fillers. If she likes apples, will she eat applesauce? That''s easy to bring to school.

I''ve found with my own kids that they eat what I they''re allowed. Mine will eat anything if they are hungry enough. I notice my little one eating less and less for dinner over a few days and then asking for a bowl of cereal before bed. I just remind her at dinner the next night that she will not be allowed to eat a bowl of cereal that night. She manages to eat her dinner.

You could also try cooking fun kid friendly things until they are used to eating everything that is served. Maybe have them choose a cookbook at the Library and choose dinner every night.

I don''t have much more for you than that! Do make sure they get a multivitamin! And maybe a fiber supplement.

 

[pinkstars]

I''m similar to vespergirl, when I was little I was a very picky eater. A good example of making me eat something and then being able to leave is when we would have peas. I hated peas, absolutely hated them. But it was one of those stupid vegetables my mom loved to make, so I was have to take a few bites of peas(I gagged sometimes, I really dislike the texture and taste) and then I could leave.
I don''t think it''s a bad thing that I had to eat some of the gross stuff that I still don''t eat today, but it makes sense to me to give kids no other option.

 

[musey]

Anyway, how about something like the Deceptively Delicious approach? Puree veggies and add them to foods. Things like pureed squash or zucchini added to mac & cheese.

There's a Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld's wife) version of this, which has obviously gotten more publicity, and another called The Sneaky Chef by Missy Lapine:

Deceptively Delicious
The Sneaky Chef

Though I don't think you need a cookbook, just get creative with purees and see where you can stick what kind of veggies!


I was a very picky eater as a kid, but at least the things I "picked" were good. I just didn't like some flavors or complex dishes--I liked really plain foods like grilled chicken, steamed broccoli, plain pasta, etc. I was surprised when I started watching our friends' now-3-year-old. They leave mac & cheese for her to eat every time I'm there, and if she gets any fiber at all it's a bit of strawberries on the side of her plate (not that that's bad, it just doesn't seem sufficient to me).

 

[Jaders731]

Winks...

I have a couple tricks for you to try.. see if they work...

1. No Thank You bites..
My mom would always make me have at least 1 bite of everything she made for dinner... How could you possibly ever think something is "icky" if you have never tried it. Her philosophy was.. try it.. and if you dont like it.. you can say "no thank you" in the future... this works in two ways. 1. They may find they like it.. and problem solved. 2. You can make a mental list of things they absolutely hate.. and keep that in mind for future meals.

2. As a chef, I urge all parents to cook with their children. Kids who have a vested interest (i.e. making/helping to make the meal) in the meal itself are more likely to eat the meal, rather than sit and refuse. One way I recommend is to create color nights. Ask all four of your children to come up with a food/dish that is a certain color: for example: orange - you could make tandoori chicken, macaroni and cheese, glazed carrots... and orange jello for dessert. Green - broccoli chicken (I can give you the recipe for this if you want.. super yummy and totally hides the broccoli), green pea mashed potatoes with lime sherbet for dessert. The focus here is NOT to make a meal where all the dishes go together or match, but allow your children to create a meal that they would eat. If each one of your four children come up with a dish, you are sure to have 4 children with full bellies.. as they will all at least eat the dish they chose, even if they are only filling up on the ONE they chose... make sense?

I hope this helps... just a couple ideas.. I will try and think of some others... I''m also of the opinion that your kitchen is not a restaurant... so make your lovely meal.. and make the kids eat it...and if they dont: try and come up with a "punishment" for refusal of food.. like, "you dont eat your veggies tonight, you have to come up with a veggie for tomorrow''s meal, one that you will eat"

Hope that helps!!

 

[akmiss]

If your force feed a child, it will backfire on you in the long run. I suggest always putting a variety of the food on the plate and let the kids know that they have to "try" a little of everything. If the veggies are there everyday (and the parents are eating the food too

) most kids will eventually eat the green stuff. Make sure there are very few sugary, processed alternatives around the house. Also don''t let the kids fill up on liquids like soda, juice, or even chocolate milk. Good Luck and remember that kids don''t really need to eat that much.

 

[mia1181]

I am just going echo some of the great advice others have given and add a little more:

1. Don''t reward them for not eating- By giving them PB sandwiches before bed you are essentially saying "it''s okay if you don''t eat the meal I''ve prepared for you when you get hungry you''ll get something even better." Like someone suggested above cook only 1 meal but try to include things that everyone will like.

2. No matter what you think NO child will starve themselve before eating something they don''t like I know it seems horrible to do, but if they refuse to eat then dinner is over and they will be hungrier for the next meal. One trick I like to do is when they tell you that they are done eating, put their leftovers in the refrigerator and when they come back later saying they are hungry say "Oh it''s a good thing I saved your dinner." Obviously don''t be extreme with this because as you know there are just going to be some foods a person will never like. But only eating PB&J is not acceptable.

3. Make them have a few bites of something before they can leave the table. It takes a lot of tries before someone can decide whether they really like/dislike a food and often times kids will write something of instantly because it is new or different.

4. Limit MILK!- For your daughter, milk and other dairy products can be constipating. But in general milk is not a meal replacement. Milk can be filling but not nutritionally balanced.

5. Make veggies taste better by adding cheese, butter to them. Yes it''s better to have veggies with a little fat then no veggies at all.

6. Sneak or hide veggies in other food- Be careful with this one, because you want them to make healthy choices on their own. Secretly hiding veggies in pizza misleads kids to think they can get away with never eating veggies. But on the other hand, I see no problem in doing it as long as you are also serving veggies out in the open on a regular basis. If they are going to eat pizza why not have it be healthier pizza, right?

7. Include them in making dinner. I nanny a little girl who is a little on the picky side. There are a lot of foods she will only eat if she has helped make it. For example if you put chicken soup in front of her she won''t eat it. But if you have her help break up bits of chicken, put the celery and carrots in she will try little pieces of each as you are making the soup. Then when we have the soup for dinner she gladly eats up a whole bowl for dinner. There are a number of reasons why this works but the biggest ones I see are that A. she has pride in the soup because she it is "hers" and B. She got to taste all the bits and pieces as they went in so she is used to the tastes by the time the final product is done.

 

[mia1181]

Oh and there are really a lot of books out there on the subject. I think you should definitely try to find a book on picky eaters.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 12/23/2008 6:32:51 PM
Author: mia1181
I am just going echo some of the great advice others have given and add a little more:

1. Don''t reward them for not eating- By giving them PB sandwiches before bed you are essentially saying ''it''s okay if you don''t eat the meal I''ve prepared for you when you get hungry you''ll get something even better.'' Like someone suggested above cook only 1 meal but try to include things that everyone will like.

2. No matter what you think NO child will starve themselve before eating something they don''t like I know it seems horrible to do, but if they refuse to eat then dinner is over and they will be hungrier for the next meal. One trick I like to do is when they tell you that they are done eating, put their leftovers in the refrigerator and when they come back later saying they are hungry say ''Oh it''s a good thing I saved your dinner.'' Obviously don''t be extreme with this because as you know there are just going to be some foods a person will never like. But only eating PB&J is not acceptable.

3. Make them have a few bites of something before they can leave the table. It takes a lot of tries before someone can decide whether they really like/dislike a food and often times kids will write something of instantly because it is new or different.

4. Limit MILK!- For your daughter, milk and other dairy products can be constipating. But in general milk is not a meal replacement. Milk can be filling but not nutritionally balanced.

5. Make veggies taste better by adding cheese, butter to them. Yes it''s better to have veggies with a little fat then no veggies at all.

6. Sneak or hide veggies in other food- Be careful with this one, because you want them to make healthy choices on their own. Secretly hiding veggies in pizza misleads kids to think they can get away with never eating veggies. But on the other hand, I see no problem in doing it as long as you are also serving veggies out in the open on a regular basis. If they are going to eat pizza why not have it be healthier pizza, right?

7. Include them in making dinner. I nanny a little girl who is a little on the picky side. There are a lot of foods she will only eat if she has helped make it. For example if you put chicken soup in front of her she won''t eat it. But if you have her help break up bits of chicken, put the celery and carrots in she will try little pieces of each as you are making the soup. Then when we have the soup for dinner she gladly eats up a whole bowl for dinner. There are a number of reasons why this works but the biggest ones I see are that A. she has pride in the soup because she it is ''hers'' and B. She got to taste all the bits and pieces as they went in so she is used to the tastes by the time the final product is done.

Fabulous, FABULOUS post.

If you do all of these things consistently (consistency is key) your kiddos will be eating a well balanced meal in no time!

 

[zoebartlett]

I haven't read any of the other replies yet, so I don't know if I'm repeating others' advice.

I should start by saying that I've never been in your position since I don't have kids yet. What I would do though, is talk to your children's pediatrician and ask his/her opinion and advice. From what I've heard, children won't let themselves starve -- they'll eat when they're ready. I would try not to get caught up in the "short-order cook game." I'd serve the same things to the kids as what I was eating and let that be the end of that. The food will be there, waiting for the kids when they're ready to eat. If you're making several things for the kids and yourself, (to me) it might send the message that the kids are in charge. They'll continue to be picky until they get what they want. If you're more firm with them in terms of what you're going to serve, it might help.

ETA: one thing to try, in case you think it might help, is to make your own chicken nuggets. They'd be healthier than the processed ones, and probably cheaper too.

Oh, one more thing. What about having your kids help you cook? It might engage them more and it could be a fun way to spend time together. Maybe they'd be more likely to eat something that they've helped to create.

ETA again: Okay, I just saw that I echoed some of the advice that Mia gave. Oops!

 

[neatfreak]

I totally agree with Mia. Very nice post and all things I have to agree with in my years of babysitting and nannying I did during high school and college.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

you gave into them and gave them the sandwiches. why would they do what you want when they get what they want as a result of their refusal? you are reinforcing their negative behavior. don''t give in, they won''t starve if you don''t.

 

[mrssalvo]

I've got 5 kids and had a picky eater in the bunch. Mia's advice is very good IMO and pretty much what I did/do. I cannot be a short order cook and dinner is what it is. They do not get anything after dinner and may go to bed hungry if they choose not to eat. I would limit the milk too. One glass with dinner or whatever then switch to water.

ETA: I usually make them take the number of bites as their age. So, my 6 year old takes 6, a 3 year old would eat 3 etc. If it's a new food, then I allow one bite to at least try it.

 

[swingirl]

I haven't read all the other posts so maybe you've alaready had this suggestion.

First of all I have a constipated daughter who eats everything. After a colonoscopy it was determined she has an odd shaped colon that was just plain sluggish. No diet was going to change that. She has to drink a lot fluids and take fiber supplements (or live on beans).

One suggestion is to work with what you have. Apple muffins, baked apples, apples raw or cooked. (I make muffins with graded carrot, apple and lots of cinnamon) When I was growing up the only fruit we ever had in the house in the winter were apples.

Another thing that really helps kids is to learn to cook and grow veggies in a garden. Kids get excited about seeing a tomato grow. It's a little involvement in the process that may make them less wary of trying something new.

Keep offering healthful meals but make sure there is a selection and everyone should be required to take one bite, no more, but at least a taste.

Also, when you do a lot of cooking from scratch, you make the house smell like cooking and baking. These aromas are forever imprinted in our brains as momma's cookin' and are associated with home. I don't know of anyone who doesn't like the smell of onions sauteing in butter, or bread baking, or a cake in the oven.

 

[Haven]

Date: 12/25/2008 11:53:56 AM
Author: mrssalvo
I''ve got 5 kids and had a picky eater in the bunch. Mia''s advice is very good IMO and pretty much what I did/do. I cannot be a short order cook and dinner is what it is. They do not get anything after dinner and may go to bed hungry if they choose not to eat. I would limit the milk too. One glass with dinner or whatever then switch to water.

ETA: I usually make them take the number of bites as their age. So, my 6 year old takes 6, a 3 year old would eat 3 etc. If it''s a new food, then I allow one bite to at least try it.

This is EXACTLY what my parents did.

Anyway, I loved milk, and I would have drank my weight in it when I was younger if they let me. Instead, I was only able to drink one glass with meals, otherwise it would fill me up and I wouldn''t eat a thing. They also made us try everything, and we had to take as many bites as our age. It worked, as I knew that I wouldn''t get an alternative and I never wanted to go hungry. (AND, I was raised in a vegetarian household, so we were eating GROSS things like tofu and legumes.

)

Good luck, Winks, I''m sure it''s extremely frustrating. We have a hard enough time switching our pets'' food . . .

 

[swingirl]

Try this for getting your kids into accepting carrots.

Morning Glorious Muffins

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 ¼ cups sugar
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon salt

1 ½ cuts finely shredded carrot
1 ½ cups peeled and shredded apple
¾ cut coconut
½ cut snipped pitted dates
½ cup chopped pecans

3 beaten eggs
¾ cut cooking oil
½ teaspoon vanilla

In a mixing bowl combine dry ingredients.

In another bowl combine carrot, apple, coconut, dates and pecans. Stir in beaten eggs, oil and vanilla. Add dry ingredients.

Grease of line muffin tins. Spoon batter into pans. Bake 350 degrees for 18-20 minutes. Makes about 24.

 

[LuckyTexan]

I deal with this everyday!

I only have 2 but my baby (17 months) eats anything and everything, and so fast that I can''t get his tray filled up fast enough... then my son... who is 3 on Valentines Day... he takes one bite of everything on his plate... SLINGS it accross the table and asks for EVERYTHING sweet we have until I give him something else! Ice Cream? Fruit Snacks? Strawberries?

I asked his pediatrician about it, and he said that he looks very healthy, and is growing great... so I guess the nutrients he gets in his soymilk and daily vitamins is enough!

I think someday soon... I''ll be wishing I was back where I am now... because I''m going to have growing teenage boys one day... who will eat me out of house and home!

BTW... You''ve been talking to me in emails about starting a Vatche Royal Crown

 

[LuckyTexan]

Date: 12/23/2008 2:23:12 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
Hmmm...well, in my 11 years as a mother I''ve learned two very important facts of life:

1. You can''t make a child who isn''t tired sleep, and
2. You can''t force a child to eat something they don''t want to eat.

My daughter will go hungry instead of eating something she does not want to eat. I don''t buy junk foods, and in all fairness, the chicken nuggets I buy are the Tyson''s with no artificial anything in them. BUT, just because they aren''t loaded with junk doesn''t mean that she''s getting the rest of the nutrients she needs. The big problem she has is constipation. It''s been an issue since she was about 3, and continues to this day. That''s why I think need to get more veggies into her. I have no idea how she''s managed to get as tall as she has considering her diet. She''s not fat, please don''t think that. She''s simply really tall. She wears a size 12 jeans, 14 dress, and a woman''s size 7 shoe...at age 8. By the time she''s 12, she''ll probably be towering over me.

BTW, how many of you go through a gallon of milk in one day? I have to buy 3 or 4 gallons at a time because we do go through so much of it. They all love their milk!

HUGE connection there!!!

Do you think she would drink Soymilk? Silk for kids is very tasty, and has TONS of fiber and protien and EVERYTHING good about cows milk in it!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I may have to disagree with the others. I was a very picky eater as a child and my parents didn''t push it and I am a very healthy adult and I think that is part of why. If I didn''t want what was cooked, I could go make my own meal. I never had junk available in the house, but I largely ate like your daughter did and frankly, between the milk and protein it doesn''t sound like her diet is nearly as bad as you are worried about.

My concern with the suggestions of others is that it gives the kids all sorts of weird emotional relations with food. In a day and age with record numbers of eating disorders on the one hand and obesity on the other, I think this is a great disservice for parents to do to their kids. I was raised that food is food, not a reward for good behavior, not a punishment, not something to fight over. I was never forced to take bites or worse, clean my plate. As far as my long term health goes, I think this was the best thing my parents ever did for me.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 12/27/2008 2:16:51 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

My concern with the suggestions of others is that it gives the kids all sorts of weird emotional relations with food. In a day and age with record numbers of eating disorders on the one hand and obesity on the other, I think this is a great disservice for parents to do to their kids. I was raised that food is food, not a reward for good behavior, not a punishment, not something to fight over. I was never forced to take bites or worse, clean my plate. As far as my long term health goes, I think this was the best thing my parents ever did for me.

I get what you are trying to say here, but there is a huge difference between requiring your child to take a few bites before they leave the table and force-feeding them or making them clean their plate! I don't think there can be any psychological effects from asking them to eat a few bites of peas. What you are essentially saying to the child is "You can't decide you don't like something, if you've never tried it." I think that is a great lesson for a child.

I agree that asking a child to clean their plate is absolutely wrong. Children should be taught to listen to their bodies and eat a portion that's right for them.

And giving food as a reward is a bad habit to teach your children. Tying emotions to eating is wrong because it teaches kids "when I am sad I can eat to make myself feel better," etc.

But none of the advice says any of that. The bottom line is there is a reason why you are the parent. Your job is to look out for what is best for a child. Unfortunately young children are not capable of deciding what's best for themselves and I am sorry but a diet consisting only of PBJ and milk is simply not good nutrition especially if the child is getting constipation as a result. If you can get them into the habit and used to the tastes of healthy food when they are young, they are more likely to make better choices as an adult when they really have the freedom to eat whatever they want.

The interesting thing is that consistent rules make for less battles! If a child knows what is expected of them, they will get used to it. You can't control what a child eats, but if you have a simple rule about at least tasting food and keep the house stocked with healthy food, you have a better chance of getting them to like different foods.

I don't really like Indian food. But I'd be willing to bet that if I was raised in India, I would. You can develop tastes for things but only if you keep eating them, and that's all parents who make their kids taste the food are doing. Not force-feeding.

I also agree with you that "food is food" and that's exactly what you want to teach your children. Food is only a fuel for your body. And you want your child to learn that your body runs the best on healthy food.

As for anorexia, there are a lot of other issues that lead to anorexia. It isn't always about the food. Obesity is definitely not helped when children are constantly allowed to make poor choices in what they eat.

I think what you are getting at here is that if you make a big fuss out mealtime and try and "control" what your child eats, it can lead to psychological problems down the road. However, none of the advice above is telling her to do that. I definitely am not one to say "ban the sweets!" I realize that if you restrict their diets to that point when they get older they will realize what they have been missing and may over-indulge as adults. We are not talking about banning anything here, just allowing kids to develop a taste for healthy foods too.

 

[matildawong]

Oh the frustration. I''m nannying for a just-turned-2-yr-old. She will NOT eat. The best luck I have is if I go to my local grocery and get a salad from the salad bar (it''s quite nice, actually). She''ll eat quite a bit. Otherwise, she wants only macadamia nuts or juice. The problem is that I''m merely the P/T nanny. Her parents prefer her to have a liquid diet and snacks -- so that''s baked chips or nuts and then as many bottles (she''s still on the bottle. sigh.) of 1/2 juice/ 1/2 water she wants. She gets 3 bottles of milk a day -- 8 0z. And I think she''s holding out for pretzels and toddler-graduate "cheeto" snack things.


This cycle continues and though I hear from the grandma that the mom is very frustrated, she kind of acts like it''s not such a big deal with me. I think to sort of calm my own frustrations. It''s maddening to have a kid that won''t eat. I find the best thing is if I ignore her in her chair.

It seems like the best thing would to be to cut out her milk, juice and to not offer "snacks" -- but her folks won''t go for it.

(thanks for letting me vent!)