Making the first move...will you or won't you?

[missy]

Just watched an interesting piece on the so called "news" (lol what we call news these days) this morning.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/style/women-who-make-first-move-in-online-dating-are-rewarded-study-finds.html?_r=0

https://www.okcupid.com/deep-end/a-womans-advantage


So the "data" shows that if you're a woman on an online dating site if you make the first move you will receive more responses than a man would if he initiated.

women are 2.5x more likely to get a response than men if they initiate. If you’re a woman who sends the first message, not only are you more likely to get more responses in general, but you’ll be having conversations with more attractive guys.

Keep in mind this is loose data LOL and not really sure of the accuracy but I thought it makes for an interesting question.

How many PSers have or would take the lead in initiating conversation (not just online but IRL too) with someone you are interested in? Whether you are a man or woman do you take the lead? Are you shy? Do you let others initiate and if they don't do you just let your interest go? Or do you make it clear you like someone and go for it?

Now it has been a very long time since I was dating and it's hard for me to remember that far back but I usually let the guy make the first move. Of course actions speak louder than words many times and if I was interested in someone I would let them know in subtle ways. I had no qualms in making the necessary moves to show someone I liked them. I say go for it if you like someone and let them know. However, that was back in the day of no internet and now it is a different world where subtlety is not as easy if you are meeting someone online first.

What do/did you do? What would you do now if you were single and dating?

 

[chrono]

In my twenties, I probably wouldn't make the first move but now that I am older and more confident in who I am and what I want, I will make the first move if single and interested in the person.

 

[tyty333]

In my twenties, I probably wouldn't make the first move but now that I am older and more confident in who I am and what I want, I will make the first move if single and interested in the person.

I have to ditto Chrono...shy in my twenties but as I've aged I've gained confidence and realized that I dont really care that much
what others think of me. If they like me, great if they don't...no big deal. I wish I could pass this tidbit on to my DD. Just feel
good about who you are and dont put a lot of emphasis on what other's think.

 

[redwood66]

This is a great question! I absolutely would not be married to my best friend for the last 25 years if I had not made the first move. He was quite shy and I am not

 

[Rhea]

I think my husband made the first move.

I feel like I used to be way more bold in my teens and early 20's. I find living in London hard. People are more reserved than where I'm from and the few times I've spoken to people it hasn't been rewarded. You only talk to people you don't know if you have something wrong with you or are a tourist and need directions. So I no longer speak to anyone first unless they are uniformed or I'm in desperate need of information. I think it'd be the same for dating for me, even online.

 

[Scandinavian]

I think my husband made the first move.

I feel like I used to be way more bold in my teens and early 20's. I find living in London hard. People are more reserved than where I'm from and the few times I've spoken to people it hasn't been rewarded. You only talk to people you don't know if you have something wrong with you or are a tourist and need directions. So I no longer speak to anyone first unless they are uniformed or I'm in desperate need of information. I think it'd be the same for dating for me, even online.

I'm so sorry to hear this! I live in Scandinavia and people here are very reserved! But I refuse to give in, lol! So IMO, just SMILE SMILE SMILE and try again! Coming from a rather reserved part of the world, I suggest starting with something general though, like the weather. People might get terrified if you ask their opinion on something, even directions, lol. Safer to offer a remark about the rain/sun/wind, LOL. Don't give up! There is a lot of nice people out there, they are just a little scared
And remember - people in shops are paid to be nice so you can practice on them Jokes aside! I do hope you will try again and have better results in the future!

 

[Rhea]

I'm so sorry to hear this! I live in Scandinavia and people here are very reserved! But I refuse to give in, lol! So IMO, just SMILE SMILE SMILE and try again! Coming from a rather reserved part of the world, I suggest starting with something general though, like the weather. People might get terrified if you ask their opinion on something, even directions, lol. Safer to offer a remark about the rain/sun/wind, LOL. Don't give up! There is a lot of nice people out there, they are just a little scared
And remember - people in shops are paid to be nice so you can practice on them Jokes aside! I do hope you will try again and have better results in the future!

Ah, thanks! It's fine, after more than 10 years I've become one of those Londoners anyway. I treat everyone with suspicion or boredom. There are 2 acceptable times to speak outside being a tourist asking for directions: delays on public transport or to comment on a change in the weather. I'm not particularly bothered by it any longer, and with this fancy internet thing, I can get social contact online. Heaven forbid if I ever found myself dating again!!!

 

[the_mother_thing]

In my twenties, I probably wouldn't make the first move but now that I am older and more confident in who I am and what I want, I will make the first move if single and interested in the person.

I have to ditto Chrono...shy in my twenties but as I've aged I've gained confidence and realized that I dont really care that much
what others think of me. If they like me, great if they don't...no big deal. I wish I could pass this tidbit on to my DD. Just feel
good about who you are and dont put a lot of emphasis on what other's think.

Double ditto to Chrono and tyty. There are some areas I am a little "old fashioned" in my thinking, but "making the first move" is not one of them.

 

[Conor88]

I know it may be challenging to make a first step due to different factors. But from my point of view if you really interested in person you absolutely should do it because it may change your life. Otherwise you may regret your whole life for missing opportunity to find a your true love.

 

[Slickk]

This is a great question! I absolutely would not be married to my best friend for the last 25 years if I had not made the first move. He was quite shy and I am not

Ditto this! I'm married for almost 29 years and may not have been if I hadn't initiated the first conversation. I wasn't shy, he was. It was the best ''move' of my life! I don't know I feel I'd be able to do it now though. I've settled down quite a bit since I was a teenager.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I had to make the first move with the DH because he was clueless and wasn't getting that I was flirting with him. Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns. I have no problem going for what I want in the love department.

 

[Slickk]

This is a great question! I absolutely would not be married to my best friend for the last 25 years if I had not made the first move. He was quite shy and I am not

Ditto this! I'm married for almost 29 years and may not have been if I hadn't initiated the first conversation. I wasn't shy, he was. It was the best ''move' of my life! I don't know if I'd be able to do it now though. I've settled down quite a bit since I was a teenager.

 

[LLJsmom]

I did with DH and probably would continue as well. I'm just impatient. If you're interested cool. If not I move on. Hate wasting time.

 

[partgypsy]

I did some experimenting on one dating site. Since for whatever reason the vast majority of guys contacting me I was not interested in, the majority of the men I contacted, I made the first contact. It is true that (maybe except for one?) the men responded and I even went on dates with 2 of them. However I also found that those 2 guys, I wasn't really their type. So it was a good experiment, but I don't know if it leads to any more success than responding to a guy who makes the first move, where at you know there is something about you that the person finds interesting. I also sent out feelers for one guy in person I was attracted to. He was polite, but as they say it went over like a lead balloon. I feel in some ways like I am back in college, where the guys who like me I don't care for, and the guys I like aren't interested in me. I sense there are a couple guys we mutually find attractive, but alas they are married so nothing's going to happen there.

 

[distracts]

In high school I was pretty shy but around maybe sophomore year of college I started taking more of a lead. I both outright asked people out and made it very clear I would be fine with them asking me out. My husband likes to say I pursued him like a lioness hunting a gazelle. Results were somewhat split - some men really liked it and found it unusual and flattering, and other men got their man-panties in a twist that a woman was doing something unwomanly, and would pitch fits. Like they couldn't just say no, there would have to be a lecture about respecting myself and my proper place. But I guess it at least weeded out the outright misogynists from the start, lol.

 

[Kbell]

When I was single I did online dating & actually enjoyed it. I definitely would reach out to those I thought were interesting so yes I could make the 1st move for sure and if I didn't get a response no big deal...Plenty more people out there!

 

[partgypsy]

I have to say I'm taking a break from online dating (since Jan?) Frankly being a year away from 50, and being back in the dating pool after 25 years being a woman, well it ain't great. My very small sample size, seems to be guys my age are like my ex and are looking for women significantly younger. Guys my age interested in me, not my type at all (I'm wondering if I am on the wrong dating site, so when I get back into it, will try a different dating site). Guys significantly younger may be interested in me but I'm thinking most likely strictly for sex or possibly sugar mommy issues. Maybe yes for the sex, but sorry I have enough dependents already! Guys older than me interested in me, often look to be in worse physical shape than my father who is 35 years older than me. Unlike some women, I have to find the person physically attractive. I also want someone who is financially responsible for themselves. And I want someone who lives near me. Between all those criteria, pickings are slim.

 

[dk168]

I do it all the time as in making the first move.

This way, if the person is not interested, I can move on and not waste time pondering 'will he, won't he?' etc..

DK

 

[baby monster]

When I was a freshman in college, a cute guy sat next to me in English LIt. I flirted with him but got nowhere. After that experience, I would make the first move. Got me my hubby so it paid off being bold. Funny thing, my GFs who adamant about being asked out and would never make the first move are all still single. And it got back to me through the grapevine 10 years after graduating from college that the cute guy in English Lit had no idea I liked him.

 

[Phoenix]

I get hit on a lot, like almost daily, my entire adult life (no, not blowing my own trumpet, lol). There hasn't really been a need for me to make the first move, but on occasion I have and would make the first move if I really fancied someone and felt they were not brave enough to approach me!

 

[Dancing Fire]

I get hit on a lot, like almost daily, my entire adult life (no, not blowing my own trumpet, lol). There hasn't really been a need for me to make the first move, but on occasion I have and would make the first move if I really fancied someone and felt they were not brave enough to approach me!

...How come I'm not so lucky...

 

[Phoenix]

I get hit on a lot, like almost daily, my entire adult life (no, not blowing my own trumpet, lol). There hasn't really been a need for me to make the first move, but on occasion I have and would make the first move if I really fancied someone and felt they were not brave enough to approach me!

...How come I'm not so lucky...

LOL!

 

[jordyonbass]

Never, making a move almost ruined my life once. So I was too scared to ever do it again.

Even Mrs Jordy put the moves on me when we first got together, not the other way around!!

 

[partgypsy]

Jordy, sounds like there is a story behind that. Inquiring minds...

 

[WinkHPD]

Never, making a move almost ruined my life once. So I was too scared to ever do it again.

Even Mrs Jordy put the moves on me when we first got together, not the other way around!!

I bet some of the big fish you catch wish you were more shy with your bait! Judging from the pictures you share, you are not too shy with the fish!

Wink

 

[PintoBean]

I think I had the same approach to men as I do with diamonds
Me likey
Me want
(Club over head)
Me take home!

 

[jordyonbass]

There is part gypsy, it is a long story and I am going to withhold it. But the result of it was that I became very cautious in those sorts of interactions when I was single.

Wink, after being ripped overboard and many injuries - I think it's a 2 way street. We have our way with each other

 

[distracts]

I think I had the same approach to men as I do with diamonds
Me likey
Me want
(Club over head)
Me take home!

This might be true of many of us - PSers aren't shy about telling the world what they like and want!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Making a move online is MUCH easier than in real life. I have never approached someone IRL. The risk of rejection, awkwardness, just too much for me. However, online it is just a message. Pretty low risk. I am the one who messaged my current BF first.

 

[Conor88]

Quick update in order to proove my previous point. Just recently my good friend(he is a little shy) was on https://www.flirt.com/ for some reason(you should ask him) and stumbled upon a girl and they have a brief converstion but nothing more. But he was clearly in love from that moment and he couldn't forced himself to make a move for weeks after that and it was the only thing he was thinking. A month later he finally made a move and ask this girl for a date(they were living in the same town) and now he is Mr. Husband and that girl is Ms. Wife. All he need to do in that particular situation is to make a first move and he did it. I couldn't be more happy about him and just wanted to share this story with you. Thanks for you attention and never be afraif to take the initiative, because its better to regret what you have done than what you haven't. Take care, guys!